I see the anti-spanking movement as a "more enlightened than thou" holy crusade. What gets to me about them most is their attitude, their absolutism (swatting a child's rear end for running out into a busy street is equated to beating him or her black and blue with a belt) and their reliance on shoddy science. For example, Chris Dugan, who seems to have made a career out of opposition to spanking, says that studies by a certain "Maria Gunnoe" show spanking makes children aggressive. "Maria" Gunnoe is actually Marjorie Gunnoe, and on the contrary, her work show spanking causes most children (other than eight- to eleven-year-old boys in single-parent families) to get into fewer, not more, fights. I sent an e-mail to Chris Dugan about this, but do you think he replied? I also attempted to engage in a friedly, respectful debate with a woman who belonged to an anti-spanking group called "Gentle Christian Mothers" (as if spanking mothers are ax-wielding psychopaths). Guess what? She blocked me.

You can post my message if you want.

(from Canada)
 

To SWL,

I believe I sent you this email in July, but all your emails were deleted so I have resent it. My firts spanking happened 2 years ago, when I was 12. It was in the holidays. My dad works a few hours away, so he comes home every weekend and goexs away again on monday. The spanking was for refusing to do some important homework, and then arguing about it with my mum. But, she wouldn't spank me. It had probably never crossed her mind.

Anyway, in the holidays, me and my mum decided to go away for 4 days. We were staying at my aunts house. (cheaper than a hotel!)

On the morning after we go there, I was just finishing my breakfast when my aunt told me to go my bedroom with her and my mum afterwards. i did so, bemused.

When in my bedroom, my aunt sat down on the bed and asked me about the homework, and arguing with my mum. I agreed that I had done that. Then she said she was going to spank me for it. I was aghast. She then told me to take down my trousers and underpants. Naturally, I refused. She said, "Very well." She reached forward and started to unbutton my trousers. Of course I tried to stop her, but before I knew it I was standing there with my trousers and briefs around my ankles. Quickly, I reached down to pull them back up, but she slapped my hand sharply, and then pulled away the clothes on the floor. I was then told to lie face down on the bed. I again refused. She beckoned to my mum, and then gave me a firm push so I was face down on the bed, with my legs hanging off the edge slightly. Then she started to spank. I tried to cover my bottom, but she just pushed my hands onto my back and held them there. I was helpless. I thought I could stand a bit of pain, and I did for a while. Then it got worse, and tears came to my eyes. All I wanted was for it to stop.

Soon, it ceased. My aunt told me to stand in the corner and think about it. i stood there for about 15 minutes, my bottom stinging with pain. Then she came and pulled on my briefs and trousers. I was still shocked at what she had done. She said she was sorry but I would receive another for struggling.

That promise was fulfilled, just as I got into bed. Aunt and mum came into my room, but this time my aunt stayed by the door and my mum came over. She pulled down my pyjama trousers, and lifted my legs in the air with one hand. This time I was too resigned to struggle. While holding my legsup, she smaked my bottom about 20 times. Then she hugged me, and said it was for my own good.

After that my parents spanked me for most major crimes.

Yours,

(from the U.K.)
 

Moi

En pidaa sinua ihmiset! Sina olet kaikki rumi! Ala tulle minun maa! Me rakastamme meidan Suomalainen lapset ja maella hyva lapset ja eivat tarvista olla hiiti.

Hello,

I don't like your type of people! You are all disgusting. Don't come to my country. we love our Finnish children and we have good children and they don't need to be spanked. It is forbidden.

(from Finland)
 

Hello my name is S(...) i get spanked and i hate it. I think all the people writing in sayin they wanna get spanked are weird! Im 14 by the way! i have jus been punished n my mum sed i should write to you n get some advice but i dont really want to. All i did was hit my little bro n i got dragged over the knee n smacked on my bare bum. NOT FAIR! my main problem is the embarrasment we were in sainsburys the other day n i was really thirsty so i was beggin for a fizzy drink n some sweets1 my mum slapped my legs n bum n then said really loud " ask me 1 more time and i will pull your pants undies down put u over my lap and smack ure botty so hard that u wont be able to sit down for a week " it was embaarasin n every1 was starin. then she made me stand in the corner. please email me back sayin how this is unfair so i can show my mum n she wont tan my hide nemore! i wud like 2 hear ure views!

(from the U.K.)
 

hellow there i am from australia im not sure were you are but it sounds like youre in america as for your saying the hand can not bruise the bare backside i can tell you from personal experiance it can as for the age of the child i have spanked girls and boys upto 16 yeats old and it works just as well as it did when they were 5 years old

also are you aware the australian burau of statistics says that australia has the highest child spanking rate and the most potent spanking rate in the world

as for how i did it it was over the knee on the bedside with my hand onto the childs bare backside

(from Australia)
 

Your site it totally bizarre.

