Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

Dear sir/madam,

I'm writing because I've got a problem that I don't know what the right answer is. I'm a 17 yr old girl living in Leicester, England, and my dad (who I live with) has recently remarried, after my mum died eight years ago. I was born in England but my family is originally from Pakistan, and dad's new wife has just come to England from Pakistan.

she is very young, actually only 23 years old, so not very much older than me (!), and she looks really young too. I think partly because of this we've not been getting along very easily, so I've been a bit difficult (but she has too, I think). Anyway, last month she said to me that whenever I misbehave, she is going to spank me across her knee, and that I have to do it because she is now my new mum and guardian.

I don't think this is fair because she isn't much older than me, and it's so humiliating to have to bend over her knee in just my knickers while she takes her time spanking me with her hand like a little child. my dad says that in Pakistan this is normal, but none of my English friends get spanked, and I don't think it's fair because she's so young and it's so embarrassing!

but at the same time she is my new mum, and it does make me think twice before being naughty. also, it's better than my dad doing it because I think I'm too old now to be spanked by a man, and he didn't do it before either. but I just can't believe it, sometimes people think we are sisters, and we might be having an argument like sisters and then suddenly she'll just clap her hands and point to her knee, and I have to lift up my skirt and present myself to her across her lap!

do you think this is fair? it just seems so humiliating because she is so young, but I don't know if I should make her stop because she is still my mum. please help!

(...)

ps. I don't mind you keeping my email address on, because it's a private one, but don't put my name please.

(from the U.K.)
 

Trying to justify your sickness. As my Dad says, you can't understand crazy. I don't understand you or anyone who justifies this behavior. Someday it will be widely considered wrong, just as the world has become more civilized in other aspects. I weep for your children. Oh, and by the way...I have 5 GREAT kids whom I get complimented on all the time. I never spanked them. Go figure. How do YOU explain that? My parents/siblings were also never spanked. Guess some people are just ahead of other's with things like these.
 

Hello, I'm a 15 year old boy. I would like to have some advice on asking my mom to spank me. I haven't been the best kid to her in the last couple of years. Nothing that she does seems to take any affect on me. Please help me thanks.
 

Dear Spank With Love,

I am a 17 year old guy and I have a couple of questions that I would like to ask. As a kid I was spanked fairly frequently but the spankings stopped before I became a teen and I haven't been spanked since. Now in those years I have done some things that I would say deserve a spanking such as lying a few times(I cant' remember how many times but more than 5, 2 that I can remember clearly and should definitely have been spanked for but my parents never found out I lied), disobeying more than once (one thing I'm still blatantly breaking a rule they clearly stated but they haven't found out yet), and they did not find out or realized I had done any of it, and for all but the one thing it is all past.

Now I am not writing this to ask you how to get them to spank me although I could use help on that. They are not anti-spanking as they spanked me as a kid and my brother, 14 was spanked at 13 and almost 14 too. He probably will be spanked one more time at least so I know they spank teens. They have said numerous times that we are never to old to spank until we leave the house but haven't warned that I may get one soon, threatened one, asked me if I needed one, or almost given me one since I was 13. And they didn't give me one that time either. I haven't even really been punished at all since then except for very minor punishments like timeouts or an extra chore. (Nothing big enough to ask for a spanking instead like grounding or loss of a privalege)

I feel that I need a spanking for all the things they've missed and are missing but I have one problem. Whenever I envision getting that spanking such as when I am changing I get an erection. I am quite sure that if and when they spanked me this would occur. I'm not sexually aroused by it but it just happens. Trust me, the spanking would not for my sexual pleasure but as a punishment to make me feel properly punished, loved and forgiven for what I have done, whether it be something I have done in the past or something I do in the future. Is this normal? To get an erection when being spanked or right before the spanking?

Whether or not it is normal, I also have a question about it concerning the actual spanking. Your site advocates the bare bottom spanking over the knee as the best position. I am just wondering how that position would work if an erection occured (either during the spanking once I was situated or before I was over their lap) and what could be done about it? I agree with you and would only want a bare bottom spanking, but would this scenario rule out the over the knee position as a good option and if not, how would/could it work? Lastly, for a teen male who do you think is better to spank generally, the mom or the dad, generally who should pull the pants down, me or them, and how far would you pull the pants down to, just below bottom, ankle, or knee?

Thanks for any help you can give but please keep my email address private when you post this on the feedback.
 

If you do not want to risk hurting or injuring your child if you insist on spanking them:

1. Do not spank your child until you are in complete control of yourself and the enviroment. For example if your child tries to runaway from a spanking don't chase them as they may injure themselves trying to gat away from you. Further make sure you are able to speak to the child in a calm and rational voice to ensure you have their cooperation prior to punishment. If the child is hysterical wait until they are calm before you start your discussion. A safe place is usually a bedroom were there is little in the way of furniture etc. that may cause injury to the child if they become physically out of control. An unsafe place is the car where their is little room to move around and there may be objects that may injure the child such as the steering wheel.

2. Never hit a child with an object. Even with the hand you can injure them. The spanking should only be symbolic in nature and should cause minimal pain. Removing clothing could result in emmotional harm to the child, epecially if they are older.

