Qui-Gon: Now Anakin, you're the most important person here. If anything ever happened to you we would all be very sad. You are the chosen one, you will bring balance to the force and save us all. You are awesome.
Anakin: Wizard!
Obi-Wan: God, I can't even look at you.
Padme: *Stealth Padme!*

Obi-Wan: He's touching him. I can't believe he's touching him. Look at him, all fatherly. He's never like that with me. I'm supposed to be his padawan, but nooo, it's all about that stupid kid. I'm totally hotter than him. He's going down.

Qui-Gon: *blah blah blah Theed blah blah blah Rescue blah blah blah*
Anakin: Boy, Master Qui-Gon sure is a lot smarter than you. And taller. Come to think of it, a lot of people are taller than you. You're kinda short. You must be one of the shortest Jedi ever. *insert witty comment about Ewoks here*
Obi-Wan: Not. Listening. Totally not listening. Don't reach for the lightsaber, it's not worth it...

Qui-Gon: You would have made an excellent farmer.

Obi-Wan: Holy crap you are really tall.

Qui-Gon: I wish to take Anakin as my Padawan learner.
Obi-Wan: *seethes with repressed rage*

Obi-Wan: God I hate you.

Anakin: *waves from cockpit!*
Obi-Wan: God I fucking hate him.
Qui-Gon: Down boy.

Obi-Wan: WE WERE GOING TO GO ON A PICNIC!

Qui-Gon: Obi-Wan, there's something I must tell you...
Obi-Wan: Yes, Master?
Qui-Gon: It's very important; I could never forgive myself if I died and didn't say it.
Obi-Wan: Yes, Master?
Qui-Gon: I... I...
Obi-Wan: Yes?!
Qui-Gon: I want you to train Anakin. He's the Chosen One and really awesome and important. *dies*
Obi-Wan: WTMFingF!?

Anakin: You're going to kill me, aren't you?

Obi-Wan: Oh yes.

EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES AKA OBI-WAN'S HATE GROWS COMING SOON
(Er... eventually?)