It teaches people that spanking children is a GOOD thing! You offer people paddles, and canes and whips. Aren't you aware that people might buy this for their own kids!? Are you insane!?

Do you hit children when they make mistakes!? ...children are children, and do wrong sometimes because they are children!! They have to be taught verybally, and MUST NOT be spanked for something they did not know was wrong!!

To think that we live in the 21st Century and have not yet outlawed spanking worldwide makes one wonder about the mere purpose of humanity until one's hair falls off. Spanking children is WRONG!

Some children are even being hit for wetting their beds, while bed-wetting is a NATURAL thing that the human being of a younger age cannot control, and does not do intentionally!

Children have to learn from their own mistakes, they have to be given the right--as human beings generally have--to their own thoughts, opinions and looks on things. They have to be listened to and given options. Just because a parent might disagree with the opinion of a child does not make the child wrong, and it certainly doesn't call for physical punishment and humiliation.

Many children get confused and disoriented, many learn to lie in order to not receive physical punishment, many aren't mentally strong enough to handle the thoughts of their severe upbringing as they have become adults.

How are they supposed to "HONOUR" parents who use violence on their own kids for punishment!? Punishments should be EDUCATIONAL!!

Who LEARNS ANYTHING from having their skin hit red!?

Many children have taken their lives because of the confusion from not understanding why their supposedly "loving" parents are offering them humiliation and pain when they do something they did not realize was wrong.

There are retrospective diseases that cause danger to the large intestine of adults who were spanked (more or less) as children.

A large number of children who have been given physical punishments (for natural child-behavior) have started feeling sorry for themselves and have become vulnerable people who constantly have to be given attention and special care.

The number of countries where physical violence towards children (who furthermore are defenceless) has increased because it has been proven that the activity has disoriented, benumbed and ruined mind of many who has received such animalistic punishments. For example, since earlier this year, spanking was banned by law in all of Canada. More and more countries are applying laws on this for good reason...

Did you know that it's still OK by law (even suggested) for teachers to spank, cane and paddle kids in 22 US states? There HAS to be a change to this! In Finland, for instance, this has been banned since 1890. Spanking at home has been banned by law in Sweden since 1978.

Spanking at home is only illegal in ONE US state yet...

A child may be yelled at (and preferably apologized to later), put on a "time-out", grounded, left without possible weekly pocket money, you can take a toy away, and the child always has to be taught and explained to--PROPERLY, i.e. WITHOUT A TONE OF RAGE--WHY something WAS wrong, but preferably before the mistake happens.

Circus animals are physically punished when taught tricks and "manners" - people should NOT be. Children are PEOPLE. Children are the new hope - a new civilization - and the way of the future is up to the way of the people, which in its order is up to their upbringing.

LOVE YOUR CHILDREN - DON'T TEACH THEM THAT YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM BY SMACKING AND (thus) HUMILIATING THEM.

Sincerely,

(in another mail dated September 21, 2004:)

This is a message for all of you who consider physical punishment for your children:

No matter what happens during the upbringing of a child - NEVER HIT, NEVER SPANK, NEVER SHOW OUT-OF-CONTROL BEHAVIOR; children will learn that violence solves problems if you do (monkey see, monkey do). If you hit them, and they still, for some reason look up to you, they will copy your behavior. But spanking may also disorient them, and they are likely to disrespect you for it. Some parents subconsciously spank to "get back" (so to speak) at their own parents, who might have hit them when they swore, or did things they didn't know better than doing... You have to be patient and give the child reason to respect and admire you for your actions. This does not mean that you should spoil them by any means, or let them do as they please in any situation.

It is especially inhumane to spank a child for making a mistake - something you had not warned them about in advance... They should not be expected to know what you do - they don't have much life experience, and their first experiences should not include having their skin hit red by people they are supposed to respect.

You have to be able to explain and educate your child verbally - it's only human nature to show obstinacy at a young age, and it has been proven (over and over again), that such behavior cannot be spanked away.

Children must be listened to, and understood properly by their parents. They cannot be physically forced to think certain ways, and expected to grow up to be individuals with thoughts of their own.

Spanking has been banned by law in most of Europe, and since earlier this year, in Canada as well.

Are you aware that it's still OK by law (even suggested) for teachers to spank, cane and paddle kids in schools in 22 US states? There HAS to be a change to this! In Finland, for instance, this has been banned since 1890, and the activity in the home was banned by law in Sweden in 1978.

