Thanks for the reply SWL, in the end, after seeing the punishment contract on your website my parents decided to adopt a similar one for me - however still using implements for more serious offences (which believe you me I will try my best not to commit!).

There are four levels of punishment that are given to each offence on the discresion of my parents. If the same offence is repeated within a month then the punishment will be upgraded to the next level.

If I try to seriously resist the spanking after a warning then the rule is it gets started again at the next level of severity as well.

Minor offence -

Position - Over the knee
Implement - Hand
Clothing - One Layer of clothing (either pjyama bottoms or knickers)
Smacks - Between 15 and 30 depending on the offence
Reflection Time - 5mins

Medium offence -

Position - Over the knee
Implement - Hairbursh/Hand*
Clothing - One layer of clothing
Smacks - 5-15 with Hairbrush/40-60 with Hand*
Reflection Time - 10mins

Major offence -

Position - Over the knee
Implement - Hairbrush / Hand*
Clothing - Bare
Smacks - 15-30 with Hairbush/60-100 with Hand*
Reflection Time - 15mins

Serious offence - Position - Lying over the bed with pillows to raise bottom
Implement - Strap
Clothing - Bare
Smacks - 10-20
Reflection Time - 20mins

*For medium and major offences I get the choice (lucky me...) of choosing to be spanked with the hand or hairbrush.

This is sent on behalf of my parents and they have only used it once (minor offence) as they wanted to know if it got approval/anything to change.

My personal thoughts is that it is mostly fine and I like having a choice for some of my punishments, this is a point I talked through with my parents a lot and convinced them about it. I think it is a good incentive to behave during a smacking because if I am responsible and take my punishments well I can have more choice about how they happen - therefore I feel more in control.

Obviously the Serious offence punishment is a scary one, although my parents have said it is necessery for a teenager like me to have the option of being punished with the strap. Hopefully I will never have to have it though.

Thanks and reply soon,

R(...)
 

To web-site "Spank with Love"

I am a 82-year-old Norwegian male.

Surprised and with disgust I have red most of the letters to Spank with Love. Many parents are grounding their belief in spanking upon the Bible. In the fifth Pentateuch (Deuteronomy) Chapter 21, verses 18 to 21, it is recommended that unruly children should be stoned to death if they do not obey parents and other authorities. Are you willing to obey also these holy words from the Bible?

Most of the letters are not easy to connect with love. There are discussions on how to get the punishments hurt as bad as possible. A letter dated 4.th January 2004 could fit very well in a textbook on torturing children by the author´s deeply belowed cane. I think that Hitler´s Gestapo would have found that letter very useful.

Since many American parents believes so deeply in spanking, they should first use the method on themselves, so that they may have a fresh impression on how it feels. I propose the same implement, the same force and intensity, number of strokes etc., so they know how their children´s experience will be. If they use bare bottom spankings, they should do the same upon themselves, and if they let other relatives and neighbors watch when their children are punished, they should also let the same people watch the spankings on themselves.

The parents may protest telling that they have not disobeyed any authorities or in other ways been naughty and such are not deserving a spanking. But Bible says that we are all sinners, so if you believe in these holy words, you cannot free yourselves from guilt.

I think spanking parents should remind themselves upon the spank pain at least four times a year. You know: memories fade away in the lapse of time! Go head!

Yours sincerely

O(...)

(from Norway)
 

Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

Dear spank with love,

I hope you can post this as I would really value any feedback on this email.

I came across your website when doing some research about how different parents bring up their kids & I was amazed at how many older teenagers are spanked by their parents.

I simply cannot imagine having such a strong & ubiquitous hierarchy inherent in my relationship with my parents. I am 17 years old & since I started secondary school (that’s the English equivalent of high-school for those of you in the US) I have had a relationship of equality with my parents, that is I regard them simply as people I love & respect, rather than people who have any authority over me. When I was younger, my parents did not discipline me like you seem to advocate in your website, but taught me self-discipline. Because they did not seek to control me I had a respect for them as equals that could never exist were a hierarchy present. When I behaved in a way that was anti-social or potentially dangerous or damaging to my health they would simply explain to me why in their opinion it was a bad way to behave. They did not order me to stop in a controlling way but simply advised me in the way that one of my friends might. Because I respected them I always modified my behaviour in the way they advised. I have noticed in your feedback that there are lots of cases of older teenagers who were spanked when younger who wished their parents would start spanking them again because they could not control their behaviour. This clearly shows that children who were "disciplined" came to be reliant on external discipline & so did not adequately learn the important skill of self-discipline which is necessary in the real world, where Daddy isn’t around to tell you what’s right & wrong.

