Although my wife and I both agree on spanking our children (all under the age of 12) we differ on what actually constitutes a spanking. Our children can be disrespectful and completely defiant. At such times, I tell my wife to spank them. She will give them a couple of hard swats over their fully clothed bottoms with her bare hand which, needless to say, is ineffective and leaves them smart and sassy. I would have never dreamed of talking that way to my mother when I was young. She would have taken me to my room, lowered my pants and underpants, and really stung my bottom good with her bare hand. One effective thing she did was to make us wait a while before spanking us. This allowed us to think about what we knew was about to transpire. We would usually start to cry as our pants were being lowered, but she would spank us until we were crying in earnest from the punsihment. Although she did this out of love, her spankings were something to be feared and avoided. Consequently, I was not spanked frequently as a child, but the few times I was are well-remembered. My wife feels this type of spanking is overly harsh, but I believe that if the spanking was serious enough, like the kind I got, they wouldn't need to be repeated often. I didn't feel like being a smart alec with my pants around my ankles getting my bottom blistered. Many people think of only the pain aspect when choosing to spank bare bottom, but I remember another aspect that I haven't seen mentioned in your letters, that of being vulnerable, which I feel aids in a child's compliance with the spanking. Having my pants lowered usually stopped what little resistance I was giving and accept what I knew would be a painful experience. My mother would lay us over her lap, with her legs slightly spread, so that our scrotums would hang down and dangle away from our bodies, which gave me a strong feeling of vulnerablity and a strong desire to comply. I wouldn't try to cover my bottom with my hand or squirm away, but rather lay there in complete submission. Aside from the burning sensation in my bottom all I could think of while getting spanked was "I want to get my pants up!". I don't know if being bared has this same affect on females, but for males an over the lap or grabbing your ankles spanking can squelch a lot of resitance. I'm not sure if a lot of mothers are aware of this aspect of a bare bottomed spanking, but trust me, it can be quite profound.
 

I really "agree" with your website! There are too many "bleeding heart liberals in this country". What a better world this would be if "all children" (up to lets say age 12) were "properly diciplined" with a "good old fashioned "spanking" (either with clothes on, on the underwear or better yet-"the bare bottom"). Let the parents regain control again, like it use to be!

(...)
 

Hi,

I am a 17 year old male senior in high school, and I am still spanked to this day. I do not enjoy receiving spankings, but I know that when I am going to get one I deserve it. I remember my first spanking at six years old; I would always annoy my mother, if I did not get my way with something. One day she got annoyed and told my father, and brought me into his room. He explained everything thing that I did wrong, and explained that I will be spanked as my punishment. He would pull my pants and boxers down, and throw me over his lap. It depended on what I did, but with this spanking I got a spanked twelve times. I was given a spanking every time I did something very bad, when I would do something not so bad I would be grounded. I was just spanked last week, because I was suspended from school for, smoking on school property. My father was very mad, he is a true believer in education; so I got twenty good spanks. Oh, by the way I was always spanked on a bare rear end. I feel that every spanking I get is deserved, and I am not spanked that much, because of it. I love my parents dearly, and I know that I am spanked only because they love me. Next year I am going into college to become a Pediatrician, and I feel that I would not be a good student if I was not raised in such a manner.

I feel this web site is great, and is very informative. I will one day follow the techniques listed her on me children. Keep up the good work on spanking with love, because that is the only type of discipline that works effectively.

P.S. With the smoking issue; after the spanking I have not had a cigarette since. I was smoking for four years, but not anymore, because of a loving spanking.

P.S.S. You are all probably wondering why I am looking at this website, well I have to do a report on spanking for my parenting class, and believe me this site is the best. I am going to tell everyone about it!!

Keep up the great work.
 

Hi! I would just like to compliment you for the wonderful site that you have provided. I think that spanking is an extremely dangerous punishment if it is used improperly. But I am incredibly happy that there is a site that encourages the use of proper spankings. So many people spank without any love, and that IS harmful to the child. But it's good for the child if you spank from the heart. I have three children; D..., age 14, E..., age 12, and N..., age 11. All of them are spanked regularly, either laying on their bed or over my knee. The youngest two have to bare their bottoms. I mostly use my hand but a light paddle is used in extreme cases.