In the US spanking at home is illegal in ONE state...

The US is a very religious country, and the bible, which hasn’t been much updated in 2000 years, suggests for people to spank their children, and for children to always accept their parent, since they "know best" - well, the world is changing, and HAS changed. A lot of people today know and UNDERSTAND that there are lots of incompetent parents, and that hitting will not solve a problem. It might seem to for the moment, but may, and will on some level, effect a child (a grown up child) psychologically in retrospect.

Circus animals are physically punished when taught tricks and "manners" - people should NOT be. People should be allowed to think, and partly learn of their own.

Parents in the US, more than other parts of the world, tend to follow certain quotes from the bible on parenting, but times are changing, and the bible is not being updated. This is a serious issue, people. Were you to move to Germany and spanked your child, you can count on being arrested. Same thing in Denmark. Same thing in Norway, Finland, Italy, Austria, Israel, Latvia, Cyprus...

There are passages in the bible that speak out AGAINST spanking as well... "Prov 13:24: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (diligently)." is a good example of this...

Recently doctors have noticed a disease (causing an inflammation in the intestine) which strikes adults who have been abused on different degrees as children...all people are different, some psychologically stronger than others, meaning that this disease can strike adults who subconsciously bear the memory of being spanked as abusive. Smacking a child is a very LIGH form of abuse, hitting them with a belt or a cane is a HEAVY form of abuse.

No one becomes wiser (just like that) from having their butt smacked - people learn from experience. If they are forced they will become insecure.

We must not think of our children as sinister creatures living for ruining the little piece we get in our lives after work and school. Before having entered the life of parenthood, we may have been used to getting that time for relaxing, but when entering parenthood we must accept saying goodbye to big part of that piece.

We must love our children and understand that these people are the future of both us, and our grandchildren.

If you want to be a parent you must prepare yourself for being patient and understanding - the child should not live in fear by your or anyone else's demand.

Love your children, and think of ANYTHING but hitting (thus humiliating) them when their behavior is highly improper, and you may lose your temper.

Use your imagination - punishments can be bitter-sweet. It can be fun AND educational. You can make them clean their rooms (or do some of your daily chores) when they stubbornly disobey things they SHOULD and are INCLINED to do.

I have forbidden TV, I have withdrawn allowances and toys, I have given orders on cleaning their rooms, I have asked them to clean up possible messes that have been made, at needed times I have raised my voice (without sounding threatening) to let them know I've meant business and that they may have hurt my feelings by disobeying or done something they didn't understand the consequences of, and I have always explained to my children WHY some things should be done, and WHY some things should not be done BEFORE they have had the opportunity to make a mistake. Sometimes they have done wrong out of curiosity, and then there has been an educational discussion. It is natural for children to forget things what they are being told - it is not a disorder. A child's memory and ability to pay attention evolves a lot generally around the age of 8 (depending on the nature of the person this age varies).

Sometimes children can drive you mad (I know much about this,) and to put them in line we may occasionally grab an arm in anger or frustration, but don't undress their pants and smack their rears! They are defenceless and in a process of developing all their senses - give them reason to look up to you and admire your actions!

I love my children. Two of them are grown up now. They have never been spanked, and they are doing very well. They teach me a lot, and I admire them.

One of them just had a baby girl :)

Last...I want to quote Boris Sidis, from a lecture on the abuse of the fear instinct in early education in Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 1919:

"As long as the child will be trained not by love, but by fear, so long will humanity live not by justice, but by force. As long as the child will be ruled by the educator’s threat and by the father’s rod, so long will mankind be dominated by the policeman’s club, by fear of jail, and by panic of invasion by armies and navies.

(this text can be found on the educational and recommended homepage of "project NoSpank")

Here is a link to a VERY educational passage of a speech by Astrid Lindgren for parents to read: http://www.atlc.org/Resources/never_violence.php

Thank you all for your time.

Sincerely,
 

Dear Spank with Love,

I am 16 years old. I was wondering if you could tell me how to get my parents to spank me. They used to spank me when I was little but stopped when I got older. I really think that it helped me to behave. Now I can get away with anything. I feel guilty about it and think that I need to be punished. Please send any suggestions that you may have.
 

Spank with Love:

I am 14 and I have never had a spanking, but I think that my parents schould spanked me. schould i tell it my parents? Please Help!!!

(from Germany)
 

Dear Sir,

I e-mailed you some weeks ago with some suggestions for alternative spanking techniques, which I would like to share with you and your readers - I now send them again due to your loss of messages on Hotmail.

