issue 47
JANUARY 2009
Are you tired of slumming it with �all the old frauds and bores� (� Microdisney)?
Tired of treading water with the yawnsome swimmers of the mainstream? Are you �in love with (your) anxiety� (� The Hold Steady)? If so, then you are WEIRD. So, welcome to the weirdo world of HY!, the nuclear-enriched zine that spreads joy wherever it goes... and, while we�re at it, welcome to January, the month that SOME hep cats are calling the new August! Our HY! Honey in the photo is Erren, whose motto is �sleep and Magners is all you need�. We couldn�t agree MORE. This issue was composed by Mark Ritchie and Gary Simmons. Read back issues online at geocities.com/hiroshimeyeah. GO ON, what are you WAITING for? Harold Pinter and Oliver Postgate, RIP.
NOTHING MEN
Tearing words from our cold souls,
a black suit and tie affair.
The rubber band always snaps
if you stretch it far enough.
Days of wine and poses,
old feelings flood back
like light into a boarded-up room.
The moment of escape is fleeting.
Everyone�s fine here, even normal,
holding court in a messed-up world.
Laughing as we plummet over
the edge of a cliff,
pretending that life is at the bottom.
WINTER AFTERNOONS
The heart grows weak
on sad winter afternoons
where frozen widows waltz
to the tune of the falling snow.
Tinsel hangs limp and dismal
over empty chairs and tables,
a television set flickers, unwatched,
spilling out words no one pays attention to.
There is a listlessness in the air,
flitting between the silences and cold cobwebs.
We witness this scene from a distance,
from a window in a faraway hotel.
We are safe behind the glass,
removed, separate.
Nothing can reach us unless we let it,
so we fix our gaze on the horizon and wait it out
until everything else begins to recede,
fade,
disappear.
MAN ON A RAILWAY TRACK
The train driver
never saw him coming
he was wild and crazy
with a determined look
in his eyes
like nothing would stop him
not even all those tonnes
of steel
with human energy
driving them along.
The train driver
couldn�t stop in time
and when he finally did
all that was left
was a bloody mess
of bone, skin and clothing
but still with a wild and crazy
smile on its face
that thing on the track.
ANTS
We are the ones who sweep away the litter,
who clean the streets of vomit and piss
while everyone else sleeps.
We are the ones who prepare your frappe lattes
and Slow Comfortable Screws,
who you abuse on the other end of a phone.
We fix your plumbing and mow your lawns,
neuter your pets and provide guilt-free blow-jobs
with no questions asked.
We are the invisible army of worker ants
who keep nations running smoothly,
like well-oiled machines.
Never complaining,
our jaws locked forever in vacant grins,
we are thick-skinned from years of abuse.
We have somehow become the world's scapegoats
rather than the fat, smug bosses
who use all their power
to keep us suspended forever
somewhere between love and madness.
THE SPIRAL
It spirals down through the years,
the accumulation of loneliness,
worry,
broken Easter eggs,
fine blankets of silken rain
falling on peaceful summer picnics.
Overwhelming and unexpected,
it comes upon you like hammer blows
when you are lying in bed
or enjoying a quiet, easy moment.
Caught in the spiral, you are
subjected to terrifying and brutal agonies
that twist and contort
all of the goodness in your heart.
Caught in the spiral, you are
alone and helpless,
in a constant state of freefall.
But there is hope
and there is light,
if you choose to look for it.
Open your eyes and you'll see
that it's there.
And, what's more, it always was.
It always was.
13.7 BILLION YEARS OF HELL
Selected Dispatches from an Unwilling Player of God�s Little Game
By Gary Simmons
I feel like watching my �Un Chien Andalou� DVD �what� I bought in Madrid�s Queen Sophia gallery/museum�s gift shop� 3 floors of artistic HEAVEN!! Even saw a book (in French, 35 Euros-odd� about �28) on Yves Tanguy, something I�ve been looking out for for (for for, for for� odd word, �for�) fuckin� YEARS. I think he was probably THE most surreal of the surrealists, a fuckin� MASTER! You see his work in books ABOUT surrealism but I�ve never found a book solely on HIM. He looked fuckin� CRAZY, more so even than showman Dali (snowman Dali?!) Check Yves Tanguy out on your PC. The �Un Chien Andalou� extras look almost EDIBLE� to a cunt like me (Whitehouse � �A Cunt Like You�).
