Hello to all the readers of this site and my thanks to the site's management and those who have contributed. I'm relieved to have found the site and desperate for good advice. I have two children, Ben age 12 and Melissa age 9. Both are great kids, well-behaved and loving and I believe that this is due at least in part to my consistent use of spankings as punishment since my oldest was two. I had recently divorced my husband and also worked outside the home and my son's terrible-two's proved to be very difficult. I made a conscious decision to use spankings in his discipline as they had been effective and frankly helpful to me during my own childhood.

I've been spanking both my children ever since and not once has a spanking failed to help them regain control over their own behavior and attitudes. More than once I've been surprised by their own approval such as my daughter expressing regret that I had to spank her to get her to clean up her room! As a result of the continued success, I am a firm believer in firm discipline.

About eight months ago my son began "forgetting" to do chores and despite talks during which he seemed to be in sincere agreement that his behavior was disrespectful and disruptive to everyone in the home, he continued to regularly run off to play without finishing chores. I decided he was past due for a spanking.

Everything proceeded in a familiar manner as he dropped his pants and bent over my lap and I paddled him 10 times with a hairbrush (it was my grandmother's hairbrush and both my mother and I were spanked with it too.) As he rose to pull up his pants I was shocked to see that he had a full erection. I was at a complete loss for words. Despite my panic I made it through the talk that we always have afterward and everything seemed completely normal aside from the erection which neither of us mentioned.

Ben's behavior improved immediately and dramatically. A few days later I phoned my mother and during the discussion I mentioned the incident and she shared my concern that maybe spanking was no longer appropriate for a boy his age. I resolved to find some other methods of punishment for him in the future and that seemed at the time to wrap up the problem.

It wasn't until a full week had gone by that I realized Ben's behavior, which was still excellent was also unusual. Each day I was noticing things he had done in addition to his regular chores and I was constantly surprised by his thoughtfulness toward both myself and his sister. He even surprised us with full dinners several times each week and he's never been expected or required to cook meals at all. In fact I wasn't even aware that he knew how!

This went on for almost three full weeks and I can't begin to tell you how grateful and proud I felt about the incredible amount of help and support Ben was providing especially since my work had become more demanding over the past year. I had made a conscious effort to stop giving him reminders to do his chores as I noticed him becoming more responsible and I was very pleased with his behavior and Ben too was beaming with happy pride!

He began to fail in his performance at the end of the third week and then suddenly it was as if he had regressed six years! His room was a mess, I could barely get him to do any chores and constant power struggles ensued. I tried grounding him from play and television and eventually from the computer, the phone and finally grounding him to his room after school. We talked every day and although he sometimes exhibited a poor attitude during the talks he readily admitted his behavior was a problem and expressed desire to change. He would volunteer promises which it appeared he made no effort at all to keep.

I talked to a few of my friends who had boys of their own and to my mother (who had only had my sister and I) and eventually decided to take Ben to see a counselor regarding his behavior problems. During the sessions Ben expressed shame over his behavior at home and what seemed to be a sincere desire to change but no real improvement occurred at home. By the end of the third month of visits I was at my wits-end and one particularly disappointing homecoming after work cemented my growing conviction that nothing short of a spanking was going to help change his attitude.

I called him out to the family room and we talked about the continuing problem and his failure to shape up. Normally I give spankings in my bedroom for a little privacy from the respective sibling but it had ocurred to me that a trip to my bedroom might bring about a repeat of the previous incident and also that it might be helpfully shaming to Ben to be spanked in view of his younger sister who was with us in the family room quietly watching TV. (Being spanked in front of my own younger sister certainly stood out as an unforgettably embarrassing punishment.)

I told Ben that I was going to spank him and waited for his response. To my surprise he stood and dropped his pants and underwear with a quiet "Yes Mom." He waited for me to reposition myself on the edge of the sofa and then obediently bent over my lap and placed his palms on the floor. I was mildly surprised but during the past months he had regularly expressed regret and a desire to change his behavior and I took this as a sign of guilt feelings that he was experiencing.

