Prior to Jiblet Jam VII (2003)

Date: Sat, 4 Oct 2003 18:22:59 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Just 53 Training Days until Jiblet Jam... 

The autumn daylight dwindles, as does the time remaining to prepare for Jiblet Jam VIII.  Although I struggle daily to remain a member of LAFD Class 03-02, I never lose sight of the important things in this life, pickup football being paramount among them.  As the newly appointed SNMFC Commissioner (I even have business cards on which my name is misspelled), I come before you with some executive business:

Years ago, we used to try and assemble set teams prior to game day.  This often failed to pan out since guys would show up late.  I contend that the time has come to return to set teams.  Allow me to take you back to the late 1990’s.  Durand was a single, sensitive, meteorology major.  Rooney, of the model League of Nations, was a pub legend in Philadelphia rather than Providence.  Tommy and I had full heads of hair, and many of us incurred thousands of dollars in debt so that we might eat pizza, drink beer, and wake up at eleven o’clock every day.

The SNMFC has managed to persevere through the major life changes of its members during its first eight seasons.  Given the fact that footballers will now be traveling hundreds or thousands of miles to be at Jiblet Jam, I believe we can now take them at their word when they say they will show up at a given time.

I believe that a set roster will revive the lost art of pre-game trash-talk.  Take some time and visit  www.geocities.com/snmfc  .  Check out the “fightin’ words” section beneath the photo of Russell Crowe battling a tiger in “Gladiator”.  You will notice that as the years have progressed, we have lost our collective fastball when it comes to belittling one another.  Let’s get it back.

Once the league office receives a head count, I will appoint two of you captains.  At some point, I will send for you.  It may be in the middle of the night, it may be when you least expect it.  Anyway, the two of you will speak in private and submit your respective rosters to the league office.  I do not wish to know the details of the selection process.  I am interested only in the end results.  I will then unveil the rosters to the participants, and sit back and watch chaos ensue from afar.

I am also in search for an appropriate name for the event.  Let me know all your ideas.  These are the only things I have thought about so far:

Jiblet Jam VIII:  Weapons of Ass Destruction

Jiblet Jam VIII:  It’s about suppression

Jiblet Jam VIII:  Can’t stop fartin’

Jiblet Jam VIII:  The Freshmaker     

With this proclamation from the commissioner’s desk, I officially declare the lines of communication open for the 2003 season.   God willing, my work schedule will probably make it impossible for me to make it to Jiblet Jam, but I look forward to watching it on tape.  In the unlikely event we are given both Thanksgiving and the following day off from work, I will be in attendance.  In the unfortunate event I no longer have a job come Thanksgiving, prepare yourself for a return to the days of sideburned aggression.

-The Commish

Date: Wed, 08 Oct 2003 12:16:52 -0400
Subject: Re: Just 53 Training Days until Jiblet Jam...
From: Tom Marks

So, I'm the first to reply, a full four days later eh?  Hopefully you're all recovering from recent finger amputations, and that this isn't a lack of excitement for the Jam.  Come on people, this is the very fabric of our lives, our reason for being, for justifying a visit back to the strip mall on a stick that is NM.

Three notes:

1) I think this is Jam VII, not VIII, as last year was "Jam VI: Me and My Family are Looking For Sex," a play on the german word for six.

2) My suggestion for a title is "Jiblet Jam VII: SNMFC United Against Tiger Maulings" in light of the recent events in both Las Vegas and 10 blocks from my apartment, where some guy in Harlem was found with a 600 lb tiger (which had mauled him) and a full grown alligator.  Yeah.

2a) Or, "Jiblet Jam VII: Recall Rowland, insert jiblet"

3) I've added Bosco Ben, Disco Don and last year's Theismann winner Dennis Dolan to the list.  

Go Red Sox!

T-Dog

From: Chris Rooney 
Subject: RE: Just 53 Training Days until Jiblet Jam...
Date: Wed, 8 Oct 2003 12:26:05 -0400 

I am in favor of the Recall Rowland moniker....

Date: Wed,  8 Oct 2003 12:57:43 -0400
From: Don Whelan 
Subject: RE: Just 53 Training Days until Jiblet Jam... 

I'm in, depending on the date of the game. I understand there may be a tradition regarding this, so someone please fill me in. I'll try to get Rob up from South Carolina if I can, too.

-Don

From: Brian Durand
Subject: RE: Just 53 Training Days until Jiblet Jam...
Date: Thu, 09 Oct 2003 04:58:28 +0000

Hey Guys,

You know that I'm in for Jiblet Jam VII: Name TBA on Thanksgiving Day.

Of the game names submitted thus far I like both "Jiblet Jam VII: Weapons of Ass Destruction" and "Jiblet Jam VII: Recall Rowland, Insert Jiblet."

Hoose's plan of having teams picked prior to the game once we know who will be there sounds like a good idea as well.

I'm assuming we are keeping the same game time as we've had for the last five years (9AM on Thanksgiving Morning?)

So know we just need to know who else is in...

-Durand

From: James Hall
Subject: RE: Just 53 Training Days until Jiblet Jam...
Date: Sun, 12 Oct 2003 01:06:14 -0400 

How about this one?  Jiblet Jam VII: The Bout to Knock the Other Guy Out.

And we try picking teams before the game every year, it's nothing new.  It never works out, either, because some schmuck (usually me) can't get his ass out of bed on time and we have to pick new teams anyways.

-Dog

From: Marc Lucente
Subject: Re: Just 53 Training Days until Jiblet Jam...
Date: Mon, 13 Oct 2003 01:20:39 -0400 

Giblet Jam VII:  "The Governator Cometh"

Giblet Jam VII:  "Parent's Who Use Drugs, Have Children Who Use Drugs"

Giblet Jam VII:  "Hoose is a pussy"

-Marco

From: Chris Plank
Date: Mon, 13 Oct 2003 17:32:21 EDT
Subject: Re: Just 53 Training Days until Jiblet Jam...

Giblet Jam VII: Apocalypse Wow
Giblet Jam VII: Pass The Dutchie (on the left hand side)

Giblet Jam VII: No Cure For Cancer

Giblet Jam VII: InAGaddaDavida

Giblet Jam VII: This Is Your Limbaugh on Drugs, Any Questions?

