well here is some of the stuff that i've written in my past/present that i thought i would put on here so yeah...i hope you at least like some of this crap that i've written...it's nothing really special...it's just what came to my mind at that moment and time...i hope you like it
-The one who got away-
I realize that I�m not with you anymore and it
hurts to know that I won�t hold you in my arms,
therefore I�m writing this.
You were my first real true love, my
only one, I never thought we�d end up like this
but now we�re done. You got away from me
and I don�t know why, I loved you so much
that�s why I tried, but did I try too much?
That scared you in a way so much? Did I
do something wrong? We didn�t really last
for long, what was it�less than a year but
do know this, you�ll always be in my heart,
very near yet so far and distant�I�m sorry if
I was so insistant with us spending our lives together
but now were away, we won�t be with
Each other. I love you baby, I hope you know
it�s true that when I�m saying this, that I love you
and I always will. You�ll always have a big
part of my heart now and forever, I�m not lying
I�m being 100% true, believe me when I say this
You were my baby and I still love you.
-I miss you and I only want you to be happy
in what ever you do�
would you find it in your heart to make this go away? to let me rest in pieces...to say that you really did truly loved me with all of your heart and not a thing less than that? would you find it in your heart to say that you got scared and you really didn't know what to do because of these strong feelings we had for eachother so you were "pushed away"?...relationship or friendship, that really doesn't matter to me anymore, as long as you're in my life as my girlfriend or as my friend...because i'd rather have you be in my life than not in it at all... so if friendship is what it will take for us to talk, i'll take that over not having you in my life at all and i hope you will take me as a friend and talk from time to time, call from time to time...would you find it in your heart to make this go away, to let me rest in pieces to talk every now and then? i hope so...
i'm somewhat lost now...but i am going on with my life, but just think, you were a big part of it... a BIG part of it, and now you're not anymore and i'm slowly moving on, i can't force you to do anything you don't want to do and i got to live with that, if i had it my way, things would be different...maybe it's for the better that we're apart because it's giving us the space we need...to explore new things that are out in the world for us, new things that we never knew existed and that could be either good or bad for us, we'll never know unless we don't try anything. we need to explore our options and we need to see what's out there for us. and if we never get back together...then so be it...but don't you EVER forget that for one second i'm not going to ever talk to you again because it is NOT true, not true what so ever. if you EVER need to talk, or if you ever have anything on your mind, please please please do NOT hesitate to talk to me, if you're ever having trouble in any situation, i will always be there for you so please come to me if you have anything on your mind or anything at all, if you just want to talk i'll be here.
-Misunderstood-
why am i so misunderstood, i'm the way i am, i'm ME, that i can not help, i would if i could. people mistake me for something i'm not, i feel like i could explode because i'm SO misunderstood. sometimes i feel like giving up in life, i tell my self, "i really should" but i realize i have a lot going for me. i try and try and try yet i get no where it seems like this always happens to me, this isn't fair. i'm around people all the time, that i do not mind. yet some days i like to be alone because i get into my "mood" for the day yet when i'm around people when i'm like that, all they say is yay. i get in these moods every now and then, sometimes i feel like i gotta cry but i don't. i bottle it deep down inside. i know i shouldn't but i do, all because people fucking misunderstand me, why ME? why not him or her, or someone else but ME!! i've had about enough of it...this is total bullshit and it has to end, not next week, not tomorrow, NOW! i have no idea what i can do to make it end, i have no way of knowing how but it has to end now. i feel like i'm trampled on every day i leave my house, but i'm used to that by now. it's nothing new by me. but i've had enough. i'll strike back one day, just you watch. for every one of you ass hole people who ever used me, treated me bad, came down on me, mistreated me, hurt me in any way, watch out, i WILL get you back. maybe not now, but sooner or later i WILL so watch out, be aware of your surroundings because one day i might be there to get you back for all those times you hurt, used, or made me feel bad about myself. and for those who i can't reach or can't find, i only wish the worst for you, the worst thing that could possibly happpen to you, i wish it upon you.
-Ode to valentines day-
to everyone who is "in love" whoopty fucking do! great for everyone who has someone!, now you have a holiday to go all out on. valentines day, yippy yippy yay! good for you, now you can splurge and spoil the SHIT out of your loved one, yeah that's right, your loved one. oooooh look at me, i HAVE someone yay for me! i'm NOT single so i don't have to fucking MINGLE!! because i'm not some pathetic moron who can't get a b/f or a g/f, i'm lucky! i can spend valentines day with the person i absolutely love, look at me yay! well you know what i have to say to that!! you're absolutely fucking GAY!! bye now!! =D
today was the day of hell...=(
Today was the day of hell, for now we�ll be no more. You packed up your shit and headed out the door. Why did you do this to me? I loved you, you WERE my baby!! But not anymore for a long time, maybe not at all�I now spend my nights and days crying. Without you in my life, I don�t know if I�ll ever recover�I don�t think that I�ll ever love another with the amount of love that I had for you, I�m not lying I�m 100% true. Do you believe me when I say that I still love you and I hope to god we�ll get back together another day? Hopefully soon but probably not in anyway from what you think of me now�as a god damn friend. YOU had to make it END!! And do you know why? Well I do, you really never wanted to fucking try. You said that you warmed up to me from the first day we met, right from the very start. These past 11 months all I did was give you my heart, for you to rip out of my chest. But now that we�re not together, I think it�s for the best. The best for you and I, I don�t have to do anything anymore, I don�t even have to try. So I�m moving on in my life, no more pain, or nothing to lose or gain. One day I�ll be happy but not now, I�m probably the saddest guy in my town. But my life must go on, I feel like I fell off the track, but I�ll get back on. Maybe with you, and maybe not, but do know that you were my first real baby, my first everything, I love you and I ALWAYS will.