I delivered the usual 10 strokes and then an additional five for emphasis when I suddenly realized I could feel his penis becoming erect against my thigh. I was utterly mortified and in a panic I continued paddling his bottom even harder. I had never given him more than 20 swats before and I was ashamed to realize how far I had gone as I delivered the 35th stroke. I was also releived that I could no longer feel any sign of an erection against my leg.

He was crying lightly as I told him I was done and he stood up. A glance from the corner of my eye thankfully verified that he wasn't erect and I began our usual talk as he pulled up his pants. As I spoke I looked over to my daughter and noted that she had been quietly watching and I was grateful that she hadn't tried to tease her brother. I looked down at my lap as I continued speaking and stopped mid-sentance as I saw a pool of what was unmistakably semen on the thigh of my jeans. I felt an instant blush and literally froze.

Ben was standing beside me looking down at the ground still apologizing while recovering from his crying, Melissa was still quietly watching and I just could not move or speak at all. I quickly said that I was thirsty and placed my hands on my thighs as I stood up, hoping to cover the semen and I asked Ben to follow me to the kitchen. Thankfully we made it out of the room without any indication from Melissa that she had seen anything strange.

I kept my left hand on my thigh as I sat and scooted under the small kitchen table and Ben took the seat on the opposite side. Still blushing I continued the talk with Ben and again neither of us mentioned his obvious arousal or the semen. After the talk he went off to do chores and I quickly slipped away to change. I sat in my room for awhile wondering if this experience was as difficult for Ben as it was for me - I first thought that he must feel incredible shame but then why hadn't his behavior improved to prevent the second spanking? I didn't want to think about the possibility that he was somehow enjoying the spankings but it seemed to be the only conclusion that made any sense. And yet, only the spankings seemed to motivate him to behave.

I couldn't bring myself to talk to him about it at all. I thought about calling my father and asking him to come talk to Ben but just the thought brought the blush back to my face and I decided to wait at least a few days before talking to anyone. By the time Melissa's bed time arrived that evening I had calmed down a little and had begun to think that maybe it wasn't as big a deal as I had first thought. Ben was entering puberty and I could easily remember how my own body had seemed to have a mind of it's own when I was just a little younger than Ben. I decided his arousal was just an uncontrollable response to the stressful situation and the extended spanking had pushed him a little beyond normal experience and self-control. The more I thought about it the more convinced I was that it would be better not to make a big deal of the incidents.

I could hear Ben in his room as I read a story for Melissa and kissed her goodnight. I went to Ben's room to see how the cleaning was going and found my self speechless for the second time that day. His room was nearly perfect. And there he sat on the floor in front of his dresser, he had pulled all the clothes out and was carefully folding each item and replacing it neatly in the dresser. He was so intent on the chore that he hadn't even noticed me in the doorway. I watched for a few seconds more and then went to the kitchen to clean up for the night. As I gathered dishes and tidied I thought about the incredible difference the spanking had made in his behavior.

Still thinking about the strangeness of Ben's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde act I was surprised when my son appeared by my side at the sink and began rinsing the dishes. He apologized again, told me that he loved me and asked if I would show him how to do laundry before he went to bed. Needless to say, I was floored! We chatted about other things as the dishes came clean and then I led him to the laundry room and explained how to check the labels and sort the clothes, measure detergent and what temperature settings to use. He gave me a quick hug and went off to bed.

For four weeks he became Super-Son. It was like a team of professional maid's and handy-men had descended on my home each day and by the end of the month I was completely impressed by my Son's thorough cleaning and amazed at his ability to repair leaky faucet's, furniture and even his sister's swing-set which she had unfortunately had to abandon because it was so wobbly that it seemed unsafe. To this day I can not explain how Ben learned to do any of these repairs, he didn't get it from me and his father certainly wasn't around to teach him but I was and still am distracted by the bigger mystery of his behavior.