Because of my upbringing, I am always able to control the way I behave because I have had lots of practice since it was always left up to me. Except when I was a little kid I have never lost my temper or shouted at anyone & I have always been good at resolving arguments calmly. I have never hit a fellow human being & have never been in trouble at school.

I hear all the time about kids who are disciplined by their parents for not working hard enough at school. Again I cannot imagine this as as far as I’m concerned, how well I do at school is my business & not anyone else’s. It’s only me who’ll suffer if I don’t get good grades so it’s only me who should concern myself with them. Because I have had to learn self-motivation from an early age rather than being told to do this or that I have always been very good at motivating myself & therefor have always got top marks in all my exams. Trying to make your kids work will only mean that when you’re not around to prod them they won’t be able to do it on their own because they’ve never been given the chance.

I’ve seen time & time again kid’s who’ve had curfew, regulated bedtimes & bans on alcohol & as soon as they leave home & go off to university go off the rails & go out every night & come back home regularly at ungodly hours. They drink excessively as it’s the first opportunity they’ve had & are unable to do the work because there is no-one to tell them to. I know several people a few years older than me who’ve had this experience. For myself, because I’ve always been allowed to go to bed when I want, I learnt a long time ago how important sleep is, & can regulate what time I go to bed perfectly. I am allowed to stay out partying as late as I want as long as I don’t disturb anyone when I get back. Because I’ve been given this leeway, always try not to be home to late & not go out to often because I don’t want to disturb my family, rather than because I don’t want a tanned backside. Also, because my parents have never tried to stop me drinking, I now know my limits with alcohol & so am far less likely to get into danger with it. I have taught myself to be a responsible drinker because I found out from an early age that spewing your guts out into the toilet bowl is not a pleasant experience.

At first I could not imagine why there are all these teenagers on your feedback pages wanting to find a way of getting their parents to spank them for bad behaviour but now I can understand, that having to take responsibility for your own self-discipline can be hard work & it is easier to let someone else take over the responsibility. However I can definitely say that although taking responsibility for you own self-discipline by yourself can be hard, it pays off as I have had a great childhood & have had a very loving relationship with my parents from whom I have never had to hide anything or lie to as I have never had to be afraid of being punished by them. I have had great experiences as I have from an early age learnt to be responsible enough to take care of my self, travelling across to France & America & all over Britain by my self to visit relatives before some people have got the bus on their own. I have got exemplary grades at school so far I am on course to finish school with even better ones, & am confident of getting into the university I want to go to, where I know I will do well because although I value the support of my parents, their liberality has made me able to take care of myself, without needing a regularly warmed backside to keep me out of trouble.

Please do not anonymise my email address as I would welcome any responses anyone would like to give, particularly from teenagers my own age. Likewise if the administrators of this website would like to reply I would be grateful.

Thanks

(from the U.K.)
 

i just had a question my brothers are 25 and 27 and i am 14 my mom and dad have given them the permission to spank me if i am bad i dont know if this is fair i mean they never had anyone but my parents spank them ... am i over reacting?

when i do get spanked by them they are always calm and send me to my room after about 10 or so minutes one of them comes in and takes down my pants and underwear and i have to go over their leg they only use their hand for the spanking and after i pull up my clothes and he talks to me about why i got a spanking and tells me he loves me and hugs me

i just feel so dumb when i get spanked my my brothers i mean i know they love me but its embarrasing ..
 

Dear spank with love, I am a single mother and I have found your web site very useful and I am glad to see it is not only me who believes in the old fashioned method of spanking. I have two boys aged 5 and 11 and they can although good boys the can be very naughty at times. Since reading your advice I have bought a paddle as a spanking implement and I carry it around with me. The problem I have is with the 11 year old, when I go to give him a spanking he struggles alot making it difficult to administer a safe yet effective spanking. I would like to know in your opinion is he too old to recieve an over the knee bear bottomed spanking? My mother sometimes spanks him in the diaper position but I feel he is too old for this. Please write back with your opinion Your sincerely L(...)

(in another mail dated August 26, 2005:)

Dear people at spank with love, I wrote before asking for advice on discipline for my sons. Yesterday my eldest son used foul language to my elderly neighbour. As punishment I washed his mouth out with soap and water but as I tried to spank him over my knee he struggled and I ended up not spanking him and just sending him to bed. I was wondering should I try again to spank him for this offence or has he been punished enough?