The point I made was that parents can get their message home using minimum force (and therefore causing minimum damage) by increasing other elements of the punishment, namely the ritual element and the exposure of the child.

You say on your site that the bare bottom is recommended for various reasons - and I would like to add to this list of reasons the fact that it emphasizes the child's coming completely clean, and being totally honest, not hiding anything from their parents. For this reason, I always make sure that our punishments at home are carried out in daylight (though in privacy), and with my son or daughter naked, to show their submission to our loving discipline.

Secondly, your site sometimes speaks of preserving the child's modesty, and while I can see this may be important for older children, in our case (our girls are 8 and 10), there is nothing for them to hide - openness is an important part of our household. For this reason, my husband and I favor positions where both of us can be involved in the spanking, and this usually means that one of us will hold the child in position while the other administers the spanks. We find this allows greater control for the spanker, as well as bringing the family together.

As for position, we find that when both parents are involved, the best method is for the child to lie on his/her back, and for one parent, standing behind the child, to hold the legs back in the air while the other parent administers the spanks from the front. We have found this position to be best, as it maximizes the level of exposure of the child, thus emphasizing their submission to their parents and acknowledgement that they have done wrong. Such a position may be less appropriate when a child enters puberty - but if the parents are spanking in this position, they will clearly be well placed to know when this occurs!

Punishment should not be humiliating, but it definitely should be humbling, and for this reason, we find that this position - in which the child is fully exposed to both parents - allows us to give punishment using little force, as the message is really in the ritual element of the baring and displaying.

Thank you for your time,

Sincerely,
 

Hello,

what a wonderful and honest web site you have! Congratulations and all the best for the future.

My name is B(...), I am 22 years old and a university student. I do have a serious question for which i would be incredibly thankful if you could give me some advice on.

Since I have left home to study at university things have not been going that great to be honest. During the first year I made the best out of the newly won freedom of student life. As the grades did not matter so neither did I. From my second year onwards I have however realised that things cannot continue like that as I cannot afford putting my degree at risk. Thus I made new years or new semester resolutions telling myself I have to study harder, stay focused on what is important and give a break to time wasting activities outside study. As you probably can imagine, I broke these resolutions rather soon with the consequence that nothing with respect to my working habits changed. Neither did the grades.

Needless to say I have become very upset with myself to say the least. I really wished I could improve in that respect. Consequently I did some soal-searching and realised that I do miss the structure I had when I was still living at home. That of course included punishments whenever needed or mother thought it would make me change a bad habit. As much as I hated getting a spanking from her till i was 16, I have now come to realise that they helped me indeed. I am truely grateful for the guidance she gave me as otherwise I probably would not have made it to university. I have also realised that this form of punishment or discipline would be very effective to be integrated into my student life again. I know this may sound rather odd, a 22 year old student wishing to be subject to child-like discipline again, but I know from the bottom of my heart it is the right thing. Let me emphasise, this has nothing to do with any erotic or sexual aspects that some people recognise about spankings.

With the exam reuslts below my own targets and my working ethic not really improving, I have been building up an amount of guilt because of these failures. I only wish I could pay the consequence for it by getting a spanking again.

I am however rather helpless as how to approach the issue. I brought the topic up with by parents and the only thing I was given were strange looks and mom merely told me that I am too old for it and nothing would change her mind concerning that form of discipline. I am personally very troubles by the question of how I could possibly find some sort of mentor with the mom-like authority, who would bring that guidance back into my life as mom did it. Needless to say I am fully inexperienced in how to find that special someone.

I would be very grateful for your advice on that personal issue.

Thank you very much in advance.

Yours sincerely,

(from Germany)
 

Hello my name is S(...) and I am 13 years old. I live with my mum. My mum looks at your websie a lot and sometimes after punishhments makes me check it out! Me and my friend both were outside and went into the fields which we r not alowed into on our own. When they found us we both told them to "F" off! I know this is bad but my friend got 1 quick smack on the bum and groundd foe a week. Iwas put over my mums knee bare bottomed and smacked really hard then i had my mouth washed out with soap and water and grounded for 2 weeks. When my uncle found out he dragged me by my ear to my room smacked my legs and lectured me for ages. When comparin this to my friend i think this is very harsh. i would like to know if you also think this is to hard. Thankyou

Love

(in another mail dated September 12, 2004)

hi its me S(...) thanks for emailing me back i showed it to my mum and she wasnt cross she said it was a good thing rather than moaning to my friends! since i last wrote i have only been spanked once it was over the knee but still with my knikers on. i have got another question for u. My mum is a big belever of spanking on the spot because she says it isnt fair to delay the punishment. But this means that i get embarrased- if i am bad in a supermarket she slaps my legs in front of every1 and then drags me straight to the toilets or carpark and gives me a sometimes bare bum spanking right there! Do you think she should wait till we get home please email back love S(...)

