Prior to Jiblet Jam VIII (2004)
From: Mike
Shemeley
Subject: RE: Thoughts on the Sox
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 2004 13:36:32 -0400
Hey hey kids,
I just thought it was a silly joke...much like electronic voting machines
without a paper trail, or $1170 bleacher seats. Hi-yo! Anywhoo, my
question is this: WTF? Jiblet Jam is one month away and no one has said
much of anything about it, no trash talk, no team talk, not even the old cleats
or no cleats discussion. All I've heard is this Sunday game idea.
Which makes me wonder, is the Jiblet dead? Because that
would make baby Jesus cry. I guess I have to ask because no one else is
talking about this angry 800lb gorilla on PCP in the room. All I know is
I can play on Thanksgiving, but after the holiday I head back to NH. In
other important news: Simpsons season starts 11/7, Sox in 7 with the final
gaming being decided by one run in the tenth and 6 errors allowing the
Cardinals to tie it in the eigth, and after winning one vote in New Hampshire,
Steve Buscemi will become president as the electoral college has 300 electors
change their votes to Mr. Pink, because he is the best choice for America.
Mike
Date: Mon, 25
Oct 2004 11:25:05 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Kick in the Jiblets '04
As of now, my status is still questionable as I recently started a
new job, and may be working that day. If switching shifts is a possibility, I
will gladly work Christmas to get thanksgiving. Jiblet Jam is still the best
thing I have going. I have a feeling the media has picked up on this story, and
you may hear more about it soon. Don’t believe the allegations. Now if you will
excuse me, I am off to go train, lest my throwing arm become weaker than Woody
Williams’, or my catching hands grow harder than Bill Mueller’s.
-Yucca Valley Jeff
Date: Wed, 27
Oct 2004 15:13:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: SNMFC BOMBSHELL!
The Red Sox winning the world series is indeed a huge story, but
nothing compared to this bombshell. When the people of New England are
scratching their collective heads tomorrow trying to find something new to
complain about, they need look no further than this brewing controversy on the
southwestern tip of their dominion. A controversy that threatens to shake a
beloved South New Milford institution to it’s very foundation!
Read about it at:
From: Tom Marks
Subject: RE: SNMFC BOMBSHELL!
Date: Wed, 27 Oct 2004 22:17:40 -0400
I'll take the over on Rooney chop tackles. Do we have a
number yet on how
many times Jamie's ass will make an appearance? Book me on
the over if
it's less than 10.
T-Dog
Date: Thu, 28
Oct 2004 08:58:04 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Jiblet Jam Street Propaganda Campaign: Phase
1
On the abandoned buildings, freeway overpasses, and construction
sites of your respective towns, a massive underground propaganda campaign is
underway, and although the messages may be cryptic in nature, one cannot deny
their connection to the rapidly approaching Jiblet Jam VIII. Get a look at this
one I found on the bathroom wall of a local pub:
Date: Fri, 29
Oct 2004 11:38:26 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: SNMFC Street Propaganda Campaign: Phase 2
So the prospect of Mike watching you pee doesn't bother anybody
enough to start talking about Jiblet Jam. So be it. Perhaps this
will. I saw this equally Orwellian poster pasted all over the telephone
poles outside my church. Jiblet Jam is coming my friends:
Date: Sun, 31
Oct 2004 00:25:59 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Re: Electoral College Pool
"Uhhh...I think Guam is solid Kerry while American Samoa is
leaning Bus-"AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO REALIZES THAT JIBLET JAM IS LESS THAN
FOUR WEEKS AWAY!? Yes, I'm voting. But does it really matter which
Old Money-Skull and Bones Yalie liar occupies the white house when this guy
is trusted with people's children? (See attachment) I saw this
poster stuck all over a utility box near my local middle school.
From: Marc
Lucente
Subject: Trouble on the horizon
Date: Sun, 31 Oct 2004 12:49:32 -0500
Oh yes, it's official, I will be in attendance for the Jam.
Airfare is booked. I arrive Tuesday and leave on Friday. I
encourage all in the area to gather and go out one night... let me know.
Oh yeah, I'm bringing my girlfriend home with me. Attatched
is a picture...
Later,
Marco
From: Brian Durand
Date: 2004/10/31 Sun PM 08:45:38 GMT
Subject: Jiblet Jam VIII
Alright, I've delayed all Jiblet Jam related email for long
enough. Now that the World Series is over, I can fully devote my time to
preparing for Jiblet Jam VIII (do we have a title yet?)
I have to say it is a sad commentary on the SNMFC when it is
Halloween and there have been little in the way of Jiblet Jam emails to this
point. Hoose has certainly tried hard to stir up some talking, and Tom
has been inquiring about a possible Sunday game. But that's been
it. And I blame myself for this as well, but no longer am I staying
quite.