Yours sincerely l(...)

(from the U.K.)
 

Dear Spank With Love

I wrote to you a couple of times last year and reported how I had agreed a "spanking contract" with my parents. I also told you about a couple of my spankings and how quickly my behaviour improved.

This is to let you know that I expect to be at University in only a few weeks from now and that the "spanking contract" worked for me. Since my last report, when I had one warning spanking, I have been spanked twice. I hated them but can't deny that they kept me on the straight and narrow.

I think it is a matter of the individual response and since my participation was voluntary, being spanked has worked for me.

Jo

(in another mail dated August 21, 2005:)

Dear SWL

I did well with the "A" levels and will be going to the University of my choice. I believe it was the spanking agreement that made it possible. Others may disagree of course but I know myself too well to believe otherwise.

Jo
 

Hello, my names L(...) im 13 years old and i live with mu mum. i no that i am quite naughty but i dont agree with my mums punishments! i am just writing with my mums permison for your opinion and advice. when i iam naughty i get spanked on my bear bottom in the over the knee position, do u think i am to old for this? Also my mum agrees with spanking on the spot so if im bad in a supermarket she will smack my bum right there! do you agree with this? please please contac me with our opinion thankyou, from L(...)

(from the U.K.)
 

Hello. I am a mother of 5 children, ages 4, 7, twins age 10, and 14. I am a firm believer of spanking my children, as I was spanked as a child. I do not completely agree with the way I was spanked. My parents were divorsed so I spent a lot of time with my mom and almost equal time with my dad. While at my dad's my stepmom would spank me and my older sister with our dad's thick leather belt, bare bottom. I was 11 and my sister was 12 when this started. Our stepmom had 2 other kids one 6 and 14. Both of them got spanked bare bottom, but just with the hand. At home with mom, she used a paddle on us, bare bottom as well. I honestly can't remember ever getting spanked with just the hand. But I've been told that when my sister and I were young 2-4 we got spanked with just the hand. My sister's last spanking was when she was 14 years old. She started high school and refused to go to our dad's house. My mom continued spanking me and sending me to my dad's house. She said I was too difficult and needed a break from me. Though honestly I was never any less difficult than my sister. When I was 16, my mom said she couldn't handle me anymore so she sent me to live with my dad. I stayed there until I was 21. I was spanked up until the week I left. I was disrespectful and I definately earned a good spanking. Because of the way I was raised, my kids are beginning to get older and I am confussed as to what to do, My husband would rather me punish the kids because I home school and he works a lot.

So far, until spanking the child with my hand doesn't seem to work. My oldest received a hand spanking until he was about 11. One of the twins began laughing at age 9 when she would get a spanking with my hand. I have a paddle that I use, but I don't know if that is the answer. I have another question, my twins are girls and will soon be hitting puberty. When they start menstrating what would you reccomend I do? I know what I had to when I was growing up, but I would like other opinions and maybe some choices. Should they wear a thong or be able to wear underwear.

Some advice you may want to give to mothers of teenage boys who have trouble with having erections during a spanking I have some advice that worked with my son. I showed him this website, I told him that I understood that what happens it's hard for him to control. I told him what I thought was acceptable positions and he and I picked out a new position. It was actually a bonding experience because he had something to do with the way his spankings are now administered. It gives him the sense of being older while still punishing him the way it's always worked.

One more thing, as long as spankings work I will continue to spank. If a child comes to me and asked me to stop spanking them, I guess I would consider it, but if the new punishment does not work I will began spanking again. Sorry, but one more thing. My son's has a good female friend, she's like another daughter of mine. She has recently asked me to spank her like I spank my children. I told her I would have to think about it. What should I do? If here parents wanted her to be spanked then they would do it themselves. But I don't want to let her down. I need advice.

Thanks and Sorry for the length of this.
 

Nice site and everything but I need some advice! I'm 13 and used to be spanked but lately my mom and dad have just givin up on me. Now they just yell at me or put me down. But thats only when I do something bad!I feel really guilty and everything! I backtalk and insult them I try to be better but Its really really hard! I don't know if a spankng would help or not though! And I can't ask or they WILL put me in a hospital, they've done it before! I've heard of people who..whats the word...they are diciplinarians or something but thats got to be dangerous so I won't even try to get a hold of one of those. Anyway what do I do?? I really want to be a better person but I think I need adult guidence! And I'm not around adults much besides my parents so they are the onlyones I know of.

Please, I don't know what to do if somebody doesn't atleast tell me I need a good sound spanking I'll burst or something!!