Lets start off at Manly Wharf --

Gloria Jeans you don't walk into. Its more of a bar. And its not coffee. Just another outlet of a chain with a less tastier flavour of its brew than found in its many other locations. The only Australiana here is ex-Australian Murdoch's publication The Telegraph. This is a dirty, smelly and noisy cafe.

Calacoci dead and gone after the move.

From the other end of town and out of the way we find 'we do it for love' Martys Cafe. It ended here for the partners with a knuckle sandwich and was obvious from the start it was the beginning of the end. The intro here is with an gracious welcome when passing the Post Office whilst the exit months later is "you are no longer welcome  - you are banned."  All the different incarnations this shop has been was really just a real estate's cash cow for over the last twenty years as no one has been able to make anything of it. But straight out of weeding gardens, a detox and a detention centre years gone by, the boys can sometimes make a good job of the krappy Lavaza coffee but when Crave or Vittoria can taste great hot or cold why bother? And why do they bother? But don't give up on them yet,  promises of Brazil coffee arriving soon along with wifi access. But, what a great welcoming!

Where one of the many previous owners Pete spent shop time doing the crosswords day in and day out for hours, these upstarts actually get hold of the Tele & Herald, if they do at all. And when so, it can be as late at 11.30am while their newsagent Margaret is simmering waiting for her coffee hours on end and getting stressed out wondering whether it will be spiked like an earlier brew proffered by one of the ex staff..

So yes, is the answer of the alleged 'Best Hamburgers' and are indeed that and fattening to boot. Its not a long wait and you'll be listening to great classics from the '60s like 'In The Year 2525' and 'Break on through to the Other Side'. Good enough for a listen as I'm waiting to  being paid by one owner to keep an eye on the other.

Entertaining indeed. The screams emanating from behind the counter, the odd sounding laughter and one of the unhinged owners going off and scaring staff and customers away for good with all his stomping, verbal assaults and a little sexual harassment. What a nasty little horror this Czech is. And then comes the day when the partners are at each others throats - in front of customers - and one runs offf with all the loot for good.
Within the month another name change and a year later, sold. And two owners later we are not only up & going with wifi, but louder noise from the radio and and all the cigarette smoke other cafes don't have in Manly.....

Just a 5 minute walk away into Royston Arcade we wander into the Hum Cafe opposite the Inn of the Sixth Happiness. This is home for wackjobs, Mandarins, throwbacks and those wanton of a little strange entertainment.

The hosts, the ever effervescent Sylvia and hubby, charming Chung, are a delightful couple who certainly know how to make you feel at home and rest assured you will never feel that you have overstayed your welcome - though, after having been fed and left tthe premises then walked some distance you may care to look back and you'll find the gracious hostess giving you the finger. The middle finger!!

Your welcome the next time may not be so cordial as the hosts say in monotones, 'Good Night', 'No cheap bacon today', 'meals gone up two dollars' and without the salad! And then as you are reading the paper theres some jibberish directed at you and repeated till you respond referring to something in the news that day and asking for an explanation. And then theres mention of the cost of coffee now an extra 70 cents in the Hum and some days later 20 cents off. And before you know it, with the shop full of customers, Sylvia is screeching out, 'poofter, poofter', pointing her finger at the bootmaker as he walks by the door. How embarassing!
And then theres the bitch fight...
And then theres Syd and his millions and all his Rolexes. What happened to them when he died?

Ahh, lets have another sip of the Crave coffee. Pure Australian with a tinge of Shinzen.

Arso!

to be continued ........