The Shemeley & Rooney propaganda pictures (all three are
attached since several people were not included in the first mass emailings)
were funny (mostly because it wasn't me) but the latest propaganda piece
involving my good name went too far. The lat time I moved was well over a
year ago, so how does the box of stuff marked "Porn" that is
allegedly mine only surface now only a few weeks before the election...err...I
mean game. My opponent is merely trying to smear my good name in an
attempt to conjure up support for himself while distracting us from the
gambling and betting probe that threatens to bar him from the league.
I will be on the not-yet-frozen tundra of Hill & Plain field
come Thanksgiving morning at 9:00 AM ready for Jiblet Jam VIII. The
question that remains now, is will you be there?
People Activated For Game Day - Myself, Marc, Shemeley, Chris
Rooney
Declared Ineligible By The Wife - Tom
Status Unknown - Handyside, Plank, Ben, Pat Rooney
Will Be There Assuming He's Still Alive - Jamie Hall
Prefers Sunday but knows he wants to play Thursday too – Dolan
Will Be There Assuming He's Cleared of Gambling Charges - Hoose
So we have four in, one out, and seven unsure. Let's find
out who else can make it and go from there.
Also, if anyone has a good name for the game that would be much
appreciated as well. "Jiblet Jam VIII: The Chronicles of
Jiblet" was suggested by Hoose and that sounds like a decent name despite
being a bad movie (it would lend itself nicely to creating a trailer for the
game). We have the election, the most unlikely World Series Champion, and
scores of other cultural moments to draw inspiration from so it shouldn't be
that hard to come up with a game title.
-Durand
From: Chris
Plank
Subject: Re: Jiblet Jam VIII
Date: Sun, 31 Oct 2004 21:05:35 +0000
I must say that the Shemeley picture was quite disturbing, but no less
than Kent Brockman's 'Golden Shower' statement many seasons ago. As for
the box of porn for Durand, having seen Jeff go as far to put 'Burt Young
Porno' on a box before someone moved I must say that is tame. However, in
this unofficial statement I will say that I will be at Jiblet Jam. My
official press release has yet been posted, but follows:
New Milford (AP)- As the Southern New Milford Football
Concern's season opener is rushing upon us; Chris Plank has announced that he
will be available again this year. During the SNMFC's hiatus, Plank was
filming the 8th installment of the Brock Lander's series, Brock Lander's:
Welcome to New MILFord. This installment features: Dirk Diggler as
Brock Landers, Reed Rothchild as Chest Rockwell, and Plank as Alan
Thicke. The three search New MILFord for Milfs, and their nemesis of
Raphael and his sidekick Ringo. Upon the conclusion of filming and the
announcement of Plank's return to the SNMFC, Rothchild commented that,
"Plank is all man, and with his athletic performance as Alan Thicke, I
think he's in shape for the Jam." Roller Girl was quoted as saying
in her book he'll be a 'deep threat' all day. As for the gambling issue
with fellow SNMFCer Jeff Hoose, Plank said, " Hoose doesn't have a
gambling problem" and furthermore he believed if Hoose did bet "it
(betting) didn't undermine the integrity of the game." When asked if
perhaps a trip to Vegas in which, Pete Rose, Hoose and Plank were spotted at a
sports book; Plank replied, "No Comment." Whether Plank is
working out by drinking milkshakes and eating pie to become the next Ron
Jeremy, or perhaps is involved in this gambling embarrassment for the League,
you can expect his no talent ass to show up for the Jam.
Date: Thu, 4 Nov 2004 03:14:45 -0800
(PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Coming soon...
In his last email, Plank mentioned a gambling excursion at which
he, Pete Rose, and myself were present. This is particularly interesting, as I
recently spoke to Tom Marks and learned that ESPN is producing a motion picture
about my own personal gambling scandal. I have attached one of the production
stills of Tom Sizemore in "HOO$TLE". Say what you will about my
indiscretions, the real crime is Sizemore’s latest hairpiece.
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 2004 11:20 PM
From: Brian Durand
Subject: T - 2 Weeks
How could this have happened?
What went wrong? I'm still in
shock....
While the above might be in reference to the disastrous outcome of
last Tuesday's elections, I was actually referring to the sad state of the
SNMFC and the former time-honored tradition that was Jiblet Jam.
Never would I have thought that we would be only TWO WEEKS from
the biggest annual SNMFC event and still not have a name for the game, still
not started trash-talking (alright I'll start with the usual, Jamie you're
gayer than McGreevey), and most disturbing of all WE STILL DON'T EVEN WHO IS
COMING!
As of now, the only people I know of that will be there are
myself, C Rooney, Plank, Shemeley, & Marco.
Hoose is still examining his options of getting back to CT from
Vegas.
Handyside? Hall? Pat? Ben?
Kevin are you able to play Thursday?
Once we know who will be there, we can start picking teams,
etc. Somebody get something going
here...we only have two weeks left...
-Durand
Date: Wed, 10
Nov 2004 23:06:43 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Re: T - 2 Weeks
I will be there. Think the rest of you can get the sand out
of your pussies long enough to return one of these emails?