During the fifth week, as I had been watching for signs of a behavioral change I began to notice some subtle things that had either not occurred or had gone undetected the first time around. While still doing more than his required chores he began to talk with his sister and I a little less frequently. I also noticed that he seemed to arrange his time so that he was alone in a room during each chore which was very different from the previous few weeks during which I regularly saw him working away. Slowly each day he spent a little more time in his room in the morning, then went to back to his room a little earlier at night. I would walk by his door and see him reading a book or lost in thought. I began checking the computer to see how much time he was spending there and was surprised to find that he had gone from no use at all for a few weeks to almost an hour each day after school, nothing in the log of websites seemed inappropriate at least.

Even though I had been looking for the gradual changes I was still amazed at the difference in his behavior and attitude that occurred within just two weeks. Again chores were not getting done, homework wasn't being turned in on time and while agreeing that he was not performing well, he seemed unable to motivate himself to change. One evening during an argument I was dismayed to hear myself blurt out that I was surprised he wasn't trying harder to avoid the embarrassment of a spanking. I guess I had expected the mention of the spankings to make him feel ashamed because frankly, I did. But Ben just looked down at the floor and said nothing and I asked him if he wanted to be spanked. He shook his head no but then softly said that he would rather be spanked than to misbehave and argue. I pointed out that all he had to do was behave and there wouldn't have to be a spanking. He told me sometimes he just couldn't get himself to do his chores, he'd rather read or sit and think and then he felt guilty and bad for upsetting me.

I was at a loss as to what to say and actually pretty angry with him. He seemed to know that his behavior was upsetting me, affecting his sister and obviously causing him distress and yet he wouldn't lift a finger to change it! I have never struck my children while I was upset, always waiting until I was calm before disciplining them but this time I was so frustrated and mad that I just gave in to the impulse. I ordered him to follow me to my room and then drop his pants and underwear. As I sat on the bed holding the brush I was a little surprised to see him already erect but so angry that I just ignored it and told him to bend over my lap. I am certain that I spanked him harder than I ever had before and I would have stopped at 20 for fear of going much too far except that as the 20th swat approached I felt him ejaculate on the bare part of my leg just below the hem of my skirt. Exasperated I gave him the same 35 that he had received a month-and-a-half previous and I could feel his erection shrinking as the swats landed. I was already lecturing him by the time the spanking was over.

I had been talking to him very sternly for a several minutes before I realized that I still had him bent over my lap I knew he must have felt completely ashamed but at this point I thought that would help his attitude. He was crying and apologizing and I was sitting there still very angry and very aware of his semen on my thigh. Finally I told him the spanking was done and for him to go to bed. He stood and pulled up his underwear and pants and when I looked down at my leg I realized I was appalled that he had had another orgasm during what seemed to be the only punishment that helped him to behave! I looked up at him and told him to get a tissue from my bedside table and come clean up his mess. He didn't say a word as he wiped his semen off my leg and threw away the tissue. I said a terse thank you and told him to go to bed.

That was four weeks ago, his behavior is still excellent as of today but the little signs are starting to show again. I can't bring myself to talk to my family or friends about this and we had never mentioned the first incident to the therapist we had visited and now it just seems to be far, far too big to bring up so I'm asking for advice from the readers here - WHAT SHOULD I DO? I am very concerned that these experiences may be damaging to his emotional development but I have the same concerns over his poor behavior when I spare the rod. I am in no way aroused by this and just want to help my son move past both these issues as quickly as possible. Any serious advice will be appreciated and thank you in advance.
 

I believe you should spank your kids when they are bad. My daughters get there share of spankings. My oldest daughter was spanked just the other day she is 10 years old. She was told to get her pj's on and get into bed she played around and when I went into her room she was playing around. I said young lady why aren't your pj's on and why aren't you in bed she said I will. I said now that you didn't do what you was told I am going to have to spank you. So I took her arm and I put her over my knee and I said do you know why your getting a spanken she said yes because I was suppoed to be in my pj's and in bed when you came in Mom . I said your right your getting 10 spanks. so I pulled her pants down and gave her 10 spanks with my bare hand. She was screaming and crying I said now young lady when you are told to do something your going to do it aren't you? ANd she said yes Mom. So I pulled up her pants . And i gave her a hug and I said Mommy still loves you. So I said now you need to get your pj's on and get in bed she started argueing and said but Mom I said do you need another bare bottom spanken another 10 spanks. She said no Mom. I said then get your pj's on and I will put you to bed. So I put her into bed . And I said I love you sweetie and she said love you to Mommy. We have 4 other daughters including our 10 yeat old. we have the 10 year old a 8 year old a 6 year old and and twin daughters who are 2 year old and they all get spanked. We believe in spanking.
 

Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

Hello,

I recieved spakings when I was growing up. From when I could walk until I left the house at 18. I am trying to get over the resentment I have of my mother and looking for people to share expeirences and how they dealt with the emotinal damage from spankings. So you can publish my email adress. Every spanking I recieved was well deserved as I was bad alot. But they were real severe. I will explain and mabey people who had similar spankings as me can help me get over the comtempt I now have for my mother.

Every spanking I recieved up until I was 10 was on the bare (oiled) butt with a belt. I noramlly got about 100 or so wacks. This is because I moved and squirmed alot. I would orginally get 40 wacks then every time I move I would get an additonal five wacks plus I would have to start over. I normally got about three to five spankings a week for misbehaviour or other things. I would get a I guess you would call a maitance spanking on sunday nights before bed. I would get spanked in my room or in the living room in front of my friends and family. The most embarssing part was when my mom would oil my butt up. She did this one time in front of my thrid grade class. I got spanked across a desk that time...anyways I would then either bend over the arm rest of the couch or kneel down or lay across the couch in the diaper postion. Those were the types of spankings I would get before I was about ten. I mom mainly spanked me. The spankings got alot worse when I got older as my mom said I need to rember that boys who dont grow up get spankings like little boys.

(...)

There was no love in this and I almost hate my mother for doing this to me. I still rember getting teased in my freshmen year in highschool. I had gym first period and sometime I would get spanked before school and my butt would still be red. I hate spanking its child abuse tell me how this is normall? Has anyone had similar? Please help as I grow more more hateful with my mother.
 

Hi , I wrote you. I'm a evelen yr. old girle. i got my next spanking , and i want to tell you about it. my mom and mee were at the storre , and i wanted to go to a friend's home. she said no , cause we had guests at our house (my granma and granpa). i threw a fit and she saide if i didn't stop she'd spank me.i didn't think she would , so i kept acting bad. she said that when i got home that she was gonna give me a very big spanking. i was crying on the car ride home cause i didn't want a spankking. when we stopped , i ran out of the car to the back of my house. she got me and told me that i was gonna have something else happen cause i did that. i had to go in and wait in my roome. she came back and told me i was gonna get a spanking in front of my granma and granpa. she pulled me over her knee and pulled down my pants. she gave me a big bare-butt spannking. i was crying , and she wouldn't stop. then she made me apoligize for my behavior. i (once again) felt better. i knew my behavior was bad , and i deserved a spanking. my granma and granpa are allowed to spank me if my mom's not there. they come visit once evry three monthes. i haven't gotten spanked by them yet , but i have been told that i might. they almost did once , but i was good the rest of the day , so they just hit the seat of my pantse. it hurt kinda badly , but i knew i deserved worse. i knew i should have gotten a real hard spankking on my bare-bottom , but they let me slide that time.
 

Dear SWL,

It has often been said that, when the parent of a young child says, "You’re asking for a spanking", they don’t know how right they are. The SWL Feedback contains many emails from teenagers making the same request. The first question to ask is "Why?" The answer may vary, depending on whether spanking has been discontinued or never used.

When the teen has been spanked in the past, there may be a desire to return to the close bond between parent and child that was sometimes demonstrated in the skin-to-skin contact of hand and bottom. There may be a desire for a quick punishment, in preference to other forms that take more time or involve the mental hurt of a verbal reprimand. There may be dissatisfaction with their own standard of behaviour, coupled with a feeling that the best answer would be corporal punishment.

