Spanked i was, like many other childs

The only thing i learned from this was that my parents, especialy my mother hated me.

How's the life today ? Since i had childrens, my wife became a mother, i cannot let her touch me now. I drink, smoke, and have "perverts" hiden fantasies.

A certain intelligence, over the middle i had has been destroyed, i don't specialy love the life.

I always felt despited and disliked, the system of the strongest over the weakness has made that, since i became strongest, so adult, i despited what has been imposed to me by the force.

Spank with love ? Totaly paradoxal, it is a true hiden perversion of adults against weaker than them.

Do you beat your spouse ? Do you beat your pet ? So, why do you beat your child ? Because he cannot defend himself ? Of course, it is easy.

(from France)
 

hi my parents are divorced, and i live with my mom. I want her to start spanking me, its not that shes anti spanking, she just says shes never done it before. the problem is she doesnt know exactly how to do it, she gotten advice from to of my friends parents, ones say that when i commit an offense, you should always tell the kid the minimum amount of spanks they will get, and for her it always alot, so no matter how badly it hurts you have to get at least that many spanks and usually more before its over, so if it hurts very bad after a third it doesnt matter. the other parent says that when i start crying alot then thats when it is half over. both ways seem very harsh and i know it will be unpleasant either way, but if i deserve it then i dont want my mom to go lightly on me, its not that grounding is too bad, even though it does suck, but it doesnt work for me. so which of these ways are better? also my mom is wondering, is it better to spank slowly and wait for a few seconds in between, or do them all very fast. i dont know why it would make a difference but my mom said to ask

well thanks

bye
 

Dear SpankWithLove,

My school allows spanking. These spankings are always handed out by the teacher. A year ago, me and my friend were caught cheating, and we were both spanked in front of our class in our underwear with a paddle. It was only 5 spanks, but then we had to do a class apology. After class, me and my friend had to stay after. The teacher told us to take off our shoes, socks, and everything blow our waist, and then stand facing the wall. She spanked us each across her lap with a slipper. When I looked at my bottom after, it was a very dark red. After the spanking, she gave us each notes to bring to our parents. When I got home, and showed my mom the note, she told me to show her my butt. She slapped my butt a few times before saying that my dad would spank me when he got home. I have two brothers, one older and younger, and they sat in the kitchen while my dad spanked me in the living room. My dad switched me with a stick, and he also switched my thighs. It was very painful to sit and walk, and also hard to face my friends and brothers. Everyone teased me for a while, and my brothers were both spanked the next week for telling stories about my spanking. That was when I was spanked Three times a day. Sometimes I still get spanked at school, but not in front of my friends and I dont have to take a note home. I haven't cheated ever since I was spanked by that teacher.

(in another mail)

I live in Tennesee. Before school started, parents always had to sign a letter that said that we could be spanked in school. Every year, my mom and dad warned me that if I ever got spanked at school, I would be spanked at home too. So, it's kinda my fault that i got spanked, but that was just the worst spanking I ever got, I was spanked before too, but not that hard.
 

Dear S_W_L,

Your website seems to have the same philosophy my own mother had about spankings. I think it's the right one.

I've seen several arguments from both sides that just don't make sense. My favorite one from anti-spankers is "how would you feel if your boss spanked you?" This is the most ridiculous argument ever. My boss is not responsible for teaching me right and wrong, keeping me safe and healthy, or training me how to be an adult. My boss never stayed up with me all night when I was sick, provided free room and meals, kissed a disgusting skinned up knee, or read me a bedtime story, either. Anyone who thinks an employer and a parent are even remotely similar has no concept of what a parent is supposed to do, and probably has never had kids.

I've also seen the one from pro-spankers about not using your hand because it's an object of love. But what is discipline? Discipline is supposed to be loving correction. As a child, I was horrified when my friends talked about getting spanked with a belt. This seemed like torture to me, whereas my mom's hand spankings, even though they stung, were not scary at all.

My mom spanked me, when I needed it, up to age 15. The procedure was always the same, I had to go to my room and wait for her. Then she would have me lay on my bed, pull my pants down and roll on to my stomach. Then she would lower my shorts and spank my bare bottom. I didn't like it, but it worked. A type of bonding seemed to occur after a spanking that's hard to describe. The sting never lasted over a couple of hours, and never left any marks.