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 2004 09:19:53 -0500
Subject: Re: T - 2 Weeks
From: Tom Marks
With every passing email, my heart breaks a little more.
So, don't go breakin' my heart...
From: Marc Lucente
Subject: Re: T - 2 Weeks
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 2004 12:58:22 -0500
Bring the PAIN!!!
No, seriously, I threw my back out two days ago and could barely
walk... But I WILL be ready for the Jam!
-Marco
P.S. What's a blog?
From: Chris
Rooney
Subject: Re: T - 2 Weeks
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 2004 16:49:22 -0500
Durand left one player off the potential roster. That's
right one Steve Wollkind sent me an email not that long ago requesting
information on the continued existence of jiblet jam. He's back from
Texas and lookin' to kick some ass!
And visit the blog and click on the adds. I need the money.
Date: Fri, 12 Nov 2004 01:31:56 -0800
(PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Eternal Jamnation
The Page has been updated. Jiblet Jam is upon us:
From: Brian Durand
Date: Friday, November 12, 2004 6:46 AM
Subject: Re: Eternal Jamnation
"Jiblet Jam VIII: The Search For Hall" is
brilliant...brilliant! After every piece of returned undeliverable email
to Jamie's hotmail account and every unreturned phone call, and based on the
fact that I don't think anyone has actually seen Jamie alive since last
Christmas, this title makes perfect sense.
Come to think of it, Jamie is starting to remind of Bin Laden. His
apartment looks like a cave, he's virtually out of touch with the rest of the
world, and I keep waiting for him to make his annual appearance via some video
broadcast announcing that he is still alive and dangerous.
Now that we have a game title, we need to start thinking about captains and teams.
Of course in order to do that we need a count on who is playing. We have
seven players currently (CRooney, Hoose, Marco, Shemeley, Plank, Steve, &
Myself).
Shawn, Kevin, Ben, & Pat if you are out there don't be like Jamie.
Let us know if you're going to be there Thursday morning (we still playing at 9
AM everyone?). We hope to have as many people as possible, it'd just be
good to know in advance so we can begin picking teams and more importantly
trash-talking.
-Durand
Subject: JJ VIII Injury Report
Date: Fri, 12 Nov 2004 15:56:31 -0500
From: Chris Rooney
PROVIDENCE, RI (November 12)- With Jiblet Jam VIII fast
approaching the first injury report has been filed out of Providence.
Chris Rooney, who holds the record for mediocrity by competing in all seven
previous Jiblet Jams without winning a Theisman Award, has been listed as
probable for Jiblet Jam VIII, now in less than two weeks.
The injury, incurred while playing kickball with a Cub Scout Pack
in Fall River, MA, is causing him pain in his right leg and lower back and he
has a noticeable limp.
Rooney was quoted as saying, “If you f***ing think I’m going to
f***ing miss f***ing Jiblet f***king Jam, you’re out of you f***ing
mind!” He will be resting his leg over the weekend working on upper body
strength, doing 16oz curls. He will resume a full workout schedule on
Monday.
Marc Lucente is also on the injury report. He also claims he
will not be missing Jiblet Jam, saying, “No, seriously, I threw my back
out two days ago and could barely walk... But I WILL be ready for the
Jam!”
In spite of his optimism, he is listed as questionable, because
everyone knows what a girly man he is.
Tom Marks is listed as out for JJ VIII. Apparently he has
been castrated.
The next injury report update is due out one week from Jamtime.
Date: Sun, 14
Nov 2004 17:34:19 -0500
From: Pat Rooney
Subject: Re: T - 2 Weeks
I apologize for being tardy to the party.....of course i will be
at the game....and i hope to pick up awards for "Drove the Shortest to get
here" and "Most improved odor". And all you can get ready to see
the new and improved pat rooney, he's sleeker, he's leaner, and he's full of
back pain.
From: Brian Durand
Date: Sunday, November 14, 2004 11:53 PM
Subject: Re: T - 2 Weeks
Alright,
Talked to some people this weekend about their status for Jiblet
Jam VIII: The Search for Hall. Speaking
of the person in question, I tried reaching Jamie but to no avail (big
surprise). I did talk to Handyside but
he doesn't feel that he will be able to make the game this year as he will be
in Pennsylvania with Alyssa's family.
Kevin Dolan emailed me and said he is "pretty sure (not 100%,
but close)" that he will be able to play in Jiblet Jam. He seemed to think Ben wouldn't be able to
play because he will have to be down in New York that day. So for now we'll say Dolan's in and
Darling's out until we hear further on the matter.
This is where we stand...
IN: Durand, Hoose, C Rooney, Shemeley, Lucente, Plank, Wollkind,
Dolan, & P Rooney.
9 people, not too shabby...and there's always the matter of the
tenth man, Jamie.
Are we going to pick captains and teams ahead of time? Or should we just wait until the morning of the
game since there are still some questions surrounding the availability of some
players.
Also, are we all in agreement that game time is once again 9:00 AM
on Thanksgiving morning at Hill & Plain?
