My_Diary

My Diary

I am writing diary entries which may never be read by anyone. There must be a reason for me to write this. But what? It is a pity that I am only able to update this about twice a week.
I am brief here. No, not really writing my diary. It is rather a memo.



		16/01/01 Today is viv's b'day! Sigh. All top three seeds are out! How unexpected! 13/01/02 The Australian Open is coming up! I hope Hewitt will be able to claim his first Grand Slam title this time. 11/01/02 Looking back at the birthday cards and presents I had received last yr, I was moved. It had been another day like the past few idle days. The holiday has started to become tedious and meaningless. I GREATLY missed my friends! ESP the one in hk. Sigh...I have so much that I want to tell her about..but she is not here. i am left alone. I had worries etc, but she is in hk...so far away. 09/01/02 Today is a friend's b'day--a friend who is not very much older than ma, however is leading a very differnent life from me. Well, half of the holiday has gone. Well...I knew it's inevitable. No, i am not talking about the time passed. The pass three days have been the gloomest days. Why? Somestimes, down moods are just unavoidable. That empty feeling came back. Yes, you see, it's that nothing-is-important-in-life feeling. Not even my own life. Pretty pessimistiic, huh? I didn't bother to do ANYTHING today. Just spent my time idle. Over the past few days, I had finally spare some time to enjoy some music. Well,, my fav band--savage garden. Although Darren and Daniel had fallen apart, I will remember them as the best band EVER! Also, been listening to Westlife lately. Quite an ideal choice, when you are down.. You know...slow slow slow music and light beat FINALLY, i had finished painting the painting (my fav character in Gundam W) of whcih I had started last yr in April. Ha, that's me. Yes, tmr is like most of the holiday--fishing and picnic.

		28/12/01 One wk of holiday had already past. It had been quite enjoyable and happy la. Christmas had past. the New Year is coming. TIme to evaluate 2001. 20/12/01 Oh..one week already. I got my Sc lu..finally. Ha, I am happy with my results, although not very high. What had I done in the holiday so far? Been pretty lazy...didn't bother to do any work, unlike others who are so eager to start yr 11 work early. So glad to receive unexpected christmas presents. More ppl are lazy to give out cards etc lu. I am one of them. 15/12/01 I am looking forward to tmr to spend a happy day with my friends! So, another friend is joining the gym. Man! What da hell is happening? You know, shallow ppl tend to apprecite outer beauty. True beauty lies within one's heart. I just dun care about my image, what ever blah blah blah. There is no reason for me to stop enjoying my lovely dessert! 14/12/01 To rainy: you are an idiot. As if your happiest time were those with me.I can't care more or less about what lies ahead of u in a few days, since you too cannot care more to tell me. Yeah, keeping it as mysterious and as a secret. I cannot care. I wrote a X'mas card for u too, but there isn't much point, since u too can never care more or less. If I ever get to see you again, I will shout at you and tell you what an idiot you are! you just dun get it! Peer support training was great! I appreciated the friendship developed between the aussies. They were fun to work with, also kind and friendly. I just hope this friendship won't diminish. janice, thx thx thx. I luv your present. It is the best X'mas present I have ever received. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness, You know why I am so glad? I am really glad that someone did take time to notice what I actually like. Ha..I just couldn't help myself exclaiming when I saw all my fav food. Thxthxthx! Wish you a merry christmas!!! Report next tues. 09/12/01 The holiday is coming. Eventough no one takes school seriously now, we are still required to go. Let me be wag a day tmr..( Carlingford calls it 'gig') Dun think I will go on Fri and nxt mon either. Friday night was my first night working part time at my "aunt" 's place. Also gotta go there on Tues, so sorry guys, I can't stay too late in the city. Yesterday hadn't been a great day. Constant fights and arguing with my brother and sister. My fault--my bad temper. her fault--her stubborness. I had been trying to help her in her homework. Anyway, we bear no grudges. I am glad i don't look as pale as a few weeks ago. It hadn't been a bad time, but somehow, I just lost too much weight. Pretty scary, huh? Summer is such a good season, with dessert--icing cakes and ice-cream. Yum...Milo scoop is great! Cappaccino dessert cake is the best flavour! :) Done all your Christmas shopping? Christmas can be just the right time to show appreciation. Time to give and send cards. This year, the cost in posting will drop dramatically. Why? Because not much contact with hk friends lu. You know, some hk ppl...Maybe i was just bad luck. 05/12/02 Today is the b'day of two of my friends--one in America, the other(lost contact) in hk. Happy Birthday. Looking forward to presentation day..coz..ha, get to go out to the city. However it will be unfortunate that we cannot be together. Why am I writing diary on the net? is it necessary? 02/12/01 Maybe I should learn to love my family more. Appreciate the joy of living, the chance to experience. Remember the magic word, "love". 01/12/01 It's the first day of summer! I was too idle. I am really afraid that I will waste my summer holiday. My Eng is still so crap..needs a lot of improvement. Is it due to a lack of practice? I guess i really do need to plan my holiday.I am also quite uncertain about my future--career.

