Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

WARNING: This email contains some delicately discussed but nevertheless sensitive issues of a sexual nature which may offend some of your readers. Please read on only with this in mind

Dear SpankWithLove,

I've read your site, and though I am intrigued by it, I must say I am not altogether pleased by it. I will explain this in a moment, but first let me say a little bit about myself.

I am a heterosexual male, in my mid-twenties. I am a college graduate with a bachelor of Arts degree in English, and I am a Ph.D. candidate in English literature. I was born and raised Catholic in a two parent family, and I attended Catholic schools for twelve years. I do not in anyway resent my religious upbringing; in fact, despite considerable outside pressure from the secular culture in which I live, I maintain a firm belief in God, in Jesus, and in the presence of Satan in the world. I believe in moral absolutes, and I continue to think that religion has an important place in a society ever more driven by materialism.

As a child, I was spanked from time to time, and almost always deserved it. My parents never spanked on the bare, but they still packed a pretty decent wallop. To be fair to your site, they did not always do it in the "recommended" way --- they spanked in the heat of the moment most if not all of the time, never really considering the full ramifications of position, etc.

For the most part, it certainly seems to have worked. I suppose I was spanked for the last time when I was about 13 or so, maybe younger. After that, I really didn't need it. I always got exceptional grades in school, I was never getting into serious trouble. In high school I never drank or smoked or did drugs or engaged in premarital sex. I'm an adult now, and though I'm not quite as clean-cut as I used to be, I'm an upstanding citizen, with a job and a future.

I am providing all this information to help you understand the point I am about to make. You may even be wondering at this point why I've written... all these things I've said are nice, but I'm obviously not seeking out a "mentor," I have not mentioned a wife (indeed I am unmarried), and I am not a parent nor expecting to be one anytime soon. So why am I on this site? The answer, frankly, is that I stumbled across it while searching for spanking erotica.

This probably shocks many of you. Oh, I'm sure you're aware that interest in spanking in a sexual way is as old as the hills. But that I would admit it in a carefully composed note sent to a site dedicated to child rearing, not backroom perversion, probably surprises some of you, and will undoubtedly offend some of your readers. But I'm writing to tell you that spanking is very, very dangerous, especially the kind described here. I'm living testament to it. I would not wish this fetish of mine on anyone --- it is a dark secret I must live with every day, something as inescapable as the color of my eyes or the shape of my jaw. And I cannot help but believe that my interest in it as a sexual activity results from childhood experience. As early as I can remember, I have been aroused by the mere mention of the word.

Many out there, especially the conservative Christians, might respond in knee-jerk fashion by saying that spanking is a biblically sanctioned form of discipline, and if individual perverts want to twist it for their own purposes, it stems simply from an inability to resist the temptations of Satan. But, since your site does not claim affiliation with any particular religious sect, it is my fervent hope you will publish this letter, and perhaps consider what I am saying carefully. The answer "Satan did it" may in the end be the truth, but it a very unsatisfying answer for any intelligent person. As I'm sure you are aware, there is a plethora of spanking and bondage related erotica available on the internet. Leaving the morality of such informaton and activity aside, its ubiquitous availability proves at least one thing: there is an undeniable connection between human sexuality and the forcible handling of the body of one person by another. Not only is the connection there, it is powerful. From my own experience, I will tell you that I have tried, tried mightily, to rid myself of this endless fascination with the topic. I do not want to be a spanking enthusiast. It's embarassing, it's certainly perverted, and it hinders proper adult sexual growth. and yet, I and millions like me have it. It's not a choice. But it's the truth.

When I consider my position, I can only help but wonder if my early childhood experiences with spanking led to my adult fascination with it. I am relatively certain every credible psychiatrist would say so. Is there any guarantee that I would not have turned out this way if I had not been spanked? That I can't answer. But I have to believe it didn't help.

Please feel free to publish my email address. I would gladly discuss the issue with any parent thinking of using spanking as a serious form of discipline, because I think it's important to promote mental and sexual health as well as good behavior.

J. Loren Pryor
 

Is an oxy-moron. I don't completely condemn spanking for certain children, but to associate love with hitting is absurd. It is not human nature to love those who hurt us, and you are fully aware of that.

On your website, though not directly stated, I believe you implied that spanking is essential for a healthy childhood. That is incorrect, if my assumption is accurate. As stated by Dr. Spock, there are many well-rounded adults who were spanked, and there are many more who were not.