Giblet Jam VII: Oh The Humanity!

Giblet Jam VII: It’s About Supression

Giblet Jam VII: Protect Us From Kobe

and in ode to the anniversary of scarface and all the hoopla

Giblet Jam VII: Say Hello to My Little Friend

Making this list is like when Lisa was spewing out names for the Christmas toy on the Simpsons: Funzo, Atilla the Fun…

-Plank

From: James Hall
Subject: Re: Just 53 Training Days until Jiblet Jam...
Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 19:34:07 -0400

Jiblet Jam VII: "Fight For Your Right to Party"

Jiblet Jam VII: "Real American"

Jiblet Jam VII: "Stayin' Alive"

Jiblet Jam VII: "More Than A Woman"

Jiblet Jam VII: "Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?"

Jiblet Jam VII: "Concerto in D Minor"

-JDog

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: Re: Just 53 Training Days until Jiblet Jam...
Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 12:11:08 -0400 

Hey kids,

What up?  Not much happening here, aside from radioactive women trying to kill the president.  Maybe we can give LA a run for its money in terms of crackpots.  Anyways, I'll be showing up in New Milford for Thanksgiving, and more importantly, the Jiblet Jam VII: Name TBA.  I assume 9am kickoff and teams made up on the spot, as is our custom.  Makes me think I should probably get into some sort of shape beforehand.  Not that it matters, because whoever shows up hungover (or still drunk) usually plays above par.

But can't I hold on to a foolish ideal?  Ah well.  So, here's some ideas (if they were mentioned before, my bad, just call me Jayson Blair):

Jiblet Jam VII: The Game of World Domination

Jiblet Jam VII: Operation Connecticut Freedom

Jiblet Jam VII: Winning the Peace

Jiblet Jam VII: Total Recall

Jiblet Jam VII: The Magnificent Seven

Jiblet Jam VII: The Thousand Year Reign

Jiblet Jam VII: This time, it counts

Jiblet Jam VII: Free Kobe

Jiblet Jam VII: Fry Kobe

Jiblet Jam VII: Without it, the terrorists will have won

Jiblet Jam VII: The Return of the King

(I guess that would work if Jeff "Flying Elvis" Hoose shows up)

Mike "Imagine what I could do if I used my time productively" Shemeley

Date: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 11:21:15 -0400
Subject: Re: Just 53 Training Days until Jiblet Jam...
From: Tom Marks

The People Have Spoken!  (Well, okay, I have spoken and Rooney replied).

The theme for Jiblet Jam VII shall be: RECALL ROWLAND, ELECT JIBLET!

You can view the trailer here:

http://www.leverage-marketing.com/~tomm/JibletJam.html

That is, if you have Flash 5 or better, of course.

Diesel (and Shawn), please post the link on the site(s).

I'll be thrownin' your asses down like Don Zimmer in a mere 36 days!

T-Dog

From: "Marc Lucente"
Subject: Mclaughlin Group
Date: Sat, 08 Nov 2003 16:01:46 -0500 

Issue 1.  T-Dog, how long did that Rowland/Jiblet trailer take to make?  Damn.

Issue 2.  Two car accidents in three days have strapped my wallet.  Coupled with definite Christmas travel plans, going home for Thanksgiving was the first plan that became unfeasible.  I am exceptionally pissed off, but I will be unable to attend the jam.

Issue 3.  I am almost as big a pussi as Hoose.  (Misspelling for Rooney's nazi email.)

I suck,

Marc

Date: Sun, 09 Nov 2003 12:35:50 -0500
Subject: Re: The Jam: New Milford = Recall Rowland, Elect Jiblet
From: Tom Marks

James-

I'm so looking forward to pounding your ass into the ground.  I'm sure your metabolism isn't the only thing that has slowed down over the past year.  I'll be on you like "24" promos on Fox.  Your game will fall apart faster than an SNL skit with Jimmy Fallon and Horatio Sanz.  I'll be scoring so often, you won't believe I'm married.

There's only one King James, and it's LeBron.  Well, two if you count the guy who wrote the bible.  But I believe "Queen James" is available.

I have been honing my skills playing Intramural Football at Columbia.  As far as I can remember, this is the first time any of us has done football-related training before the game.  My presence will be felt.

Prime-Time-T-Dog

P.S.  To everyone else, all of the above negativity also applies to you and your moms

From: Chris Plank
Subject: The Jam: New Milford = Recall Rowland, Elect Jiblet 
Date: Sun, 09 Nov 2003 20:26:06 -0500

I haven't heard much trash talking or roster confirmations so I figured I'd stir the sh*t (edited for roonz KGB email) storm and see if anyone wanted to weigh in.  Hope all is well.

Plank

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Re: The Jam: New Milford = Recall Rowland, Elect Jiblet

Date: Sun, 09 Nov 2003

Plank brings up an excellent point, why is there no trash-talking or excitement for Jiblet Jam VII?  We are a mere 2 and a half weeks from kickoff and many have not even replied to the first round of emails started by our commissioner, who is currently making plans to attend this game despite residing in California!  Surely that display of dedication to pickup football should light a fire under some of you still sitting on the sidelines!

If not, then be sure to check out www.geocities.com/snmfc/ and check out the "fightin' words" section.  Many things have been said about each of your moms and/or your sexual preference in the past, as the emails prove, so read those to get pumped up for the big game.

Finally, what about captains?  Do we take Hoose's suggestion and pick teams now?  It can't hurt, and at the very least it would provide fodder for the emails.  So what if we end up repicking teams the morning of the game?  At least that gives us a chance to watch Tom and Jamie stumble to come up with excuses and apologies for all the things they said about each other's mom via email in the weeks preceding the big game.  That sight alone is priceless.  So let's get everyone to reply once and for all about committing to JJVII: Recall Rowland, Elect Jiblet.

IN:

Myself

Plank

Tom

Rooney

Shemeley

Hoose

Handyside (he said he would be coming last night when we spoke)

Dolan

Possibility:

Jamie (You weighed in on the picking teams before hand, does that mean you are in?)

