Prior To Giblet Jam 2001

 

Date: Tue, 06 Nov 2001 10:20:41 -0500
Subject: Let the trash talking begin (Contains some bad language)
From: Tom Marks

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Pansies,

 

Lend me your asses for the pounding of a lifetime.  For we are but two weeks away from:

 

JIBLET JAM V

The Football Game for New York

 

I propose that this year's jam be a charity event featuring celebrities such as:

Mike "The Animal" Shermly

Jamie "Your Mom" Hall

Marc "Anthrax" Lucente

Jamie "Suck My Dick Mom" Hall

Brian "Old Ball And Chain" Durand

Jamie "That's what we should do guys, have a cock sucking contest" Hall

AND MANY MORE!

 

I'm assuming you're all in with the possible exception of Hoose, who keeps yapping about some timezone thing, I don't know, I wasn't paying attention.

 

Thursday, Nov. 22

9am (So people can go home to their families, wives, etc)

Marc Gambone Memorial Field (Behind Hill and Plain)

 

BE THERE! Or be somewhere else!

 

Roonz, what's Pat's email.  Pls. forward.

 

From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: California Demon
Date: Tue, 6 Nov 2001 14:23:28 -0800

Rest easy, for my simple lifestyle does not provide me with the resources to attend Jiblet Jam V.  Each of you shall be spared the wrath of my Angel City Assault until the 24th of December, when we begin the final 2 legs of the Southern New Milford Football Concern's Triple Crown.  Be warned, Eternal Jamnation awaits all those who stand against me at Jingle Jam V: Rage Against Anthrax. Or Boxing Day Massacre V: The Nuptial Nightmare.

 

Jeff Hoose

 

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: The Dark Prince returns
Date: Tue, 06 Nov 2001 20:18:07 -0500

Hey everybody,

 

What's up?  Well, don't get your panties in a bunch, because I, Mike Shemeley will make it to the Jamming of Jiblets number five.  Partly because I am chained to this town, and thus, have no real difficulty attending.  But mostly to kick some ass.  I was going to break out the surgical 2x4, but then I was told you can't use lumber in football.  I guess we're playing with pansy rules.  Anywhoo, I shall play and I shall direct my ever increasing hostility to aide me on the field of battle.  None shall be spared.  Except members of my team.  Probably.  I make no guarantees.  And, since I have yet to form an excuse, I should be there for our winter games. If you want your ass kicked, show up, but bring a tissue for when ya'll start cryin like whiny bitches. Oh yeah.

 

The Almighty Lord Shemeley

 

Date: Wed, 07 Nov 2001 09:07:25 -0500
Subject: Requestlet Jam
From: Tom Marks

Oh, by the way.

 

I got roped into spending Christmas in Texas.  That said, I'd like to fly into Philly on the 28th.  Would anyone be able to pick me up from the airport?

 

Similarly, would anyone be able to bring me home to New Milford or somewhere else in CT?

 

-T-Dog

 

P.S.  What are people doing for hotel arrangements?

 

P.S.S. What say you we move Nuptial Nightmare (AKA Boxing Day Massacre V, This time, the Roman Numerals aren't arbitrary!) To either Friday or Sunday in PA?  I have a feeling that Brian won't be partaking in the game whether it is in PA or CT. but a change of venue might do the SNMFC good (and allow me to play).

 

Date: Wed, 07 Nov 2001 18:47:30 -0500

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Re: Requestlet Jam

 

T-Dog,

 

Tom, if you fly into Philly on Thursday the 28th I would be able to pick you up at the airport (I will be in New Milford for Christmas but I plan to return to PA either on XMAS day or December 26th).

 

I am sure someone else will be able to bring you home after the wedding.  As far as the "Nuptial Nightmare" is concerned, I think it would be more appropriate to have that Game on Friday if you play here because it would still be before the wedding.  Also, you might need to know where to play and how to get there and Sunday I will be away on my honeymoon.  I don't know if I could play (unless people only have to "tackle me" with 2-Hand Touch) but I would like to be around if at all possible.  The good news is there is a high school and an elementary school only 1-2 miles from my apartment with plenty of fields to play.

 

As far as hotel arrangements, I don't know what people are planning yet.  If people want to play on Friday, I have room to host people Thursday night at my place, and if everybody coming would let me know via email ASAP I can let everyone else know and get you paired up for hotel rooms for Friday Night (& Saturday too if need be).

 

Tomorrow, Jiblet Jam V is only a mere two weeks away and I too look forward to returning the not-yet frozen tundra of Hill & Plain School (or Gambone Memorial Field?).  Now that the trash-talking has commenced we should get a firm commitment from all those who can definitely play so we can choose teams (and of course, re-pick them the morning of Thanksgiving after someone sleeps in late).

 

-Durand

 

Date: Wed, 14 Nov 2001 11:08:06 -0500
Subject: Love in an Elevator
From: Tom Marks

Hey All-

 

My flight gets into Philly at 2:53pm on Friday.  James, can you still pick me up?  Marco, when do you get in?

 

James, since you're driving me home, I need to know if you are going to stay Friday and Saturday.  If so, it might make sense for the three of us (Tom, Durand and Trish) to split a hotel room.

 

If Big D and Trish decline, then how about Me, James and Marco.  Whoever is on a losing Jiblet Jam team takes the cot.  Weather channel says it could be a chilly jam (Hi 46, Low 27).  If  anyone fails to show, they automatically get the cot.

 

Peace,

T-Dog

 

From: Marc Lucente
Subject: Fornication Celebration
Date: Sun, 18 Nov 2001 23:53:52 -0500

Hey guys,

OK, first, I doubt I'll be able to get out of work on Friday, so I'll probably fly in that evening.  If one or all of you could get me at the airport, the first round of cocktails that night will be on me. 

B, Shmeelz are you saying that you want a room by yourself?  If you do, it only means that the cost for me, Tom, and Jamie will be even less which is fine with me, but if I misunderstood your email then we need to all decide now how we're rooming so that we can book it.

And D, come Turkey day you will all be receiving the ass poundings of a lifetime.  (Don't get excited Jamie, I mean the football game.)

 

From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Let the jiblets hit the floor!
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2001 09:37:57 –0800

A Holiday Greeting From Jeff Hoose

Jiblet Jam is upon us.  And although I will be spending this year’s jam in Anaheim, with a bunch of relatives that call me Steve, know that I am with each of you in spirit.  Also know that I do nothing except work, exercise and pray, and am primed to throw a restaurant quality ass kicking at Jingle Jam V: Rage Against Anthrax.

