Prior To Giblet Jam 1999

 

Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1999 11:05:42 -0400 (EDT)
From: Thomas W Marks
Subject: That time of year...

 

Well kids, it's that time of year...

 

As I look out my window at a soggy pile of leaves, as I see the Christmas decorations start to inflitrate the local CVS, as the snow starts falling in Vermont, I realize one thing:

 

                IT'S TIME FOR GIBLET JAM!!!

 

That's right kids!  It's time to start choosing sides and begin to trash talking as we have to decide who will win the Cup O' Giblet this year.  I have appointed myself as the Commish pro tempore (sorry Hoose) just to get the ball rolling.

 

The Rules of Giblet Jam are as follows:

 

The First rule of Giblet Jam is you do not talk about Giblet Jam

The Second rule of Giblet Jam is you do not talk about Giblet Jam

(If this isn't making sense to you, go see Fight Club)

 

Giblet Jam will be held, as always, on Thanksgiving morning.  How early or how late we will start will depend mostly on when Rooney needs to go into Stew's or when Durand has his doctor's appointment.  (It might also depend on when Ben and Steve have to report to the Hopkins to gut some turkeys for Franz, and make him a new sweat band from the gizzards).

 

So, I guess what I'm advocating is, write me back.  Let me know ASAP if you will be attending Giblet Jam, and your preferance on when we should play.  Once I hear from all of you, we'll start to figure out teams which, of course, we will have to switch around that morning when people neglect to get their sorry asses out of bed.

 

Roonz, what's Pat's email.  We can't leave a Giblet Jam veteran such as he out of the mix.

 

Okay all, hope to hear from you soon!

 

Peace,

T-Phinneus-Dog

 

 

From: "James C Hall"
Subject: Re: That time of year...
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1999 13:08:42 -0400

If you think the Dog won't be at Giblet Jam '99, you're all crazy!  The Dog will be there, as usual, and the Dog will be rollin' all day.  Giblet Jam '99, on frozen Hill and Plain Field (which of course will be renamed OmniPoint Field due to coporate sponsorship) shall be the last, greatest Jam of the millenuim (of course, it's not really the end of the Millenium, since, for one, it's actually 2005 becuase of a miscalculation of Christ's birth, and two, the millenium doesn't start until 2001.  How many of us start counting with zero? But it's the end of the typical moronic population millenium), and the Dog, who likes to refer to himself in the third person, in front of all the millions (non-existent crowd chants "and millions") of leaves on the trees , shall take the football, grease it up real nice, turn it sideways, AND STICK IT UP THE OTHER TEAMS CANDY ASSES!!!

Let me just say one thing.  GAME ON!!!!

If ya smelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllalalalalalalalall..... what the Dog...is cookin.

 

-Y2J-Dog

 

"Men.  We're just better." - The Man Show

 

 

From: "Mike Shemeley"
Subject: Re: That time of year...
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1999 13:21:39 EDT

Two things bother me about this...the use of such disgusting words as "morning" and "early"  I have no idea when I will get home, which will be a factor in when I wake up (well, if not that then how bad my insomnia is the night before), but if I am awake at the decided time, I shall be there.

 

-Mike

 

 

From: Christopher M Rooney
Subject: Re: That time of year... 

I will not be working for the nazis this thanksgiving (that's at x-mas), I shall forward the message to my brother whose email is (in case any of you were wondering) [email protected].  Also, I do not expect steve to respond if any of us write to him, so I am not going to bother.  I just took my Greek midterm, which I'm sure I did not do better than a C- on, but I'm taking it pass/fail, so who cares!  Other than that, life is good.

that is all

chris

 

ps-oh yeah, I forgot, I'll be there

 

 

Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1999 15:46:53 -0400 (EDT)
From: Steve Wollkind
Subject: Re: That time of year...

Hey bitch!! I take offense to that.....

 

I damn well will respond to email

And I'll kick your ass at Giblet Jam

 

A question for the giblet jab rules-miester: are cleats legal?

