I am a 14 year old guy. I stopped receiving spankings when I was 7 or 8. I think that they'll help me clear my guilt. My parents are way too easy on me anyway. My behaviour in recent years has been very poor. How can I ask them to start spanking me?
 

Hello. Im 19 year old girl and I saw your websight while researching a project for a child psych class im taking in college. I was spanked occasionally growing up and I think it definately worked well with me (although I didnt like it so much at the time lol). When i was little mom and dad used their hands but when I got older they used a belt over my panties. I was rarely spanked...only for lying, cheating, stealing, or DIRECT disobedience. My last spanking was right after I turned 17 and before that it had been almost a year, but that was because of my behavior not because of a slackening of the rules. When Im living at home in summer or christmas im quite sure id get a spanking if i did any of the above things and I cant say Id have any right to argue...its not that hard to not lie or cheat or steal and at my age my parents dont tell me directly to do to much so it shouldnt be that hard for me to not disobey them the few times that they do. I think getting spanked growing up caused me to have a respect for consequences if you werent honost or blatently disobeyed your parents. I only got it if i did those specific things and therefore i learned not to do those things. Furthermore, the only time i got a spanking for anything else was at a sleepover where the rules were different but then again i knew that also. Basically, Im saying that spanking wouldnt work very well if not properly structured in a way where the child knows exactly what not to do and exactly what will happen if he/she does. When these thigns are understood, however, it works quite well and the message is quite clear. And take it from one whos butt has recieved the stinging message (lol) ....it works.
 

I am a 25 year old female. I was spanked both in my home and at school (South Africa), and neither did me much good.

My mother never hit us, so my dad was the one we were more cautious of. I can only recall a few occasions when I got spanked by him and it all happened when I was younger than 8. He was always shouting and quite scary when he hit me, and looking back I think it was the wrong way to do it. He did it out of frustration, and sometimes for "misdeeds" that was more due to my young age than to any willful disobedience.

In boarding school, however, corporal punishment was more formal and normally took the shape of a caning or a strapping. (I did get the occasional ruler and wooden spoon as well in the lower grades, but they were always deserved and fairly mild, so I have no complaints.) Girls usually didn't get any hidings in high school, so I received my last strapping at age 13. By that time I have became somewhat defiant, the reason being that these punishments were often unfair and unpredictable. I did not respect this particular teacher and would sometimes even provoke a beating just to prove a point. I would actually take pride in my ability to "take it". It was some silly sort of contest between a child and an adult. The only way the child could "win", was to show as little fear as possible in the presence of the strap (not easy!) and bounce back every time.

I therefore would recommend the following to spanking parents (and to myself one day when I have kids):

1) refrain from hitting a child when you are angry

2) be consistant and be sure the child knew what was coming

3) as soon as your child gets mature enough to reason with, please do so.
 

Its good to come across a forum on spanking that accomodates such extremely different views. I wonder if I can offer any new insights?

When I was a child (I'm thinking from 10 onwards - I don't remember earlier) I attended a school (catholic) where corporal punishment was an everyday occurance witnessed by everyone at some time or an other. Both male and female teachers used the cane, mostly giving one or two stokes on each hand. For whatever reason, I was an acutely sensitive child and experienced every single caning I saw as a tiny trauma. I felt shocked, sorry for the child, empathic with the child, aware of an expression of domination and submission, somtimes disgusted, always fascinated, alerted and aroused.

When I went to bed at night I tried to imagine what would be a Just punishment for my own private bit of nautiness (nobody's perfect!) Why should I be caned? How hard should it be? Who would I prefer to be caned by? How much would it hurt? Would I cry? Then I thought of my favorite female teachers and imagined my ideal crime and punishment, which would always end in tears, forgiveness and love. Its a wonder I didn't just jump right in there and smash a window!

I was frightened alright. I was also ignored and lonely. I couldn't cope with my own thoughts and lay awake with nightmares. Then I discovered masturbation! Oh yes, I was so pleased to find a way of releasing the tension and getting to sleep. One problem: What do I think of while I'm masturbating? Girls seemed so far out of my reach that it only rubbed salt in the wound of sexual frustration and sensual deprivation, to think of them. There was a sense of guilt and more guilt.

Well, I think you can deduce what this 12 year old got up to in his head. I made corporal punishment = loving discipline (even though it didn't quite add up!) and the exciting dramas that played out in my mind always ended up with sexual pleasure in the bed. Thus 'sexual perversion' becomes established . For every 'pervert' that steals the headlines for abusing someone there is probably 999 (like me) who take it out on themselves and sometimes wish they'd never been born.

I think a punished bottom can be an expression of love, but at what price? I don't know the answer. There is too much violence in the world and not enough gentleness, intelligent communication and imaginative problem soving.