I just have one question that I need to have answered. D... feels that she is getting too old for spankings. I feel that I'm being pretty leniant by letting her keep her underwear on. She will be 15 soon, eek! Do you feel that 15 is too old for a spanking? I don't know what to think. It does have its positive sides. I believe that you have covered a lot of material in your fantastic site, but you should talk more about ages. Also, do you think it was a good idea to discontinue having her bare her bottom? Or should I keep having her do that? So many questions, huh? Thanks for your marvelous site, PLEASE answer these questions about D...

Sincerely,
 

I found this sight somewhat disturbing. I believe in spanking. I believe there are much better ways and spanking should be used as a last resort. I found the advice of bare bottom over the knee spankings disturbing. I was spanked by my parents from about 5 to 12 years of age. I can count on one hand the number of spankings that I received in that time. I only got spanked for major offenses, talking back, not obeying after being told several times. When I did get spanked it was right on the spot by which ever parent happened to be there. They would grab me by the arm and give me a smack on my fully clothed bottom. They never used anything but their hand. I never got more then one smack at a time and the one time I did get two was because I decided to be smart and declare to my dad that the smack he gave me "didn't hurt", so he gave me a second much harder whack and I never dared to say it again. The point is the spankings I received were enough to convince me that what I did was wrong and not to do it anymore. It wasn't some big production where I had to pull down my pants and bend over someone's knee. It was a quick whack that got the point across loud and clear. A good example of that was the last spanking I got which was when I was 12. My mom had asked me to clean my room and I refused to do it and was really giving her a hard time talking back. Well, as I walked past her to leave the room she planted a whack on my bum. Not only did it sting my bottom but hurt my pride just as much. I was so embarrassed that I had just gotten spanked. I cleaned my room without any complaints after that. My point is that one simple whack on the bum gets the point across without having to make a production by pulling down pants and whacking several times or using an implement such as a hairbrush. That to me just seems excessive.

p.s.
I grew up just fine. I am not aggressive or whatever else children who were spanked are supposed to be. I don't hate my parents. I deserved the few spankings I got, in fact I probably deserved a few more then I got. I don't harbor resentment towards my parents or whatever other feelings the experts say spanked children harbor. I am an adult now and fine despite the fact that I was spanked.
 

I must commend you on the quality content of your website. It is truly possible to "spank with love" and it is the way that parents who do spank, should spank. It is always nice to have one's own thoughts and practices validated by someone else.

I have three children who are rarely spanked but when the need arises they are "spanked with love". If I may be so bold as to give you two suggestions:

1. In terms of the uncooperative child. I wouldn't recommend giving additional spanks or spankings. The parent can gain control and use the 'over the lap facing backwards' position and hook their legs over the child's to pin them there or the 'over the left leg' position with the child's legs also pinned. The parent should stop their originally intended spanking short, tell the child that it would have been over had they cooperated and then continue to spank. The whole spanking can be no more than originally intended but the child will think that had they cooperated, it would have been over much sooner. Children will quickly learn to cooperate to lesson their perceived punishment.

2. One position that I believe should be mentioned on your site as one NOT recommended is the 'legs up' or 'diapering position'. It leaves the genital area too exposed to accidental slaps.

I particularly agree with your point that each child should be treated individually. That may mean different punishments for the same offense depending upon the child. While this may not be 'fair' it is best for the parent to decide what is appropriate for each child - all children respond differently. (I have one child who is remorseful when given a cross look for misbehavior; another who needs a spanking to reach the same level of remorse. To punish each of them the same would be a disservice to both.)

By the same token, I don't think spankings should stop just because a certain age (or puberty) has been reached. I think it should be up to the parents to decide if spanking is warranted based upon the child and the misbehavior.

I am sorry this got so long. I really just wanted to say your site is very well done and provides some excellent guidelines for serious parents. Thank you for your time and effort.
 

You really have a good, thorough site here! I am 22 years old and newly married. I was spanked by my mom and occasionally my dad until I was 19! Being strict Southern Baptists, my folks never much cared for the "new" views on discipline. They maintained that the only way to get through to a child was via their rear. They were always fair and loving and never abusive. I really do believe that such a practice can exsist and people who pass judgment are stupid!

My last spanking (from my parents) was memorable enough to make me swear off serious disobediance. Of course, my mistake involved a boy (now my husband) and partying. To cut it short, I ended up face down over the sofa arm. My mom had stripped off my panties and yanked up my skirt and my dad did the majority of the spanking with his big old hand! I'll never EVER forget how it felt to have my bare butt stuck in the air while my father spanked it. Talk about something that will make you listen! All the squirming and crying did no good!! I was beet red in the face and the buttocks by the time they were done. I never repeated my error that night and have nothing but respect for them now.