Haven't Heard From Yet:

Pat Rooney

Ben

Out:

Marco

Don (Tom informed me you'll be unable to make it, maybe will see you at "2 Kwanza 2 Khaos.")

Any mistakes or clarifications, respond now!

18 days and counting....

From: "James Hall"
Subject: Re: The Jam: New Milford = Recall Rowland, Elect Jiblet
Date: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 10:16:23 -0500 

Is there any doubt in anyone's mind that perhaps the greatest SNMFC player of all time (yes, I mean me) will play in JJVII:RREJ?  Have I ever missed a game (besides because I was grounded)?  I am alive and well, and 15 ass kicking pounds heavier.  I've just been busy with that whole trying to graduate thing, as well as trying to find me a new job and I have limited access to the internet.

I will now send everyone into shock by announcing that I have quit drinking.  Not altogether quit, but I don't remember the last time I bought alcohol.

This isn't to say I wouldn't be up for a good drinking the night before the game.  I'm always good for that.  But I figured I should probably put that extra 15 pounds somewhere besides my stomach.

We are now 17 days and counting from JJVII:RREJ, and I'm getting antsy.  I need to kick some ass.  I guarantee victory for my team, and horrible, horrible death to the players of the losers.  Anyone who shows up will witness an unorthodox display of skill and speed.  Ankles will be broken.

Passes will be picked.  Dust will be eaten.  Toast will be buttered.  F*ck Lebron.  There's only one King James, and he's coming once again to rule over the frozen tundra.  Anyone who gets in the way will face excruciating and heartbreaking defeat.  I'm a soldier.

Peace.

James "Winslow II" Hall

From: James Hall
Subject: Re: The Jam: New Milford = Recall Rowland, Elect Jiblet
Date: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 14:28:57 -0500 

T-dog,

Call me old, or senile.  But I'm having trouble remembering when you were actually good enough to cover me.  Ever since we graduated and your hair went Anthony Edwards on you, you've been number 2.  That's right, a piece of shit.  If you think this intramural football thing is going to help you any, well, more power to you.  I doubt it will make any difference.  There will be no scoring for you, just like at home.

For 3 years I honed my own incomperable skills with intramural football at my old PSU campus.  Such awards as Defensive Player of the Year and a league championship MVP were bestowed upon me.  But, just in case, I've been keeping up with Madden 2004, just to keep my football skills up.  I figure that's all the football training I'll need to beat your ass.  And after I do beat your ass, I'm going to f*ck both of your sisters, and everyone's invited to watch.

Too bad your name is Prime-Time, cause we play in the early morning.  Your Prime-Timeness means nothing to me.  And come Prime-Time on Thanksgiving, you'll be giving thanks that I took my foot out of you ass before you sat down at the dinner table.  Now can you dig THAT, sucka?

A.M. Ale-Dog

Date: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 21:41:46 -0500
From: Pat Rooney
Subject: Re: The Jam: New Milford = Recall Rowland, Elect Jiblet 

I know that the suspense must be killing all of you, but I, Pat Rooney will be attending whatever this years edition is called....and fellas let me remind that you that before i became fat and out of shape that I ruled this game like the original king james...Jim Brown....yes, jim brown was not the only syracuse graduate who can trample over those who are smaller and less gifted.  I've been getting up at 730 every sunday for the last 2 months to participate in the New Milford "I used to be athletic but now I just need an excuse to get drunk on a sunday morning only to return home and beat my wife" mens football league.  So although i am still terribly out of shape, my football skills are honed and ready to devestate anyone unlucky enough to fall down on the tracks when i am coming through...

choo choo babies

patrick "2003 Theismann trophy winner" rooney

Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 10:09:16 -0500
Subject: Re: The Jam: New Milford = Recall Rowland, Elect Jiblet
From: Tom Marks

> Ever since we graduated

Could you please be more specific?  That's a pretty wide range, considering

I graduated three months ahead of you.

> you'll be giving thanks that I took my foot out of you ass before you sat

> down at the dinner table.

Yeah, what was your foot doing up my ass to begin with?  Dude, how many

times do I have to tell you, I'm not into that.

James is a dirty sodomite,

T-Dog

Marco-sorry to offend, I was referring to post-high school jamnation.

Pat-sorry that I failed to include you along with Jim Brown in the long

tradition of Syracuse alumni who served as shining examples of football

dominance and mental retardation.

From: James Hall
Subject: Re: The Jam: New Milford = Recall Rowland, Elect Jiblet
Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 14:37:15 -0500

First off, my diploma says June 1997 just like yours does, and I was in the paper with everybody else.  Thus, I graduated.  Second, I don't have to be specific.  You just suck.  It doesn't matter whose graduation we're talking about.  And as for my foot, I'm afraid that, since I'll be kicking you ass all day, I might accidentally miss and have my foot sucked in by your severly enlarged asshole.  C'mon, we've all seen your friends from college. 

You can't tell me that in 4 years there you never joined in with them.  It reminds me of the guy from the critically acclaimed original ESPN series "Playmakers" where he pretends he's not gay so far as to get engaged to a girl so his teammates won't kick his ass.  But hey, your life is your business.  Just don't break a nail on the football field.

Speaking of ESPN, I think next year we should get them to televise JJVIII. 

If part of their programming consists of the Scrabble All-Stars Tournament (yes, I'm absolutely serious here...), then I think we have a good shot.

Tom is a gay homosexual,

J-Dog

Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 14:31:33 -0500
From: Don Whelan 
Subject: Re: The Jam: New Milford = Recall Rowland, Elect Jiblet 

Actually, this could be surprisingly feasible. ESPN's first reality series: regular people playing pickup games in regular places. There would be tradition to showcase, stories to tell. And the SNMFC actually has video to splice in!  Could be called something like "The Games We Play" but not as corny as that. That title would actually be best for Jamie's new boudoir reality series featuring him in a tutu surrounding by luxurious pink velvet.

But I'm nearly serious about the ESPN thing. Don't know who would watch it besides our friends, but it could be cool.

Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 15:25:47 -0500
Subject: Let's call it 15 days...
From: Tom Marks 

So, as of press time, JJVII:RREJ is a mere:

15 days, 17 hours, 40 minutes, 22 seconds away.

