What do you do when you are upset? Eat. Eat food that you would normally hate. Or the fatty, unhealthy junk that you would normally avoid. Oh well, the library's quiet environment was good for study you know. But after lunch, all i did was to stare at the grey sky. I typed myself an sms : "Today's sky aptly conveys the mood of those who are not ready for monday, like me. Cars n ppl passing by." There was no one I could send this to. It was pointless to.
I saw Teresia outside the library. She asked me how my study was going. I said ok but was supposed to do more but oh ?well there are still two days. Well, you guessed it. Her face told me how she had interpreted my reply as "I'm ready and will do excellent".
It's a miracle that anyone's looking at this--2 days to HSC. Doesn't anyone understand?
They need to understand...Why can't they?
What I have is a false image, a false reputation--like i can do well regardless of how much study I do, like I am always ready for my exams.
I don't care if I fail. I hate those expectations. Even Stephen has joined them now. It's not his or their fault but I'm upset over that. Pong understands exactley what I mean but so what? I'd prefer not to talk to my friends about me also feeling scared about the HSC, about me also not ready for exams---just like they are. I mean it upsets me even more to know that they don't believe a word i say. Like i am just lying, uttering garbage.
I'm going to get busted for using so many SMS. I know I have. I was just bored. Just lonely. Just want to talk to someone. Just miss my friends. Not often do i get a reply. But that's ok. SMS costs.
OH well, glad Mum didn't ask how i was in the lib. I mean..what do i tell her? I couldn't study because i was really upset? She's going to give me this weird look if i do.
Good luck to everyone. ANd i hope this damn thing will be over soon.