 

Tommy suggested that Boxing Day Massacre V: The Nuptial Nightmare, be moved from it’s traditional date (Boxing Day) and location (Hill and Plain), to a location in Pennsylvania and a date closer to the wedding.  I support such a move, and want to see it accomplished.  Who’s comin’ with me?

 

Most Importantly:  I am coming to the wedding alone.  I need to split a hotel room on the nights of Dec 29 and 30^th.  Is anyone else going alone?  We could split a room.  Even if you are only staying the 29^th, I want to go in on a room with somebody.  Let me know ASAP.  Reply when you get this message.

 

Jeff Hoose

 

 

Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2001 10:22:09 -0800 (PST)
From: Shawn Handyside 
Subject: Re: Let the jiblets hit the floor!

(Further proving I lack any originality)

 

A Holiday Poem From Shawn Handyside

 

Roses are red

Jamie is gay,

I won't be able to kick ass

This coming turkey day.

 

Yeah, I've been meaning to reply to the Giblet Jam mailing list for a while.  Originally I was planning on attending in all my reflected glory.. but it turns out that my mom will be working pretty much nonstop during the holiday weekend and my sister will be spending the holidays in the holy land of Morocco, so putting in the 15 or so hours to get myself to New Hampshire just doesn't seem as attractive as it used to.

 

It's a shame too.. because I've been training myself to the peak of fitness using my new found "Dance Dance Revolution" skills.  I will explain later.

 

Also I heard that that Durand kid is getting married or something, and I'd hate to beat him up too much before the wedding.

 

Oh yeah, Durand, I'm coming to the wedding.. I just haven't mailed in my little card yet.  Save me a seat near the food table.  Also please seat me as far away from Jamie as possible, as I heard he's a homersexual.

 

I would also like to see the Boxing Day Massacre V moved to PA.  I will continue to train by playing Dance Dance Revolution and Madden 93 for Sega Genesis.  My skillz will be unstoppable.

 

So yeah, lots of other stuff to talk about, but it will have to wait.  My lunch break is almost over... oh yeah, I also got a job.

 

Later!

 

-- Shawn

 

Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2001 13:46:11 -0500
Subject: Jam Update
From: Tom Marks

Sorry to hear that Shawn will not be joining us for Jiblet Jam V: This time the roman numeral isn't arbitrary.  Taking his place on the active roster is none other than the old man himself, my dad.

 

When asked about the rumors that he wakes up with stiff knees each morning, he replied, "It doesn't matter.  I only need to be 35% to beat you punks." Those sound like fighting words.

 

If you're listed as "PROBABLE/QUESTIONABLE", that's because I expect you to be playing, but you haven't contributed enough trash talk, personally or via email to confirm either way.  Bitch.

 

IN:

T-Dog

Tom Marks Sr.

Jamie "It's a different kind of love, Charlie Brown" Hall

Big D

Marc Lucente

Kevin Dolan

Shermley

 

OUT:

Teflon Hoose

Shawn Handyside

 

PROBABLES/QUESTIONABLES:

Big Rooney

Little Rooney (You decide who is who)

Plank

Bosco Ben

 

JAM TIME TEMPERATURE: 48 Degrees

 

P.S. Shawn..The Republican News?  Sounds much better than The Liberal Rag.

 

From: Chris Plank
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2001 13:51:03 EST
Subject: Re: Jam Update

 
Well Tommy "Bitch of Bitches" Marks, you can count on me stomping your head in the ground, for I shall be at the Jam.  Now hopefully everyone else who is questionable will show cuz 5-5-auto QB will be excellent.  Lower shall be like a monkey fucking a football (see jamie hall for details on this).  So keep up the trash talk cuz in a few days it's time for a good old fashioned hippie ass-whomping.

Chris

 

Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2001 16:20:51 EST
From: Chris Rooney
Subject: Re: Jam Update

both rooneys are in, as well as the inimitable garbo, college pal of mine, i'm sure you'll like him

 

best

chris

 

Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2001 17:13:03 -0500
Subject: Re: Jam Update
From: Tom Marks

> both rooneys are in,

> as well as the inimitable garbo, college pal of mine,

> i'm sure you'll like him

 

You're gonna like him!

You're gonna love him!

He can do most anything!

Oh wait, that's Gabbo.

 

T-Dog "Here comes the mutha f'in' rukus" Marks

 

P.S.

For those who are clueless, such as myself:

in·im·i·ta·ble (-nm-t-bl) adj. - Defying imitation; matchless.

 

P.S.S. Did I meet this Garbo at Penn Bowl?

 

From: Chris Plank
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2001 17:15:59 EST
Subject: Re: Jam Update

we're playing what 9-12?  

Look Smithers...Garbo is coming!

umm....Yes sir!

Chris "Abdullah" Plank

 

Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2001 23:14:02 -0500

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Re: Let the jiblets hit the floor!

 

As I write this email we are only 58 hours from the start of Jiblet Jam V and it looks like we will have a strong 5 on 5 turnout.  Are we going to bother picking teams now or just wait until we get to the game Thursday morning?

 

Sorry to hear you won't be able to attend Shawn, you know you could always just drive up to Connecticut for the weekend even if you aren't going all the way to New Hampshire.  But I know you are busy so hope you have a nice Thanksgiving (same for you Hoose since you will be unable to attend the game).

 

Hoose, as far as the hotel number is concerned you should have gotten a Best Western card in your invitation, but in case you didn't the number to call is (215) 368-3800 and it is for the Best Western Hotel in Kulpsville, PA (the rooms are being held for people to book until the end of Thanksgiving weekend) under my name.  There are rooms reserved for anyone who needs them Friday and Saturday night but if you need a room Sunday night Jeff I'm sure you can get one there too.

 

So let's see if we got the reservations all worked out while I am already emailing everyone:

 

Tommy & Marc are rooming together for Friday December 28th (& Saturday the 29th as well?)

Shemeley has his own room for both nights

Jamie is going to stay with Tom & Marc on Friday night and with Jeff on Saturday night

Shawn, is Alyssa coming? If so I imagine you will be staying with her.  If not let us know and we can hook you up.

Rooney & Hoose are staying at my place Friday night and Plank is unsure right now if he can make it.