It looks like the former glory of the Jam will be fully restored, with a possible 5-on-5 smack down in store.  Going by Durand's list, 10 are in, but we have yet hear from Shawn or Shmeelz.  Is S squared definitely down?

When are we picking teams?

T-Dog

P.S. ESPN may be a reach, but local press coverage may not be.  I have some local contacts at New Milford Times and Danbury News-Times.  Maybe I'll start a PR campaign.

P.S.S. Jamie smells like fish.

That's more like it!  It's nice to see everyone getting into the holiday spirit with all the trash-talking leading up to game time.

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Re: Let's call it 15 days...

Date: Tues, 11 Nov 2003

Tom, in reference to your Shawn & Shemeley question, Shawn verbally committed to the game over the phone Saturday night (barring a blizzard blocking his path).  Shemeley actually responded with an email several weeks ago after Hoose's initial email saying he will be there, so I think we can count him in.

I think we have ten, so let's go for picking teams.  I know Jamie is against it, but what do we have to lose?  The worst that happens is that they have to be altered slightly on gameday.  In the meantime at least it will provide more fodder for the emails.

I guess the next step is to pick two captains.  Anybody got any ideas as to who we pick?

We got Hoose, Tom, Jamie, Shemeley, Both Rooneys, Plank, Handyside, Dolan, and myself showing up to the game.  Start nominating captains at will.

-Brian

From: Chris Plank
Subject: Re: Let's call it 15 days...
Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 17:48:37 -0500

I am officially committing to Jiblet Jam with this e-mail. I may be a few minutes late, if the game starts at 9. Instead of going to work after the game, I'm going to work 5am-9am.  I will be there to be the fat guy that goes over the middle.  They call me Peter Griffin with the football skills of Brian Bosworth.

Plank

From: James Hall
Subject: Re: Let's call it 15 days...
Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 19:27:48 -0500 

When was the last time that picking teams prior to the game acutally worked?  Why don't we just save ourselves the trouble and wait until gameday.  And yes, I smell like fish.  But that's from sleeping with all the dirty, dirty whores that frequent the frat house.

Fish-Dog

Date: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 09:36:34 -0500
Subject: Re: Let's call it 15 days...
From: Tom Marks

We are officially less than two weeks away from the Jam.

Hopefully I can find the big coin for the coin flip.  Durand, do you still have cones?  Who owns the SNMFC Ball of Doom?  So many questions...

...Like, who the hell are captains?  What the hell are the teams?

Anyone?

T-Dog

From: Chris Rooney
Subject: RE: Let's call it 15 days...
Date: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 09:45:53 -0500 

I have the football of doom.  Unfortunately, all the writing rubbed off the last time we used it.

Shut up piggy!  I have the football of doom!

From: James Hall
Subject: RE: Let's call it 15 days...
Date: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 23:08:48 -0500 

I have the big coin.  I found it after the last time we played and Tom couldn't find it in the snow.  I have to clean it off, tho.  It seems after almost a year of sitting on the floor of my car has somehow caused it to become all green and crusty.  Oh well.  Gotta run and continute my illustrious career as a professional plasma donor.

J-Diddy

From: Chris Plank
Subject: Re: Let's call it 15 days... 
Date: Sat, 15 Nov 2003 19:06:17 -0500

Saturday, November 15, 2003

Associated Press

NEW MILFORD-

A shocking player status has emerged, as the Souther New Milford Football Concern counts down to it's "Jiblet Jam." As reported last week, local man Chris "Connecticut Fats" Plank, proclaimed that he would make the game and would work his day job from 5am to 9am and probably show up 15 minutes late so he could go home and suit up.  His training regimen, which had been the same as the late Elvis Presley, was progressing fine until late last week when he had a 102 degree fever and was diagnosed with the flu.  He is currently on two medications and is hoping that there will be no relapse once he recovers.  He is currently listed as probably by the league.  The commisioner, Jeff Hoose, could not be reached for comment.  His answering machine said that he was currently trying to score and could not answer the phone.  What does this mean for the most fierce pick up football league in the country?  Only time will tell.

From: James Hall
Subject: Re: Let's call it 15 days...
Date: Mon, 17 Nov 2003 02:07:22 -0500 

I nominate Tommy and myself as captains.  We're never on the same team anyways, so might as well get it over with now.  I also propose that we either change the name of JJVII or add a second name to it in light of the great Bobby Hatfield's recent death.  That name of course would be JJVII: Bring Back That Lovin' Feeling.  In any event, I just want to say, come Jamnation the Seventh, you will all feel the wrath of the legend that is J-Dog.

Tommy sucks dick for crack,

Ichabod J-Dog

Date: Mon, 17 Nov 2003 11:31:49 -0500
Subject: Re: Let's call it 15 days...
From: Tom Marks 

I've never been one to turn down a nomination when duty calls.  If the nomination is seconded, I'll surely accept.  And then proceed to kick Jamie's ass all over the field.

I have yet to see the trailer, only hear it, because I'm on a mac.  From the sound of it, I hope it features puppets.

I will be letting the rage out of the cage this year, as I'm stilling trying to get over our IM football loss in the finals.  And turf burn.

Jamnation countdown is at: 9 days, 21 hours, 29 minutes, 33 seconds.

Jamie sucks (ass)crack for dick,

T-Dog "Ice Cool" 3000

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Check out the new Jiblet Jam Trailer

Date: Sun, 16 Nov 2003

Attachment: Paris Hilton Sex Tape.wmv

Enjoy the new Jiblet Jam Trailer I've Been Working On....

-Durand & Hoose

P.S.  Don't open it at work or in front of women....

Date: Mon, 17 Nov 2003 16:56:24 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Faith, Failure and Football 

Date: Wed, 19 Nov 2003 09:32:53 -0500
Subject: JJVII: The Dream Team
From: Tom Marks 

The gauntlet has been tossed, the Rubicon crossed, and the game for Jamie's team lost.  We conducted the Jiblet Jam VII: Recall Rowland, Elect Jiblet / Bobby Hatfield, You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' In Your Arms and Legs draft last night, and the teams shake out like this:

T-Dog's Skull Crushers:

(Start with Ball)

Bowski

Dolan

Lil' Roonz

Shmeelz

Jamie's Princess Ballerinas:

(Start with Field Direction)

Crooney

Durand

Handyside

Hoose

As you can see, we have an overwhelming advantage in size, speed, skills, and from what I hear out of PSU, taste in women.  The early line is Skull Crushers -72.  The early over under is X+6, whereas X is the Skull Crusher's final score, probably 100-105, and the +6 accounts for a late pity touchdown, with a missed extra point.

