Nicknames: Staccato

DOB: January 3, 1979

Birthplace: Boston, MA

Hometown: New Milford, CT

Current Residence: Derry, NH

Height: 6' 2"

Weight: 210 lbs

Throwing Arm: Right

College/University: Pennsylvania State University, Class of 2001

Position: Offensive Lineman

Favorite Team(s): New England Patriots

Favorite SNMFC Game: ???

Favorite SNMFC Moment: The three times in SNMFC history where I was left unguarded (because they thought I was harmless) and I ended up catching the ball and scoring a touchdown.

Scouting Report: Shawn was part of the SNMFC's first expansion teams, in that his ties to the Pickup Football Capital of the World, New Milford Connecticut, were cut first, existing in either Maryland or New Hampshire, depending on wherever the team owners thought profits were greatest. Despite this, he still managed to make a good number of home games (which were the only games as the SNMFC played on the frozen tundra of Hill and Plain School until the first away games, the Nuptial Nightmares). His willingness to drive many hours on major holidays for a game despite himself or his relatives not living in New Milford is a true testament to his commitment to the SNMFC. We can only assume that his true powers were awakened from his training regimen of DDR. Shawn's key skill is that he is often underestimated by the opposition's defense, allowing him to be unguarded and make key two foot completions that are a hallmark of any SNMFC scoring drive. He can become quite angry if provoked, allowing a murderous rage to overtake his thinking process like a true champion. He is also difficult to stop if given enough time to properly charge forward. Shawn is also the only member of the SNMFC to have a female fan base. Or any fan base for that matter. Because outside of his life partner, the only people to witness an SNMFC game from the sidelines were the poor schmucks at Nuptial Nightmare II: The Green Mountain Massacre, and they foolishly supported the easily defeated Vermont Hippie Commune or whatever peacenik name they chose for themselves. He was last sighted in New Hampshire, perhaps tackling moose for training purposes, or escaping the hectic New Milford lifestyle to find some kind of Zen-like inner peace to become a better, more focused football player. We can't really be sure. - Mike Shemeley

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