 

Bring your emails....I shall respond

-S

 

 

From: "Mike Shemeley"
Subject: Re: That time of year...
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1999 16:56:58 EDT

Cleats?  Next thing you know someone will suggest protective gear, or rules.   Honestly, what is this world coming to?  Oh, and while I'm here I shall indulge myself in a rant of sorts.  Might as well use the pulpit while I'm on it.  Have any of you seen that abhorrent, deceptive, blasphemous, Toyota commercial?  It's for their model year 2000 cars (which happen to come out in late 1999, a small misnomer that has always bothered me, but not really my point).  Basically it has a giant monolith in the middle of nowhere surrounded by people and those cars.  It's as if it were an allusion to 2001:A Space Oddessy.  But then they foul it up.  They write on the monolith "2000."  It's bad enough we live in a world that can't count or figure out the year, but to take a movie and alter it so that it fits some cheezy little ad campaign is sick.  It's bad enough they botch the reference, but the fact is that the movie is 2001 and not 2000, and they choose to ignore

that, well, it really annoys me.  If you can't do a decent allusion, don't bother.  Most of the going public won't get it anyways, even more so because of Toyota's goof rather than the public's own ignorance, and everyone else should be amazed at the maker's own stupidity.  Needless to say, because of this disregard for the classics, I urge you all to boycott Toyota.

 

-Mike

 

 

Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1999 17:04:57 -0400

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Re: That time of year...

 

Hello all,

     You damn well better believe I will be there for Giblet Jam '99 at Hill and Plain on Thanksgiving Morning.  As for your doctor's appointment comment T-Dog, I don't think anybody has a doctor's appointment on Thanksgiving Day, and that will never prevent me from attending Giblet Jam!  I will also not be working for the Facist Dictatorship known as Stew Leonards at thanksgiving (unfortunately that will be at XMAS time too).  Morning is the best time though, since Thanksgiving Dinner (and football on TV) is on in the afternoon.  And James, while this may not be the last Giblet Jam of the millenium, it will be the last Giblet Jam of the 20th Century!  (I believe that we have found our advertising slogan).  And Shemeley, you should be able to get your ass out of bed to play some football.  See you all on the field!

                  

                   -Brian Durand

 

 

From: "Shawn Handyside"
Subject: Re: That time of year...
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1999 19:51:34 -0400

Just for you Mike, I will not buy any Toyota products for the whole year.

 

I'm just that cool.

 

-- Shawn

 

P.S. - I will not be attending Giblet Jam '99 (if anyone cares... which they

probably don't) as my parents want me to eat a turkey or something that day.

I don't understand... I just conform... :p

 

P.P.S - What is a giblet?

 

 

From: "Jeffrey Hoose"
Subject: Re: That time of year...
Date: Tue, 26 Oct 1999 06:21:41 PDT

What are the teams going to be for jiblet ja-IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THE TEAMS ARE GOING TO BE!!!  On thanksgiving morning 1998, a group of shirtless yonkers galloping gracefully through the mud, insured that thanksgiving would never, eh---eh---EVER! be the same again.  And on a brisk Thanksgiving morn' at the end of the second millenium, the tradition will continue.  I'd just like to see who among you has the testicular fortitude to dance with

Teflon Jeff.  Cause when the Teflon Bomb drops on November 25, all of South New Milford's gonna feel the bang!

 

 

Date: Fri, 29 Oct 1999 00:42:45 -0400 (EDT)
From: Thomas W Marks <[email protected]>
Subject: Three Weeks and The Jam is On...

Ladies and Gentleman, the Jam is on.

 

Up to this point, the following people have committed to the Jam:

 

"Admiral" T-Dog McCrackin

"Teflon" Jeff Hoose

Brian "Diesel" Durand

Chris "Stuck a Feather in His Cap and Called it Maca" Rooney

"A Lot of People Ask, What's That, It's" Pat Rooney

Jamie "I Have No Penis" Hall

Mike "If I Can Get My Ass Out of Bed" Shermley

Marc "Ditto" Lucente

Steve "Alright, I'll Write You Back For Christ's Sake" Wollkind

 

I still haven't heard from:

 

Chris "Enter AOL Screen Name Here" Plank

"Bitchin' Bosco" Ben Darling

"Lean Mean" Tom Sisk

 

Definately Jammin' Somewhere else:

 

Shawn "I live in Maryland Now" Handyside

Kevin "Franz Owns 4/5ths of My Soul" Dolan

 

It sounds like people have commitments around noonish...is 9am to early to Jam?  I say, it's never to early to Jam!  For Pete's sake alive, it's the Giblet Jam.