I know this has been the norm for years, but just want to make sure.
-Brian
Date: Sun, 14
Nov 2004 22:26:20 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Re: T - 2 Weeks
Let's get Dolan confirmed soon and then move forward with the
appointments of Captains and the double secret draft. Ben can't make it
because he'll be in New York that day? I'm flying cross country and Ben
can't drive 75 miles to dinner? Are they eating at 9 a.m.?
Unfortunate. So be it. We already have a quality showing. I
called Hall about half an hour ago. His last known phone # is 860 488
0349. Try hassling him at this number until he calls one of
us. I have known hall almost 20 years and I know that if he is in
fact alive, he will be at Jiblet Jam. Once we get the People's
Bank Wrecking Machine's name on the dotted line, we can proceed with team
selection as if Hall were coming. If he doesn't show, we can
turn the event into an actual search for Hall's remains. Either way,
I'm there.
Date: Mon, 15
Nov 2004 10:21:38 -0500
From: Benjamin Darling
Subject: Re: T - 2 Weeks
Hey guys,
I've had a change in plans and will be on the roster for Jiblet
Jam VIII.
In the past I've tried to rely on speed and quickness, but after
losing the Theisman in a unanimous vote at K2K, I've realized that speed alone
is not going to elevate me to the ranks of the SNMFC elite.
I've been hitting the weights to add a little more strength and
size to my game.* For those of you who haven't seen me in awhile, I've
attached a photo.
See you on the frozen tundra,
Ben
*Plus, lucrative endorsement deals have been an added benefit.
Subject: Re: T - 2 Weeks
From: Kevin Dolan
Date: Mon, 15 Nov 2004 10:55:37 -0500
Ok guys,
I've been getting some heat about my "pretty sure (not 100%,
but close)" response to Durand so I guess I'll need to move all-in.
I'll be there. If the rest of you can come from far away, I can at least
come from Hartford, New England's rising star.
I was worried at first with the light response that Jiblet Jam had
been getting, but now it seems like we're up to 11 (if Hall shows up, as we all
expect I guess). That's a pretty good turnout. And it's looking
like Durand is going to slip into his patented automatic-O role. Unless
Gambone somehow shows up...
So I guess we can move into assigning captains and picking
teams. I'm not a big fan of being a captain myself, the two Rooneys have
been named opposing captains too many times to count, and the Hoose vs. Plank
captaincy battle resulted in a blow out in last year's 2 Kwanzaa 2 Khaos, of
which I was on the wrong, pathetic end, having never stopped the opposing
team. So I'm not sure where to turn. Maybe Plank vs. Lucente or
Hoose vs. P. Roon? There's always the option of NMHS Cross Country
(2-time defending New England Champions, having defended their title on
Saturday) alumni vs. the rest. That would make C-Roon, Steve, Hall, Ben
and me vs. Proon, Hoose, Plank, Lucente and Schmeley. The historic battle
of speed
vs. size. Though I'm no longer any kind of fast and am likely
to blow a hamstring within the first five minutes. And we've seen that
picture of Ben.
But I'm the lowest form of an SNMFCer, coming from Northern New
Milford, having never attended H&P, and having missed such revered events
as the sole Monday Night Football. So the leadership of our concern
should move forward as they wish.
But I'll be there (100%)
-Kevin
Date: Mon, 15
Nov 2004 12:02:13 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Re: T - 2 Weeks
"I can at least come from Hartford,
New England's rising star."
I thought Dan Klecko was New England's rising star.
Date: Mon, 15
Nov 2004 12:36:26 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Re: T - 2 Weeks
All those guys ran XC?
We could always reassemble the worst little league team in the history
of organized sports, the 1989 New Milford Little League Mets, which included
Durand, Ben, Myself, and I believe, Steve and Dolan? Remember this team,
coached by Mr. Darling? We went a perfect 0 for season. We
could even wear our pale orange ringer shirts. Does anybody still have
theirs? Durand's probably still fits him. Such a reunion would be
the sports equivalent of a broadway revival of "The Capeman", or a
"Wings" reuninon show.
(The preceeding was not a serious proposal.)
Date: Tues, 16 Nov 2004 12:12 AM
From: Brian Durand
Subject: Re: T - 2 Weeks
No, they didn't all run XC, Rooney & Wollkind were the stat
guys for the XC team in high school so Kevin included them as part of them team
to balance the numbers.
My god that was an awful little league team but hey at least we
managed to tie the A's that year (thanks to the game being called on a count of
darkness which nullified all the runs scored on home runs by the A's in the top
of the inning reverting the game back to the tied score at the beginning of
that inning). Thus we managed to finish
a slightly more respectful 0-13-1. Thus
bright orange shirts were hideous and not even I would still be able to fit in
that shirt. (I may not have grown since
leaving high school...but I've grown since the 4th grade).
I've got an idea for teams...we can give the Democrats in the
group a chance for payback for the god-awful results of the election. I apologize if I associate you with the
wrong political party...
