| April I am typing this...no..infact i don't want to tell anyone anything. I am doing this all because i did say my hp will grow along side yours--PongTai. All because you do care. 5/04/02 Up and down...up and down...i am riding on a wave. The Easter show has ended, and again i didn't go. I got my chem class test back. and again i didn't like my mark. I did come to realise this again. NO EFFORT, NO REWARD. Oh god. A thought-provoking letter took me an hour to think and reply. Shallow opinions i do think mine is. Yet, she is a special friend and always remind me of what i do believe in. "People see what they believe they see." The concept of reality took me ages. Again, i did discover something. The play, "Othello" and her opinions did really open my eyes to be aware of our feeling of "insecurity". My letters to her really do honestly reflect who i am. I realise that girls do bitch a lot. Not new. An new enermy will I make at school. Although hostility is the least i desire, it seems that the cause lies in my nature of character. I was once a person willing to help others with all my heart. However, I do admit that i have changed. THis is tragic...at least i do believe it is not a positive change. Others' attitude have changed the way i used to perceive people. I am really sorry guys that i am not very helpful. Sometimes, i really do not know the answers to your questions. For christ sake, BELIEVE ME for one! You can't expect me to know! And yeah...you think i am being selfish. YES, you have upsetted me by your delibrate sarcasm. And i hate you forever. For once at least, i will fail. I did not do well in chem. I can't stop caring about other's view of me..because i do want to live among them. I do not like isolation, although it seems to be a real comfort. My anguish is really at the extreme. No longer do i attempt to hide my discontent and anger. My replies are recklessly sharp... Sorry guys. Felt the anguish? i know you will understand, pong.(am i writing to u?) I am just expressing it again and again...because it is happening again and agian. Othello.huh? got essay to do.. SDD speech? yeah, my performance was worse than chem. Was i trying to prove something...The play Othello is thought-provoking, as i am really question myself...(NO not adultery!) :) Got cloudstreet speech. Another lovely, thought-provoking novel. CAN"T BELIEVE IT! IT IS NEARLY THE END OF TERM! ALERT! Pong, have a fun trip in jap. Sam, it is a wonderful...verse. |