 

Also, be sure to vote: Who will this year's Giblet Jame be played in honor for?

 

The choices:

 

Wilt "The Stilt" Chamberlin

Payne "Knickers" Stewart

Rip "The Surly Sot" Taylor

 

Wait a sec, is Rip Taylor dead?  Who cares.  This is a very important matter, so reply ASAP:

 

Giblet Jam II...It's more than a game, it's a millenium.

 

Commishioner T-Dog

 

 

From: "Mike Shemeley"
Subject: Re: Three Weeks and The Jam is On...
Date: Fri, 29 Oct 1999 00:56:54 EDT

there is a 9 in the a.m. now?

 

 

Date: Mon, 01 Nov 1999 16:45:53 -0500

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Re: Three Weeks and The Jam is On...

 

Hello All,

    I say 9 AM is a great time to start Giblet Jam, I shall be there.  As for voting for who this year's game should be played in honor of, I suggest a new entry into the field.  This year the game should be played in honor of Walter Payton who passed away today at the age of 45 after a battle with PCS, a rare liver disease.  Instead of honoring a former basketball player (Chamberlain) or a golfer (Stewart), I believe it would be more appropriate to honor the all-time leading rusher of the sport we will be playing on Thanksgiving Day, football.  Does anyone else agree?

                             -Brian "Diesel" Durand

 

 

From: Christopher M Rooney
Subject: Re: Three Weeks and The Jam is On... 
Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1999 16:49:34 -0500 (EST) 

Well boyos, I, for one, in keeping with the tradition of levity in our athletic contests past, do not think we should have a game in honor of some dude who died.

 

9AM? you pussies, let's not waste any daylight! I say 7 AM!

 

later

chris

 

 

From: Christopher M Rooney
Subject: Re: Three Weeks and The Jam is On...
Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1999 19:23:10 -0500 (EST)

I was not joking, but nine is okay for me too.  I get up early all the

time now, so I'm used to it.

 

later

chris

 

 

From: James C Hall
Subject: Re: Three Weeks and The Jam is On...
Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1999 19:52:46 -0500

Number 1, anytime is Dog-time.  Game on.

Number 2, while Walter Payton would be a good nominee for the honoree, I propose another great man of our time to dedicate this last Jam of the 20th century.  That's right, you guess it, Frank Stallone.

 

-Dog

 

 

Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1999 20:18:22 -0500 (EST)
From: Thomas W Marks
Subject: Re: Three Weeks and The Jam is On...

I suppose I agree with Roonz-dog on both accounts:

1) The Jam must maintain it's "levity" whatever the hell that is.  My next vote would be Payton, and then Rip "The Surly Sot" Taylor.

 

2) You know the dog (T-Dog, not to be confused with J-Dog, Roonz-Dog or Shmeelz-Dog) is always game for football, no matter what time it is.  On the suspicion that you were joking, I won't show up at 7am for the game.  I will be showing up at 7:15 to warm-up and get into my Game Day mode.

 

I'm assuming 9 is good for everyone?

 

T-Dog

 

 

From: "Jeffrey Hoose"
Subject: Re: Three Weeks and The Jam is On...
Date: Mon, 01 Nov 1999 17:53:40 PST

Finally, Jeff Hoose, HAS RETURNED your E-Mail!  First and foremost, let me apologize for hotmail.  Something is wrong, since it is still November 1 and all of your e-mails that came in earlier this afternoon and this evening are dated November 2.  So keep in mind when reading this that it is 8:35 on November 1.

      Having been stuck here on campus all day long, I was shocked to read that Walter Payton is gone.  I had been under the assumption that he needed and would recive a new liver within the 2 years that doctors said that he had left on his current one.  I realize that dedicating such a lighthearted and somewhat stupid event after a deceased sports legend is probably innapropriate.  So instead, I suggest that we honor the memory of the soft-spoken man they called "Sweetness", by kicking the shit out of the Patriots.