 

If anyone hasn't made the reservation yet, make sure you make it this week.  Also I know many of you are flying in or can't make it here until Friday but if anyone is bored Christmas week and wants to come here early on Wednesday or Thursday you are more than welcome to stay at my place Wednesday and/or Thursday night.

 

See most of you in a couple days,

Brian

 

Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 13:24:38 -0500
Subject: Marks Guarentees Victory
From: Tom Marks

TOM MARKS GUARANTEES VICTORY

 

In a bold move reminiscent of sports legends Joe Natmath, Jim Fassell and "Sweet" Lou Pinella, Tom Marks today guaranteed victory in Jiblet Jam V.

 

"Who's on my team?  Who cares?" quipped the self-proclaimed "wooden spoon that stirs the bowl of jiblets".

 

JAM COUNT DOWN: 43 hours, 40 minutes

 

JAM TIME TEMPERATURE (Sponsored by Weather.com): Hi of 51, 6mph wind out of the west, 0% chance of percipitation.

 

We can choose teams now, later or next week.  We'll just end up choosing new teams on Thursday when Shmeelz and Marco show up late because they overslept.

 

Plank-yes, I believe we are agreed on a 9am game time.

 

From: Chris Plank
Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 13:37:21 EST
Subject: Re: Marks Guarentees Victory

LOCAL MAN ARRESTED FOR "JIBLET JAM" PREPARATIONS

(AP-NEW MILFORD)  A New Milford man was arrested on Monday for what he said was, "Preparations for 'Jiblet Jam V'."  The unidentified man was charged with breach of peace for interrupting operations at Hill and Plain School by trying to install goal posts and draining power from the school to hook up a 19" tv which he called the official Jiblet Jam JumboTron.  Police seized the plywood built goal posts, 19" TV, and the so-called Theismann Trophy.  Also, he was spotted putting white powder down on the field to mark boundary lines.  Police, believing this individual was unstable decided to call the EPA and FBI to check for traces of anthrax.  The material was sent to Fort Detrick, Maryland and the results are pending.  Furthermore there seems to be no link to Al-Qaeda or the Taliban at press time.  Furthermore authorities ask for your help looking for the crazed man's contact who goes by the name "Tom."  All the information that authorities could give is that this man is so deranged that he is saying that he will win "Jiblet Jam" with no teams picked. 

P.S.  Do we have a roster of who will be attending?

 

From: James C. Hall
Subject: RE: Marks Guarentees Victory
Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 13:48:24 -0500

"Wooden spoon that stirs the bowl of jiblets?"  Who are you, Ross Perot? What the hell kind of metaphor is that?  "I'm the wooden spoon that stirs the bowl of jiblets, and here's my friend the golden knife that slices the turkey.  And next week on Puppet Time, we'll have the rubber hand that examines Tom's prostate."  I think 4 years at that pansy liberal arts college of yours has turned you stupid (first person to mention that this is my fifth year of college gets bull rushed by my car). 

 

You can guarantee all the victory you want this year, seeing as you've never been able to back it up in the past, anyways.  Gotta remember, Patrick Ewing guaranteed victory too, and he couldn't win a big game if he were the only player on the court.  And Jim Fassell lost the Super Bowl, so that really doesn't count.  And I just know somewhere there's a tube of Desitin just waiting for Tom and his minions to use it after J-Dog and the Pussycats mop the field with them.

 

So run, ye merry gentleman, run up your field with glee For fate has intended always for the victor to be me. So gather round my valiant soldiers, and like the wind we swirl As we chant upon our victory our rallying cry "Uptown Girl."

 

Who ever doesn't choose me has chosen...poorly.

 

JUST BRING IT.

 

-James "The next person to make a gay comment directed at me gets shot in the head" Hall

 

From: Chris Plank
Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 15:55:59 EST
Subject: Re: Marks Guarentees Victory

Am I correct to assume that the trash talking has stopped for the day or am I incorrect?  I was wondering if Sisk is working with the CIA in Afghanistan.  Last I knew his addy was [email protected], but i'm not sure if he's with us?

 

From: James C. Hall
Subject: RE: Marks Guarentees Victory
Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 17:46:06 -0500

'addy?'  what the hell is an 'addy?'  is this some newmilbonics?  Dumb motherfucking new milfordites....jesus....

 

From: Chris Plank
Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 17:51:02 EST
Subject: Re: Marks Guarentees Victory

Quite prolific and meaningful words from Jamie "suck my dick mom, no down a little more" Hall.

 

From: James C. Hall
Subject: RE: Marks Guarentees Victory
Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2001 20:34:26 -0500

Glad to know you can escape high school, Chris

 

Date: Wed, 21 Nov 2001 09:52:10 -0500
Subject: Kiefer Sutherland not a part of this 24...
From: Tom Marks

Bitches-

 

Unlike the critically acclaimed Fox show 24, this will be your only commercial/reminder that we are now less that 24 hours away from Jiblet Jam V.  I'll bring a ball if someone can remember to bring cones.

 

-T-Doggius-Maximus

 

P.S.

>"Wooden spoon that stirs the bowl of jiblets?"  Who are you, Ross Perot? What the hell kind of > metaphor is that?

James, see Baseball Book of Quotations, Reggie Jackson, "I am the straw that stirs the drink..."  Anyone?  Anyone?

 

Date: Wed, 21 Nov 2001 10:50:23 -0800 (PST)
From: Shawn Handyside
Subject: Jam Jam Revolution

Even though I am unable to attend "Jiblet Jam V: Oh So Very Tired".. I thought I would share with all of you (my teammates and adversaries) my advanced training techniques which are bringing me to peak physical and mental condition for "Nuptuial Nightmare".

 

My first piece of training equipment is the arcade video game which has taken the world by storm (assuming by world you're only referring to drugged up ravers and difficult to embarrass video enthusiasts...  naturally I'm the second one).

 

By harnessing the aerobic health inducing power of Konami's "Dance Dance Revolution", I have lost weight and increased my levels of advanced footwork coordination.  I have also gained a +1/+1 increase in HP, which will undoubtedly help me find a way out of the dungeon without the use of the wizards key.

 

My second form of training involves arduous playing of Madden 93 for the Sega Genesis, which is undoubtedly the greatest football video game ever produced to date.  By practicing up full-time, I have memorized all of the greatest plays that football has to offer circa 1993.  Also I have learned to commentate as well as the master himself.  For example, whenever someone gets tackled it is customary to yell: "WHERE'D THAT TRUCK COME FROM!"

 

Also I plan to learn how to catch a football really soon.