I never felt "psycho-sexually abused", either. My mom was in the exam room at the doctor's office with me until I was 19, and she often saw me with my pants down, getting shots in the bottom. Was that psycho-sexual abuse? I was much more embarassed by the young nurse seeing my bottom, then my own mother!

The bottom is the safest place to smack, and spanking over clothes just doesn't have the same impact. My mom would sometimes swat the seat of my pants, as some recommend as the way to spank, and that only made me angrier and resentful. A "real" spanking seemed to dissolve all those feelings after the first few swats.

Just thought I'd join those who shared their opinions. I don't have my own children, so I can only share my childhood. I love my parents, and am glad that my mom cared enough to spank me when I deserved it. I didn't like it as a child, and don't really believe the letters you seem to get from teens who want to be spanked. That was the last thing I wanted. But now, as an adult, I can say that they helped me grow up.

Keep up the good work.
 

I think that Spanking with love should be an essential part of parenting and that all parents who choose corporal punishment should be forced to read it. The slap using the hand being the normal for any parent from time to time. However,when you start to talk about implements being used I believe that parents are treading a thin line between spanking with love,and abuse. My parents to my knowledge were not spanked as children,but spank me on numerous occasions. The arguement that "It never did me any harm" is then thrown out. Also how can someone who has never been spanked know the pain that is caused to the child. I was spanked with a wooden spoon by my mother as the normal method, usually bare. My mother called it a warm bum. Could she not see the bruising that such an implement causes, and the pain suffered by the recipient is intense. Such an implement, even used on underpants, should not be used. Please make this clear to your readers.
 

Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

I know a couple of years ago I visited my sister in New York and one morning I witnessed her spank her 5 year old son and 4 year old daughter. The kids both had their pants pulled down around there ankles. She told them that they were so disruptive that she wanted me to observe their punishment. She did this several times during my two weeks of visiting. Overall the kids were well behaved. I personnally thought she should have used time outs more. Do others have any constructive thoughts on this subject?
 

Hi. I am a seventeen year old woman, and many times I am left to babysit my 6 year old brother. I was spanked since I was 4, and my parents still spank me occassinally when I break my curfew. When I baby sit my brother, I spank him when he is naughty. I spank him on the bare bottom, with my hand. Usually I give around 40 spanks, and that is enough to let him behave the rest of the day. When my parents come back, I report to them why he was spanked. He usually gets a second spanking that day from my dad. I think that my brother learns from his spankings, and I am glad that he does. But sometimes, I have to spank him with a ruler because of what he did. How red should his butt be before I stop spanking him? I spank him in the middle of his bottom, but it takes a while before he begins to cry. A spanking usually lasts around 3 minutes, but i would like to make it shorter. Is there a more effective area to spank and hurt more so the spanking can be shorter and is it okay to spank the thighs?
 

I have read your site, and want to tell you about my feelings for spanking. I am 14 years old, and I was spanked and still am spanked at home. I always had to participate in my spankings. I live with my mom, and she spanks me on the bare with her hand. She usually spanks me 100 times, and I have to count out loud each time I was spanked. I get sent to timeout for 30 minutes before I get spanked, to think about what I did. After my spanking, I have to go stand in the corner again bending over for around ten minutes, then I'm free. The most she ever spanked me was 200 times, and that was because I was playing baseball inside the house and broke the window when I was 9. That was one of my most memorable spanking. After about 100 spanks, I couldnt count anymore so she spanked me for a long time. I usually dont cry a lot when I am spanked, but I cried A LOT during this one. It hurt very badly. As you can see, I never broke a window again. I think spanking works for me in my life. I hardly repeated anything that I was spanked for, besides swearing and disobeying, which I try not to do. I think my moms method in raising me is good, and would reccommend parents out there to do the same.
 

The purpose of spanking should be to convey a parental message of disapproval when no other means is possible. It should be reserved for dangerous, self-injurious, extremely dishonest, cruel, or otherwise gross misbehavior. It should not be painful enough to be punitive, for, if it is, the child knows that the parent had it within him or her to cause pain.