Democrats: Chris Rooney, Pat Rooney, Jeff Hoose, Steve Wollkind,
Jamie?
Republicans: Marc Lucente, Ben Darling, Mike Shemeley, Chris
Plank, Dolan?
Automatic "O" - Me
Sorry Kevin, I can't remember what end of the political spectrum
you identify with...if you are a Democrat then we could switch you and Jamie
since I'm pretty sure dead people can't vote (except for in Chicago).
If the teams stay as they are above, and Jamie doesn't show
(clearly a possibility since no one knows if he is dead or alive) then I could
just slide on to the Democrats team. By
the way Jeff, I have tried calling Jamie five times in the past week to no
avail.
These teams would also split the SNMFC members on the latest
injury report evenly onto the two separate teams with the Rooney brothers on
one team and Marc & Plank on the other.
Feel free to dispute the teams...but it's just a suggestion...
-Durand
From: Chris
Plank
Subject: Re: Re: T - 2 Weeks
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 2004 1:58:24 +0000
Good Evening future team-mates and future bitches! An Injury
update that Chris Plank is termed as questionable after a lower back
strain. He has been doing a 40 oz. rehab, by lifting such said bottles
and decreasing the weight slowly by consuming what is in the bottle.
While listed as questionable he has decided to go balls out to get healthy
after the death of friend, Ol' Dirty Bastard. Once declared a member of
the Wu-Tang Clan as Ol' Dirty Bowski, Plank has decided to make his friend
proud by victory. Also while in entertainment news apparently Chris
Rooney was seen warming up for Jiblet Jam by showing up at the American Music
Awards (PHOTO ATTACHED). When asked what he was doing at the awards show,
Rooney simply stated, "Searching for Hall." Most celebrities
were baffled, but SNMFC fans knew exactly what he was talking about.
Date: Tue, 16
Nov 2004 02:16:53 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: U.S. Closes in on Hall
Just after 1 a.m. Vegas time the phone rang, and I am glad to
report that James Hall is alive and well and living in State College. He
will be at Jiblet Jam. (Like there was doubt.) Decide on
captains. Pick the teams. Slow guys fast guys feel all right, on a
warm South New Milford Night.
From: Chris
Plank
Subject: Re: U.S. Closes in on Hall
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 2004 15:45:59 +0000
I say we just be spontaneous and pick the teams @ game time.
-Ol' Dirty Bowski
Subject: Re:
U.S. Closes in on Hall
From: Kevin Dolan
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 2004 12:19:56 -0500
I was on the Mets the year before, when we were 0-14. I seem to recall us
losing our opening day game something like 26-0. And it's even sadder
still that Mr. Darling didn't consider me worthy of keeping for the team the
next year (I guess I was left unprotected in the expansion draft), even on a
team like that. So I escaped and went to a team where we won at least a
couple of games (probably against the Mets only). Poor Ben, in his minor
league baseball career he went 0-27-1. And if Mr. Darling was coaching
any other team (except for maybe the NY Rangers) he would have been fired.
Not that it was his fault. He had Ben on the team.
And if I recall correctly, Ben has said something like the Mets
had bases loaded ready to take the lead in the game which was tied when the
game was called on account of darkness. I've heard a different version than
the one Durand gave. So I'm not sure what the truth is.
As for picking teams, captains are probably the fairest way to go,
but I don't care if we do it beforehand or day-of. Either way I'm sure
we'll be starting one game with the people who are relatively on time and then
have to start another game when Hall shows up half an hour to an hour late.
Date: Tue, 16
Nov 2004 11:46:05 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Re: U.S. Closes in on Hall
I recall the game ending the way Ben stated, with the bases
loaded, tie score, and really dark out. We had looked forward to that
game for weeks, knowing one of those teams had to come out with a W.
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 2004 10:55:04 -0500
Subject: The Search Is ON...
From: Tom Marks
Boy-os:
I can't stress to you all enough the agony and torture I feel not being able to
attend Jiblet Jam VIII: The Search For Jamie Hall. But I have taken that
destructive energy and turned it into something constructive- The Jiblet Jam
VIII: The Search For Jamie Hall trailer.
http://www.leverage-marketing.com/~tomm/JJVIIISearch4Hall.wmv
You will need Windows Media Player to view this film.
With the potential for a 6-on-6 match-up, this has all the makings of an epic
game. Enjoy it, and then prepare yourselves for the smack-down that will
be Kwanza Khaos 3, returning to its rightful place, Boxing Day, Dec. 26.
T-Dog
P.S. Can somebody please get some new video footage this year...some of these
clips are getting a little tired!
Date: Thu, 18
Nov 2004 10:58:17 -0500
Subject: How fitting...
From: Tom Marks
----- The following addresses had permanent fatal
errors -----
<[email protected]>
(reason: 550 Requested action not taken: mailbox unavailable)
From: Chris
Plank
Subject: Re: The Search Is ON...