 

I share these techniques not to help anyone further their own skills in the name of  sportsmanship... I simply want all my future adversaries to comprehend the incredible beating that is coming in the weeks ahead.

 

Prepare for the inevitable.

 

-- Shawn

 

P.S. Jamie is a pussy

 

From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: FW: In training.
Date: Wed, 21 Nov 2001 11:57:54 -0800

Yesterday afternoon, I decided to share my training secrets with fellow Jiblet Jam healthy scratch Shawn Handyside.  Today, Shawn sent his secrets to each of you.  In the spirit of disclosure, I present the world’s first look, at an email originally sent to Shawn Handyside:

 

Shawn,

So it appears that we are both missing Jiblet Jam V.  Damn geography!  From your emails, I gathered that you have been using some new training techniques.  Well played, old man!  Since neither of us will be playing on Thrursday, I thought that I would give you an exclusive look inside my training.  As you can clearly see, I am working around the clock, preparing to unleash my Angel city assault at Jingle Jam V: Rage Against Anthrax. 

 

High impact cardiovascular exercise is of great importance to the Southern New Milford Football Concern recreational athlete.

 

An avid student of the game, Hoose spends countless hours reviewing the tapes.

 

An athlete’s well-balanced diet must include 10-12 servings of grains per day.  Nobody understands this better than Jeff Hoose. 

Happy thanksgiving.  See you at Rage against Anthrax.

Peace,
Hoose

From: Chris Plank
Date: Wed, 21 Nov 2001 15:47:15 EST
Subject: Re: FW: In training.

 
One of us could be 25 million dollars richer....The reward for Osama is up to 25 mill, and we now have the picture of him wearing a pink cowboy hat at some gathering.  Now shall we all turn him in to get the Southern New Milford Football Concern that new scoreboard?

 

 

 

 

Prior To Jingle Jam & Boxing Day Massacre 2001

 

Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2001 11:04:32 -0500
Subject: I Got Room
From: Tom Marks

Hey,

 

If anyone needs a place to stay Friday night, I've got a hotel room to my own, since Marco has pussied out/ can't get off work.  To confirm, I believe I'll have Roonz and Marco with me on Sat night, yes?

 

Also, I've secured a late checkout on Sunday in case we need a place to shower after....

 

Nuptial Nightmare I:

Gettin' Silly in Philly

Sponsored by my Jack Daniels hangover

 

Peace,

The Dogfather

 

From: Chris Plank
Date: Mon, 10 Dec 2001 22:19:32 EST
Subject: Souther New Milford Football Concern

Hi everbody.  Hi Dr. Nick!  I was just sitting here pissed at the Rangers blowing it and overtime, yet laughing about how shitty the Colts are this year and was wondering if we're still having Jingle Jam V:  Rage Against Anthrax?  I mean I know that everyone is busy, but to not hear trash talk when we're only 14 days away made me wonder?  I believe this is the game that Hoose will be arriving back for. I thought it was yes, but just wondering.

Chris "Chris ain't here man" Plank

 

From: Chris Plank
Date: Mon, 10 Dec 2001 22:21:51 EST
Subject: Re: Souther New Milford Football Concern

By the way perhaps at that game we can decide who the mvp was for the  theisman...just a thought 

 

Date: Tue, 11 Dec 2001 06:51:14 -0500

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Re: Southern New Milford Football Concern

 

I'm all for Jingle Jam V and raging against anthrax.  Hoose will be in too, that's four of us.  Jamie, you can play right, that would make five.  Shawn any chance you are headed up to New Hampshire on Christmas eve and can make a swing through southern New Milford?  Rooney might be home, and even if he takes the early retirement option we still might be able to get his brother.  We should have enough, so the only question now is what time do we play on Xmas Eve?

 

It's Jam Time,

Durand

 

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: Re: Southern New Milford Football Concern
Date: Tue, 11 Dec 2001 00:16:22 -0500

Hey,

 

 The football shall be so.  Even if the anthrax won't be.  It ran away like a mislead mujahaddin.  But, not to worry, the asses will be kicked.  I'll bring the hate.  It's what I do.  And if no one else should show...I guess I'll just be the undisputed champion of the world.  Hail to the king, baby.

 

Mike

 

From: Jeffrey Hoose
Subject: SNMFC Achievements go largely unrecognized
Date: Tue, 11 Dec 2001 23:13:16

          A Former Jesuit Volunteer who now works for Sports Illustrated gave our house tickets to SI’s "Night of Champions".  It was held last night at the Shrine Auditorium (Oscars).  The tickets insist that the doors will close promptly at 7, so we pound all the complimentary champagne we can in the lobby.  I’m pretty sure it was non-alcoholic. (Either that, or I am developing some troubling tolerance issues.) 

          At 7, we are seated among the few other losers who actually took that door-closing threat seriously.  Randy Johnson and Curt Shilling come rolling through the crowd after she show was supposed to have started, We see Magic Johnson come walking through the room fashionably late.  I would doubt that anyone I have ever seen has more presence entering a room than Magic, but Muhammad Ali came in 2 minutes later. 

          If one were to pass judgment based upon public opinion and audience reaction, Muhammad Ali is without a doubt, earth’s greatest hero.  If one were to judge solely by appearance, Muhammad Ali is an invalid who gets a standing ovation every time he drools on himself.  I feel he is somewhere between the two.  He is certainly worthy of the ovations, but Rocky Marciano never lost to Trevor Freaking Berbick.

          As award shows go, this one lacked a little credibility.  There were only about four awards given, two of which were accepted via satellite.  However, SI seems to have learned from the folly of the ESPYs, in which awards are issued for contests that are already decided by playoffs and tournaments.  SI’s event was more about melodramatic testimonials and musical tributes. 

          Rob Lowe was chosen to present some sort of Lifetime Achievement award to Magic Johnson.  He spoke of his experience of a fan of Magic’s, as well as their friendship.  Magic got up and spoke of how the two go way back.  At this moment I got to thinking, Magic Johnson and Rob Lowe were two of LA’s biggest young stars in the 1980’s. Each man is notorious for his womanizing (or statutory raping) during the decade.  Suddenly it made perfect sense that the two were old friends.  I’m not quite sure what the connection is between the two men, but I’d bet that it most definitely involves the butt. 

From: Chris Plank
Date: Tue, 11 Dec 2001 18:37:25 EST
Subject: Re: SNMFC Achievements go largely unrecognized

So do people want to start indicating if they're in or not?  Also does anyone want to start the obligatory trash talk?