We will dominate.

Admiral T-Dog McCrackin'

From: James Hall
Subject: Re: Let's call it 15 days...
Date: Wed, 19 Nov 2003 11:00:25 -0500 

Ladies and My Team,

Here are the results for Jiblet Jam VII: Recall Rowland, Eject Jiblet (A Tribute to Bobby Hatfield), presented by PetsMart player draft:

No.1 (J-Dog) - Jeff Hoose, Tight End, Sacred Heart University

No.2 (T-Dog) - Kevin Dolan, Wide Reciever, Holy Cross University

No.3 (T-Dog) - Pat Rooney, Tight End, Syracuse University

No.4 (J-Dog) - Chris Rooney, Drunken Bastard, University of Pennsylvania

No.5 (T-Dog) - Chris Plank, Bench Coach, K-Mart University

No.6 (J-Dog) - Brian Durand, Small Guy, Penn State University

No.7 (T-Dog) - Mike Shemeley, Crazy Bastard, University of New Hampsire

No.8 (J-Dog) - Shawn Handyside, Fat Man, Penn State University

There it is folks.  Since Marco isn't playing, it is I who have the size advantage.  Jeff "The Moose" Hoose will undoubtedly run over most of your players.  Shawn "The Fat Man" Handyside just needs to sit on Mike "The Stupid Hippie" Shemeley, and he's done.  Take into account that Plank is utterly useless, and all I have to do is run past Dolan and T-Dog, which isn't that hard.  Final Score, SNMFC J-Dog 104, SNMFC T-Dog 12.  Peace

Uncle J-Dog

From: James Hall
Subject: Re: JJVII: The Dream Team
Date: Thu, 20 Nov 2003 17:21:22 -0500 

Ok, so I thought, with the teams already decided, that trash talk would increase.  Instead, it's been nothing.  C'mon people.  I'm only one man.  I can't do all the trash talking myself.

Tom is a regular at the Blue Oyster Club,

J-Dog Clampett

Date: Thu, 20 Nov 2003 16:15:50 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose 
Subject: Re: JJVII: The Dream Team 

From: Marc Lucente
Subject: Re: JJVII: The Dream Team
Date: Thu, 20 Nov 2003 21:41:30 -0500 

T-Dog... J-Dog...   with all these animal nicknames I think I would like one as well.

How about M-Cat?  Striking fear into pre-med students and pickup football players all at once.

On second thought, that is really gay. 

Someone just throw a good late hit on T-Dog for me come game day and I'll be happy.

Later,

Marco

From: Chris Plank
Subject: Re: JJVII: The Dream Team 
Date: Thu, 20 Nov 2003 22:18:53 -0500

Ah, yes the trash talking...

I mean there's no way Jamie's team will win.  C'mon, there will be the customary Durand vs. Shmeelz fight that will once again show Shemeley winning and if he accidentally kills Durand he can plead insanity.  Unless you put a pint of Guiness in the end zone, count C Roonz out.  Handyside? Handyside!?  The kid can't update our website at all, barely can run his own website and he's gonna be on the field?  You can't take your Gamecube and customize yourself before the ball is snapped, this is the SNMFC, not Madden 2003!  And last, and very least...Jeff Hoose...the man with the Sinead O'Connor head. I believe he'll follow in the steps of Whip Hubbley in Top Gun and proclaim when he steps on the field that it "Gives him a hard on."  The only thing that's more gay than him are the volleyball and locker room scenes in Top Gun.

This may be rambling shit, but it's trash and it's talk.

Date: Thu, 20 Nov 2003 22:33:38 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Starting lineup now online

I have managed to stop celebrating over the possible return of Family Guy in 2005 long enough to put the starting lineups on our webpage:

www.geocities.com/snmfc

Date: Fri, 21 Nov 2003 02:16:47 -0500
Subject: Re: JJVII: The Dream Team
From: Tom Marks

>Someone just throw a good late hit on T-Dog for me come game day

Marco, you can't hit what you can't catch.

I'm not worried.  We've figured out how to keep Jamie from scoring.  Put a v*gina in front of the end zone.

Listen, the story of this game is will be my team versus Jeff Hoose and the guys who are not in game shape (fat b1tches).  We have an advantage in almost every area, including speed, skillz, mad skillz, youth and failed civil servants (two to one).

And you don't have to wait until 2005 for a Family Guy reunion...it'll happen in less than a week.  Admittedly, no one is in as good a shape as Brian, but take your pick on who gets to be the slob father, the fat son, the dumb broad and the whiney b1tch.

Yeah!  Jam!

BTW, a proposed rule change:

In my intramural league, we did five yards out for an extra point and 10 yards out for two.  No gimmies.  A battle through and through.  Should we adopt this?

T-Dog

Subject: I'm Kev D and I'm back from the dead
From: Kevin Dolan
Date: Fri, 21 Nov 2003 15:34:09 -0500

Hello all,

I'm remained silent long enough.  When whether or not I'm living is in question, I'm forced to speak up.

First, to get rid of the beaurocratic nonsense, I hereby vote "Nay" on T-Dog's proposed rule change.  First, I don't think the other, losing team should even be allowed to vote.  They're likely to follow in the footsteps of the faux Ivy Leaguers we faced in Nuptual Nightmare II and threaten to never score (continuing in their high school tradition).  So why should they help to determine how my team scores its extra points?  I, for one, think it would be classy for us to not have to embarass the other team so quickly after yet another touchdown.

Finally, to those of you who don't know, I'm getting married that Saturday (the 29th).  So I guess JJVII can alternatively be known as Nuptual Nightmare III, even though we all know that our annual Thanksgiving celebration outranks a wedding any day of the week.  I bring up my impending wedding for two reasons:  One, b/c a team with "the groom" has never lost in the main event game, and that's certain to continue in this case.  And second, a really scary thought is that pretty soon we'll be able

to play a game facing the married guys vs. the single ones.  If the states decide to allow gay marriage, Hall and Hoose are likely to join our team by next year.

