January 7, 2001
The night before the night before
Well, after a year of contemplation, research, and few more failed attempts at dieting I will be going in tomorrow afternoon to see the doctor, check into the hospital, and prepare for surgery on Tuesday morning.
I am so tired of being fat. The irony is that when I wasn't fat, I was convinced I was. I will always be big, it's just the way I'm built, and that not a bad thing. I have problems accepting that John finds me attractive, but considering his painfully honest and blunt nature, I know that he would tell me if he didn't. I suppose this surgery in some ways is part of me reclaiming who I am, and who I have decided to be - a happy woman, successful and content in her life. It's really too much of a shame that it has taken so long. My childhood was spent being told that I was too big, too fat, too much. Oh, and too smart. I have been too much for the people around me all my life. So now I have turned it around - I have not been "too much", they were not enough. Not loving enough, caring, understanding, committed, encouraging, and all the other things a family is supposed to be, but in reality never are. Such is life.
When I think about Tuesday, I feel a little anxious. I know what
could go wrong if I go through with the procedure. I also know what will
go wrong if I don't - heart disease, adult onset diabetes, joint problems,
continued weight gain, depression, etc. In all reality, if things go wrong,
it will just be hastening the inevitable - we all die, some of us sooner
than others. After all, a lifetime is all you get.
January 8, 2001
The ACTUAL night before
Well, I've been to see the doctor and had my tests. I go in for surgery in the morning. The day started out strangely enough. From when I spoke with Dr. Kuri back in November, he said to come down in the afternoon on Monday. Apparently we caused some confusion because he called Wayne wanting to know where we were, and actually at the exact same time I was trying to call him to see when I should come down to his office. Then Wayne called to check up to see what was going on. The tests were pretty standard, a blood draw and a urinalysis, and the usual medical history and BP, check over and an EKG. The blood draw could've gone better. I was cold, slightly underhydrated, and my blood vessels are always a pain in the ass to find anyway. And I hadn't even thought about a urinalysis, so I ended up drinking lots of water to hydrate myself to aid the blood draw, and be able to pee in the cup!
The EKG was interesting. I sat there nekkid from the waist up with these little patches attached to me, and all around my left breast, the one over my heart. These tests were performed by Dr. Peterson. I joked with him that it was probably a good thing that I didn't have any more chest hair than I do. My EKG came out fine, as did everything else.
Dr. Kuri told me that I could have dinner (!), sleep in the hotel with John, and be at the hospital at 7:00 A.M. tomorrow morning. We'll see how it goes.
Dr. Kuri picked John and I up at the hotel and drove us to his office, and then took us to Dr. Peterson's office for the tests there. He said he'd be here in 15 minutes, it was closer to 30, and he was describing how far away something was, he said, "see, only five I minutes", but I was timing, it was more like 10 minutes. It's a cultural thing, and I'm ok with that. I just don't want anyone upset with me because I am trying to be appropriately relaxed and not uptight like most Americans are.
Well, tomorrow AM surgery, stay in the hospital tomorrow night, released Wednesday AM, final check with Dr. Kuri on Thursday AM, and leave San Diego on Thursday evening. So I guess we'll see how it goes. John has been really good about everything, going to the Drs. with me and being generally supportive. He's been great. I'm not certain how many people's husbands/wives go with them for this sort of thing. That lack of support is kinda sad. Thank goodness John is so spiffy and understanding.
January 9, 2001
Surgery Day - I called for a taxi at 6:30 so I could get to the hospital on time. The taxi never showed, and at 6:52 I ended up catching another cab. I got to the hospital right around 7:00 AM ( on time, hurrah!) and went in the front. The only person there was a security guard. The building looks old and worn from the exterior, and it is not an American "state of the art" facility, but it was clean. The guard spoke about as much English as I do Spanish, but that did the job. He took me to the back of the hospital and two nurses admitted me. I filled out some minimal forms, and they took me to my room. I undressed, got into a hospital gown, had to put on these stocking things up my leg (I'm guessing it was for fluid pressure or something like that. My background is not medical), and got in the bed. My blood vessels are really deep, and small, so when the nurses started to look for blood vessels for the IV, I wanted to groan, thinking about the day before and the blood draw. It took a bit, but they got a great one. I didn't even bruise. I laid there pondering for a bit, and decided to take a nap. The anesthesiologist came and introduced himself, asked me about the aurora, and went away. I went back to sleep. The next thing I can remember is getting from the bed onto the gurney, going into the theatre, they spread my legs and strapped them down, the anesthesiologist and I chatted, and that is all I remember. I don't even know what time that was.
The next thing I recall is my husband being in the room with me.
I drifted in and out of consciousness that day. Wayne came to visit, and
he and John visited into the evening. I felt pretty ok, all things considered.