Date: Wed, 12 Dec 2001 08:20:06 -0800 (PST)
From: Shawn Handyside
Subject: Re: Southern New Milford Football Concern

Hey, no one get pissed off at me for bringing sacrelige to the jam, but can I just wanted to throw this out on the table:

 

Is there any chance that the jam could function on the weekend before Christmas?

 

I suppose that in principle I'm speaking blasphemy, but playing on xmas eve is just not practical for people who don't spend their holidays in New Milford anymore (which is um.. just me I guess).  But maybe it's going to start affecting other people more as we all move on to new jobs (and for those of us who are crazy... marriages ^_^).

 

But yeah, I'm heading up to Derry, NH for the holidays, so I would like to get my jam on.  Whether or not this is going to be practical I have yet to determine.

 

If I do kick it old skool in New Milford, does anyone have the tolerance to house me during the holiday season?  (Keep in mind I have a GameCube ^_^)

 

Later

- Shawn "I've Upgraded to Madden 2002" Handyside

From: Hoose
Subject: Re: Shawn's email
Date: Wed, 12 Dec 2001 16:32:53

I am flying in on the 22nd, and the 23rd kind of sucks unless we keep it to an early a.m. affair.  Holidays are about spending time with family, and the Jam triple crown is about avoiding family and electing to beat the crap out of your friends in the snow and mud. 

La Paz,

El Farto 

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: Re: Shawn's email
Date: Wed, 12 Dec 2001 15:43:50 -0500 

Hey,

 

 Because I exist only to cause more problems and less solutions...either day is fine by me.  Or both days.  Just so long as I get the chance to kick as much ass as possible.  Yeah.  Have a good one, see you all on some sort of field of battle, be it the frozen tundra or elsewhere.

 

Mike

From: Chris Plank
Date: Wed, 12 Dec 2001 21:43:29 EST
Subject: Re: Shawn's email

yeah need some more responses...T-Dog, are you playing?  And if so would the Senior T-Dog be in for playing?  Lucente esta aqui?  Hello...we gotta get some information here....It would be shameful if we had to cancel the game.

Date: Wed, 12 Dec 2001 21:43:19 -0500

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Re: Shawn's email

 

Hey,

 

Well I suppose I could do Sunday, December 23rd as well as Monday, but Monday would be easier for me.  Shawn, any chance you could arrive in New Milford on Sunday, spend Sunday night at my place, then play Monday morning and drive to New Hampshire Monday afternoon and be there before dinner?  Just a thought.

 

If we are going to play on Sunday I need to know well in advance so I can travel home on Saturday afternoon instead of Sunday morning.  So far we have Jeff, Mike, Plank, Me, and possibly Shawn.  Jamie you alive?  Chris you know if you will be home yet?  Can your brother Pat play too?  We need some more confirmations here.

 

From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Rooney to announce comeback.
Date: Fri, 14 Dec 2001 10:12:11 -0800

Bhoys,

I cut and pasted this from ESPN.com, It is definitely worth reading.

 

Jeff Hoose

 

Dec. 14: ESPN.com's Jayson Stark reports that former Southern New Milford Football Concern star Chris Rooney is close to announcing his decision to end his three-week retirement and compete in the upcoming Jingle Jam V: Rage Against Anthrax.  Rooney received a call from fellow SNMFC player Jeff Hoose, (best remembered as the innovator of the "Urban Cowboy"), at his Providence home earlier today, in which Hoose reportedly implored him to, "get his monkey ass in gear".  Rooney is expected to announce the decision tomorrow via classified ad in the Providence Journal-Bulletin or the Woonsocket Call.

From: Chris Plank
Date: Fri, 14 Dec 2001 13:54:36 EST
Subject: Re: Rooney to announce comeback.

That's funny there was more Southern New Milford Football Conserve news at ESPN.com.

Report by Tom Jackson
ESPN.com

       Once again, the Southern New Milford Football Conserve brings itself to the forefront of national sporting news.  As concerns over the game taking place with Tom "T-dog, Bitch Nasty" Marks being listed as inactive,  worries about Chris "Where's My Cane" Rooney listed as probable, although some word has come via the Hoose Sports Network that he will play.  There are worries over the possible indictment of Mike " The Government Is Listening" Shemeley in an international espionage ring.  While some players such as Jamie "The Streak" Hall are coming off of championships in other leagues ( Penn State Flag Football) coming back with a vengence.  Little word has come out from Brian "Night Train" Durand, Mark "Refridgerator" Lucente and Pat "No Talent Ass Clown" Rooney.  Meanwhile Jeff "40 Oz. of Freedom" Hoose seemed committed.  "I'll wake up drink a forty, have a steak, fuck them bitches up and then have another forty", said Hoose, who lives a Lawerence Taylor like lifestyle on the West coast.  While Jim Mora who was asked to be the honorary Coin Tosser said, "Diddly Poo!   I'm not showing up, those guys suck! They Suck!  Playoffs, what are you talking about playoffs, these guys only play like 3 games a year."  While Shemeley is looking for his Mora's address while putting on camoflage face paint, many members of the Conserve were heard calling him a fucking pussy and asking if Peyton Manning was good to him in the sack.  I guess time will only tell.  The final note is I visited Chris "Notorious B.I.G.A.S.S." Plank to see his preperations for the looming game. Chris said, "Well I lowered my bratwurst consumption to 3-4 times a day, Sausage and peppers 4-5 times a day and instead of dipping everything in barbecue sauce I just use it like mouthwash.  While the risk of him having a cardiac episode like Chris Farley is always upon us when he does physical stuff like tie his shoes, he remains committed to playing.  As he showed me the Hall of Fame and the Theismann Trophy, which he noted still needs to be updated from the last game, he said, "This is good smash mouth football, some people will be the glorious winners with all the glory of New Milford, and the rest will be dealt with like a terrorist, bitch slapped like some ho."  He ended with, "Beer, that's the cheese!"  I'd like to say watching these guys on the frozen tundra of Hill and Plain field, is the cheese!"  Also we included this file photo of Plank  (below):

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: Re: Rooney to announce comeback.
Date: Fri, 14 Dec 2001 14:30:19 -0500 

Hey bitches!