Patiently middle aged man, no children
 

Hi,

Interesting site, I don't know how I feel about it. I was spanked through my teen years and while I think it was good for me I don't know if I would recommend it for everybody. I think it has to be done in a loving situation, where the child feels secure and loved and feels the punishment is deserved and it is not necessary too often. As a teenager I seemed to need a good one about once or twice a year. By a "good one" I mean it left me in tears with a smarting and stinging bottom, that stung long enough for me to reflect on my behavior, feeling humble, respectful and submissive to proper authority.

We usually got it pants down with a thin wooden paddle, it didn't mark much but boy did it sting. It stung much worse on the bare. Just one or two made you feel on fire and we always had to take five to ten. But a half hour later sitting was no problem. We had to bend over and hold on to the seat of a chair. I used to grip it very tightly to avoid putting my hands back to protect my bottom.

I also don't think that it should be given to girls much past the age of nine or so. My sisters did just fine without it but my brother and I just seemed to need it now and then. I think a boy's temperament and thirst for trouble needs a controlling hand. When you start feeling cocky the thought of that paddle whacking against your bare and presented bottom will bring you down to earth quickly. As I said, it teaches you humility.

I did not spank my own children, but their mother did once in a while.
 

I viewed this site today with VERY very mixed feelings. I think in RARE instances in can be ok to give a few rebuking swats on a tot's behind to get their attention, BUT ..... I feel that spanking in a family is VERY private and I find it hard to beleive that people actually need a WEBSITE to SHOW them how to spank!!! Incidentally, a lot of the pics and illustrations you have used are meant to TITILATE and are stolen from other sites which advocate spanking for adult to adult sexual purposes. I think it is voyeuristic and perverse. To go on and on and ON page after page about positions, bared bottoms, TEEN spankings, elaborate formal rituals in what amounts to little more than HITTING a child . (I.E. VIOLENCE) shows that parents and society as a whole hasnt come very far at all. I think a TRULY loving, careful, mild spanking is totally the exception. I feel that MOST parents hit out of extreme rage and or frustration or even hate when they hit their kids. Far too many beatings are called spankings.My own husband had to serve on jury duty recently in a case where a 7 year old girl was "spanked" repeatedly, leaving welts, with a belt because she wet herself and now the stepdad is being treated like the out of control pervert that he is and the little girl has severe shame over her own bodily functions and now her incontinence is WORSE. People who cant take the time to TEACH (the REAL meraning of discipline) their offspring by example, and patience and LOVE have no business HAVING kids, let alone spanking them. I wont even go INTO the VAST fetishistic qualities of what you condone !!!! Baring a teenagers butt to place them over your kne????????/ Might as well go on and have SEX with these teens!!!!!! All adults who think it is their god given right to spank should ALSO be spanked ...for any and all of THEIR misbehaviors, whether it be by a judge, boss , teacher, etc. ANYONE who is "over" them should, when displeased, disobeyed, take their lower clothes off, exposing their GENITALS and give them a painful and EMBARASSING spanking over their laps. (oh, and feel free to POST this to your site!!!!!!)
 

I'm a 13 year old male who is no stranger to a good over the knee bare backsided spanking. My father takes me up to my bedroom makes me take my pants and briefs down to my ankles and puts me over his knee. He judges how many swats I recieve normally its around ten or twelve smacks. After the bottom blistering is over he makes it throughly clear to me that this will happen again if I cross the line, and he always tells me he loves me. I love him to and i have no anger or hate towards him because he spanks me. We'll always love each other. I'm glad I 'm spanked it shows he cares enough and loves me enough and that he really wants me to be brought up the right way. He was spanked as a child too and he and his father still love each other very much! Thanks Dad!
 

When I was 5 up until I was 17 my mother spanked me. She always made me stand in a corner with my pants and panties down around my ankles for 15 minutes and I was not aloud to rub. If I did I got another spanking. She also was a strong believer in the theory "If you act like a baby, you will be treated like a baby!" So after my spankings she made me wear diapers for a few days. She was the only person who was allowed to change me. (And she changed me like you would usually change a baby.) This punishment usually lasted for 5 days. Then she would allow me to do whatever I wanted and she wouldn't talk about it until I got in trouble again. I am now 24 and she still treats me the same way. She doesn't put diapers on me but she still spanks me. Have you ever heard of anything like this happening before?
 

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I think a hand should be used for teens for offenses such as repeated defiance, skipping school etc. The paddle should be used for missing curfew in defiance, any criminal type behavior that involves the police and is extremely dangerous to the teen and others in society. Also use grounding, extra chores around the house as a punishment before giving a spanking with love in private.

It should be done by a parent the same sex as the teen when it's on the bare bottom, for embarrassment and sexual reasons. Except in cases where the parents are divorced, deceased etc.

(...)
 