     Also Chris "Funk Lord of USA" Rooney's suggested that we move the game to 7 a.m., calling the rest of the boys "pussies".  Well everybody knows everybody knows that the H double O - S - E likes to kick that shiznit TRAPPIST STYLE.  And for those of you unfamiliar with the monastic life, that means that game time is now at 3:20 am, right after we pray the sun up.

 

- Jeff "I can smell a pig from a mile away" Hoose

 

 

From: "Mike Shemeley" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Three Weeks and The Jam is On...
Date: Mon, 01 Nov 1999 21:24:10 EST

strangely, i would be more apt to play at 3:20am rather than 7am or even 9am, as I would probably be awake.

 

as for a dedication, i think it should be dedicated to Satan, for he has shown us the true way.

 

But really, emails are fun, maybe not as much fun as getting the same forwards every month, but oh boy oh boy.  yeah.

 

Mike "one of the dozens (and dozens)" Shemeley

 

 

Date: Tue, 02 Nov 1999 18:11:48 -0500
From: pdrooney
Subject: Re: Three Weeks and The Jam is On...

for those of you familiar with the lingo i am gonna have to say that IT DOESN'T MATTER  when we play or who we dedicate it to. all i've gotta say to you boys is that you email me like you're the great one.  well you can all take your email's, shine it up real nice, turn that sonofbitch sideways and stick it straight up your candy asses!

 

pat (world's greatest sex machine) rooney

 

 

Date: Fri, 5 Nov 1999 16:15:14 -0500 (EST)
From: Thomas W Marks
Subject: Captains and The Giblet Jam Experience!

Hey Kids,

 

With just two weeks to go until Jam time, I thought we should discuss two key issues.

 

First, this year's captains.  In the spirit of fraternity and skull-bashing that defines Giblet Jam, what fiercer and more utterly symbolic choice can we make, other than PAT ROONEY and his brother, CHRIS ROONEY.  That's right.  It's time for those Rooney boys to spill each others guts, and let their warm innards make steam rise from the frozen perma-frost of Hill and Plain field.

 

Secondly, let me know if you would be interested in "The Giblet Jam Experience," a family exhibit just outside the field, in the H and P gym, where all lovers of sport, young and old, can come and aquaint themselves with the heros, past and present of Giblet Jam.  I'm wondering if any of this year's players would be willing to sign autographs.

 

I guess the Rooney's can start picking teams, although still no word from Ben Darling, Chris Plank or Tom Sisk.  However, Jeff, T-Dog, Jamie, Steve, Lucente, Durand and Shmeelz-Dog have all indicated they are in.

 

Good Luck,

Commishioner T-Dog

 

P.S. Don't be surprised this year if Old Man Marks makes a game-time decision to play, and once again embarass us all.

 

 

Date: Fri, 05 Nov 1999 17:34:24 -0500
From: pdrooney
Subject: Re: Captains and The Giblet Jam Experience!

I guess it will be acceptable to be one of your captains.  I don't think me vs. chris will be much of a battle though, as i always end up  taking him behind the woodshed and having to whoop that ass a few times.

 

see y'all at game time

pat rooney

 

 

From: "Jeffrey Hoose"

Subject: Re: Captains and The Giblet Jam Experience!
Date: Mon, 08 Nov 1999 14:55:32 PST

Finally, Jeff Hoose, has sent BACK, your e-mail!  Fresh off of coordinating a religious retreat this past weekend, Teflon Jeff has returned, rested, focused, and salivating at the reality that in but a fortnight, I will layeth the smacketh down on your monkey asses.  Let's  pick the damn teams already.

 

-   Jeff "I can smell Chris Plank from a mile away" Hoose

 

NY GIANTS 1st PLACE IN NFC EAST!!!

 

 

From: "James C Hall"
Subject: Re: Captains and The Giblet Jam Experience!
Date: Mon, 8 Nov 1999 19:25:02 -0500

Hoose, a fortnight is 14 days, Thanksgiving is in17 days....and the Giants are only tied for first place...and the Giants lost to the Redskins once, so they'd lose a tie breaker anyways....