My husband was raised the same way and I must confess that he has spanked me on occasion and has stated that he will use it sensibly on our kids (when we have them). I wonder how many of us are out there that still use this discipline in our own lives.

Keep up the good work.
 

i think your websites great. it really teaches parents how to spank without abusing their children. keep up the good work. keep the website going and keep adding new stuff ill keep reading and learning. its helping me. well write me back and thanks bye
 

Your website is truly excellent since it is the only site I know that deals effectively with the practical aspects of spanking. As the Father of two children, ages 9 and 13, I have found the directions on how to spank to be particularly valuable. First your site clearly defines what constitutes abuse, which is defined most effectively by the description of the dangers from the use of various implements. Second, the site explains how to give aproper and painful spanking that maximizes pain and minimizes physical damage. Your guideline of three times the child's age on the bare behind is particularly good.

My Father practiced your techniques and I have used them too. Between theages of 4 and 10 I received six spankings, all in privacy, all of the bare behind and all constituting about three times as many hard slaps as my age. My bottom was deeply reddened and the pain was intense but not lasting and my behavior modified instantly.

On one particularly memorable occasion I was spanked for a poor performance on the conduct (as opposed to the classroom grade) side of the report card, where such thing as effort and respect for authority was measured. After that experience, I never received less than an A again throughout elementary school because the effort and conduct side of my report card instantly improved. My rode to becoming a graduate of an Ivy League college, was made clear that day when I as a child with gifted possibilities had a proper attitude adjustment. When I was ten, I was spanked specifically for adeliberate act of destruction after I had been warned not to break a sprinkler being used for water play on the front lawn. My bottom was well warmed for the brattish behavior this specific and other acts of insolence and flouting of parental rules and warnings.

My own children have been spanked in a similar sparing yet effective manner. Each child has had about three spankings in their lifetimes. Most recently, my 13 year old daughter had been getting into a "tween ager" pattern of talking back to her mother and pouting about the house until I gave her 40 red hot spanks on her bare behind last summer. After the experience of having her behind spanked like a child, her conduct instantly and completely improved. Spanking when practiced under the guidelines in your site can be a most effective and loving parenting tool. I am grateful for your site and the practical support it gives a parent in implementing the discipline tool of spanking.
 

I have successfully brought up my three children; two sons and a daughter and how I wish that I had had access to your website in the past. I would have realised that some of my experiences were shared by others.

When my eldest son was young I would spank him over his trousers and got very frustrated that despite my sore hand the improvement in his behaviour did not materialise... that is until I was summoned to see his distraught school teacher who complained about him steeling from a classmate and when caught telling the teacher that she could not do a thing to him! When I got home I was still very angry and sent him to his bedroom whilst I tried to calm down. Eventually I went to the room and ordered him to take down his trousers and underpants; for the first time, doubt entered his little face, whilst he reluctantly lowered his trousers he held on to his underpants, I had to pull them down, I then ordered him to bend over my lap. (I loved him dearly but I intended to hurt him so he could see the error of his recent behaviour; hence the removal of his trousers and underpants; but I was worried that this was not "normal" behaviour.) Several well placed spanks later, a chastened son straightened up, crying freely; never before had I made him cry. From that day on until he reached puberty he received his spankings on his bare bottom. Previously I used to spank him over his trousers and those spanking used to happen several times a week but over the next five years there was only relatively rear occasions that a spanking was called for.

My younger son was always spanked on his bare bottom and there have been relatively few occasions when that has been necessary.

However, a word of warning about using implements for punishments. I obtained a rattan, school cane as an ultimate deterrent. The children were aware that I had this cane and if they did something really bad then it could be used but I never intended to use it. However, as boys approach adolescence there comes a time when they push to see how far they can go. After a particular fearful incident involving my eldest son bullying a much younger boy; during our pre punishment discussion my son said that he considered that his behaviour was so bad that he thought that rather than a hand spanking he should receive six strokes of the cane. ( I shook with anxiety as I took the cane from the cupboard; I had never believed he would have pushed me into having to use it.) I turned to find he had lowered his trousers and underpants and had bent over and touched his toes. He had expected "six of the best". The first stoke was quite soft and half hearted but I then managed two quite cutting strokes but witnessing the bright red weals across his bottom I could not bring myself to give him the full six strokes. So my warning is to other parents if you have a cane or a paddle as a deterrent, remember you may have to use it!!!