Spanking should not be for a failure to do chores. A more logical consequence would be withholding of an allowance or pocket money, or by not going out of one's way in non-essential ways concerning the child. However, there should be a very special bonding in a two-person, one parent/one child family, and theirs should be an especially cooperative effort.

This mother's spankings are excessively ritualistic and much too painful, even in the so-called mild spankings. I do not see any love in humiliation and pain. There also is a great risk at his age in imprinting a sexual fetish.

In a worst case scenario, a rare, single, indignant parental swat would be far more effective than frequent spankings. This mother should cease and desist. Our mental health services spend far too much time undoing parental mistakes.

Remember, a successful parent is one who instills values through nuturing, not pain and humiliation. Pray tell, how much influence is this parent going to have when her son finally decides that he is too old to cooperate with this psychosexual form of parental manipulation?
 

Hi. May I commend you for a great website. I did not realize there was such an interest in spanking and that quite a few parents still practice it. I noted a recent letter from a mother who says that she spanks her 12 year old son over her knee and bare bottomed. According to other e-mails received on this site, more then a few boys and girls at pre-adolesence and during their teenage years have received bare backside tannings from their mothers as well as their fathers.

All I can say is...more power to the parents who discipline their kids this way. I think some teenagers need a good spanking even more then younger kids. In most cases the parents who oppose corporal punishment of children are the ones whose own kids are totally out of control just because they have lacked the courage and conviction to give them a sound thrashing when they needed it. It seems to me that todays' youths are very good at giving out punishment but not so brave when it comes to receiving it themselves. I think it would do a lot of them some good if they were made to pull their pants down and given a very red and sore bottom over Dad's or Mum's lap.

I was never really smacked hard as a child, never had to be. I was not spanked beyond the age of 11 but there was a time when I was 13 that I spanked my older sister (no kidding!) Since our Dad had died when I was just 6 years old my mother was finding it very difficult to control her. My sister kept coming home very late every night and she just would not listen to our Mum. She got threatened a lot of times with a good whipping but she knew that Mum would not do it to her.

One day I found my mother crying in the living room after a row with my sister. She had been called some very hurtful names and was very upset. I was really pissed off with my big sister on that day. I decided to take it upon myself to punish her for not obeying Mum. I went straight to her room and told her I was going to give her the hiding she deserved.

Even though she was four years older then me, I was just as big as her. There was a brief struggle. Soon I had wrestled her onto the bed and was holding her face down across it. I then pulled up her short skirt and gave her six good smacks on the seat of her panties. She felt it all right, I can tell you.

She did not speak to me for the next few days. When she told our Mum that I had spanked her the reply she got was, 'It serves you right, young lady! You deserve it and I might consider doing it myself if your behavior does not improve.' Believe it or not, from that time on, it did. My sister was much more repectful to her mother and Mum had a lot of pride and admiration for me after that day.

I rest my case. I just hope many more parents get wise and realize that a good old fashioned smacking is still the most effective deterent we have against wrong-doing. I know from my own experience that it can, and does, work!
 

Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

hi i am a 12 year old boy. I get spanked at home usually whenever i dont listen to my mom. my mom thinks that if you act like a baby, you should be treated like one. Whenever i get spanked, my mom puts baby oil on my butt and spanks me with my legs up with a hairbrush. Its so embarrassing. She sees everything and she even lets my sister (shes 8) watch. I think its unfair because my sister doesnt get spanked at all and she always makes fun of me. After I get spanked my mom usually washes me and puts a diaper on me. This goes on for about 3 days. I get spanked every day. Do you think that's too much? You dont have to edit out my email.
 

Dear Sir!

I would like to ask you two questions, as possible you could help me:

My problem is that I am spanked bare-bottom in front of all who happen to be presented in the room. My Dad said I shall be spanked in privacy if I shall behave quietly and do not jerk during spanking. However, he spanks me hard, and I howl and so on. Would you give me some advice how could I keep quiet?

The second question I ask on behalf of my 7 years old brother. Until seven, we all were lightly spanked with bare hand on the clothed bottom but after seven we are spanked with belt on the bare bottom. He was not spanked by belt yet (we are spanked rarely) and he mortally dreads it, he cried all night after my latest spanking. Our parents do not think it is a problem; however, I would like to ask you for some advice how to prepare my brother for possible spanking.