Ok, gotta go.  Later

James C Hall

 

 

Date: Tue, 09 Nov 1999 13:32:37 -0500
From: Marc Lucente
Subject: Only a matter of time...

OK, here it is, the chance for all of you to join the "If Jamie sends me one more assanine email I'm going to beat him with him own limbs" club!!!

For an initial pledge of $5.95, you'll receive a guide to Jamie's house, the hours he's usually home, and your very own beatin' stick! Membership is optional, and the rewards are obvious.

Do your part.

 

 

Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 20:01:25 -0500 (EST)
From: Thomas W Marks
Subject: Illegal Substances at the Jam

Steve brought up an interesting point we should discuss:

 

Cleats?  Yeah or Nay?

 

T-Dog

 

P.S. Roonz (both of ya) How are those teams coming?

 

 

Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 20:18:15 -0500 (EST)
From: Steve Wollkind
Subject: Re: Illegal Substances at the Jam

My vote is yay....it's not like they'll let me wreck you or anything, I'm just used to wearing them now and I tend to fall down a lot if I play without them...

 

That's my humble opinion.

 

Steve

 

 

Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 21:31:59 -0500
From: pdrooney
Subject: Re: Illegal Substances at the Jam

cleats sound mighty fine to me.

 

pat roooooooooooooooooooooooooooney

 

 

Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 22:43:11 -0500

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Re: Illegal Substances at the Jam

 

T-Dog,

          I say nay.  Giblet Jam, despite the high tensions and fierce competiveness, should not reduced to the level of spiking opponents like idiots do in professional sports.  Not everyone has a pair of cleats to compete on an even playing field as Steve, therefore I believe we should stick to the normal footwear of sneakers or boots.

                                 Brian

 

 

Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 11:57:43 -0500 (EST)
From: Thomas W Marks
Subject: One week to Jam Time

Well, with a week left until the Jam, only one thing is certain--uncertainty!

 

The fate of cleats hangs in the balance, as only four participants have voiced concerns (myself not included) and we're deadlocked at 2 to 2.

 

Also, our captains continue to keep us in the dark as to who we should begin to hate with only the most intense passion that the Jam brings out in all men.

 

The time of decision, brothers, is at hand!

Commish Dog

 

 

From: Christopher M Rooney
Subject: Jiblet Jam Teams!
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 12:13:49 -0500 (EST)

Well, I called up that bitch pat and we decided on teams.

Team 1: C. Rooney, Marks, Durand, Wollkind

Team 2: P. Rooney, Hall, Hoose, Lucente

Automatic "O": Shemeley

If anyone else decides to play, I have first pick (as per prior agreement).

 

Game time is 9AM

 

I would also like to use this opportunity to register my personal distaste for cleats.  Jiblet Jam has always been about beating the hell out of each other and seeing who can take it the longest, adding cleats into the equation will give those with cleats the advantage of being able to avoid getting the hell beaten out of them.  I would only support cleats if everyone owned a pair, and as I do not, I cannot support the introduction of cleats to Jiblet Jam.  It is both unfair and it flies in the face of the tradition we all love so.

 

later

chris

 

 

From: Jeffrey Hoose
Subject: Re: Jiblet Jam Teams!
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 11:08:29 PST

In but a week, the Jam is on.  And one week from now, Chris, TW, Steve and Brian will have the size 13 footprints of Pat, James, Marc and myself all over their monkey asses!

-Hoose

 

 

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: Re: Jiblet Jam Teams!
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 14:31:31 EST

Hi Everybody!

 

  If I am awake, I guarantee I will be on the winning team, especially so if our numbers remain uneven.  As I have mentioned before, adding cleats to this game is like wearing protective gear, which, as we all know, is for pansies.

 

 

From: CCMNYR2
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 19:35:06 EST
Subject: Re: One week to Jam Time

I will not be playing this year for once again I have to work in the morning on Thanksgiving Day.  It is with a heavy heart I say that my name will not be on the active roster.

 

--- The Big Plankbowski

 

 

Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 23:41:59 -0500
From: Pat Rooney 
Subject: Re: One week to Jam Time

I have a few things to say about our little gathering

 

First I would like to change my vote in the cleat situation to a no.  I now realize i don't need cleats to be the most electrifying player on the field.