SMELL HOLE AND TWAT GEEK�S �WITHOUT PROGRESS LIFE WOULD BE UNBEARABLE. PROGRESS HAS TAKEN THE PLACE OF HAPPINESS. IT�S LIKE PORNOGRAPHY� BETTER THAN THE REAL THING. THEY PREFER THE SHADOWS. THE LIGHTS TOO CRUEL FOR THEM�. (� BORGIA GINZ. FROM DEREK JARMAN�S FILM �JUBILEE�. 1977) PLAYLIST
CONTROL � ALGOLAGNIA. CD (Imagine being one of those blokes at airports who wave aircraft about with them bright orange paddles and who have to wear protective ear muffs. THIS is probably what they have to put up with all DAY! But you, dear daydreaming reader, have a CHOICE. It�s OK, quite relaxing� in a holiday-in-Abu-Grade kinda way. They�ve obviously listened to a little bit too much Whitehouse (I�d NEVER do a dirty thing like THAT). Nah, it�s more like Dominator really� Oh, I don�t FUCKIN� know! Just for the record, there�s another �lagnia� in one�s SPIFFING kollektion, that being Ramleh�s �Korpolagnia�, easily found on their We Created It, Let�s Take It Over Vol II comp CD and, not-so-easily-found, on their Live Phenol cassette. Phew! Ta Jim. Ta Juntaro. I have just sucked a very large penis. Freak Animal. 2002)
CHARLES MANSON � NBC INTERVIEW. Cassette (Poor old prisoner boy and well-accomplished wordsmith Charley M tries, and fails, to convince Mr. NBC interviewer, via various mind games, diversionary tactics and manipulations of the truth, that HE is right and everyone else is WRONG. It�s pretty hard not to identify with him on that score somewhat. Brilliantly entertaining, if Charley hadn�t have gone and got himself all banged-up, he�d probably�ve made it right up to the PRESIDENCY by now! Come Organisation. 1983?)
GREY WOLVES � BLOOD AND SAND. CD (Originally released shortly after the first Gulf war, I expected loads of screaming and shouting, you know, a bit like Suzi Quatro�s �Can the Can�. Instead, I got minimal, laid-back, warm and genteel bubble bath AMBIENCE! Very nice indeed, especially for reading Cold Spring�s 18th September 2008 bi-sexual newsletter to. Just GOTTA order that Torturing Nurse CD and DVD-R boxset. YOU should too� IF Justin still has any left, ya poor innocent FOOLS! www.coldspring.co.uk. There�s a hole in my butt-cheeks, dear Jimbo, dear Jimbo� Cold Spring. 199?/200?)
NOCTURNAL EMISSIONS � DUTY EXPERIMENT. CD (Another Jim-sent CD that I�ve had for bleeding MONTHS! Every time I put this one on, it gets on my fuckin� TITS, but, pray be patient, I shall get there in thee end. Or WILL I? Soleilmoon. 1995)
46, 000 FIBRES � EMANATES. CD (Got this from the charming Nick Rowan and Mr. Tonal D ex-of-Diary, it being one of their seemingly MANY involvements. �All the music on this CD is improvised�. If you�re into early Nurse With Wound, you�ll more than likely commend THIS. One section is almost a demo-esque version of a part of NWW�s first album, �Chance Meeting�� while another track takes its inspiration from Pink Floyd�s Dark Side of the Moon�s �On the Run�. MAGNIFIQUE! Well, it is for an old GIT like me. MTB. 1995)
46. 000 FIBRES � DIAPHANOUS. CD (Another Nick �n� Tone-ex-of-Diary donated CD. All improvised, all recorded at concerts in London circa 1995/96. Lol Coxhill on �guest� soprano sax. More rock-laden, in PARTS, than AMM or thee aforementioned early NWW, cold and eerie, warm and dreamy, jazzy-wazzy pluckin� �n� twiddly, higgledy-piggledy, willy-nilly, squidly-diddly� hey, where�s everyone gone? MTB. 1996)
NOCTURNAL EMISSIONS � OMPHALOS! CD (I was INITIALLY going to give this album a somewhat lacklustre review. However, due to the 2nd track, �Golgothia�, being a pretty damnable good copy/rip-off/inspired by/�esquie-wesque/�dian-ian of/(whatever� HELP!!) Nurse With Wound�s �Soliloquy for Lilith�, I elected to keep on playing it, and, thus, I implore you, the rest of the CD. It�s a �grower�, perfect for early morning (like NOW, on Tuesday 7th Frock-Joe-Wear 2008, at 11.39am)/late night a�scribing with Cyperus papyrus, encaustum et quiele, you FUCK HEADS!! Moral? Don�t take my reviews TOO seriously (as if anyone WOULD�) ya cunt. Jim-sent. Soleilmoon. 19??/200?)