I want to not that our parents are quite loving, and Dad always comfort us after spankings.

Thank you for you help

(from Israel)
 

Hello. I have read with interest your letter about how you spank your 12 year old son bare bottomed over the knee. Well, I certainly don't hold that against you, in fact I would say you are doing a good job in raising him.

The fact that he accepts his punishment and takes it like a man shows that he is a very level-headed young man. According to the web site where I saw your letter more then a few boys, past and present, have received bare backside tannings at pre-teen age and during their teenage years, from their mothers as well as their fathers so maybe it isn't such a dying art after all.

Spankings should be administered firmly, should not be too extreme or too light-hearted, but hard enough to send the message. When a youngster has to remove his underpants in the presence of his mother of course it will embarass him but the whole point of a spanking is to humiliate him as well as inflict a certain degree of pain to his behind. Then parhaps he will see the error of his ways.

Anyway, keep up the good work. I maintain that a spanking is still the most effective deterent against wrong-doing even though there are probably many who would disagree with me. I think your boy will turn out ok.
 

Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

i honestly can't believe i'm doing this.

i'm a teenager and stubbled upon your site because of some research i needed. i've worked with kids for almost my whole life. in the summer i work with 4 year olds at a camp in chicago. i see these sweet kids and think how could anyone hit a kid, whether it's punishment or serious abuse. how can a parent stand watching their own kid in pain and crying and know they caused it? i don't understand that.

i'm a high school student at the moment. i'm a writer and a indie musician, but i also dream of studying psycology at william and mary. since i love psycology i write a lot of papers on human behavior, influences, and what not. hitting children is a topic i've been investing my time into lately. i've been reading books and reading sites such as your's for awhile now. i might even do my junior year paper on this topic.

here's my "personal" story. i'm a teenage girl turning 15 in a few months. i'll admit it, i'm an irritating person to deal with. i can be really nice and i normally am, but i get annoying easily. put it this way, i don't do what other people say. i follow my own rules and do things my own way. that doesn't mean i'm out doing drugs or anything, i just normally pay no attention to authority. i look up to musicians, and i base my life according to my own standards and rules. i'm not religous, i'm atheist. i never get in trouble for anything i do. it's been that way more whole life. my parents divorced when i was 5 and i live with my mom, and we act like sisters/best friends not mother and daugther. we just don't treat each other that way. i love it that way, i like having a friend and not a parent.

i just want to know how someone can justify hitting a kid basically.

i would like to leave my email address avalible to others in case someone else wants to email me, thank you.

erica
 

Hello,

I'm always given two punishments options, a spanking or grounding (or something else even less pleasant). Except in some circumstances, I always choose spanking. My parents encourage me to choose spanking, but I'm always given the choice.

When I was under 12, I got bare bottom spankings over the knees. As I grew up, it became a ritual that involves tought and prayer. First, I have to write a letter and explain why I regret my behaviour and desserve a spanking. I have to ask for a spanking in my letter and sign it. Then I have to read it aloud. If it's not convincing enough, I have to write it over again. In some occasion, my parents changed their minds and I got a grounding. It was worse than a spanking because I once missed the birthday party of my best friend.

I always get the spanking in privacy of my room. I'm not abused in any way. I willingly cooperate for a discipline ritual based on the Word of God and His teachings about the Rod of Correction. No one ever puts a gun on my head. I consider myself intelligent enough to make my own decisions. I read a prayer, I get myself ready and I bend over the bed. Nothing holds me down beside my willingness to cooperate for discipline and improve myself.

When it's over, my parents hug me and we pray together. I feel better as I can turn the page and start anew. It's a true blessing and I wish that more people could share it.
 