Somehow with one's daughter one is always reluctant to punish them however, whilst the boys were always punished in the privacy of their own bedroom, she was well aware what happened to them. When she was six I told her she was to be grounded for a week following extremely bad behaviour. She pouted for a while and said that she would sooner be treated like the boys and have a smacking. I told her that I did not want to hurt her and that she would not want a sore bottom, however, she stated that she did not want to stay in for a week. I told her to bend across my lap and when I lifted her skirt I think she began to have second thoughts so I gave her the opportunity to change her mind but she gritted her teeth and shook her head. The boys had always pulled down their own underpants but on this occasion I gently pulled down her knickers. I could only bring myself to give her three hard smacks; unlike the boys she would not cry and after a few tight lipped minutes she pulled up her knickers and asked if she could go out to play as if nothing had happened.

I agree with your recommendation that across the lap is the most satisfactory position for spanking. If you punish you children within a loving family environment then even quite severe spankings are not harmful and I have three well behaved young people of whom I am proud and we all are extremely close and loving.

I hope my contribution may help some other parents. Please feel free to contact me by email.
 

I have 2 children and think your techniques are good. I was "Spanked with Love" as a child and feel today I am a better person because of those spanks.

I remember very clearly as a child, going to church and acting up all thrugh the service. I was always warned by my mother what would take place in the down stairs rest room, if i couldn't sit still and be good for that one hour. I didn't like getting spanked, but i knew the conseqence that would occur and sometimes in spite of those warnings I tested her actions. Before we would leave the church she would show me the soco paddle she was placing in her purse and promised to use if I misbehaved. I was 4 years old at the time, but remember it clearly. I would start sqirming and making a disturbance about half way through the cermon, She would whisper in my ear, "If you don't settle down and get quiet we are going to go to the bathroom"! I would get quiet for a few minutes and start quirming and disturbing those around me, My mother would then say, "let's go" she would grab my hand and we would take that long dreaded trip to the bathroom.

It seemed like it took forever to get through the autotorium, through the back 2 sided doors of the church, down the basement stairs and to the bathrrom. She would sit down in this chair that sat in the corner of the bathroon and look me straight in the eyes. she would say, "you leave me no chice but to bust your bottom" I don't make promises that i don't intent to keep!! "what did I tell you was gonna happen if you misbehaved"? By this time the tears were already coming down! "I am sorry mommy, please don't spank me I promise to be good"! Too late for that now! She would pull me over her lap, pull my dress up and my panties down to my knees. It seemed my heart would beat outta my chest before that spanking would end. She would geab that saco paddle from her purse and ware my little bottom out!! I would just cry and hug her and tell her I was sorry. She would hug me and say "I am sorry I had to do that, but I love you and want you to know you must act like a young lady in church, and we will make more trip to this bathroom if needed!! She would pull my panties up, wipe my eyes and we would head back up to the autotorium. I wouldn't need another spanking for several weeks to come.

I remember visiting that room several times over the years and getting my bottome spanked real good by a mother who wanted the best for her little girl! Even to this day when I enter that rest room I have memories of where mom and I had our little meetings with the saco paddle!!

(in a 2nd email)

For your first question, a saco paddle is a paddle that most kids get in their Easter baskets or stockings at Christmas, with a little rubber ball attached to a string that you hit against the paddle. (I'm sure you know what I am talking about!) :o) My mom had several of them in her collection after the balls would fall off! lol!!!

As for your second question, I think the paddle was appropriate because it was thin enough not to leave a bruise, but left enough of a loud popping noise to leave a psychological effect as well as a good little sting on my bottom. My mom always said she refused to hurt her hand during giving a spanking, after all, she wasn't the one in trouble, we were!

In my personal opinion, I believe there would be alot less violence in schools, and less disrespect from children towards authority figures, if there where more parents who would be willing to take the extra to time to give their children a good old fashioned bare bottom spanking (Done out of love) for their defiant behavior! I believe, down deep, kids want, and need limits set and consequences in forced when rules are broken and bad behavior occurs.