I believe it fully depends on the nature of the child. I know of two eight-year-old's, for example. Mikey is a sweet little boy who wouldn't hurt anything or anyone for any reason. He's fair, he's smart, he's affectionate. Spanking him would be damaging. Unlike most little boys, Mikey does not have times when he throws fits or damages property. If he is angry, he withdraws until his anger subsides. He will disappear into his room and emerge again when he is ready to let it go. Mikey does not need spankings.

Then there's Tyler. Tyler is disrespectful and destructive. He damages property intentionally, and is hateful in general. When he is mad, he becomes outraged and seems full of hate. An occasional spanking would not hurt him.

Mikey is a rare child, and I can only assume he is who he is because of his mother's strong influence. She is one of the sweetest women I have ever met, and he is the sweetest child.

Not all children need spankings.
 

Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

I am currently 16. I like the site. My parents will never even think of spankin me, and no one i know will. Is there a way i could punish myself alone for my own bad thoughts and what would be the best way to do it? I really feel guilty about my bad thoughts and want to settle that feeling alone. So could someone help. So please show my e-mail address. Be delighted for a response. thanks. Adam O
 

There are no words in this debate that I could use to reach any of you now. But I tell you this. When your children are in their twenties and thirties (or perhaps their teens as they begin dating) they will be paying psychologically and sexually in ways far too numerous to count for the damage you are doing to them now. If for some of you as you enter your golden years and wait for happy marriages, for normalcy, for the grandchildren that may or may not be coming......if then you also have a sense, repressed though it may be, of your children's deep sadness, their guilt, their anger, their self-destruction, their damaged sensuality, their lack of healthy relationships, of their darknesses, please remember this e-mail and know then the horror of what you have done.
 

Hello, I am a father to three well-rounded boys, aged 12, 14 and 16, who are spanked when they mess up. In our house spankings are not frequent or commonplace but the boys know that if they do step out of line, then in the right circumstances they will spanked.

I spank all the boys, their mother did spank them when they were younger but from the age of 11 onwards I have spanked them to save any unessesary embarrassment.

All the spankings take place in the living room. Because two of the boys share a room I often use the living room to spank them. As it is quiet and not used very often, anyone in the room is asked to leave for the spanking.

I only spank with my hand and spank until i can see remorse. I never spank when angry and I am always fair and disscuss it with my children. After the spanking I leave the room and they stand in the corner to 'cool off', when i return we discuss it and I always hug and hold my boys util they have calmed down.

My youngest is very un-cooperative!! It is always a game to see out his spanking and he trys his best to kick, hit and cover his butt. Because of this I limit his options. Because the older two are co-operative I give them choices. With my youngest I pull down his jeans and pants and position him across my knee. If he is too unco-operative then, as I don't believe in giving him another spanking, I make his corner time longer (30 mins) and his pants are left down. With the older two they can take their own pants and breifs down and only have a 10 minute corner time and their pants are left up.

With teenagers it is hard but if you are fair and talk to your kids they don't resent you. I believe that spankings do work as my youngest is spanked the most out of the three (rebellious stage) but my eldest is spanked very infrequently.

I spank with love and my kids are generally well behaved and really great kids. They are spanked for a varity of reasons including being rude, badly behaved, dis respectful etc etc. I grew up in the South into a very religous family were spanking were very common, if you did something wrong them your pants would be down right there and then. It was always in front of someone else and the spankings were long and hard. It is a shame there wasn't information around like this back then, it stops cruelty and educates parents how to spank fairly and firmly.

Great site.
 

i saw this on another pro spanking web site, but i have to pay for the article and i thought you might be able to answer it. this would be helpful to me because my 2 daughters have been acting up at a baby sitters house and i hate for her to have to put up with them and i want to know what you would think if i told her to spank them if she felt the need to. the baby sitter is very responsible and has 1 kid of her own (5 yrs i think) i would really appreciate an answer ASAP. and the same question could be asked about siblings that are over the age of 18. i have a friend who has 3 boys that are 3, 5, and 6 and she also has a daughter who is 18. pretty wide spread dont you think? anyway she leaves the 3 boys with the 18 yr old daughter and they give her flack sometimes and i want to tell her what you think about the daughter spanking them. i know she would like to! If you want to post your answer with this question i know it would help a lot of other people who may have the same question.

thanks

God Bless
 

I think that your suggestion that kids should be spanked in private is a good one. However, I think that children born together should be spanked together. Like my fraternal twin nephew and niece, when they're at my house, I expect them to follow my rules. When they don't, I spank them together. I always stand them side-by side by my right side to undress them for bare bottom spankings. Then I place them both over my lap for matching spankings with my paddle. I make sure I give them the same number of spanks so there's no favoritism. After they're spanked I redress them and send them on their way, confident that lessons were learned.