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 2004 23:10:41 +0000
First schedule conflict, Boxing Day I have to work, stay tuned for
details.
Date: Thu, 18
Nov 2004 19:00:40 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Re: The Search Is ON...
The web page has been updated to include the new trailer, injury
reports, and the recent additions to the lineup:
Date: Fri, 19
Nov 2004 03:08:50 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Huzzah!
A raised pint to Tom, for creating the Citizen Kane of pickup
football game trailers, and a raised pint to Hall, for giving us a
theme. (The working title for this game was Jiblet Jam VIII: The
Search for Tina Yothers.)
From: Chris
Plank
Subject: Mass Email...for the Masses
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 2004 20:14:11 +0000
I have update my blog, The Speak-Easy, http://speak-easy.blogspot.com/
I have also enable comments, so you can tell me how much is sucks
and how much you diagree with my comments!
Well the back is still sore and now I have a cold. This
intrigue is steamier than a crappy skit on the intro to Monday Night
Football! Bring on the Jam!
From: Chris
Plank
Subject: Re: Re: Eternal Jamnation
Date: Mon, 22 Nov 2004 21:15:30 -0500
Injury update: Back is 90% good, however I finally received
a three day weekend this past week, and spent it all in bed with something
close to the flu...Unfortunately I still feel like shitz-nit. However
short of death itself I shall be at the jam.
Prior to Kwanza Khaos 3:
Snowball in Hell (2004)
Date: Thu, 09
Dec 2004 02:19:38 -0500
Subject: A Return to Championship Caliber Football
From: Tom Marks
Greetings All,
The turkey seemed drier. The cranberry sauce more
sour. The jiblets, not jammed.
Things seemed different this year as I celebrated Thanksgiving
under balmy 75 degree skies and talked not of pickup football in Southern New
Milford, but of Longhorns and Aggies. What the hell is an Aggie?
No matter how much food I piled on my plate, I was still left with
an empty void. A void I now plan to fill with 180 lbs of pure,
unadulterated, football aggression. And I aggressively join my comrades
Shmeelz, Handyside and James, who missed JJVIII for better reasons, in their
rage against deadbeat thuggery, rage against the lack of advancement in
high-speed tube travel technology and rage against the Goodyear corporation,
respectively.
When do you all want to be decimated by me in a return to
championship caliber, first to 100, kwanzarific football?
I suggested Boxing Day as a nod to our roots and because it is the
Sunday right after Xmas, Dec. 26. Does this work? Diesel also
indicated that since he is coming from PA, he may need to start later?
I'm throwing this out there:
Sunday, December 26, 10am
You're either in or you're a flaming homosexual.
T-Dog
Subject: RE: A
Return to Championship Caliber Football
Date: Wed, 8 Dec 2004 14:32:24 -0500
From: Chris Rooney
Salutations:
I agree with T, except of course in Jamie's case he will both be
there and be a flaming homosexual.
One item I noticed in my calendar is that the 26th is not only Boxing
Day, it is also Kwanza and a full moon.
In that spirit I suggest the title of this game be:
The Boxing Day Massacre III (We're at III now, right?): Or How I
Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Kwanza.
See you on the frozen tundra
R
Date: Mon, 13
Dec 2004 10:12:58 -0500
Subject: Two Weeks Away From Football Armageddon
From: Tom Marks
Wenches and Gents,
With a mere 13 days away from Kwanza Khaos III (How I Learned to Stop
Worrying and Love the Kwanza?) it appears as if it is Me vs. Dolan with C.
Rooney as automatic offense. Is anyone else playing in this thing?
Confirmed:
T-Dog
Dolan
C. Rooney
Out:
Shmeez (Working for the Man)
Plank (Working for the Man's Best Friend)
Hoose (Assembling the cast of Hoose's 11)
Don (Meeting the Fockers, I mean Streiffs, in MA)
Questionable:
Bosco
Marco
Scotty
The Ghost of Jamie
Handyside
Wollkind
P. Rooney
Durand
If your status is in question, let us know what your intentions
are.
T-Dog
Subject: Re: Two
Weeks Away From Football Armageddon
From: Steve Wollkind
Date: Mon, 13 Dec 2004 10:31:01 -0500
I'm out with an overdose of family.
Enjoy the Kaos, folks.
Steve
Date: Wed, 15
Dec 2004 21:55:39 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Video Trailer
The new trailer for Kwanzaa Khaos is complete. Enjoy
everybody.
From: James Hall
Subject: I rock
Date: Fri, 17 Dec 2004 02:49:22 -0500
And this time, I'll rock for a little while longer.
J-DOG IN THE HOOOUUUUSEEEE!
That's right, beware all you Kwanza Khaous goers. The big
dogs are back. Don't forget that when you go home black and blue.
Remember the James.
- J-Monkey
Date: Fri, 17
Dec 2004 14:16:23 -0500
From: Pat Rooney
Subject: Re: Video Trailer
pat rooney will be there
Subject: SNMFC Attracts Attention of
Outside World!