I want you back in my life you already know. Will the answer be yes anytime soon? I know that and the answer is NO. I miss holding you in my arms each night when I�m with you, keeping you safe from harm, you know it was true. I miss your soft lips kissing mine when I was with you, we did it all the time. I want you back so bad it hurts my heart, all I want us to be is how we were from the start but your life must go on, and so must mine� it�s just going to be hard to deal with, but I will in time.
why?
When we were together girl you
Took it for granted but now that we�re
Not I�m glad I don�t have it
You were my one and only shit I thought
We were true but I�m finally
Realizing that now we are through
It�s the end of you and I, now we�re
Finally done, and any guy you go for
I�m gonna pull the trigger on my
Gun to end his ways
Girl he can�t love you like I
Did every day I was good
And true to you all of the time
I thought I was yours, girl
You knew you were MINE! Why
Did you do this, I thought what
We had was good, why you gotta
Go and make me look bad in my hood?
Baby why did you do this
To me, I know that we�re done, I
Don�t know if I�ll ever find another,
You were my only one. Baby
Why did you make us friends, did
You really think I wanted us
To end? Baby why�
You lost these feelings you had
For me, now they�re gone, I guess the
Only thing I can do now is fucking move on
But you�re always gonna be on my
Mind night and day. I hope we get
Back together later in the future
Some how some way�
misunderstood part 2
why does this SHIT always happen to me? am i just destined to be cursed for LIFE? why me? what do i do to deserve this, can't you all just let me be? so to all of you muthafuckas that rip on me, give me crap, for all of you who pretty much have shit on me my whole life, FUCK YOU, SUCK A DICK, AND LEAVE ME BE!! or is that too hard for you to do, you know it's true. you treat me like i'm your bitch which i'm NOT, the fact of the matter is, yall are MY bitches! so eat a dick, better get out quick before i strike on you, because you know that it's true. i will get you back, some how i will. i am the king of tha hill yall better remember me, for when i leave, this world may never be tha same, it won't ever be. i AM a good person as we all know it, yet people DO NOT tend to see it, i don't care anymore. i deal with it and move on with my life, not to give 2 shits about anyone who disrespects me. if you piss me off in ANY way, god damnit, you WILL hear it, trust me you will. thank you...
missing you
missing you is the hardest thing that i can do. it hurts so much yet i can't stop loving you. i know that i must go on with life, i have to live. it's really hard to do but i know that i can't always get my way and i have to give. hold on if you feel like letting go. did i wanna say good bye? the answer is no. missing you really isn't helping me out at this point and time, all i did was love you, was that such a crime? but the time has come to let you go and to move on. NEVER will i forget about you, that won't ever happen. missing you sometimes makes me cry. sometimes i wonder, why did i even try? i tried for one reason and one reason only... because i loved you SO much you were my only. missing you isn't a fun thing to do. it hurts me and i hope it hurts you. but i don't know if it does but i hope so. i wonder how you're doing now that we're apart, i think to myself, is a part of me still in your heart? you're still in mine, and you always will be. you were the best thing in the world to me. missing you i have grown to accept, i hope you're happy now, i hope you get all that you want because you deserve it. baby i miss you don't ever forget that.
"should have been slower"
in the beginning we took things too fast, now that i'm thinking it's all in the past. you loved me and i loved you, i never had the idea that we'd end up like this, i never knew. i'll kill you for myself and i'd kill myself for you, i never knew that my feelings in return would scare you. in the beginning we were all good and we were more than jjst friends but look at us now, i think this might be the end of us, you and i. i tried so hard because i love you, but i don't "have you" anymore i'm empty inside...
...(chorus)whoa! why didn't we start out slow, why did we get so serious from the get-go, look at us now, we're not together. my heart was heavy of love, now it's light as a feather...
look at me now, i don't know why i tried, this week has been nothing but pain, you and i cried. you bought me things shit i bought you things too. i did that because you loved me and i loved you. at the time we talked about spending our lives together, we were insistant, shit i never thought we'd grow to be this distant. why did you get that way? to think of me as a friend? we went out for fucking 11 months and you think we should end? that's bullshit and you KNOW IT'S true. i tried my hardest to make this work, just for YOU!!...(chorus)i gave you my heart i gave you my all. when we were together we both had a ball. i was the only one for you, you were my number ONE but now that we're away from eachother, it's all done... i told you to let me know ASAP if i was freaking you out, but you waited, and look at what it did to me! look at me now, i feel like crying last night i called so many people i felt like dying. for all the time you took and got so scared, i realize that i won't have you again, you won't have you again, you won't be there. if you come to your senses, and i hope to GOD you do, don't you ever forget that i'll be here waiting for you, i love you and i always will, please don't forget that, you're my first REAL true love, my baby boo...