It was my mistake last time to type "19/04" when it was only "17". Oh well.
Maybe it is better to have a proper conclusion afterall. It would make it clearer what had taken place and what was the outcome of it. Memory often distorts the past. Well, at least that happens to me all the time. I often remember the past in some distorted inconsistent ways. Some people tend to romantise the past and feel nostalgic about it. It depends on the nature of the events and the outcome of it.
The day before ANZAC day has been in many ways a special day. It holds a complicated sort of emotion. It meant alot yet it seemed so void of meaning. I am unable to make up my mind about it. I am also aware that this emotion is not mutual. It might not mean anything to the other party, since what had taken place is now history.
Now I fully realise how the people around us, our relationships with them and our surroundings can change dramatically in one or two years. Reflection on the change is akin to waking up from a dream, be it a nightmare or a sweet one. Yet one year could also be very short: for example, it seemed like it has been less than a year since I have finished my Yr. 12 mid-course exams. Does this illustrate how changeable (capricious?) people are ?
I am not in a regretable mood. But what had happened persplexed me upon reflection. As i have mentioned, recollection often distorts present perception on the past be it on how the subject feels or his/her opinion or his/her perception of the impression of the other party.
I am under no delusion. I am aware of the weaknesses and flaws in my character. I am aware of such fragilty in memory. Only my diary could accurately reflect how i was, who i was , what i thought.
As for many Uni students, next week will be a terribly busy week. I have an unfinished law assignment (an analysis of a tort case and an essay on the style of judical reasonoing ) as well as a mid-sem for accounting. The week after will be Business Stat mid-sem.
Nevertheless, answers to questions in life are not always found...One might resort to search for it be it in any ways. When there are no clear answers, ...all one can do is to consider the clues, the signals, no matter how misleadingly subtle they could be. One infers from what is presented, observable to them. One inferred an answer and hope that it is the intentional.
Am I justified in saying that our life could viewed in divided stages? Although each stage is not completely distinctive, each stage could be marked by some crisis or significant changes. Be it life-changing or a cumulative small steps leading to a turning point. When one is past a stage, would one turn to reflect? Is this what we call nostalgia? What do we make of it? Is it no longer important to the present therefore we dismiss it and carefully bury it among all the forgotten? Is it merely a learnt lesson of which once is learnt, such has no more values in life?
Maybe I am complicating my thoughts. I am trying to make sense of it. In typing this, yes I am desperate. I am troubled by it, like i had been at one other stage in my life. And i often wonder aboutthe unknown--what another person would think when he/she reflect (if ever) on the same event concerning him/her?
No answer. There will be no answer to this. Like I have said, i'll be in the dark, in my own thoughts searching for answers that don't exist, because it is not a subject of care, a subject of value, a subject of anything.