And forget what I wrote in the first paragraph - that was just a lot of big talk - I'm for T-Dog's rule change.

From: James Hall
Subject: Re: JJVII: The Dream Team
Date: Fri, 21 Nov 2003 17:55:40 -0500

"They're likely to follow in the footsteps of the faux Ivy Leaguers we faced in Nuptual Nightmare II and threaten to never score (continuing in their high school tradition)."

      - Just remember who the D-Cup winner was for that game.  You won't find him on your team.  I             do believe I scored more myself than the other team.  And I do believe that if Durand continues            in his high school tradition, we should be ok.

"I'm getting married that Saturday (the 29th)."

      - You're getting married on my birthday.  That's funny.  Now, I not only celebrate turning one year          older, but also the day that Dolan became (more of) a b!tch.

"One, b/c a team with "the groom" has never lost in the main event game, and that's certain to continue in this case."

      - I also have a little history on my side.  Hoose hasn't lost a game in like 2 years, and he's not about           to start now.  Just don't cry after he runs right over you many, many times.

"If the states decide to allow gay marriage, Hall and Hoose are likely to join our team by next year."

      - Ok, the girl wasn't very good looking, but she was still a girl, dammit...I think.

"We've figured out how to keep Jamie from scoring.  Put a v*gina in front of the end zone."

      - Tom is pretty much the biggest p*ssy on the field.  Unfortunately, he'll be too busy wondering              how he got so slow and soft to keep me from the endzone.

"...but take your pick on who gets to be the slob father, the fat son, the dumb broad and the whiney b1tch."

      - Slob Father - Pat Rooney

        Fat Son - Plank

        Dumb Broad - Shemeley

        Whiney B!tch - Plank (double role...er...roll?)

As far as Tom's rule change?  Doesn't matter.  We could have to go the entire field to score the extra point and we still would.  But if you guys need something to help you feel like you have an actual chance of winning, fine by me.

6 Days till total J-Dog domination.

Tom is the stripper at Dolan's bachelor(ette) party,

"Mean" J-Dog Greene

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: Re: JJVII: The Dream Team
Date: Sat, 22 Nov 2003 09:46:42 -0500 

Hey there fellow teammates!

 And a middle finger to you others, the team commonly known as cumrags.

Firstly, let me say that even though I am heavier, dumber, slower, and less mentally balanced than I was the last time we played, it means nothing because I'm still gonna kick your asses.  Secondly, with the Family Guy, I see myself more as death than the dumb broad.  Tho, admittedly, I have misplaced my scythe.  As for rules, why bother?  Jesus, the next thing you know we're going to rehash the great cleat debate.  Why screw with the rules?  Back in my day we didn't complain about the rules, we only complained about Saddam Hussein and the WTC attack...wait a minute...we do that now too.  I must have entered some sort of rift in the space time continuum.  Hopefully I can get out of here in time for the Jiblet Jam.  I wish I knew more about astrophysics, like that wheelchair guy who wrote that book.

Mike "Gorilla sized cube" Shemeley

Date: Sat, 22 Nov 2003 16:24:16 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Dress Rehearsal? 

When is everyone arriving in town?  If anybody is coming in prior to gameday, let me know, and we will re-familiarize ourselves with catching a football (real size, not toy) if daylight permits.  I haven't dropped a SNMFC contest since the Clinton presidency, and i'm not ready to drop one on thursday.  Don't be offended, but after my seven mile run I was doing my pregame homework and stumbled accross this.  I figured you might like to read it:

http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article/0,6916,s1-1-0-0-426,00.html

Peace,

Hoose

From: Chris Plank
Subject: SNMFC Scouting Report 
Date: Sun, 23 Nov 2003 16:53:40 -0500

*********OFFICIAL SNMFC PRESS RELEASE**********

On Sunday, November 23, Commissioner Hoose and Myself, held an optional practice at the not yet frozen tundra of Hill and Plain.  Field conditioners are slick with bits of mud here and there.  There currently is no rain in the forecast so it should not be swampy.  However the field is half outlined in white plain, we assume as a soccer field.

*******Weather Outlook 'til Jiblet Jam VII*******

Monday-  Low 33 High 55 Partly Sunny

Tuesday-  Low 26 High 44 Partly Sunny

Wednesday- Low 32 High 48 Partly Sunny

Game Day-Thursday-  Low 48 High 33 Mostly Cloudy

"Fat Chicks need Lovin' too!" -Jamie Hall

Date: Sun, 23 Nov 2003 21:08:01 -0500
Subject: Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever!
From: Tom Marks

There are exactly three days left to the kickoff of Jiblet Jam VII, and like any good reality show or professional wrestling event, I am throwing in a twist no one ever expected...

It will be the most dramatic rose ceremony ever!

You won't want to miss this tribal council!

But her father is the district attorney!

Tom Marks the Elder has suggested to me that he wants to come out of retirement.  Apparently those rickety knees have a little more fight left in them.  He would have to be automatic QB, which really helps the Princess Ballerinas, as Jamie is the only one who can throw and the only one who can catch on that team, yet perhaps it will make for a more balanced and

enjoyable contest.

Of course this is all subject to league approval, so let me know your thoughts. 

Smack down in three days,

Tom

From: James Hall
Subject: Re: Dress Rehearsal?
Date: Mon, 24 Nov 2003 06:21:16 -0500 

I plan on leaving after class on Wednesday, which will be around 9 o'clock in the a.m., thus making my ETA around 1:30 or 2 o'clock in the p.m., depending on traffic and if I actually leave at 9 a.m.  I'm up for anything.  Drinking, football, chicks, drinking, bars, eating, drinking, or AA meetings.  I'll see y'all in New Milcity.

Tom's sisters will be mine!

J-Dog Daddy

From: Chris Plank
Subject: Re: Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever!
Date: Mon, 24 Nov 2003 20:51:35 -0500

Keep us all informed.  I must say though, with only 3 days left, the trash talk is not enthusiastic or plentiful...