(from the UK)
 

Dear Spanked with Love

I am an eighteen year old girl at Sixth Form College. I have one more year to do before, hopefully, going off to Uni.

It is fair to say that I've been "out of order" for some time now: really in fact since I left school and went to the college. About a month ago my parents had a serious talk with me and I agreed on the need for change. We set some rules: they were the usual things about tidy room, chores being done, being polite and times by which I had to be home. My Dad also made me agree to a regular weekly timetable meeting with him in which we would set my study time for the week together with family time and recreation with my friends.

My parents then raised the need for sanctions or punishment in the event of my breaking the rules. My Mum had evidently visited your website and the link to the Punishment Selector. We discussed using the Selector because it was neutral and random. I visited it myself and was very worried by the spanking bit: I've never been spanked and the whole thing sounded totally humiliating and awful, in addition out of five tries it awarded 3 spankings. By the way why does it only have a picture of a boy being spanked? We had some very long discussions about it and in the end I made the following agreement:

1. If the Punishment Selector called for a spanking I would accept it.

2. The spanking would be on my bare bottom.

3. I would be spanked using an old leather slipper that belonged to my Grandfather. I tried it out on my thigh as recommended and it stung a lot so my parents approved! I felt that was better though than a hairbrush or strap.

4. My Dad could be present at a spanking but he wouldn't spank me and he would have to be in a position where he couldn't see my bare bottom.

5. I would always get 25 smacks because of my age.

6. I obviously would accept any other punishment the selector decreed.

On Friday (9th July) I had to agree with my parents that I had broken the rules so we visited the Punishment Selector to decide my fate. I have to tell you I was very nervous and as it turned out with good cause. The Selector awarded me a spanking and there I was suddenly faced with my first ever spanking at the age of eighteen. I felt that it was ridiculous as I don't know of anyone else of my age who gets spanked. Most of friends don't seem to have any punishment they simply get a row. However, I had given my word and that was that.

My Dad left the room (we were in the dining room where the computer sits). I took off my jeans and knickers and bent over the chair and my Dad came back in and sat on the floor so he could seem my front. I can tell you my heart was thumping and I felt incredibly embarrassed and humiliated.

My Mum started the spanking and by the sixth smack with the slipper I had given up the idea of "being brave". I stared crying and wriggling and found it very difficult to stay bent over. By the time I got the twenty fifth smack I was crying like an eight year old, no eighteen there at all.

When it was all over my Mum cuddled me and my Dad let me escape in private to my room with my jeans and knickers in my hand. My bottom was scarlet and inflamed and so hot I could actually feel the heat with my hand held away from my bottom. It was still sore on Saturday but by then I felt proud of myself. I had kept my word and been punished with a bare bottom spanking. It was over and my parents and I felt good because there had been no row.

Having experienced one I'm not risking another! My behaviour from now on is going to be good.

With love

(in another mail dated September 13, 2004:)

Dear SWL

Thank you for your mail. My Dad feels that I should write and let you know that we are not using the Punishmnet Selector anymore. I am subject to the possibility of being spanked and that was my choice and idea.

What has happened is that my behaviour improved a great deal. Even my friends noticed and I felt happier and better. We rewrote the rules into a sort of "behaviour agreement" which was actually more demanding than the rules. We dropped all other possible punishments and the use of the Punishment Selector. Instead we agreed three levels of spanking that would be used in certain circumstances. The worst level was a little bit tougher than the original one spanking punishment. The othe two were below that with the first level really quite mild: a sort of warning spank.

Since we agreed that arrangement I have only had one warning spanking. Spanking might not work for everyone of my age but it has worked for me.

Love
 

Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

Hi,

Read on your site the difficulties you have had with hotmail. Here is the text of a message I sent a few days ago:

Hi, I know that you are no longer accepting emails for the readers feedback section but if possible could you post this one? I was contacted by the individual who wrote the post in Jan of this year regarding the use of the cane when he was a teacher in Africa. Unfortunately when I tried to contact him his email address did not work. Maybe you can post the following message and he will fix the email problem if he reads it. You can post my email address on the site:

Hi,

To the individual who wrote the January posting regarding his experience using the cane in an African school and who tried to contact me. I tried to email you several times but your email address does not work. Hope you can fix the problem I would still like to talk with you.

Scott