 

 Wassup?  All your asses will be kicked.  Should you not show up for these games, this will not save you.  I know where you all live, and shall hunt you down for the ass kicking of a lifetime.  Don't think I won't.  It's not like I have a job to go to.  And the government is listening, what with the NSA's Echelon program, the FBI's DCS-1000(formerly known as Carnivore) program, not to mention the trojan virus they're hard at work on, and of course, the cameras everywhere.  You'd think I'm being paranoid, but I'm not even going off on a delusional rant yet (ain't that scary?  it should be). 

That's for later.  Or when I face a jury, because being declared insane and getting committed is so much better than a federal pound me in the ass prison.  But I digress.  In summation: your asses kicked.  by me.  despite big brother.  Boo-yah.

 

Mike "Hate Incarnate" Shemeley

 

From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: A Time To Jam.
Date: Fri, 14 Dec 2001 13:11:33 -0800

Three things bother me in this world:

 

1.Hatred.

 

2. Nebraska, a team that lost their last game by 26, is playing in the Rose Bowl, while undefeated Division 1-AA Mid-Major National Champion Sacred Heart stays home.

 

3. The lack of certainty regarding the remainder of the SNMFC schedule.

 

Okay, so Tommy will be in Texas.  He is out.  I am under the impression that Marc is in Florida, since he is scheduled to land in Philadelphia about an hour after the wedding.  If this is true, let us know.  And call that brother of yours.  Is he available?  We need a busboy in there come jam time.  Does anyone know about the status of Marc Gambone?  That would be funny.

 

As for Boxing Day Massacre V: The Nuptial Nightmare:

 

Boxing Day Massacre V will take place the day after the wedding.  There is a high school field near the wedding site.  I have a hotel room until the 31^st, so we can use this to get cleaned up before driving or flying back to wherever it is you will be going.  Such an event can plant the seeds for an annual SNMFC new years day Hangover Bowl in the coming years.  Who’s with me?!   

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: Re: A Time To Jam.
Date: Fri, 14 Dec 2001 16:53:09 -0500

Hey,

 

 Firstly, I like hatred.  It's very cathartic and pure.  Secondly, we all know that Nebraska doesn't really exist.  And thirdly, uncertainty is the spice of life, much like pepper.  It provides the element of suprise.  Like, one minute you're walking over to find the tv remote, and then BAM! someone tackles you, because it's SNFMC time, baby!  Don't think this can't happen to you.  If I have to modify the rules of our game so that we have enough people, I'll do it, purists be damned.  Imagine, 3000 mile long field, secret end zones, and people assigned to teams without their knowledge.  Now that I think about this, maybe we should just play Calvinball.  That's good stuff.  What's the point of this story?  I like stories.  Peace out, ya'll.

 

Mike "I like to hear myself talk" Shemeley

From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Swallow my eggnog!
Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 09:34:08 -0800

In just 5 days, a plane from LAX will touch down at Bradley, returning East LA’s most potent Alcohol-fueled Whoopass Machine to the celebrated home of the Southern New Milford Football Concern.  However, there is a great deal of confusion as to what action, if any, the Concern will see this holiday season.  The date and players of the next contest are still to be determined.  A series of group emails aimed at clarifying these issues have yielded:

·        A rejection from Tom Marks.

·        Several chilling prophecies of a post-apocalyptic New Milford ruled by Mike Shemeley.

·        A reply from Chris Plank within 4 minutes of each mailing.

This email is a call for clarity, a call for a game date, a call for a game time, and a call for rosters.  This email is a call to a couple of you that have left us completely in the dark.  When are we getting together this weekend?  Why not both days? 

 

“We were gonna fuck you in the ass on Saturday, we fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead!”

- John Tuturro as “Jesus” in The Big Lebowski

From: Chris Plank
Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 12:42:13 EST
Subject: Re: Swallow my eggnog!

(within 4 minutes)  As stated I am in.  so the following roster that I am aware of is:

Hoose

Plank

Shemeley

Durand

C. Rooney via phone call with Hoose?

Hall

 

So at this moment it is 3 on 3 action....Handyside and P. Rooney is unclear.

Inactive:  Marks, Mark,Sr., Lucente?

Missing In Action in Afghanistan/Pakistan:  Sisk

 

So not sure whassup?

Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 10:16:53 -0800 (PST)
From: Shawn Handyside
Subject: Re: Swallow my eggnog!

Mmmm.. eggnoggy..

 

As usual I'm astonished by Plank's ability to email responses within 4 minutes.  Possibly the only ability greater than Mike's gift of emailing pure hatred.

 

So due to the generous lack of sympathy for my not actually living in New Milford anymore, I have cleared a late arrival to Derry, NH with the mom-unit and will be able to attend "Jingle Jam V - Wham, Jam, Thank You Maam!" or whatever the hell it's called these days.  All I can say is the carnage better be damn good.

 

Also I hope Hoose has an adequate supply of Yeungling (like at his send off party) or I fear that I will not have a big enough hangover to play at peak form.

 

So is T-Dog dead?  I haven't heard from him, but apparently my sister talked to him on the phone

recently, so I guess that shows where his priorities lie.

 

Also as I'm sure this thread of emails is going to continue, could we please not put two of my emails on the list?  No one really needs to send email to [email protected] anymore.. [email protected] is just fine..

 

- Shawn

 

"Why is Jesus holding a lasso?"

"Because he's all man!"

From: Chris Rooney 
Subject: From the AP Newswire
Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 13:23:16 -0500

PROVIDENCE, December 17 (AP)-  On a day when Providence awoke to a serene dusting of snow, Chris Rooney officially announced his return to the Southern New Milford Football Concern, citing his love for the game, a new training program, and sexual frustration.

        Ever since his unexpected decision to retire became public on November 25, there had been speculation that Rooney would not stay out of the ring for long.  Jiblet Jam teammate Jamie Hall was quoted as saying "He'll be back, he's just feeling inadequate since he hasn't even been considered for the Theisman in several years.  He's just trying to steal some of the spotlight that I've been in for so long." 

        While Rooney would not confirm or deny this when asked, speculation has been rife that a phone call from longtime friend and fellow player Jeff Hoose helped sway Rooney into today's announcement.  Earlier reports in the Providence Journal, New York Times, and on ESPN.com had all speculated that this phone call was crucial in Rooney's decision.

        Before making his announcement today, Rooney spent the weekend lifting Christmas Trees in Rockville, RI.  He reportedly said, "Man, I love this exercise (expletive deleted), but I miss getting the (expletive deleted) beat out of me."