From: James Hall
Subject: Re: Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever!
Date: Tue, 25 Nov 2003 01:45:14 -0500 

I agree, ass monkey.

From: Chris Plank
Subject: Re: Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever!
Date: Tue, 25 Nov 2003 18:28:22 -0500

To those who are not on my team you suck!  Also my sports team is better than you sports team.  They should fire or hire that coach.

Date: Wed, 26 Nov 2003 13:48:13 -0500
From: Don Whelan
Subject: Re: Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever! 

Dude, you missed the joke - or chose to ignore it. Though, to be fair, Plank

neglected to use effective syntax. Should have been something more like this:

"To those who are/aren't on my team, you rule/suck! Also my sports team/mom is

better than your sports team/mom. They should fire/hire/suspend that

coach/mascot. Jamie/Jamey/Jimbo is in for it/doomed/astonishingly queer."

Now THAT would have been funnier. Sorry I'll miss the game and the chance to

introduce Mr. Hall to the earthworms/Chinese. Perhaps in December.

Play and play rough!

-Don

From: James Hall
Subject: Re: Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever!
Date: Wed, 26 Nov 2003 14:06:38 -0500

Dude, your sports teams ARE our sports teams.  Well, mostly.

Prior to 2 Kwanza 2 Khaos (2003)

Date: Wed, 3 Dec 2003 18:52:59 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: 2 Kwanza 2 Khaos 

I will spare the usual poetic buildup, when do you monkeys want to throw down?

Date: Thu, 04 Dec 2003 09:57:23 -0500
Subject: Re: 2 Kwanza 2 Khaos
From: Tom Marks

Jeffro-

Please post to the site:

NEW MILFORD-After two hard-fought weeks of trash talk and questions of sexual orientation, T-Dog's team of Dolan, Lil' Roonz, Plank and Shmeelz vanquished J-Dog's team of Crooney, Hoose, Handyside and Durand handily, 104-84 in Jiblet Jam VII: Recall Rowland, Elect Jiblet.

"It was a really solid effort by our guys," said captain Tom Marks.  "We caught the ball, we made tackles and, oh yeah, we ripped the hearts out of the other team and took a dump in the cavity that remained.  All in all, everyone had fun."

Tom Marks Sr. was automatic QB, ensuring a high-scoring affair.  Yet the game didn't start out that way, with several turnovers early, most of them freak accidents.  

The first was a turnover on downs for J-Dog's team.  After a 13 yard punt by Crooney, T-Dog's team scored to take a 21-7.  Next to follow were two successive drives of interceptions, as Plank Lindy-hopped and picked a pass of the back of Handyside.  The next series, Handyside would get his revenge, picking off a tipped pass in the endzone, saving a touchdown.

The teams traded scores, keeping it close at 28-14.

What then followed was a blown flea-flicker play, where Crooney's pitch back to Mr. Marks was thrown into the hands of a blitzing Kevin Dolan.

"He came in so fast!  It was like he was away from something, running for his life!" said Roonz.

Dolan was married two days later.

T-Dog's team found the endzone on the next play with a diving catch from Lil' Roonz, making the score an insurmountable 35-14.  They never looked back.

The deep threats of Dolan, Pat and Marks were too much for J-Dog's team to handle, when balanced with the strong ground game provided by Plank.  On defense Shmeelz made everyone who went over the middle pay with rock solid tackling.

J-Dog's team was plagued by dropped passes most of the day, but made up for it with frequent deep bombs to J-Dog and Durand  The only other turnover came late in the game, when J-Dog threw a pass to a wide-open Dolan on a halfback option.

"He was wide open Jamie," reasoned Hoose, "because he isn't on our team!"

The surprise announcement of Tom "Mr." Marks Sr. coming out of retirement a mere week before the Jam sent shockwaves through the Concern, with many accusing the T-Dog of withholding this information from J-Dog and stacking his team with "speed" receivers.  

However, it was later confirmed that J-Dog was aware of the possibility of Mr. Marks playing the night of the draft, and felt pressure to draft Hoose first in an attempt to cover up the fact that he hooked up with a man-beast earlier in the week.  This ploy failed.

After the game, there was much rejoicing and drinking of mead.  For the first time in history, the Theismann trophy was award to co-recipients Tom Marks and Pat Rooney.  The point was rendered moot however, as Plank left the trophy in the SNMFC Hall of Fame Museum (his closet), along with his check for fantasy football.

From: Brian Durand
Subject: Re: 2 Kwanza 2 Khaos
Date: Thu, 04 Dec 2003 16:36:02 +0000 

I propose that we play the weekend after Christmas as Christmas is late in the week and no doubt most of has to work Monday and Tuesday leading up to the holiday.

I vote for Saturday, December 27th, any time of day.

-Durand

Date: Thu, 4 Dec 2003 11:53:20 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Re: 2 Kwanza 2 Khaos 

After new year's might be a bit of a stretch, but I am all for adding another game to the schedule prior to Christmas.  (The SNMFC played a 3 game schedule for years).  Should we bother dusting off the "Boxing Day Massacre" moniker, or should we come up with something new.  If we are choosing a new name, I suggest:

"SNMFC Snowball in Hell"

or

"SNMFC Winter of Discontent" 

Either way, can we agree upon a date for 2K2K?  How many guys can we get on the morning of the 27th?

From: Chris Plank
Subject: Re: 2 Kwanza 2 Khaos
Date: Thu, 04 Dec 2003 17:40:48 -0500

I'm in for the 27th, earlier is a possibility, but may have work conflicts...p.s.  Rooney, read your web post, the draft thing is an ah idea, terror tax not a bad one, and the point about the president at all military funerals-good point- there's been some kind of myth made about that.

Later

From: Marc Lucente
Subject: RE: 2 Kwanza 2 Khaos
Date: Fri, 05 Dec 2003 00:54:52 -0500 

I'll be in North Carolina where the Lucente clan is gathering for this Christmas.

Still no chance at a Beach Bowl, huh?

Marco

Date: Fri, 05 Dec 2003 10:10:08 -0500
Subject: New Year's Fray
From: Tom Marks

Any interest in a post-holiday game, say, on New Year's Day?  Alonzo and Nick will be in town, along with the Commodore and Rukus, so if we could at least get the CT contingent (Plank, Pat, Don, Hoose(?), Dolan) we could get a nice lil' game going.