When I look back on my child hood and remember the spankings I received from my mother, I feel a sense of love. She took the time to... first, give me a warning of what was going to happen if my bad behavior did not change, second, she explained why I was getting a spanking, and made sure I knew why also before she gave it.

Third, there was a bounding that took place with my mother during and after the spankings. Even though at the time, I didn't realize, I know now, as an adult, that because of those little meetings that took place with mom, me, my bare bottom and the paddle, is one reason mom and I are so close today. I know in my heart, every single time my mom turned me over her knee, bared my little bottom and gave me a good spanking, and afterwards dried my eyes and held me close on her lap to let me cry it out, there was a true bounding of love that took place between a mother and her little girl.

I find your site to be very informative! You express the love that should always take place during and after a punishment and you definitely make clear the distinction between child abuse and discipline. (which are two totally different subjects, and to NEVER, at anytime ever be confused!) Keep up the good work!
 

I am a school teacher of 14 years. I have always used a wooden paddle for discipline as a last resort. When I cannot get the attention of one end of a misbehaved student, then I am sure to get "the other end". In all the years I have paddled, I have never had retaliation by any student. I give 6 good hard swats on the bottom! It is administered out in the hall (out of view, but not out of earshot) from other students. After the paddling, I always let the child compose themselves before re-entering the room. Also, that time gives me a chance to talk with the student. I never paddle in anger, but I do paddle hard. I have had students revisit me and my classroom over the years, and there has never been any hard feelings. I also can say, during our visit, nine times out of ten they do remember the discipline? :) So, I guess what I'm trying to say is: I have never administered any psychological scars on any of my students............just a red bottom occasionally.
 

I just finished reading through your web site. And in all honesty...it sickens me! I spank my daughter, who is 4. But to do the things you have mentioned and the way you have mentioned is just sickening. How humiliating to the child!!! I spank with an open hand on a clothed bottom, with one or two swats. This is effective and does not humiliate her. In fact, after reading your site, I'm reconsidering my ways of discipline to NOT spanking her. I think you have a sick mind and cannot believe there are actually people out there that treat children this way!

I hope you are fair enough to put this letter on your site with all the others to get an objective point of view on this issue.
 

I just finished reading your website, and I must say I find it very disturbing. There are so many better ways to discipline and teach children. I shudder to think of all the people who read this and implement these practices in their homes.

I don't suppose you'll put this letter on your website with the other responses?!
 

I write to agree with your recommendation of formal spankings on the bare bottom. When I was a boy, my father gave me spankings when he considered my misbehavior merited it - it was a rare occurrence but memorable. Part of what made it so memorable was the ritual surrounding it.

First he would announce that what I had done deserved a spanking. The punishment was always given immediately in these cases, so the announcement itself had quite an effect.

We would then go to my bedroom, where he would sit on the side of the bed. At first, he would take down my pants and underpants himself, pulling them down to my ankles. When I was older, I would do this myself. This confirms your comments about the importance of control and submission. I believed he had the right to do what he was about to do, and I cooperated, even though I was by no means happy about it. 

Then I would go across his lap, with my arms held out in front of me and my feet off the ground. The psychological effect of my submission and his control was enormous - the point of the whole punishment. I was excruciatingly aware that he was about to spank my bare bottom, that it would hurt, that I would cry, that there was nothing I could do about it - and that I had brought this upon myself. 

He spanked me perhaps 12 or 15 times in a spanking, quite hard spanks in a regular rhythm. It was not agonizing, but certainly painful. However, the humiliation of baring my bottom and of having to accept the punishment passively was far worse than the pain.

In short, I think you've got it right.
 

As a boy growing up I did not have a mother of father, I was raised by my grandparents.  From the time I moved at the age of 6 and till the last spanking at 16, I knew what a good spanking was.  Looking back I did not like any spanking, but now I can see that it did me good.  When it came time to spank my grandfather would always put his hand on my sholder and walk me to where the spanking would take place, this would either be in the the barn or my room.  He would always take the time to tell me what I had done wrong and why I was getting the spanking, then he would as me if I was ready.  Then he would be the one to to take off my pants and underwear and I would then go over his knee.  He always spanked with his hand and always a hug after.  Coner time always was after, he said that was thinking time.

Now with three sons and being a single father.  This is the same way I spank them.  My sons are my life and I want to make sure they grow up knowing the importants of respect of others. As well as to know that there actions to bad things we do.