        Bruce Collins, sportswriter for the Providence Journal who has been following the story from the beginning has a different interpretation for Rooney's return.  "What everyone is forgetting here is that Jingle Jam V is the 'Rage Against Anthrax' and Chris Rooney is a man who really hates anthrax.  He's been signing petitions against anthrax for several years and I think he feels his return may be able to help in the fight against anthrax."

        Whatever the reason, Chris Rooney has returned to the SNMFC.

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: Eggnog in your ear!
Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 13:45:36 -0500

Hey,

 

 Time to unleash the hate.  But at what time?  Clearly, for me, any time is good.  Do we have any sort of planned football times?  Or must I hold a solitary vigil at the frozen tundra of Hill and Plain field until you bitches show?  It may give me time to install various punji stake traps. 

But I prefer to call them bonus points.  And if it's only 3v3, I think it's calvinball time.  Or we could try an armored car heist.  Heh, I'm just floating out some suggestions.

 

Mike

Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 14:04:16 -0500
Subject: Sisters and Football
From: Tom Marks

Shawn-Sorry you feel left out.  I promise, it's not you.  It's that your sister is hot.  And she was on IM at the time and you were not.

 

Brian-Heard your sister had surgery recently.  I hope all is well.

 

Hoose-Your sister sold me some Christmas ornaments and cards the other day.

 

Shmeelz-My sisters are home and want to give a shout out to the "Shmee" sisters.

 

T-Dog is sorry he'll miss another chance to permanently end Rooney's career, but continues to plead for the Nuptial Nightmare on the Sunday after the wedding.

Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 19:16:12 -0500

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Re: Sisters and Football

 

Well, with the addition of Handyside to the roster that makes 3-on-3 with an automatic offensive player.  7 is more than enough bodies to help us rage against anthrax this holiday season so now we must choose the jam time.  Since no one else has offered any suggestions as of yet, how about Christmas Eve (Monday the 24th) at 10am?

 

Rooney do you know yet if you will be home Christmas eve or do you have to work?

 

Shawn, that means we would be done by early afternoon leaving you plenty of time to get up to New Hampshire.

 

From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: Date of Game?
Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 14:55:50 -0800

So will the Jam take place on the 23rd, 24th, or both?  Weather.com predicts partly cloudy and around 40 on the 23rd.  Snow and Ice on the 24th.  However, 10-day forecasts are spotty.  My plans to move my training facility out to Big Bear to prepare for the cold weather of Southern New Milford were thwarted when somebody informed me that I have a full time job.  Thus far

the "cold weather" training has consisted of bike rides to the gym before work in 40-45 degree temperatures.  That way, I am fully prepared for the game, as long as it is played in the dark and involves a Mexican guy trying to run me down in a pickup truck.

 

Jeff Hoose

From: Chris Plank
Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 18:01:38 EST
Subject: Re: Date of Game?

Besides pat, are there 2 or 3 scrubs we can snag?  Is Sisk MIA in Afghanistan or still in NM @ 355-9476?  Is bin laden game

From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: RE: Sisters and Football
Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 16:27:01 -0800 

Jeff Hoose

Confirmed:

 

You

Plank

Shawn

Rooney

Pat Rooney

James-probably

Shemeley

Myself

 

If we can scare up 1 more we get 4 on 4 with Durand wearing the red QB shirt.

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: Fellowship of the tundra
Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 19:53:15 -0500

Hey kids,

 

 Sunday, Monday, whatever.  Just tell me beforehand.  If we play during shitty weather and the other day is nice out, I'll bitch, but when don't I? 

Mother Nature is due to get bitch-slapped anyways.  If someone decided to bring in some scrubs, well...I hate people, so the newbies would be destroyed.  Just fair warning.  And if that bin laden character shows up, well, then I will have to recant my promise not to use rusty metal shanks during gameplay.  Ah well.  In other news, chicken shit is being used as a fuel additive.  I myself will continue to be fueled with alcohol and raw hate.  But my opponents are welcome to try new things to challenge me, even if they can never succeed.

 

Mike

From: James C. Hall
Subject: RE: Sisters and Football
Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2001 23:03:46 -0500

The J-Dog is alive and well, thank you.  Just got off of a REALLY FUCKING STRESSFULL finals week at school.  That 4.0 that I was telling you all about, I think,..well I can forget about it now.  I passed everything, but about 3 weeks ago just went through a major mental meltdown, to the point where I didn’t leave my bed for about 3 days.  Anywhoo, I did manage to salvage my grades, and they were all pretty decent, the worst being a C. 

 

As far as the game goes, I’m ready to start raging against anthrax anytime.  I’m in game shape, and ready to kick some monkey asses.  Too bad t-dog can’t be there, I’d like to crush him with my bear hands (…ok, trivia…what’s that a reference to?)

 

For now, must sleep and keep my mom from killing me.

 

Later.

 

James “I can’t get enough of that wonderful shit”  Hall

From: Chris Plank
Date: Tue, 18 Dec 2001 15:51:06 EST
Subject: Re: Sisters and Football

So what's it look like?

Hall, Hoose, Rooney, Rooney, Shmeelz, Me, Shawn, Durand

Date: Tue, 18 Dec 2001 18:56:47 -0500

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Re: Sisters and Football

 

Hell yeah it will work, eight is plenty to play a decent game of football.  Now if people can just agree to a time we'll be all set.

 

Monday at 10am anyone?

 

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: The football of doom
Date: Tue, 18 Dec 2001 19:57:57 -0500

Hey,

 

Yeah, I'm in.  Time's fine with me.  But I'm sure everyone assumed as much.  Blah.

 

Mike

 

Date: Wed, 19 Dec 2001 21:38:36 -0500

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Re: The football of doom

 

Good news,

 

As I predicted, now that time is drawing ever closer to Jingle Jam V, the Weather Channel has changed the forecast from potential ice to all rain and temps in the mid-40's on Monday.  (Shawn, this means even if it was 10 degrees colder in NH, which is still a stretch it still be pure rain and no ice up there too).

 

So can we all agree on a game time and date here?  Monday? 10 AM? Some other time Monday? Any time Monday?

 

I really need to know if coming home Sunday won't be too late to play in the game.

 

-Brian

From: Chris Plank
Date: Wed, 19 Dec 2001 21:36:03 EST
Subject: Re: Sisters and Football

We need to set a definitive time and shit for this football game.

Confirmed Roster:  Hoose, Shmeelz, Durand, C. Rooney, Hall, Plank

Possibly:  Handyside, P. Rooney

 

We need to pick a time and day.