 

Second I would like to inform Jamie that our team is not called the embryonic whatever the hell he called us.  We are simply the great ones.  It is more imposing and succinct.

 

Third, I would like to nominate Chris Plank as the snatch of the year and ask him that when he is changing his tampon on Thursday morning he remembers that the string goes on the outside.

 

Soon to be two time theismann trophy winner

 

pat rooney

 

 

From: "James C Hall"
Subject: Re: One week to Jam Time
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 23:49:09 -0500

Of course Plank has to work, since there wasn't enough time to get the morning off....except for the year since the last Jam.....

 

James C Hall

 

 

Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 22:07:38 -0800
From: Thomas Marks
Subject: Oh the Joy of Jam

Well, listen to those dillusional pansy boys already flaunting their soon-to-be embarrassing defeat.  Here's how I see things working out:

 

Diesel will probably be our QB, which most likely puts James on me, Pat on Roonz, Lucente on Shmeelz, but most importantly, Hoose on Steve.  Steve, you're probably in great shape after frisbee, (at least, good enough shape to outrun hoose) and this is the match-up to exploit.

 

On the defensive side we have a huge advantage because if either James or Pat qbs, then they take away half of their potent offense.  They won't qb Lucente or Shmeelz, and if Hoose is qb, he just dumps it over the middle all the time for five yard gains.  So anyhow, I think we will frustrate them all game on the defensive side, and the roll over them taking advantage of our speed.

 

A more likely scenario is that lucente fails to show up, and shmeelz is permanently on their team, which would breed chaos.  Bosco, if he comes, makes our team unstoppable!

 

Roonz, I know you foresaw all of this, and you are a genius. Can you tell I can't wait to get home?!?  Enough of this school crap!

 

T-Dog

 

 

Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 12:35:37 -0800
From: Thomas Marks
Subject: T-Minus 5 days

In the next couple of days, you will hear many statistics attempting to give insight into this year's  Jiblet Jam match-up.  Perhaps no statistic is as telling as this:

 

Given the combined records of all the participating colleges on each team, Big Rooney's team has the clear-cut advantage:

 

Jamie and Diesel both go to Penn State so they cancel out.

 

C.Rooney, Penn, 5-4

T-Dog, Midd, 6-2

Wollkind, Williams, 7-1

------------------------

Total Record: 18-7

Winning Pct: .720

 

P. Rooney, Syracuse, 5-5

Lucente, Wake, 6-4

Hoose, Sacred Heart, 2-9

----------------------------

Total Record: 13-18

Winning Pct: .419

 

Big Rooney's team is over 300 percentage points higher!  How can this game still

be in question?  I guess whatever miniscule doubts remain will be buried beneath a

pile of festering Pat Rooney caracasses come Jam Time.

 

Tom "Wait Til You See These Bicepts, I've Been Training Hardcore" Marks

 

 

Date: Sun, 21 Nov 1999 12:57:51 -0500
From: pdrooney
Subject: Re: T-Minus 5 days

I am going to have to make a correction in the statistics.  Syracuse football is 6-4 not 5-5.  a loss to 0-9 Rutgers probably should take away one of our victories, but it doesn't.  Also points should be added because I do believe that other than penn st. our schedule is the toughest out of anybody.  and hey durand, that penn st. collapse is pretty spectacular isn't it.

 

pat (soon to be two time theismann trophy winner) rooney

 

 

From: Benjamin Darling
Subject: Re: T-Minus 5 days
Date: Sun, 21 Nov 1999 14:07:50 -0500

Hey guys,

 

If all goes well, there may be a last minute addition to the roster of one lucky team come Thanksgiving day. From the University of Virginia, 5'8", 135 pound, all-pro nose tackle Ben Darling!  Unfortunately, Tom Marks may be forced to reevaluate his predictions based on UVa's 7-4 record.  Originally, I thought I was going out of town for Thanksgiving, but it looks like I'll be around for the big game.  You can list my condition in the scouting report as "probable."