Date: Fri, 17 Dec 2004 14:27:42 -0500
From: Chris Rooney
All:
I just thought you might be interested in knowing that after years
of listening to me regale them with details from SNMFC contests of yore, many
of my colleagues here in L’il Rhody have taken it upon themselves to while away
countless hours at the office visiting our website and immersing themselves in
the history of the SNMFC.
This brings up some interesting possibilities. Now that we
have a fan base, perhaps it’s time to revisit our television options. The
Boxing Day Massacre will no doubt be more entertaining than at least 50% of all
college bowl games this year. I nominate T-Dog to explore our
options. Perhaps we could get some time on “the ocho.”
Also, with my non-SNMFC friends learning more and more, they want
to get involved. I think it’s time to start hocking official SNMFC
merchandise. My roommate actually asked me if he could acquire “the home
edition” and for how much.
See you at the massacre,
Roondog
From: Tom Marks
Subject: RE: SNMFC Attracts Attention of Outside
World!
Date: Fri, 17 Dec 2004 16:54:03 -0500
Firstly, Hoose, what a brilliant job capturing tender violence
that pervades the SNMFC. After showing people the trailer at work, they
weren't sure if they were watching stills from Xena the Warrior Princess or a
Gay Porn Film. Either was I. Perhaps some puppets would clarify the
situation.
What a week this will be. Pedro to the Mets. Big Unit
to the Yanks. Vinsanity to the
Nets. A savorior will be born. A J-Dog will be killed. If the
rumors I'm hearing on Bosco are true, we're looking at a solid 3-on-3:
P-Roon
C-Roon
T-Dog
J-Dog
Kev
Bev (Sorry Ben, but I'm a sucker for symmetry)
Durand appears to be a game time decision, perhaps in a limited
capacity.
If we're hurting for a auto-QB, I could try dusting off Old Man
Marks as well.
I've heard whispers about a few others (Shawn, Tim Herring, Boy
Scouts from RI). Now's the time to confirm.
Speaking of confirming times, when do we throw it down on Boxing
Day?
T-Dog
Date: Sat, 18 Dec 2004 04:09:20 -0800
(PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: RE: SNMFC Attracts Attention of Outside
World!
Glad you enjoyed the trailer, Tom. By the way, why do we have two
guys still using the nickname "Dog". Pardon the lame ass pun, but
hasn't that gotten a tad "dog eared". The nickname is a lost art. I move
we start calling one of these guys "scrap iron", or "lunch
box". Perhaps they should play for it. Just throwing stuff out there,
T-Bone. I originally wanted to shoot the trailer in black and white and set it
to, "Cavalleria Rusticana". The problem was, I couldn't change the
moving footage from color, or adjust the footage of Plank shadowboxing (It
wasn't shot upright). That, and early test audiences missed the reference to
"Raging Bull"and instead associated it with a pasta commercial.
Durand. Limited capacity? Barsh! Blimshaugh! A couple weeks ago I
was watching the Jacksonville-Pittsburgh game and they showed the clip of Byron
Leftwich at Marshall. He blew out his knee during the game and rather than
bring in a backup, the linemen just carried him up field between plays, as he
couldn't really walk. How did we all forget about this during the later moments
of Jiblet Jam? Why hasn't anybody suggested this for Kwanza Khaos?
By the way, Pat, learned of your recent exploits in the
western CT bar and club scene. Good to hear that you've still got flow.
Somebody reply.
-Gentleman Jeff
From: Brian Durand
Subject: RE: SNMFC Attracts Attention of Outside
World!
Date: Sat, 18 Dec 2004 10:18 PM
Hoose, nice job on the trailer. Speaking of which, I'm ready to relive the
Khaos, I'm just not sure my knee is willing to cooperate fully.
In response to Tom's inquiry about
my status for the game, I fully intend to be there and play. I am under doctor's orders not to put too
much stress on the knee, so activities such as extended periods of running or
doing anything that could aggravate the knee muscles such as tackling are off
limits. The pain is much less than it
was during the first week after JJVIII, but the pain still exists when the knee
moves too quickly in some directions. I
have two more weeks to see if it heals on its own and if not then I have to get
an MRI.
As such, I will only be able to play
in a role such as automatic quarterback.
(Or if by some chance there are even teams I could be the guy on defense
who guards the quarterback). Hopefully
this is ok with everyone, if not, then I understand.
As for the time that we throw down
on Boxing Day, how about 11 AM? Due to
the trade I made with the wife that enables us to go to CT every Thanksgiving,
I need to be in PA on Christmas Day.
Therefore we will be driving to New Milford early in the morning on
Boxing Day. Assuming there is little
traffic and good weather the trip takes about three and a half hours. So an 11 AM kickoff would allow me to leave
around 6:45-7:00 AM instead of 6:00 AM or earlier.
But again, if 10 AM is the latest we
can play so all can make it, I will endeavor to leave even earlier that day.