Hi, my name is h(...) and i lived with my real mom and dad until i was 23 and got out of college, Well my parents used to warn me and if i did it again or something the would tell me to come into the living room and they would talk to me and tell me strip down into a thong and a bra and we had a table in the living room that was just right to bend over and the would make me bend over it. Dad would get his hickory(which still had thorns) and he would give me 15 to 20 smacks. He would have me crying, and i would try to put my hands over my butt but everytime i did he would at 5 smacks. after he was done he would make me stand in the corner and if i did anything wrong he could make me come back to the table and still spank me on my bare butt again and he usually would because i wouldent stand in the corner right or would say something. He would usually make me stand in the corner about an hour. I remember my last spanking. I was 22 and my 3rd year college and i come home 8 hours late and he used the same routine and since i was older made me stand in the corner 2 hours. but i thank him and my mom because i grew up great and i turned out fine.
 

Hi I'm 16 and left your page on "How to get my parents to spank me" on my computer screen a few weeks ago when I knew my mother would be checking for laundry. Nothing was said until last night after we had a big fight. She grounded me and sent me to my room.

Later after we had time to cool off she came up and we talked. She told me she has been researching the use of spanking on teens. She said she has read several books recommended by some prospanking organization she has joined. She has also contacted other members of the organization to for advice I guess. She also showed me a paddle and a hairbrush she has purchased. The hairbrush she got ordered from some place in Vermont she said.

She told me that she is making a list of what she believes are spankable offenses and wants me to agree on them. She said any outbursts like yesterdays and I will be spanked whether I make the agreement or not,and anytime between now and next week I can come to her and have the grounding lifted by accepting a spanking in its place. She will give me the agreement tonight with additions to it negotiable.

So she left it totally up to me if I get spanked or not. Behave as per her agreement and stay grounded for 3 weeks for swearing, yelling, and throwing stuff or take a spanking.

Hehe what I thought i wanted because I deserved it and felt guilty sometimes I"m now kind of afraid of. What a decision to make and soon. Mom said that it would not be a pleasant experience for me as it is punishment and will be, but it would not be an unpleasant experience for her if my attitude and recent habits change for the better.

Oh boy what should I do?

(in another mail, Wed, 11 Sep 2002:)

Hi SWL

Thank you for writing me, I was really surprised to hear from you. I'll type the agreement in since don't have a scanner on my computer so it might have a few typing errors in it.

THE PUNISHMENT CONTRACT

I _______ hearby agree to accept spankings, from my parents, as my main form of discipline for a 6 month trial period beginning on date of signature. ALL spankings will be administered on the bared bottom using one or more of the following implements, the hand, hairbrush, paddle, or switch. I understand that length and severity will depend on the severity of the offense and my willingness to cooperate, however, the length that my spankings will last is at the sole discretion of the parent(s) administering the punishment.

The following offenses will be considered spankable offenses. The list is not all inclusive and items my be added as needed: Disrespect to parents or other adults Disobedience Balktalk Casual Swearing (an explitive out of shock or surpise is understandable at times) Past curfew without prior phone notificaton and good reason willful misconduct Failure to complete and turn in homework assignments on time (as help is always available at home) Receipt of tickets for unsafe driving such as speeding Drinking alcoholic beverages or use of tobacco Failure to maintain a neat and clean room Failure to complete assigned chores in a timely manner

I understand I will be fully informed of when and why I am to be spanked. I may then present a case in defense of my behavior.

I further understand that 1. you, my parents, are entering this agreement with me because you love me and wish me to be a better person and become a responsible adult. 2. All spankings will be administered out of love, not anger or revenge. 3. All spankings will be administered as soon as possible after the offense but enough time will be given to assure any anger has subsided.

I have to go but that is pretty much most of it. Paddle and switch really worry me the most. And bare is also scary. I only have till friday to make up my mind and i've been grounded for another week for arguing about wanting to go out already so i will still have 3 weeks left if i don't sign this agreement and take a spanking. The list is long and some things not that serious and anything can be added to it. And the length of the spanking is like not determined either. 10 swats or 100 or what???

Thanks again

(in another mail, Fri, 13 Sep 2002:)

Hi thank you again I made some compromise with my mom last night. Mostly with the list of offenses to get spanked for.

We put them into serious and minor/moderate ones.