 

-Ben

 

 

Date: Sun, 21 Nov 1999 14:24:58 -0500

From: Brian Durand

Subject: Re: T-Minus 5 days

 

Hello all,

     Thank you Patrick for pointing out Penn State's disastrous slide in the last three weeks that will land them a spot in the ever prestigious Alamo Bowl on December 28th. Without your help I would have never realized the tragedy of it all.  Secondly, I would also like to welcome Ben to the main event.  Also I am glad to hear that there will be no cleats allowed for Giblet Jam, we will all be on an even footing if you will.  And finally, I will not be getting back to New Milford until Wednesday evening, probably around 7pm or so.  So Wednesday probably wouldn't work for me in terms of a pre-jam.  But I believe that my Friday schedule is all clear and I am always up for another game of football then.  See you all in a couple of days. Until then.

                   -Durand

 

From: Christopher M Rooney
Subject: Re: T-Minus 5 days
Date: Sun, 21 Nov 1999 14:30:31 -0500 (EST)

Well just to make it official:

I take Ben, making the official teams:

A: C.Rooney, Marks, Durand, Wollkind, Darling

B: P.Rooney, Hall, Hoose, Lucente, Shemeley

 

I will also be getting in Wednesday evening, and I have a Key Staff meeting at camp on Friday and I will be returning to Philly on Saturday, so I believe that I will only be eligible to play in the actual jiblet jam.

 

later

chris

 

 

Date: Sun, 21 Nov 1999 14:19:54 -0800
From: Thomas Marks
Subject: Re: T-Minus 5 days

Look out boys, Bosco's coming out of the BOOOOTH!

 

Now that clause that C. Rooney has first pick of any additional players doesn't seem so insignificant, does it?!? Boo-hah-hah-hah-hah!

 

T-Dog

 

P.S. It seems cleats are out.  Good.

P.S.S. My dad really wants to kick our asses.  Anyone up for a prejam game (on Wednesday) or a post jam game (on Friday?)  Or both?  It just doesn't seem fitting to let him play in the jam, but you know the T-Dog is always raring for some football.

P.S.S.S I'll be getting in on Tuesday night, around 8ish.  Anyone up for pie?

 

Date: Sun, 21 Nov 1999 18:30:52 -0500
From: Marc Lucente
Subject: A World of Pain.

Thursday.  9 am.  Let the beating commence.

 

 

Date: Sun, 21 Nov 1999 21:41:24 -0500
From: pdrooney 
Subject: Re: T-Minus 5 days

I will be home on tuesday somewhere around 2:00 of the pm and i like always am up for some sort of pre-jam ass kicking session like the old saying goes, "there is no sense in a jam if there is no pre-jam, just like there is no sense in eating dog food if you can't roll around in it afterwards."

pat rooney

 

 

From: Jeffrey Hoose
Subject: Trappist Brand Jar of Whoopass!
Date: Mon, 22 Nov 1999 14:40:52 PST

Tom Marks, you come out here running your mouth about your calculations of college winning percentages, well Hoose says this, you better take those calculations back to the drawing board because your calculations absolutely SUCK!  The only thing that you should be calculating is how long it's gonna take for the proctologist to surgically remove my size 13 Chuck Taylor from

your ass!  Then you ask if anyone's up for pie?  Well Teflon Jeff loves a good piece of pie.  There's Shepherd's Pie.  There's apple pie.   There's P...umpkin pie.  And of course, there's the Puntang pie.  Well Teflon Jeff, Jimbo, Marco, Shemeelz and Padrooney, got a little something that's even better than the Puntang pie.  And it's called, the Embryonic Rockabilly Polkadotted Fighter Pilots pie.  And on thursday morning, were gonna take a big old piece of that pie, turn it sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!

 

Got Hoose?

 

 

Date: Mon, 22 Nov 1999 19:52:50 -0800
From: Thomas Marks
Subject: Re: Trappist Brand Jar of Whoopass!

> Well Teflon Jeff, Jimbo, Marco, Shemeelz and Padrooney, got a little something that's even > > better than the Puntang pie.

 

Jeff,

First off, "Teflon, Jimbo, Marco and Shmeelz" sounds more like the Puerto Ricans from West Side Story than it does an intimidating football team.  And C. Rooney's Disharmonioushellridebus (that's a working name) is gonna send you dirty Puerto Ricans right back to Jamica, where you came from.

