One day daddy and baby bear came down to breakfast to find their breakfast bowls empty. "Somebody's been eating my porridge" daddy bear said. "Somebody's been eating my porridge" baby bear said. At that moment mummy bear came out of the kitchen and said, "No you stupid bastards! I havent made it yet!!!" |
| My Jokes!!! |
| St Peter has a day off and Jesus is standing in for him. While booking in new arrivals, Jesus notives an old man in the queue who seems familiar. When he gets to the front of the line, Jesus asks him his name... "Joseph." Jesus is now more inquisitive... "your occupation?" "Carpenter" By now Jesus is getting quite excited. "Did you have a little boy?" "Yes!" Jesus looks at the old man with a tear in his eye and shouts. "Father!! Father!!!" The old man looks puzzled and, after a moment replies, "Pinocchio?" |
| What's the difference between a violin and a viola? No difference, the violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so big. |
| Why are viola jokes so short? So violinists can understand them. |
| How do you get pianists to play in unison? Shoot all except one. |
| Why is a bassoon better than an oboe? An bassoon burns longer. |
| What is a gentleman? Someone who knows how to play the trombone but doesnt. |
| How do you get a guitar player to play softly? Give them sheet music. |
| What do drummers use for birth control? Their personalities. |
| How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb? Just one - she holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. |
| What's the difference between a bull and a symphony orchestra? The bull has the horns in the front and the arsehole up the back. |
| How do you keep a violin from getting stolen? Put it in a viola case. |
| What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline. |
| Why do violinists stand for long periods of time outside people's houses? They cant find the key and they dont know when to come in. |
| Why dont pianists play hide and seek? No one would look for them. |
| Feel free to suggest some more!!! |