I'm 12 years old and my parents used to spank me. They stopped when I was about 6 or 7. I admit that I am very bad sometimes and I think that getting spanked again would help me behave. So I was wondering how I could ask my parents to start spanking me again. I would be very happy if you could give me ideas. Thank you
 

As a child I was not spanked even once even though there were times when I deserved a good spanking. There were times even into my late teens (I'm 20 now) that I should have been given a spanking and I wasn't.I often wondered why most of my friends were punished this way and I was not. I needed more discipline and was not given it. I'm not a bad person by far but still, I would have felt a lot better those times I misbehaved had a firm hand been taken to my bare bottom. I think it took me longer to understand why and what I had done wrong because of this. Now it's too late for me to be given the spankings I should of had years ago, and I regret not requesting to be given spankings instead of simple punishments because I would feel better about any childhood and teenage misbehaviour now because I would have been properly punished for it.
 

In trying to help children make appropriate choices, first one must consider the fact that they have no frame of referance to base their judgements on-such as understanding the results of perilous situations they may get into as a result of not following instructions. Then, even if the parent trys to explain the reasons, the child will very often advance their own opinions, rather than listen to their parent.

These are two distinctive inhibiting reasons why it is dificult to reason with a child. Yes, by all means talk to your kids and explain what you want done, and why. But if the child does not follow instructions, then they must have it reinforced that no matter what they want, or think, they still must be obediant. This is the point that modern thinking fails to take in - the child simply does not have the experiance, nor the comprehension to understand. However, failure to learn, could very well put that child in serious danger.

My father used to explain what he wanted, or did not want us to do, and if we failed to comply, depending on the circumstances, would then without anger, or raising his voice, go over the matter again, then, spank our bottom. He said all he was doing was "dealing in terms a child could understand". He said we could not possibly understand the risks and dangers, or consequences of disobediance, but we would understand what a warm bottom was.

Because he was consistent, there was no doubt in our minds. Nor did he need to spank often, it was simply a way of clarifying our thinking. Yes, they used time out, and extra chores but these consequences worked, because we knew they would use the option of spanking, if these measures failed to get our attention. One thing they did not do was deprive us of special outings, or gifts. They felt that depriving us of looked forward to activeties should not be used as a disciplinary tool.

I will also say, that at no time did we ever feel we were not loved, or rejected by them, and that point was always reinforced at the time of the correction. Spankings were always done bare bottom, over the knee, with a rubber spatula, and did not result in bruising or marking. As I recall, they were never done with a raised voice, or in anger - quite the opposite, the tone of voice was quite matter of fact. However, the occaisions were sufficiently memoriable that a follow up lesson was not quickly needed.
 

Dear Sir or Madam,

I feel very sad and a little sick when I read you website. Especially the messages in the readers' feedback section.

Does spanking work? Well, on your site one finds the testimonies of many people who who indicate that it improved their behaviour, and that they turned out well as adults.

However, it is also clear from reading the correspondence, that a major contributor to the effectiveness of spanking as a means of control is the ritual of the spanking, more than the physical hurt. And profoundly - the force of the ritual, especially in the case of older children, lies in its power to humiliate and establish parental dominance through humiliation. You can eulogize all you like about spanking with love. But the power of the tool, especially for older children, lies in its capacity to dominate through humiliation. Why else the emphasis on stripping off clothing.

Domination, humiliation, stripping - is it any wonder that a web search for "spanking" will turn up, as well as serious and thoughtful sites like your own, many, many pornographic sites offering spanking pictures, which derive their appeal from the powerful sexual undertones (even overtones) of such behaviour (especially as applied to older children : teenagers).

So is there no better way to raise children to be thoughtful, responsible and caring adults??

Certainly there is! The fact that spanking "works" for many people does not mean that there is no better way. Though a better way may make more demands on parents.

My own parents reared a son and daughter who love and care for them in their old age, and who, I hope it is fair to say, are good people. They never inflicted these appalling rituals of premeditated humiliation that your commentators describe. An occasional smack across the legs in a moment of understandable frustration - yes. But that carries none of the humiliation of the spanking ritual.

In my family my sister and I were held and guided by the love and trust and hope of our hard working parents. And the greatest, by far, deterrent to doing wrong was the thought of losing the right to their trust - being priceless and given freely.

If there are many parents - and there ARE - who rear children to be good, compassionate, adults, without ritual spankings, what excuse is there for those who cop out and take the easy road to control by simple rituals of humiliation.

If, by the time your child is a teenager, you are still controlling them with spankings, you have already deeply failed them in your task of bringing them to wholeness. The worker is known by his tools. An axe for a woodsman. A shovel for a man who digs. The rod is not a tool for peace. (And the rod of the bible was the instrument of a violent people.)

I read your site - which is good in that it tries to treat this matter openly and responsibly, though I disagree with its basic tenet - and I thank God for the parents I had.