Any interest?

T-Dog

Date: Fri, 5 Dec 2003 11:20:04 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Re: New Year's Fray 

I'm on it like Jamie on a chunky, hairy, 18 year old Eat n' Park waitress.

From: James Hall
Subject: RE: 2 Kwanza 2 Khaos
Date: Fri, 05 Dec 2003 16:40:54 -0500 

I will be in town from the 19th to the 27th.  Any time in there I'm fine. 

I'd like to play New Year's Day, however, with so many drunken galas to attend the night before here in State College, methinks it won't be the best idea to try and attend that game.  Maybe you should all come to State College and attend the drunken galas and then play really hungover the next day.  Well, I'm out.  Need to continue my professional plasma donator career.

Peace,

J-Dog, Master of the Universe

From: James Hall
Subject: Re: New Year's Fray
Date: Fri, 12 Dec 2003 07:31:29 -0500 

Well, the J-Dog has had a change of plans.  It seems now that it is possible I will not be able to get back until the 23rd, since I don't get my pay check then, and plasma selling alone will probably not suffice.  Anyway, keep me up on the details.

Word,

J-Dog and the Pussycats

From: James Hall
Subject: RE: 2Kwanza 2Khaos Trailer
Date: Tue, 16 Dec 2003 06:00:13 -0500 

All I wanna know is, what's with the J-Dog playa hatin'?  That isn't cool. 

Overall, a good trailer, but quite inferior to the one I have for JJVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...sorry, couldn't stop hitting the button.  2K2K. J-Dog will return to his winning form, tho, I'm not being captain this time.  I can't wait.  Whoever's not on my team will be pleading for mercy like Saddam Hussein in a spider hole.  Hey, speaking of which, that makes Army 1-13 this year, right?

Peace,

The J-Dog House Rules

Date: Tue, 16 Dec 2003 06:24:21 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Kwanza Khaos Roster and details 

Kwanza Khaos: 12/27/03, 9 a.m.

Let's get an official roster.  If you are going to be there (on the date and time listed), email me back.  Group replies aren't necessary, lest we all get mailboxes full of senseless bewildering messages like this one:

"Well, the J-Dog has had a change of plans.  It seems now that it is 

possible 

I will not be able to get back until the 23rd, since I don't get my pay 

check then, and plasma selling alone will probably not suffice.  

Anyway, 

keep me up on the details."

See you on Kwanza,

Hoose

From: Chris Plank
Subject: Re: Kwanza Khaos Roster and details 
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 16:27:05 -0500

Let's start the trash talk people...whether you're gonna show up or not.  You can guaran- god damn-tee that my fat ass will be lindy hopping as much as possible on the 27th, what about you other monkeys?

From: James Hall
Subject: Re: Kwanza Khaos Roster and details
Date: Sat, 20 Dec 2003 08:05:54 -0500 

I'll be there, and yes a group reply is required because my senseless bewildering message was due only to other peoples incomprehensible lack of organizational skills.  And if this becomes another senseless bewildering message, so be it.

- The Underground J-Dog.

Date: Sat, 20 Dec 2003 15:22:02 -0800 (PST)
From: Jeff Hoose 
Subject: A week prior to kickoff... 

A week prior to kickoff we have the following players confirmed for 2 Kwanza 2 Khaos:

Ben "Southern Trespass" Darling

Kevin "Donkey Punch" Dolan

Chris "Lucky Pierre" Plank

James "Golden Shower" Hall

Brian "Dutch Oven" Durand

Jeff "Hot Carl" Hoose

We're going to need a few more replies here.

From: Marc Lucente
Subject: A short explanation...
Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2003 01:14:41 -0500
 

Gentlemen, my next 21 days...

1. A week in North Carolina (Christmas with family)

2. A week in Aspen (Snowbunnies)

3. Four days in Philadelphia (College friend getting married)

A sad excuse for missing ALL of this year's holiday jams, but please forgive me as all of these excursions are necessary.  Well, Aspen really isn't necessary, but I'm going for free and I've never been there before and DAMN it's Aspen!

Hit hard, fall soft, and someone please take Jamie down a couple of pegs.

Later,

Marco

From: Chris Plank
Subject: Re: A short explanation...
Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2003 16:11:12 -0500

With 3 on 3 football...i think we may have to drink heavily the night before to make it competitive.

Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2003 16:18:49 -0500
Subject: Re: A short explanation...
From: Tom Marks

3 on 3 football?  Pshaw!  What are the Rooney boyz doing?

By the way, I know Hoose and Don are already aware, but we're doing a "New Year's Fray" throwdown in central park on Jan 1 if anyone is interested.  It will be a pre-cursor to "Jiblet Jam 8: The SNMFC takes Manhattan" (or, "Jiblet Jam 8: Too Large for Roman Numerals".)

In the meantime, sorry I have to miss "2Kwanza, 2Khaos" but I'll be attending "X-mas in Tex-mas 2: Tommy Does Dallas", as we'll be visiting Abi's relatives in Fort Worth.

Tex gonna give it to ya,

T-Dog

From: Chris Rooney 
Subject: RE: A short explanation...
Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2003 16:38:02 -0500 

I am pleased to announce that I will be at 2Kwanzaa2Khaos.  I believe my brother will be working.

Also I see no need to stop the roman numerals, for after VIII is IX.

C

From: Brian Durand
Subject: RE: A short explanation...
Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2003 22:09:31 +0000 

Sweet...now we have 3-on-3 with an automatic offense with the elder Rooney

ready to suit up on Saturday. 

We've done 3-on-3 with auto "o" plenty of times before in the past so this

should make for a good game.

-Durand

P.S. I'll keep trying Handyside up in New Hampshire...

From: Chris Plank
Subject: Re: A short explanation... 
Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2003 17:53:20 -0500

Yes, but 3-on-3 hungover makes it much more...SNMFCish.

Isiah Thomas as Knicks president?  Ooooh the indignity.

~ The Diceman

"I have an announcement: Meg Griffin's plane was shot down over the sea of Japan.  It spun in.  There were no survivors" - Brian in "Fifteen Minutes of Shame"