July 2005

Finally I arrived . It took me ages of hitchhiking through the subcontinent, hitching rides on boats, but finally i made it. Wasnt too bad. The only serious incident was when I caught up with Kevin Putt in South Africa. I saw his letterbox, and sort of abused it. Its a long story.

Anyway, I am here

And I can wait to catch up with Robert, I need to ask him for a bit of cash. Its a marvellous country full of peace loving people.

Had a bit of hassle in Namibia, where I was waiting for our intrepid Black Caps.

I waited

and waited

and waited

and waited

and waited

and waited.

Finally over the tannoy, there was an annoucement asking if there were any New Zealand sporting celebritys in the airport. So, taking the initiative I voluntered myself. What followed was most degrading and not worth repeating here.

Anyway I was cleared of any charges, and when I returned I just managed to see Flems giving the Namibian guard a few dollars and saying "Thanks Chief" I yelled out to Steve, but he seemed to be in a hurry. The guard yelled out " I'll let you know when he's gone".

Strange, the squad seemed smaller than usual.

Hey, I got a mention from the Biege Brigade. Top blokes

Sorry guys I havent been on line for a while. When I was in Wellington I ran into 4 mates from the Bay of Plenty who were down for a while, so I was chewing the fat with them. I havent seen my other Cop mates since "that" piece of trouble. Luckily they said they wouldnt tell on me as the "fifth man".

Anyway I went to eden park at the weekend for the fourth test. It really was a great night out. I caught up with a mate who invited me to his corporate box. Well after a few beers the shenanigans started.

My mate is a CEO of a large and respected local company and he showed those assembled an entire new take on the concept of corporate hosting.

Drinkettes had been flowing merrily before and during the match, and the après celebrations were no exception.

At some stagemy matesomewhat the worse for strong waters, took umbrage at the fact that I appeared to have eschewed the black colours appropriate for such an event.

I remonstrated loudly that this was not the case – that I was indeed wearing black, but as an undergarment.

My drunk mate loudly demanded proof of this before the small crowd which had gathered.

Ha ha as I was fairly pissed i then removed my trousers to show the world that I was indeed clad in black boxer shorts. My pissed mate, not content with this then decided the world needed to know what was under his boxer shorts as well.

The world soon found out, and a pretty sight it was not. To add insult to injury my mate them decided it was only right and proper for his good self to follow suit – or rather remove suit – demonstrating for all who dared to look that he was formed and crafted in a very similar way to me, and inviting close up comparison from the numerous horrified ladies in the group.

This priapic puppet show was brought to a merciful conclusion by the intervention of my mates bitch of a livid and furious wife, who sprinted like a winger from the side of the lounge to bring the display to an end with an energetic spear tackle.

A bollocking, the likes of which Eden Park has rarely seen or heard then followed, culminating in the bowed and shame- faced executive, his nakedness mercifully covered by a foot ball scarf, being dragged from the building by his spouse, whose rage and indignation continued to be heard from four floors down in the stair well.

His wife said, "your never ever coming back here". I laughed and laughed as I went with Sonny Kiwi to watch another dicking of those Pommy maggots