Some of the above may apply to the never-spanked teen, but there may also be a desire to be punished in the same way as their friends. There might also be a desire to know what a spanking is like, coupled with a question as to why they were - or are - treated differently from other children.

Doubtless I have not listed all possibilities, but these are some of the more obvious and frequent.

Before asking for a spanking, remember - and here I am turning to speak directly to such teenagers - that, if it is going to be effective, a spanking is going to hurt and is meant to hurt.

OK! You want to be spanked: what do you do next? It is clear that many find the next step very difficult to take. But remember that, if you do not communicate your desire to your parent, nothing is likely to happen.

By far the best way is to mention spanking in conversation. It might be that you could say that a friend has been spanked. There might be an item in a newspaper or magazine. At this stage, you are not talking about being spanked yourself: you are talking about others. But, once the conversation is started, it is much easier to ask, "Why don’t you spank me?"

Another way is to say, particularly after another sanction has been imposed, "I wish that you would let me choose my punishment". If you know that a friend of your parents spanks teenagers, you could ask him or her to raise the topic with your folks. A relative, who believes in spanking, would be an alternative.

If none of these work, you could write a letter or ask your parents to look at an appropriate web page.

However, you must remember that once you have asked, the matter is probably out of your hands. Unless discussions on "How? Who? What? Where? When?" arise, you may not have many choices. You may not be able insist that, say, "Mum spanks me, but Dad doesn’t". Whether or not your bottom is bare, what you are spanked with, how many whacks, etc - these may be decided for you. If you have strong views on these matters, try to make sure that they are discussed as soon as your parents have agreed to spank you when necessary. To wait until you are in trouble is almost certainly too late!

Be very careful if you are thinking of asking someone else to spank. There are some people who really enjoy spanking teenagers. They are a real danger: avoid them! If you feel that you have no alternative but to go down the road of being spanked by someone other than a parent, then choose someone you know very well and trust absolutely. For instance, if you were sleeping at a friend’s house, their Mum or Dad might be regarded as being "in loco parentis" and, to some extent, authority may have been delegated. But ‘someone else’ is, and always will be, second best to your own parents.

One final thought: if, as a teenager, you have succeeded in persuading your parents to start or re-start spanking, send an email saying how you did it. It may help others who want to experience the same.
 

Hi! When I wrote to you sometime ago about trouble I had with my son when the occasional spanking with the slipper did not seem to work anymore (reader's feedback of Nov 02), you offered some very helpful advice that contributed a great deal to restoring a balanced approach to discipline in our family. We then had an exchange about the use of the slipper to spank, and you agreed with me, that although your site does not advocate the use of the slipper, it could be an adequate tool of punishment if properly used. For which I was grateful, but I still felt a bit isolated as it seemed that most parents writing to you were using either the bare hand or harsher instruments like the cane or the belt. I came back to your site a few days ago, only to find in the feedback of Sept and Oct 04 at least three letters refering to the use of a slipper, and even a young lady being happy to be beaten with her grand-father leather slipper. These feedbacks seem to come from old Europe, which would support the view I expressed that there is a strong cultural element in the use of the slipper.

Anyway, I still believe the slipper is a perfectly adequate spanking implement, which should be re-rated even in the US! May I quote myself from my earlier feed back to explain how I feel about using a slipper to spank? "I usually wear flip-flops with a flat leather sole. They are worn exclusively at home and I find them the perfect spanking tool: easily available, very effective and still casual enough. It has a homely feel that I do like as a mother". Seems I am not alone thinking this way! I am not, however, wearing anymore my old flip-flops but graduated to trendier Birkenstock sandals; I can confirm they are as handy and efficient for spanking as the leather soled flip-flops were! Will you eventually reconsider your rating of the slipper as a suitable spanking implement?

(Comment: in this month's update, the rating of the slipper as a spanking implement was changed from "strongly discouraged" to "not recommended". Still, the open hand remains the only recommendable "implement", and the use of all implements, including slippers, remains discouraged on this website.)
 

Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

As a newcomer to this forum, I only just came upon the commentary of [email protected] of Oct. 3, 2003, an address she apparently has since changed. She articulated her observations on a controversial subject in an eloquent manner, and in a way that indicates it was given considerable thought. Perhaps she or forum members can give counsel on question that has recently arisen with an acquaintance. She is the divorced mother of a 15 year old boy who has only seemed to alter aberrant behavior when spanked, rather than by means of alternative punishment such as relinquishment of privileges. He has always been spanked bare, in the manner previously described by soozy and based on the same reasoning.

The question arises: At what age should the boy cease being spanked bare? At 15 his protests about this have become more frequent. Were he to also become less compliant with the bare bottom spankings, his aunt, who is a neighbor, has offered to help the mother, which, given her strength of physique and personality, I imagine would be quite sufficient to accomplish the task. In this case, would this union of force diminish the boy's respect for his mother's capacity for retaining authority? In the past she always administered the spankings alone. Any suggestions on this subject would be appreciated. Please feel free to retain my email address, as I believe your forum is a valuable resource to be considered in such matters.

Sincerely,

[email protected]
 

I'm a teenager and my parents do not believe in spanking. I get "away" with tons of things, but they don't care or discipline me. How do I get them to spank me? And what should they use? Most of my friends get spanked with a hairbrush, is that okay to use?

(Don't release my email address)

Thank you
 

hi i am a 14 year old female. i still get spanked and i hate because i am the only one of my friends who still gets spanked. I think that it is good that i do because i actually behave good because of it.. my dad doesn't usually spank me although he will if he has to, usually it is my aunt. I always get spanked (with my aunt) over her knee or in the diaper position with a bare bottom if im already in bed. I always have to take down my own pants unless i wont cooperate then my aunt will. After the spanking which the amount usually depends on the offence my aunt will always tell me she loves me and hug and kiss me. I usually only get spanked for lying to her or cheating or borrowing with out asking. i think i am a much better person because of her and i thank her for this... Thanks Aunt C(...)
 

Can I add something to your site? Some anti-spankers claim that the "rod" in the Bible was never meant as a means of "beating" the sheep but of "guiding" them. A shepherd would never beat his precious sheep, they say.

Now I have never owned sheep, but I did grow up on a dairy farm, so I know something about herding animals. When you herd cows, you bring along a stick or a whip. You use it on a cow who strays from the herd or gets out of hand in any way. That doesn't mean beating the animal into unconsciousness but "spanking" her, if you will. No sane farmer would abuse his cow with a stick or whip, not only because she is worth a lot of money but because most farmers do love their animals (I sure did).

Again, I don't know too much about sheep, but my semi-educated guess is that a farmer might have to sometimes use physical force against them with his rod. So so much for the view that the "rod" in the Bible was merely a means of guidance.

Then again, some of those anti-spankers appear to have the same amount of gray matter as the sheep do, so don't expect too much from them!

(from Canada)
 

I have a 1,2 , 4 , 8 and 10 year old daughters I spank all 5 of my daughters when they misbehave. Just the other day my 10 year old daughter R(...) was mis behaving and i warned her 2 times and I told her if I had to talk to her again about that behavior I would take her over my knee and spank her bare bottom. She started mouthing off I took ahold of her and put het over my knee and I said why are you getting spanked R(...) and she said because I talked back to you and i said yes. So I pulled her pants and panties down and gave her 10 hard spanks. She really was crying when I spank her the last time. I pulled up her pants and I took her in my arms and I said I love you R(...) but when you talk back your going to get spanked. I said you need to go to your room and think about your behavior. I had to spank my 2 year old daughter C(...) the other day she at her tarriable 2 age and she kept throwing a fit when I told her to pick up her toys and then she through herself oon the floor. I picked her up and took her pants down put her over my knee and gave her 5 spanks she was in tears. After the spanking I took her in my arms and held her and told her I loved her very much. Lord knows my daughters R(...),C(...),L(...), C(...) and A(...) get there bare bottoms spanked sometimes 1 time a week. But I spank with love. And I got my share of spakens when I was young from age 2 to 18 years old also.