I am a 14 year old boy. I think that spanking would be effective to help me curve bad behavior and also to help me stop it. I was spanked as a boy, but only till about the age of 8. My parents have said numerous times that I am too old to be spanked. Both my brothers, one 12 and one 8, don't receive spankings anymore. Also, although I have kept bad behaviour, my parents have not been giving much of any sort of punishment at all. Is them spanking me going to help? How can I 'ask' them to start spanking me? What should I do if they think I'm just trying to get out of a different punishment? Should I leave them a note or confront them with my decision? Your answers to these questions, along with any further input on teenagers getting spanked, would be greatly appreciated.
 

I think this is a horrible website. Spanking is so inhumane!
 

I am 17-years-old, and this fall I will be a senior in high school. I know a lot of kids don't think about how their parents raised them. I am one who is grateful for the way my Dad is raising my sister, brother, and me. He is strict on us about grades and school. Because I knew I had to study, I just always did. The one time I didn't when I was 12 and made a C- on a test, Dad pulled down my pants and panties and spanked my bare bottom with a paddle until I could not sit. I cried for a long time. He sat me down and had a long talk with me about studying and doing homework. He said school was important and if I wanted to go to college, I had to do the best I could. He said he knew that C- wasn't my best. I knew it wasn't my best. He always stresses how important it is to go to school. I wasn't then, but I am glad now that he spanked me and made me for not studying and that he made me do my homework. The reason that I am glad is that this summer because of my grade point average, I was able to take 2 math courses in college which will help me a lot after high school when I start college.
 

I just read your message about still being spanked at age 17. Well, I am now grown up and I have five children of my own. When I was a child my brother and I were always punished with spankings by our Dad. Up until about 10 we mostly had our shorts and undies pulled down and over Dad lap we got a sound spanking with his hand. Usually our bottoms were pretty red.

Later at 11-12-13-14 years of age punishments meant a good strapping on our bare bottoms with a leather belt. 25 sound licks were normal. When we reached age 15-16-17 Dad usually took us out to the guest house to administer punishments. We had to strip completely and Dad applied between 6-10 hard strokes with a thin bamboo cane on our naked bottoms.

After every spanking Dad gave us a hug and told us that he was sorry that he had to do that to us but that it was necessary and only for our own good in later life. We really never were spanked without good reasons.

I do believe that the discipline I received as a child and as a teenager has helped me a lot in my later life and it really has established a very special bond between my Dad and myself. My Dad passed away two years ago but I always had a perfectly loving relationship with him and I do miss him a lot.

When my children (2 girls and 3 boys) were young my wife and I also felt that when our children were disobedient or in any way got into trouble spankings would be the correct punishments. It usually was my duty to discipline our children. All during their childhood years and also as teenagers I only used my open hand for spankings on their bare buttocks.

This was always sufficient because most spankings were given until their bottoms were really red and sore. Naturally the number of spanks always were dependent on the offense. Spankings my children received were always given in the privacy of their own bedrooms without any of the brothers or sisters watching.

I also have a very loving relationship with all my children and they did understand that the punishments they received als children and teenagers were only for their own good.
 

As a parent, I have given the concept of the spank/ no spank a lot of thought.One school of thinking believes you must beat your children to make them obediant, the other extreme says you must always ''negotiate'' with them and ''violence'' is never the answear.I believe the truth lies somewhere in between,and most certainly, the non physical consequences are preferred, but the fact is, if the child knows that a spanking is an option, if they fail to mend their ways, the non physical consequences are far more effective.The other factor that modern psychology fails to take in, is that children do not understand the reality of the consequences of disobediance, such as death or serious injury. They do understand what a spanking is, however, and properly administered, you are just dealing in terms a child can understand and relate to.To be effective, a spanking should always be a known consequence, never threatened but not followed through.The child should always be warned- if you do this, this will be the result. That way, the child will have made a choice, that they were told ahead of time, what the result would be.No child should ever be spanked not knowing why , or what lead up to that consequence.Nor should the spanking ever be done in anger, or all the child will learn is they have angered their parent. One sad effect of the ''no spank'' parenting is the fact that a parent may become so frustrated with the bad behaviour, they finally lose control and actually hit the child, or give up on disciplining, and the situation goes from bad to worse.I wellremember a lady in the office who came to me in tears, saying she was afraid she was going to ''lose it'' and seriously harm her out of control child. I asked her if she had ever spanked and she said she did not believe in spanking. I suggested that a spanking, properly administered in a controlled manner was not abusive. I suggested next time , she explain to her daughter what she wanted done. or not done, and to clearly state she would be spanked for disobediance.If the child chose not to do as they were told, send her to her room, have a cup of coffee, then go in, sit down with the child, and go over the sequence of events, reminding her of how she was warned she would be spanked if she chose to ignor her mother.By all means, and most importantly, assure the child you really do love her, and it is your job as a responsibe parent to help them make good choices.After this dialogue has taken place, without raising the voice, nor in anger, now tell the child you will follow out your promise.I suggested the best method of delivery, was to have ths child secured over the lap, with a bare bottom, and apply a rubber spatula quite smartly to her bottom , not enough to bruise or mark her, but enough to ensure the message was received. The next day, mom came in, beaming-I did it, she said, I did it.Later she said her daugher's behaviour was noticably improved,and she had not needed to repeat the lesson, but time outs were far more effective, as the daughter knew her mom could and would spank, if she chose to ignore her.

