Do you think this is fair?

My mom has a rule for me that we are only allowed one hour of screen time a day. This includes tv, movies, dvds, video games, or the computer, unless we're need to do something for school, but we can't be on aim at the same time (we meaning her kids). I am a high school junior. (an exception is that if you are going to a movie theater, you can save up the hours from other days that week, but one hour extra in a theater = two days without screen time during the week, so it sort of sucks.) Punishments in our family are always threefold. First, an automatic spanking. Second, a punishment to fit the crime, and thirdly a writing assignment. If it's for something big, it might be a research paper or something related, if it's small it might be writing an apology 5,000 times or something.

Yeah, so a few days ago, (Thursday) my mom asked me if I wanted to finish watching "Mean Girls" with her... we had rented it. And I told her I already watched it (the end) when I got home from school. This was while she was cooking dinner. Then, she came up to see how I was doing at like 9 or something, and she knocked and I said I was busy doing homework. I got up a few minutes later to use the bathroom, and without asking, while I was gone, she went in my room and saw I was also updating my "livejournal", which is counted as screen time. So I broke two rules: disobedience and lying. I KNOW; I deserved to be punished. My question is, how much. My mom said this means six punishments, three for each crime.

For disobedience: a spanking right away. the punishment would be no entertainment (tv, movie, computer, music) for three weeks. and for the writing assignment, a 7 page paper on the negative effects of television and computers on today's youth, one page for every minute I had been online--she checked.

For lying: a spanking the following evening, after dinner, which was friday, which to me invovles grounding, cause I am not going out after that humiliating experience and pain. washing my mouth out. and writing "I will be a big girl and tell the truth, not a little girl and lie" on each line of a notebook she gave me. And she said I had a half hour to do it, and if I didn't finish, that would result in FURTHER punishment.

She then pulled down my pants and underwear, instructed me to get over her lap, and then started lighting drumming and tapping her fingers while she had "the talk" with me, where I need to fess up to everything. Once that was over, she began, She spanked each cheek several times, and then worked down the middle. Then to my thighs. Finally she finished, and when she let me get up, I touched my bottom. BIG mistake, I know that's not allowed. She grabbed a hairbrush, and then gave me a dozen smacks on each leg with it for extra punishment. Then I had to sit on the hard wooden stool in the corner for a half hour, to think about what I'd done. Then back up here to do my ACTUAL hw, and then sleep on a sore bottom. My bottom still hurt a little the next morning.

The next day was my punishments for lying. BEFORE dinner, mom brought me into the bathroom, soaped up a washclothe with liquid soap, and then made me open my mouth and soaped around. I felt like gagging, it was awful. (I had never had THAT done to be, surprisingly. I guess she never thought of it before.) Then she took out a brand new bare of soap, stuck it in my mouth (washclothe out by then), and told me to keeping biting down, harder, harder, and when I wasn't doing it enough she gave me a quick slap in the face, so then I cooperated. I had to leave it in for fifteen minutes. I wasn't allowed to rinse, but rather, had to have dinner then with the family, and my mom said I better eat EVERYTHING on my plate, and it all tasted so awful, but I knew not to argue. Now beverages allowed though.

Next was my spanking, same routine as the night before. Again, I touched- this time DURING the spanking, and again got the smacks on my thighs. I was sitll SLIGHTLY sore, so it was SO PAINFUL. omg. I was crying so hard, I could barely breathe. This one also went on for probably 200 smacks, which is why I tried to block halfway through.

Tomorrow and sunday I have to work all day (well half an hour, and then all day) on my writing assignment,s and hope to GOD they are acceptable.

My question is, is this reasonable? I just feel like it was so much for one mistake. I have NEVER been mad at being punished before but just, like, what if I don't agree with the rules? How can I handle this maturely? Or am I wrong... I just hate it!! (oh I'm just on the computer tonight because I am so suppsoed to be doing work for school. Guess I never learn my lesson. sigh.
 

Hi

I am a 16 year old girl. I came across your website because i had to do reasearch for my parenting class in school (a mandatory class). My parents died several years ago and i have 3 older brothers and a twin brother. The oldest one is the legal gaurdian, he is 13 years older. He and his wife will spank me if they think it is nesscary. I dont mind (i minde the pain) i know they do it for my own good. But my uncle now demands custody for me and my twin. and his lawyers are using the idea of coroporal punishment aganist my brother. They say that he is abusing us. I dont know how to tell the courts that i know the spankings are good for me without sounding like a pervert.

Thanks.
 

I accidentally came across your website, and I will say this. I almost became ILL reading the "pro" spanking emails sent in by everyone! I think parents who feel its necessary to spank a child (over the knee or not) bare bottomed are sick Christians are to "love" one another. Really, is this "loving" ? The "rod" mentioned in the Bible is not an actual, physical rod. The rod symbolizes the method we are to use, which is to "teach". The Bible instructs us to "teach" our children in the way they should.... It does not say "spank" them in the way, or spank them bear bottomed. What this barbaric form of discipline or abuse teaches a child is that they can't trust their own parents. It teaches a child to also...hit. It teaches that even their own parent has lost control. It teaches how to be violent and vicious, and they may react to their own friends that way one day. Is this "self control"? Perhaps as a parent, instead of losing patience, you should do something you may not want to be bothered doing; stop and take the time to listen, really listen and see what may be bothering your child inside, that is possibly causing them to misbehave, to the point where you just want to insist they stop because its easier than you spending time -a good length of time hearing your child's thoughts and fears of life. THAT WILL MAKE YOUR CHILD TRUST YOU. AND...where there is trust, there is respect for your authority. Remember....this is the precious little baby who grew inside of your womb? If your the mother, never forget that. As for fathers, my father always spoke gently to me with his quiet, noble wisdom. He rarely raised his voice, but more his eyebrow, and when he did, boy - we knew we crossed the line. And we didn't want to cross that line. I never wanted to let him down. (Yes I am a christian mom of two children and I have NEVER spanked my children, nor will I ever). If you must occasionally smack a very defiant child, there is absolutely NO need for it to bare bottomed! What an absolutely horrible way to degrade your precious child. And yes, I agree there does seem to be a degree of sexual/shaming abuse tied to that method. Nowhere in the Bible does God teach such a manner of discipline! Never in the times when my mother hit me, did I ever feel "love" was the her reason for doing so. I felt her reason was she simply had no patience and became enraged, which I didn't respect. Instead it always caused me to be angrier at her. I'm know she loved me, but her behavior never left a good example or impression in my mind when she hit too much, even to this day. My fathers quietness taught me alot, I knew that's how I wanted to be.
 

Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

Dear SWL,

I'm writing to you with a question about whether you think it is right for me to receive spankings from my stepfather, my mother's new husband.

I've always received spankings from my mother in the past (I'm now 17), but recently she remarried and she has said to me that she feels it is best if "the man of the house" administers the punishment.

Already I have been spanked twice by my new stepdad, and I feel uneasy about it. The format has continued the same as before, only now it is him doing the spanking (though my mother is always present). I have to remove my clothes from the waist down, and then bend over his knee and receive hand spanks on my bare bottom.

Though I have a good relationship with him, I have said to my mother that I do not wish to be spanked by him, especially not in this way. I have asked for a compromise - either he could spank me with my knickers still on, or she could spank me bare bottomed - but she is adamant that it must continue in this way, with him doing it and with me not in any underwear whatsoever.

The last time it happened, I tried to resist it, but this ended up with me being held down by him while my mother pulled down my panties and let him spank me, which I found so humiliating. I really want this to stop, but they both refuse to give any way.

Can you give me any advice on what I should do? I've tried every form of reasoning with them, but they're not willing to compromise at all. Please help me!

If others have any advice, you can keep my email address public, but please do not use my name.

Thank you very much,
 

I wanted to add something that my father used to do with me. If he wanted to make the spanking hurt more but without hitting harder. he would rub some babyoil on my bottom. Not much just enough to put a shine on my skin. Water also worked very well as i was spanked a few times after a bath. He mostly used this when I was under the age of 10. from like ages 4 to about 9. after that he never used the babyoil again. but let me tell ya. it made it sting 3x as much and he never hit harder then normal. but it sure did feel like it.

Just wanted to let your reader know another way of making the spanking more intence with having to hit harder.

thanks
 

Hi. it's me again. I was talking to my dad a few days ago , and we were talking about spankings. He said that my behavior was improving alot , and because it was , this wouldd be my new punishment.

A couple days later , my mom and dad went on a small , two-day trip. I was stayin with my granparents. My grandma said that if i acted up , i would receive the same punishment that i would at home. well ,that night , my grandmpa was talkin to my mom and cooking our supper. he said that i had been good , but that i was being kinda disrespictful. my mom said that if i was anymore , that they had permisson to punish me. he served supper , but i didn't want it. he said it was good for me and that i had to eat it. i told him that he wasn't my boss and that i didn't have to do what he said. he told me to go sit in their bedroom. a few minutes later , (i knew what would happen) , he came in with something held behind his back. he pulled me over his knee , pulled down my pants , and smacked my bottom with a paddle over my underwear. i cried and he said that it wasn't over yet. he pulled down my underwear and spanked my bare bottom until it hurt so bad. i was crying very very hard. it hurt , but i was more embarrassed that i had just gotten a spanking from my grandmpa. he said that if i ever said that to him again , that he'd spank me right infront of my grandma. i was embarrassed. more than usual. was this cause he wasn't my usual spanker? Should I be more respectful to him? I'm not sure if I should , cause he's not my daddy.
 

I think your site is useful for parents but what about from the childs point of view? I am a 15 year old female and I know that my beltings are not loving they are just painful and take days to get over.

From age 4 i was spanked with my mums hand very occasionally for certain offences although my dad has always thought they should be a lot stricter with me if i was to grow up 'proper' I was quite a good kid but at 13 my mum put a clock in the room next door which rang every hour all through the night! My sister wasn't bothered but i kept waking up because of it, i had a word with my parents about it but they said that its their house and they'l put things where they want, anyway the next night i waited until they went to bed and moved the clock downstairs so i couldn't hear it i planned to get up earlier then them but unfortunetly slept late and was in for a real shock when i went downstairs.

My dad said that he was going to belt me, i thought he meant a clip round the ear or something but he said ' i told you to leave that clock alone and its about time you did as you were told, im not having it he made me to to the study upstairs and lie on the table! i thought this was really strange since my parents hadn't hit me at all since i was about 11. He pulled my jeans down and simply hit me with a belt thing 40 times (thats how many times he said he was going to give) afterwards he said from now on im going to be punished like that everytime i move the clock or disrespect my parents!

The pain was unbearable though and lasted for days, the clock was moved 2 weeks after i dunno why im sure he did it on purpose like a test or something. ive only been belted once more after that though for fighting at school.

After this though im against parents hitting children altogether as it could turn more violent!
 

The other day I sent you an e-mail suggesting additional verbiage to be added the the chapter titled "Spanking Techniques" in the "Taking the Pants Down" section. After re-reading my e-mail I realized I may have gone into too much detail, so I'm going to try again.

I feel this verbiage can be inserted between the two existing paragaphs already in the section, without any changes to what is already there.

Suggested verbiage:

(...)

I hope this makes more sense. Thank you for your website, and the opportunity to contribute. I truly believe that "Spanking With Love" will go a long way to reducing physical abuse of our children.