 

Secondly, about your tasty putang pie...nothing beats mom's home cooking, eh Jeff ?!?

 

-Admiral T-Dog

Commander of the Good Ship Whoop Ass.

 

 

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: Re: Trappist Brand Jar of Whoopass!
Date: Tue, 23 Nov 1999 00:16:37 EST

it's poontang you ignorant fools.

 

 

Prior To Santa Slam 1999

 

Date: Thu, 2 Dec 1999 12:14:54 -0500 (EST)
From: Thomas W Marks
Subject: Jammin' N' Slammin'!

It's that time of year, when swelling has started to go down, the black and blues fade to a sickly green and the bone chips are passed through the body naturally.  The time of year when, as we like to say in Middlebury, you can step outside and take a deep breath of that fresh, Vermont winter air, and no longer have your ribs hurt.  Yes, it that time, right after the Jiblet Jam, where we look forward to the impending Jingle Jam and Santa Slam.

 

Last year, the Jingle Jam was held on Dec. 24.  This is a tradition I would like to uphold.  The question then is, when can we hold the Santa Slam, a new addition to this year's Hill and Plain football circut.  Some talk suggested Dec. 26.

 

 

Date: Thu, 02 Dec 1999 19:27:43 -0500
From: pdrooney <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Jammin' N' Slammin'!

If we have a game on christmas eve then it will once again have to be in the morning.  I doubt I will be able to play in the santa slam however, as work and the lack of money I possess will take precedent.  I really can't believe tom is suggesting the same teams after the embarrassment those losers suffered at the giblet jam.  but if they want the rematch i say bring it on.

 

the...................pat rooney

 

 

From: James C Hall
Subject: Re: Jammin' N' Slammin'!
Date: Thu, 2 Dec 1999 20:30:26 -0500

I too, cannot believe that tom is serious about suggesting that we have the same teams at Jingle Jam.  I suppose maybe he enjoyed the shoe marks on his ass after the game, who knows?

But I'm in for any and all football to be played during the Christmas break, so just tell me the time, and I'll make it Doggy-Time!  All I gotta say is this.

Bring it, bitch!

 

James C Hall

 

 

From: Jeffrey Hoose
Subject: Re: Jammin' N' Slammin'!
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 1999 15:55:38 PST

After months of belittling Tom and his original Jiblet Jam squad over e-mail, I was dissapointed to see that that matchup never came to fruition.  I suggest the original JJ3 squads for the impending jingle jam.  All we truly need to seal this deal is a committment from Mike "The Flaming Homosexual" Shemeley to get his gerbil packin' ass outta bed before noon.  Otherwise, Teflon Jeff is down with whatever matchup you butt boys throw his way.

 

 

From: Mike Shemeley
Subject: Re: Jammin' N' Slammin'!
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 1999 19:58:08 EST

Fuck you and die slow assbutt

 

 

From: Shawn Handyside
Subject: Re: Jammin' N' Slammin'!
Date: Mon, 6 Dec 1999 23:10:38 -0500

You stuck who in the what now?

 

I'm lost too...

 

So the next two games are going to be before and after Dec 25th, is that right?  Ever consider having one away from a national holiday so I can get my ass up there too? :)

 

I understand if T-Dog's afraid of having me play...  totally understandable.. :p

 

Bwa ha ha..

 

-- Shawn "Pika!" Handyside

 

 

Date: Sun, 12 Dec 1999 13:13:08 -0800 
From: Thomas Marks
Subject: Jingle Jam and Santa Slam...

Hey Boy-o's,

 

Ben Wrote:

>P.S. Keep me posted on the final dates for Jingle Jam

>and Santa Slam.  All my broken bones from the Giblet Jam

>are healed and I'm rearing to go.

 

Have we reached any final conclusions?

24 and 26?  Are we doing a rematch?

 

 

From: Christopher M Rooney
Subject: Re: Jingle Jam and Santa Slam... 
Date: Sun, 12 Dec 1999 15:32:44 -0500 (EST)

either the 24th or 26th is boffo for me.

roonz

 

 

 

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