	30/11/01 Unbelievable! Eliz did take a look at my hp, without notifing her about its existence! School is forever boring! Video...singing...eating...what else? It is dreadful! The 'winner' for the academic awards were announced today. No, I don't deserve it this year. It came as no surprise, so it is not a disappointment. Being able to rank second in several subjects, I am already proud of my effort. I know I did my best this year. My Dad's reminder had not slipped, I can still recall him warning me not to be satisfied after the award. No Maths award this year, but does anyone care? Would my friends delibrately avoid mentioning it because i mind? No, I am not that ambitious, and i have learned a lot through the examples of tennis players--their struggle and their highs and lows. I am glad that as time goes on, strong emotions do fade. 26/11/01 No, he'll never know. So tirng today, i only had 4 hrs of sleep, and nearly tripped down the stairs. I had never felt such an overwhelming emotion over me. I had never known the lost of friendship can cause such deep grievances. I also had never had tears so warm and so uncontrollable. Nah, i am no longer called "teru-teru boozu". It is painful to part with anything which was once in possession. My friend asked me, "do u regret?". "Well.." i had to pause, " I won't, as long as i bear in mind that this is all for his best. I could have chosen otherwise, but it would be selfish and unfair to him." My friend silently agreed. I thought it is the best for him, but he also thought it is the best for me. He thinks I don't understand him at all, while I think he doesn't understand me. The logic and reason are all confused. But if he could forget me, why can't I? If he chose to ignore me, why can't I? If he chose not to be friends, since he thinks it is pointless, why should I keep bothering? Perhaps, he thinks it is easy for me to suddenly comprehend the whole situation. He thought it best for him to ignore me la. Indeed... (Today was the day in which I got to see the formal photos. Many wished they should have gone. It was a fun night, I suppose.) 25/11/01 Oh..what a busy day after North Shore! I had cooked all the food on the barbie, and had to washed most of the dishes! But it was a worthwhile day, as i had plenty of fun. I felt so guilty because i had been so rude to my Mum over the past few weeks. Last night, unbelievably, i suprised myself--I apologized. eventhough the apology was a bit sudden, she accepted it with a smile. She did not seem to mind at all. On Friday night, i met this 'Titans' guy, who claimed to be from trinity Grammar. Really? Perhaps I had wrongly accused the innocent. If he thinks being silent and expecting other to fully understand it without commuication, he hasn't learn his lesson in life. Sorry, if you find this comment offensive, for I may be no better. 23/11/01 Coffee school! I learned quite a lot about being a barrista and waitress. ha, now i know how to make different kinds of coffee..but it is a pity that i don't have a coffee machine at home (coz my family dun like it). Many of my friends had chosen other more 'technical' courses, such CAD and interior design. None of them had been my companions today. Fortunately, I had found two others who are also pretty lonely. I guess it really was a good chance to interacate with Aussies. Must bear in mind that you can't always rely on your close friends as they may not pursue your pathway, must be more independent and versatile, and learn to adapt to new envrionment and faces. 'Smile! Be assertive!' etc, gotta pretend this and that--these are what I never allow myself to do, but yet they are what I have learned from all the career seminars i had at school. Can't we survive in the society without delibrate pretence? On my way back from Glebe, I got off at Eastwood. I had an urge to send a msg (hehe..not revealing the secret content). There I learned one thing about myself--I never act on instinct. I always take my time to consider the possible outcomes. After consideration, i had given up. Nah, why bother? Sorry, dun want to mention this any further. Surprisingly, �B�Ѥ��J used my 'philosophy', 'Life is a gift, everyday is a challenge'. (Hey, copyright ar..u need acknowlegement ga..just kidding!)

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