-Durand
From: Tom Marks
Subject: RE: SNMFC Attracts Attention of Outside
World!
Date: Sun, 19 Dec 2004 01:55:37 -0500
Durand - 11am would be okay for me, but not much later. How
does it work for everyone else? Roonz, do you have to head back to RI on
Sunday? Can you leave later if we start at 11? I believe everyone
else is in or around CT the following Monday.
We may have a late entry to the game...Emily's boyfriend, also an
ESPN employee, has expressed some interest. I don't know if he's in for
sure yet. He emailed me and said "How serious is it?" and I
replied. "Serious. We have a website." He's a small guy,
but a bull dog, similar in build and toughness to Bosco. Too bad that
Marco and Hoose won't be around to lay wood on him.
If he plays and we have four on four, I might suggest that each
team gets one DH (Designated Homo) who can be two-hand touched (insert Michael
Jackson joke here) instead of tackled. But I must emphasize that this is
a ONE-TIME exemption. I don't want to set a dangerous precident here.
Hoose - I'm sorry if there are too many Dogs for your
liking. The name was given to me, it wasn't my choice. We're not
all as fortunate to have an original nickname like you, Cockgobbler.
T-Doggy-As-I-Wannabe
From: James Hall
Subject: RE: SNMFC Attracts Attention of Outside
World!
Date: Sun, 19 Dec 2004 06:57:57 -0500
I agree that we should re explore the television options. I
hear after the dodgeball championships, ESPN 8 "The Ocho" has an
opening.
J-Duckbilled Platypus
From: James Hall
Subject: RE: SNMFC Attracts Attention of Outside
World!
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 00:33:31 -0500
I can play whenever. 11 works maybe better, so I can sleep a
little longer and perhaps actually make it on time this year. Fear not,
however. the J-Wild Dingo will be there and in full force. As for
T-Bag, the J-Dog may be killed, but he shall rise from the ashes and become
J-Armadillo.
Ok, see you all next week. By the way, I'll be back
Christmas Eve if anyone is looking to do anything.
Peace.
J-Wolverine
Date: Tue, 21
Dec 2004 02:57:18 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: RE: SNMFC Attracts Attention of Outside
World!
Did anybody stay up for the end of the Dolphins-Pats shocker last
night? If you did, you know about Brendan Ayanbadejo's interception that set up
the game winning score. What you probably didn't know, is that the Canadian
football vet-turned Dolphins special teams player-turned starting linebacker
has been known to work out in the off-season at Bally's in Culver City, CA, and
has, when the gym was particularly crowded, worked in and spotted for a few
sets with SNMFC plow horse Jeff Hoose. So consider yourselves lucky that a
prohibitive work schedule this Kwanza has spared you the wrath of a man who
takes part in a off-season training program that floored the World Champs.
Date: Wed, 22
Dec 2004 11:35:35 -0500
Subject: Re: SNMFC Attracts Attention of Outside
World!
From: Tom Marks
After consulting with a few of you, I have extended invitations to
Kwanza Khaos 3, and they have been accepted. Joining the roster on Dec.
26 will be:
- Emily's boyfriend Marc
- Jenna's boyfriend Nick
- My Old Man
This will now make the game a five on five contest, which should
be pretty fun.
I would suggest that since Durand has a gimpy knee from JJVIII and
Mr. Marks has had both knees scoped, these two should be two-hand touch only,
and should probably be on different teams.
It sounds like 11am works for everyone. The current forecast
is 30 and sunny. Field should be sloppy after two 50 degree days and some
rain melt away the snow.
Are we going to determine captains and teams beforehand so we have
something to change that morning? Any ideas?
T-Strike
From: James Hall
Subject: Re: SNMFC Attracts Attention of Outside
World!
Date: Wed, 22 Dec 2004 21:25:10 -0500
All I know is that I have the giant penny. And now that I've
cleaned all the battery acid and corrosion off of it, it should be in good
shape to flip on Sunday. I don't know if teams should be picked until
game time as most of us have not been able to evaluate the talent of the 2
rookies. At this moment, I have no ideas, because I have not yet ingested
enough alcohol.
Gimmie a coulple hours.
Later,
J-Spare
Date: Thu, 23
Dec 2004 09:37:15 -0500
Subject: Re: SNMFC Attracts Attention of Outside
World!
From: Tom Marks
Wow, I thought the penny was lost forever in the back of your
car. Or up your ass.
Rooney has nominated Mr. Marks and Durand as captains.
Just so you know, the rookies will not be required to do pre-game
workouts for evaluation. Their agent says that they are healthy enough so
he cancelled the workouts. You can have access to their medical reports
if you want. All this comes down to is the Mets offering them 4 years for
48 million.
Bring the Khaos,
T-Boz
From: James Hall
Subject: Re: SNMFC Attracts Attention of Outside
World!
Date: Thu, 23 Dec 2004 20:54:10 -0500
I second Rooney's nomination. That would make the most
sense.
J-Wild Dingo