The weather for Sunday is decent, Monday is crap. So I'm thinking Sunday, cuz I think a playing a game in the shit is gonna make the game worse.  It's quality is already a possible question mark because of the amount of players.  So let's set something up because I know that the next two days are gonna be a bitch for most people.  So let's all decide.

From: Chris Plank
Date: Wed, 19 Dec 2001 21:42:46 EST
Subject: Re: The football of doom

the earlier monday the better then...come on people some responses here....the jiblet jam was so much easier....

Date: Wed, 19 Dec 2001 21:54:07 -0500

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Re: Sisters and Football

 

Plank wrote me suggesting earlier monday possibly, like 9am.

 

9am is fine by me, I just threw out 10am as a starting point.  Everyone ok for Monday 9am, now that it's supposed to just be rain and not ice?

 

-Durand

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: No useful information
Date: Wed, 19 Dec 2001 21:53:23 -0500

Hey,

 

 As I've stated before in a way that shows no decisive thought on my part...whatever.  I'll play whenever.  Maybe the bitches with the less flexible schedules should declare some sort of point in time.

 

Mike

From: Jeff Hoose
Subject: SUNDAY?
Date: Fri, 21 Dec 2001 10:47:47 -0800

Staring down the barrel of a beautiful Sunday and a thoroughly shitty Monday, I move that we jam on Sunday.  I know this takes sacrifice from some of you.  (I will be jet-lagged, so I understand the sacrifice necessary.) Let us make such a sacrifice.  I feel that there is a pretty solid case for this one.  Look back at the classic, three-hour jams of years gone by. Notice you don't remember rain.  If you want another forgettable 90-minute pass dropping contest in the mud, then by all means, play Monday.  If you want an epic struggle in which 8 men battle each other for the greater purpose of the elimination of Anthrax, then meet me on Sunday!

 

Jeff Hoose

From: Chris Plank
Date: Fri, 21 Dec 2001 13:55:43 EST
Subject: Re: SUNDAY?

Well with concerns of Durand's travel time is it going to be an afternoon game then?

Confirmed:  C. Rooney, hoose, hall, durand, shmeelz, me ?:  p. rooney, handyside

From: James C. Hall
Subject: RE: SUNDAY?
Date: Fri, 21 Dec 2001 14:10:43 -0500

OK, why is it so tough to make a fucking decision?  If it's so hard, why not just play BOTH days?  I'm sure most of you could use the exercise anyways.  Besides, the more we play, the less time we have to spend with our families.

 

And just exactly who the hell am I picking up from the airport in Philly, or whatever airport, and when?  I need to know what's going on with that because I need to make some sort of schedule.  My current plan of action is that I'm leaving here on the 27th to go to my apartment at school so I can drop stuff off, then on the 28th, I'm picking whomever of you bumblefucks is flying in that day.  I need times of flights, people.  Otherwise, you're all takin' the bus.

 

And Jeff, it doesn't matter if it's rain, snow, sunshine, or the Apocalypse, it's still going to be a dropped ball fest, just like it is every time...especially if Marco plays.  LOL.

 

Vive la J-Dog

 

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY
Date: Fri, 21 Dec 2001 14:58:37 -0500

Ahoy,

 

Whatever, whenever.  Just tell me before it begins, preferably at least 12 hours before.  Otherwise, I'll just be homicidal.  Well, moreso.  Sunday works.  And as for the dropped passes...hey, we still catch more often than the Giants.  Kerry Collins needs a drink.  I need a drink.  We all need a drink.  And a half a billion dollars.  See?  I'm not being greedy or anything.

 

No tv and no beer make Mike somthing somthing...

 

Date: Fri, 21 Dec 2001 13:23:30 -0800 (PST)
From: Shawn Handyside
Subject: Re: SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY

Indecision is truly the spice or life (along with pepper, which I think Shmeelz mentioned recently).

 

Since the JFC is swamped with indecision I just thought I'd mention what I had on my agenda during my brief stay in New Milford during Shawn's Christmas Road Tour.

 

Sunday afternoon:

     Arrive in New Milford

     Harass Durand about getting married

     Taunt Shmeelz

     Confirm Jamie is still alive (the emails he's sending could just be a complex automated script

program, hence the idiotic banter)

 

Sunday evening:

     Organize rookie "Smash Bros. Melee" Smash-A-Thon tourney at Durand's house.  All are invited, including Durand, who's TV set I am holding hostage for GameCube usage.  To make the game fair I will get myself drunk before gameplay begins.  If Hall doesn't show I'll just have to assume he has sand in his pussy.

 

Monday morning:

     Jingle Jam - Day 2?  Day 1?  I dunno.  I guess I'll find out at some point.  If this is all going

down only on Sunday morning maybe I can tweak my schedule enough to get there.  I guess I could just leave Allentown at 4:00am like last years Jiblet Jam.  Unfortunately this severly affects my Jam-ability and no one should expect me to play well...not that I ever have (altho in this particular case I may be able to match "red-eye" Hoose)

 

Monday afternoon:

     Drive up to Derry, NH.  Hug mom.  Get drunk.  Ruin Handyside Family Christmas.

 

On a side note, we had our office Christmas party here at work where we had a gift-exchange game.  I ended up with a Homer Simpson/Duff frosty mug... proving, without a doubt, that the system DOES work.  ^_^

 

- Shawn "Already Sick of Driving and I Haven't Left Yet" Handyside

 

From: Chris Plank
Date: Fri, 21 Dec 2001 16:24:44 EST
Subject: Re: SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY

well Sunday is the main date it seems with a possible rematch on Monday

 

Date: Fri, 21 Dec 2001 17:05:27 -0500

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Re: SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY

 

Ok Sunday is fine by me, I just needed to know in advance so I could make sure I left in plenty of time.

 

Can we make it an afternoon game in case I don't get a chance to leave until early Sunday morning?  How about 2pm on Sunday afternoon?  Does that work for people?  That should give us 2.5 hours before it starts to get dark.

 

Let me know,

Brian

 

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: Re: SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY
Date: Fri, 21 Dec 2001 19:52:38 -0500

Hey again bitches,

 

 So, it has been decided.  Sunday, December 23, 2001 2pm est.  So let it be written, so let it be done.  I look forward to this, our long awaited battle.  Prepare for your defeat.  The frozen tundra shall be drenched with the blood of my enemies.  The weak shall perish.  Muh hu ha ha ha.  Make peace with your maker.

 

-The Dark Prince