I also favour this parenting, rather than the often suggested depriving the child of some looked forward to outing, or event.Discipline is not depriving our children of good things, but reinforcing the choice making process.Again it is of little value to deprive a child of some future event, instead of providing an immediate consequence.

In this discussion, I cannot state strongly enough I am adamently opposed to any form of beating, or abusive action. We discipline our children because we love them, and trust they will grow up to be happy, and useful members of society, with the ability to distinquish right from wrong, good from bad.
 

I'm a 35 year old mother of 3. As a youngster my mother maintained discipline in our house with the occasional slipper across the bottom. She used it rarely and on the whole we bahaved ourselves.

My oldest boy is 9. He recently started to play up. Poor school work, disobeying me, lieing. Friends could not offer much advice.

I had never given my children more than a simple smack. My mother has always thought i have been too soft with the kids, and i was starting to think she might be right.

I sat Jake down and told him that things had to change, and gave him a clear warning of what would happen if they didn't.

It wasn't long before the conversation was forgotten. After much thought I finally pulled him in and followed up on my threats.

He got a good lecture followed by six wallops with a a Birkenstock sandal across his bare behind.

In the 4 months since he has had the same teatment twice more, and my middle daughter had the same treatment with my hand not the Birkenstock.

Their behaviour has improved dramatically. I can trust them, and i think we all get along better.

The movement to abandon this kind of discipline is terribly misguided. I'm so pleased I tried it.

(...)
London
 

The older I get, the more I realise my parents did a pretty good job with discipline. Spankings were rare, and the back up to other more commonly used "consequences", but the fact we knew it was an option, made the other consequences more effective, as we knew if we failed to alter our ways, they would spank.

Spankings were never threatened, but not followed through on. If we were told we would be spanked, we were. We were always warned in advance - If you do that, or not do that you will be spanked. If we chose to ignore the warning, we were always sent upstairs to our room to think about the sequence of events that lead up to that point. Then either one, or both parents came upstairs, sat down, and without raising their voices, or in anger, discussed what the problem was. We were always asked if we understood why they had said whatever they had, and were always asked why we chose to be disbedient. Then we were always asked if there was any reason why we should not be spanked, and the answer was inevitably "no". The actual spanking never varied, the pants were removed for a bare bottom, we bent over father's lap, secured by his left arm (which precluded shielding our bottom with our hands) and we were spanked with a rubber spatula. The bottom was never bruised, but was quite rosy. The idea was that a spanking should be a memorable experience, so that that future behaviour choices were easier to make. As I recall, we were only spanked about once or twice a year, and the benefits extended to the whole family, the siblings being aware of the occurance. Behaviour improved significantly for all.
 

I used to be bare bottom spanked as a child and I turned out so perfect. So did my brother, and that was back in the 80s.
 

Hi i am 12 years old and feel that a good spanking when i say something rude to my mom or do something unacceptable would be good. I am a teen and want to be spanked more. If my mom would spank me i would feel better about spanking my own kids/grandkids, i truly believe that spanking is the best way to punish a teen who is rude or does something completely unacceptable, i am not rude all the time but i can be sometimes. For bad grades spankings should be given too but only if the teen is getting bad grades because of doing something unacceptable.
 