The fact that they were medicating me through my IV was no doubt part of
it. I had a catheter, which was interesting, and not nearly as uncomfortable
as I had always been led to believe.
Hell, I'm thinking that for really long plane rides, catheter is the
way to go. *wink*
So for the day of surgery, I didn't really feel that bad. John went back to the hotel that night to sleep, and I went to sleep shortly after he left. Dr. Kuri had said he would come by later, and eventually he did that evening. He asked how I was doing, and that was that. The nurses responded to things much more quickly when he was present. It was amusing.
January 10, 2001
The Day After
Dr. Kuri came in the morning and checked on me. I drank some tea, he told me to change the bandages on my sutures once daily after I showered, take them off before I showered, and that I needed to walk. My port incision is about 3-4 inches long because I developed a bleeder and he had to go looking for it to tie it off. I couldn't really walk until the catheter was removed. I was weird when they removed it - hand up my gown, a little discomfort, and voila, unhooked from the thing. I had an x-ray taken before I left the hospital, My first walk around the place! The x-ray looked pretty cool - you could see the band and the radio opaque liquid in my throat, and all the other things. I haven't had much experience with things medical happening to me, so this is kinda an adventure. The taste of the liquid reminded me of milk of magnesia. It wasn't bad at all, just chalky.
Time to leave the hospital. I just got dressed, took my little bag and left. Dr. Kuri had arranged to meet with me again on Friday morning, and reminded me to drink water, and walk lots. John and I walked until we were almost to the hotel, and I started to feel lightheaded, so he got me taxi the rest of the way. I dutifully took my prescription to the pharmacy just up the road from the hotel and got it filled (Dolac). There is a Calimex (grocery store chain) just down the road from the hotel, so I had access to plenty of water, and Wednesday passed pretty calmly for me.
January 11, 2001
Oh my god what the hell have I done to myself?
This is the day it hit me - I have had a device implanted in me to restrict my consumption? What the hell? And also, what are the long term implications? I had a brief crying jag in the shower, told my husband I was tired of being brave about this, and was moping for about an hour. Then I felt pretty embarrassed about the whole thing. The pain isn't so bad, looks like I have little tracks going across my stomach.
January 12, 2001
The worst day of the bunch
The pain in my shoulder was horrible on the 12th. Dr. Kuri came and picked John and I up from our hotel in the morning, took us to his office, he gave me a quick review, prodded on me, and decided I had too much fluid built up in my port incision. He took and put a needle in the area and drew out fluid. My husband watched and assisted a little - he said the withdrawn fluid looked just like juices off of a roast beef. I have been having to endure his commentary on that ever since. Dr. Kuri told John how and when to remove my stitches, I asked when I could start swimming again, and that was the end of our visit.
Dr. Kuri was heading into the US that morning to check his mail, he was waiting for a package from Bioenterics so he could remove a BIB from a patient of his. So it was great - we made it into Mexico via the Wayne Smith Taxi service, and out via Dr. Kuri. He dropped us at a trolley station, we rode it downtown and then caught a cab from there to the airport. All in all, it worked great, and I got in my half hour of walking that day.
The plane trip home - was ok. With the pain in my shoulder, and the tenderness of my incisions, I just wanted to go home. Drinking water was an effort because I was still pretty swollen from surgery. One tiny sip and I felt full.
Summary:
January 19, 2001
I don't regret taking the plunge. It's been ten days now, and
I have had sex, been swimming, tried to keep on walking on the treadmill
at the gym, laid on both sides and my stomach, and even let my husband
pull my stitches out. I have been sticking to the liquid up to slush and
mush diet, and it hasn't been too hard. I have experienced what lots of
other people have - tight band in morning, looser in the evening.
My bowel movements are interesting, but I figure that's to be expected.
Thoughts on Mexico and the Mexican doctors:
I didn't have any problems. My husband was kinda put off by the appearance
of the hospital's exterior, and I must admit that I was putting my trust
in the knowledgeable opinions of people like Frances Orth, who is a medical
professional. Coming from Alaska, I am used to seeing some conditions that
aren't ultra-modern, but they do the job.
That is how I would describe the hospital. Dr. Kuri was fine. I asked my questions, he answered them, that was that. I in no way believe that any US surgeon would be so personable with out of office things like picking John and I up. The people in Mexico were nice, and I had a good time in Tijuana. I believe that Dr. Kuri is a competent medical provider, and capable of good judgment. That's enough for me.
The hotel - no complaints about the hotel, it's in an ok location, and my husband loved the salads in the restaurant next door to it, Café Merlot.
Oh, and yes, Wayne got me to try menudo. It's a texture thing for me when I say UGH. Pollo con mole was tasty, though.
So far, so good