Serious ones being:

1. Stealing, borrowing or taking without asking 2. deliberate lie for self benifit or to avoid punishment 3. disrespectful to parents and other adults 4. Fighting 5. smoking 6. drinkig alcohol and/or being drunk 7. Being punished at school (dependant on offence may be classed as minor/moderate) 8. deliberate disobedience 9. Damaging someones property on purpose 10. irresponsible acts, driving violations, dangering self and/or others 11. Negligence with negative consequences 12. Missing curfew without notification and excuse 13. visiting porn sites on internet 14. Poor grades from failure to do homework or poor study habits 15. 2d offense of a minor misbehavior within a 1 month period

Minor/Moderate misbehavior for spanking :

Being rude to parents and other adults Using inappropriate words or swearing being lazy after warning room not cleaned after warning General behavior after warning insulting adults Showing a temper after warning Negligence that could have had negative consequences forgetting chores bad attitude after warning other misuse of internet Homework late without a very good excuse

Good news!! The hand will be used for all minor/moderate offenses.

Not so good but fair I guess is all serious ones will be a hairbrush spanking for first offense anyway. The only time the paddle or switch will be used is for the 2nd offense of a serious one.

She would not go for a set number of spanks at all.

She also would not list non spankable offenses, but added that any additions would be discussed first. She said she thinks since this is a 6 month trial most offenses should be spankable in order to judge how my behavior changes.

She said how much longer will spanking be practical, for a child my age, through high school, college, till I move out on my own?? She said if I am spanked for all offenses and it works as she hopes it will then the 6 month trail period well be enough.

Well anyway I signed it last night after the changes because I think it's be best I can do with her. She signed it for herself and for dad since he won't be home for another till weekend after this one.

She was going to give me my first spanking in 7 years to clear up the grounding from the fight we had last week, but my aunt showed up to visit and saved me. So I ended up going to bed after talking for a while. I felt pretty relieved that she came and saved me for another day. But now I will have to wait all day till I get home from school. We both agreed it was a serious offense to since I yelled and swore at mom.

I also was worried because mom left the brush and agreement on the kitchen table. I didn't think about it till after i went upstairs so I hope my aunt didn't see them, I know she would be nosey about it.

Well thanks alot, I know I didn't get as much changed as we hoped but I think I made it a little better anyway. Oh still bare to, she wouldn't budge on that either.

I really do feel I need to be disciplined like this. I'm glad or hope you understand. For a long time it's like I've just been pushed aside with dad changing jobs and not around much and mom working also it's like nobody cared what I did. I'd feel guilty about some stuff I'd do but nothing ever happened. You know what I mean?? Now I think they do but I wonder if I did the right thing also, now that it is really going to happen tonight I am kinda scared.

Thanks again so much for caring

K(...)
 

Hello. I'm a single mother of a 12 year old boy. T(...)'s father died when he was a baby. T(...) is a bright, smart healthy boy but like all boys needs a spanking every now and then. today was one of those days (he forgot to do his chores for the 2nd day in a row)

we have both read your site a bunch times together. T(...) is very cooperative about it and dicates most how the spanking will go. I asked and T(...) says he's rather have frequent spankings (No matter how small the offense) as opposed to letting the offenses build up and getting a big hard spank.

he gets 12 spanks for light offenses, 24 for moderate ones and 36 for serious offenses. he's rarely need 36 spanks.

my only rule is that spankings are always bare bottom (so I see the results and how his butt is taking it). He chooses to be spanked in his room with me sitting on his bed. first we talk about it and he explanins what he did wrong, and agree he deserves the spanking and how many he should get. he choose 18 today. 12 for the missed chores and a few extra for not picking up his clothes. then I ask if he's ready he says yes and take off his shirt and pants and lies across my lap and then slids down his underwear, presenting to me a bare bottom that needs to be spanked. I wait til he said ready then give the first hard spank. the first half are slow hard spanks, the second half are fast one. He cries but I know he is learning a lesson. He got extra red today with the extra spanks but it served him well.

Thank you for making a sensible good website on this topic.

I'd be intersted to hear what you think about my letter to you.
 

Gidday

I was wondering regarding your site about spanking teenage boys, to bare or not to bare. Bare backside was considered appropiate when it was just me and dad or only a few other males around. Whenever I was spanked in front of girls it was decided that jocks would be best. Dad talked this over with me when I turned 13 and that was what we decided on.