In my experience as a child protection worker I have seen the results of many children being injured not by the spanking itself but by the process. Head injuries are common. Recently a parent was charged and convicted in Ontario Canada for spanking a child with their hand three times and leaving marks (slight bruising).The best way not to hurt or injure your child while disciplining them is not to hit them at all. In fact statistics in this country now indicate that about half of all parents no longer spank their children To me this proves alternative methods of discipline work just as well or perhaps even better than spanking.

I hope you can add these recoomendations to your web site under the uncoopertive child.
 

I found your spankwithlove site when searching around, and i have some questions i'd like to ask you. firstly, my name is C(...), I'm nearly 15 years old, and I'm a boy. I am really interested in spanking, and actually have wished lots of times that i was spanked during my life past age 7 (when my parents decided to stop), and have kept spanking till even nowadays. But since its been such a big gap from the last spanking, i think it would be weird. So i'm not going to ask about that. Just letting u know a little previous history. BTW i was spanked with the belt for at least most of the spankings, and they were over a bed.

Anyway, I do get turned on by the thought of spanking, but I also think it's a good punishment. I have thought about spanking a lot, including me being spanked by other people i trust, and me doing the spanking, etc... Ive even thought of being a parent, and I've decided i will spank my children when I'm a dad till at least age 16.

I really would like it if i had some friends around my own age who would spank me when i'm being too lazy about something, or if i'm not going to sleep early enough, not doing homework, etc... I am even really wanting at least one friend (prefferably female) to be a sort of physical trainer where they make me exercise and do weight lifting and other stuff so i can get stronger and have more energy physically. And i'd want the "personal trainer" friend to punish me (by spanking and anything else they think of), but I don't know HOW to ASK a friend... I know that might sound like a rhetorical question, since you're probably thinking I should just wait and see if they ever mention spanking, or whatever, but how do u think I should bring it up, without making them think I just want sex or something like that? I know its different for everyone, but i'm sure you'd have some good general advice\opinions about how i might be able to do it without giving out the wrong messages.

I am also deeply interested in wearing girl's clothes especially underwear. and Ive thought about if i got a female friend who would agree to let me wear her panties\thongs, etc then we could share underwear and i wouldnt have to worry about hiding the underwear from my mum since i know she won't think it's right, etc... if im wearing panties and dont have any other panties,etc anywhere else in the house, it will be very hard for anyone to discover that im wearing panties since mum wouldnt check my underwear or anything like that.

And not just underwear, but i'm also seriously thinking i would love to wear girly tshirts, and pants, socks, etc too, in public. I just dont think it'd be accepted and im afraid of getting beaten up. Ive been living where i am (australia) for almost 5 months now, but i dont know how the general people would react, as apposed to how people in my original state in the USA would probably react (theyd call me gay\faggot, beat me up, etc). do u have anything u could tell me to help me decide if it'd be okay? I know i should just stand tall and strong and just do it, but i also dont want people to think im gay, cuz i am completely straight,etc..

And another question... If i did start spanking someone, say i was spanking a boy my age, and say the paddle or whatever i use accidentally hits their penis and\or scrotum. say this happens a couple times by accident. would this damage the spankee's testicles (i.e. make sperm production count smaller?) if they got whacked really hard? what about if i'm spanking a girl's vagina?

I'm not a pervert, and i really am nearly 15. ive just thought about spanking a lot... i used to be afraid of it 3-5 years ago, but now i'm wanting it, and am completely PRO-Spanking, so i wanna know more about spanking and everything involved in it, before, during, and after the spankings. oh yeah, and i was thinking if i was to spank someone with a belt i was thinking i would have them wear underwear and pajama bottoms or jeans, so the spanking will still hurt a lot (ideally), but wont leave as many (or any?) marks. the marks certainly wouldnt be as noticeable. of course i would want them to not be able to sit comfortabley for a few days at least, but i dont want to break the skin and make it bleed, etc. so that's part of why i would have them wear protection for a belting. but a paddling\hand spanking would be either on undies-covered bottom or naked bottom. of course i would ask if i'm spanking too hard, not enough, etc.

if u have any questions to ask me, please go ahead and ask, dont be shy. i wont be offended either by anything u say as i am perfectly kosher with people's differences\opinions, etc. thanks for taking the time to read this. i might have more things to ask u later, so i'll email u again if i think of anything else.

i'm asking u to post this email on your website and please dont censor anything (including my email address) so that other people can email me with any of their own input. Thanks a lot, this really means a ton to me!

C(...)

(From Australia. Note: This e-mail is anonymized despite the request because it's a policy of this site to always anonymize letters from senders under the age of 16.)
 

Hi, I'd prefer if my e-mail remained anonomys, thank you. But, anyway, my parents are divorced and i've spent most of my life being raised by my older brothers. Their both great guys and i love them, but they're also exteremley over-protective of me. When I start dating a guy they have to do this interogation thing that's really...well, it's not good. There are 2 of them, both well over 6 foot and really strong. that's another problem, when I get into trouble with them, whether it's talking back, not listening, grades, or something else serious they, well mostly just the older one, he well, spanks me. I'm 17-years-old!! I'm not a baby! I've tried telling them that I'm too old for that sort of punishment, but they say "when you act like a little brat I'll treat you like one". How can I possibly get them to stop, even when my parents support them "ruling" over me? Thanks for listening.