I was reading your site and for most of it a agree. I totally believe that spanking as a form of discipline when done properly can be the most effective way to correct behavior and remove the guilty feeling that the child feels. I only would like to make a suggestion about uncooperative children. I agree that you should never ever spank your child out of anger and there should always be a explanation as to why you are spanking them. I however feel that sometimes it is nessesary to use a little force to spank a child if you are unable to talk them into going along willingly. I dont mean to say that this happens often but even a parent who spanks with love sometime need when all else fails to take their child over the knee without the cooperation when it is really neccessary. I do not mean to comment that this should be done all the time; I totally agree with almost all of the comments that are posted on your site. My concern is that the parent is giving the child too many choices in their trying to get the child to take and accept their punishment. I feel that the use of spankings is to teach their children that there are consequences for their actions and that they do not get a choice if they are to be punished for a bad offence. I believe in trying to talk to the child into accepting their punishment but if that fails to work I believe that it is ok to use a little light force in getting the child to accept the spanking.

Simply a concerned Father
 

hi i am 30 and when i was growing up my parents spanked me. espically if i was really bad when they would spank me i would have to go to the living room were they both were waiting for me and they would ask me did i know why i was getting a spanking and as soon as i told them what i did and understude what i did they would tell me to come to them and i would my mom usally spanked me but this time my dad did and he took me pulled down my shorts and underware and lay me over his knee and spank my bare butt. or bottom and he would use his open hand and i get 12 34 hit with his hand and i turned out fine. you have a good website very helpfull and i am a parent now and my 4yr old gets spanked as well we belive in spanking on the bare and use love to thanks parents
 

Note: This mail is not anonymized by special request.

Hi, my name is Richard and I moved back in with my dad 2 years ago. Mom and dad divorced about 10 years ago and like most kids I went with my Mom. My mother just remarried and even though I could have stayed I asked dad if I could move in with him. Since I'm not exactly a little kid (actually I'm 6'1") the fact that he's a fireman and not around all the time didn't really matter. Well, it didn't at first any way. I guess even though I was big enough (well tall anyway ). I soon was failing a lot of my classes, and generally having a good old time for myself. I never studied, and forget about going to bed on time, boy I was having a good old time for myself.

One weekend when dad was off and it was my 15th birthday it all changed quickly and in a big way. I spent the day fishing with my buddy Jerry and his dad. When we pulled up to our house dad was outside talking to his brother my uncle Ronnie. I could see that he was angry but didn't have a clue as to why. But I found out in a hurry.

My dad was pissed, my uncle was smiling and I found out soon enough that dad got a letter from my grade advisor that I was failing three classes. Dad waved the letter in my face and asked what the heck was going on. I just stood there and blushed. Then dad asked Jerry's dad if he was failing, and he said no, but how could my dad not know I was failing, didn't he check my homework, and make sure I was studying every night. That stopped dad, but then he said I guess not but that's all about to change.

And boy did it. Within twenty minutes of coming home that night I was over dad's lap having my bottom turned crimson.

Since then if dad isn't home my uncle Ronnie is there, I don't go anywhere unless my homework is done and checked. I'm grounded almost permanently, and not a week has gone by that I'm not spanked on my bare bottom by my uncle or dad. Both of them have big hands and deliver a really sound spanking using them, but I always get about 100 solid whacks with a hairbrush that my uncle brought over. After every spanking I'm crying and promising to do better.

But you know, I'm getting good grades and I really feel better about myself. The only thing I not crazy about is that when I go to dad's fire house, one of his buddies slaps me on the bottom and asks if I still sore from my last spanking. I guess dad tells them I'm still getting spanked.

I'd sure like to talk to any other guys out there who are still spanked. Or if anyone wants to talk to my dad, please get in touch.

(2nd mail)

Gee I' really happy that I wrote to you sir. I guess I really would like to talk to other guys and or their dads about how their family situations work. But I'm sorry if I led you to believe that dad spanks me to much. I'm sure that he's never punished me without a good reason and I sure as heck know that when I'm over his lap being spanked that there is no other time that we spend together where we are not closer. I know that I'm a much better person for dad taking me in hand and making me realize by way of a sore bottom that I did wrong and as my dad he loves me and wants me to be and do better.

I guess I'm really not sure there are other dads and boys out there who still share a spanking relationship, but I hope so.

If my note gets another dad out there realize that what his kids need is a real spanking for a real offense, or another boy like myself to realize that getting a good spanking from his dad or another older man now will only make him a better person later on then I guess I did a good thing. Please print my note and email address and name as I would really like to hear from other kids or their dad's about why, where, when and the special bond that spanking has to them.

I would really like to hear about how spanking has played an important part in your life.

Richie