Top 10 Ways To Handle Stress
1. Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out. 
2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa. 
3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on. 
4. When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans. 
5. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like. 
6. Forget the Diet Center and send yourself a candygram. 
7. Make a list of things to do that you've already done. 
8. Dance naked in front of your pets. 
9. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him off to preschool as if nothing was wrong. 
10. Retaliate for tax woes by filling out your tax forms with Roman Numerals.


21 FUNNY THINGS TO DO WHILE IN A DRIVE THRU
1.Drive through the drive thru in reverse and let your passenger order.
2.Ask prices of everything on the menu then order something that you did not ask the price for.
3.Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window.
4.Go to McDonalds and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.
5.Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped.
6.Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you are in.
7.When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window shopping and drive on.
8.Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.
9.Ask how they fit into that little box.
10.If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.
11.Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said, "May I take your order?"
12.When asked if they can take your order say, "No, why can't I take yours?"
13.If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.
14.Pretend like your car broke down. Ask for assistance in moving it. When they come out, drive away.
15.Tell them you have to use the bathroom.
16.Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.
17.Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.
18.When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all the trash from your car in it.
19.Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.
20.Honk your horn the whole way through the line.
21.When they say may I help you, respond with, no I am beyond help. 


33 Annoying Things To Do
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17inch paper, 99 copies.
2. Sit in your yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen while talking to others.
5. Sing along at the opera.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant material in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
20. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. Don't use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?"
"What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture (The Lone Ranger theme) by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce,"No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
30. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble the answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
33. TELL YOUR FRIENDS 4 DAYS PRIOR, THAT YOU CAN'T ATTEND THEIR PARTY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IN THE MOOD



50 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator
1. Make racecar noises when people get on and off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up damn it, all of you just SHUT UP!"
4. Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?
9. Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear your upside- down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a wet-willy?"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."
14. One word: Flatulence! (fart)
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on."
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.
25. Holler, "Chutes away!!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, then say, "Mmmmm.....tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers "through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Play the accordion.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say, "I wonder what all these do?" and then push ALL the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf??"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket a clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting bigger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH!"
51. Get a square cardboard box and put it in the corner of the elevator. Have something make ticking noises. When someone gets on, and the elevator starts moving, point to the box and say "whets that?".

I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed. 

19 things to do in the bathroom stall
Ways to annoy your Public Bathroom Stallmate
1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2.Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4 Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot! My glass eye!!"
6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,"Whoa ! Easy boy!!"
11. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
15. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
16. Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressors Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

100 Ways to Order a Pizza the fun way!
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that. 
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. 
3. Use CB lingo where applicable. 
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. 
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation." 
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder. 
7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up. 
8. Answer their questions with questions. 
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition, ask if they have something outlandishly sinful. 
10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT SYSTEM. 
11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time. 
12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD. 
13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out. 
14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread." 
15. Stutter on the letter "p." 
16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!) 
17. Ask what the order taker is wearing. 
18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver. 
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you. 
20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If asked "Would you like drinks with that?", panic and become disoriented. 
21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up. 
22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings. 
23. Change your accent every three seconds. 
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper. 
25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?" 
26. Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't." 
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window." 
28. Rent a pizza. 
29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener. 
30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief. 
31. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound. 
32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred." 
33. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?" 
34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs. 
35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead. 
36. Imitate the order taker's voice. 
37. Eliminate verbs from your speech. 
38. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now." 
39. Play a sitar in the background. 
40. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her. 
41. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music. 
42. Ask to see a menu. 
43. Quote Carl Sandberg. 
44. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back. 
45. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza. 
46. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay. 
47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed. 
48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza. 
49. Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!" 
50. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?" 
51. Psychoanalyze the order taker. 
52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again. 
53. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting." 
54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza. 
55. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it. 
56. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired. 
57. Report a petty theft to the order taker. 
58. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town." 
59. Ask for the guy who took your order last time. 
60. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words." 
61. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs. 
62. Try to talk while drinking something. 
63. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!" 
64. Ask if the pizza is organically grown. 
65. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair. 
66. Be vague in your order. 
67. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time." 
68. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order. 
69. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff. 
70. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry." 
71. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get. 
72. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza. 
73. Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that. 
74. Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage. 
75. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza. 
76. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it. 
77. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade. 
78. Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer. 
79. Put them on hold. 
80. Teach the order taker a scret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders. 
81. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'." 
82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond. 
83. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?" 
84. When you'ge given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math." 
85. Haggle. 
86. Order a one-inch pizza. 
87. Order term life insurance. 
88. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?" 
89. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable. 
90. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza. 
91. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed. 
92. Engage in some serious swapping. 
93. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word." 
94. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired. 
95. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you. 
96. Ask if the pizza has had its shots. 
97. Order a steamed pizza. 
98. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is our (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up. 
99. Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging. 
If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, 100. Say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."