CON-DOM/ANTICHILDLEAGUE � FREE SPEECH - FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT. 3� CD (JimbOH-sent-OH-a-long-time-agOH-OH, this 80cm comes in a (filthy) glass �n� hardboard clip picture frame. It�s been lying dormant in its �parcelbox� (as opposed to thee unfortunately-named �postpak�) on my BEDROOM (PHWOOAARRR!!!) floor for bloody MONTHS while Mark and I gradually ploughed through Jim�s other kindly-sent stuff-for-review. I saw this CD mentioned in the review section of intriguing Italian magazine Exoteric #4 (get it from www.coldspring.co.uk) not 3 weeks ago (at the time of writing) and decided that it�s probably about time that I reviewed it TOO! Mike Dando (Con-Dom) and Gaya Donadio (Antichildleague) are pretty much heroes in MY book for their total commitment to the industrial/experimental/noise/power electronic/etc, etc �cause�. Check them out via your Googly appendage coz it�s all too much to relate here, not least Gaya�s brilliant Hinoeuma The Maldiction gigs and events (www.hinoeuma.org). In fact, why not also check out Aldo V�s ACTUAL review in Exoteric (www.exoteric-zine.com) not-to-be-confused-with-Esoterra magazine (which is also worthy of investigation). Don�t think I can add much to Aldo�s fine piece, really. OH� it�s all so fucking EXCITING!! L-White. 2006/7/8?)
MUSIC & SHIT
WILLY VLAUTIN � A JOCKEY�S CHRISTMAS (EL CORTEZ/DECOR)
Sorry for mentioning the �C� word* but this limited-edition disc arrived too late to review in LAST month�s issue and it really DOES merit a good old screwing� er, I mean REVIEWING. For those not in the KNOW, Willy Vlautin is the singer/songwriter from the OUTSTANDING band Richmond Fontaine, much beloved of this parish, and author of the brilliant novels �Northline� and �The Motel Life�. Here, he treats us to a tragi-comic, spoken-word tale about an alcoholic jockey visiting his family for Christmas. Underpinned by lovely instrumentals featuring the dreamy pedal steel of Paul Brainard as well as trumpets, accordions and acoustic guitars, it�s like the best ever instalment of �Book at Bedtime�. And, as if THAT wasn�t ENOUGH, the disc also includes �a couple songs about horse racing�, one funny (�The 5th Race�) and one just plain BEAUTIFUL (�The Track�). Willy is not ONLY a talented FUCKER but also SUCH a nice man that he will happily pose with desperate, fawning lunatics after gigs (see below pic, taken at the Arches in Glasgow on 1st May 2008).
*(AGAIN!)
MOUTHFUL OF GRASS � LIVE GRASS myspace.com/mouthfulofgrass
To paraphrase good old Russell Brand, �they�re just a bunch of East End boys and now they�re gonna make some effin� noise!� And Mouthful of Grass do INDEED make some effin� noise here, on this nine track live CD recorded both in London and the glittering showbiz town of Cheshunt. A lot of these songs sound like rock �n� roll classics but, in actual fact, only two are covers (Johnny Cash�s �Folsom Prison Blues� and John Mayall�s �Don�t Waste My Time�) and, despite its mysterious yanky spelling, �My Best Behavior� especially made my flaccid pecker stand to spunky attention.
NANCY SINATRA � GREATEST HITS (PARADISO)
LEATHERFACE � DISCOGRAPHY PART TWO (REJECTED)
One of the joys of being SUCH a sad music obsessive is being able to go into Missing Records on a wintery lunchtime and pick up two wildly different CDs for �4 each, knowing that you�ll LOVE them BOTH. I�ve been meaning to get myself a Nancy Sinatra CD for a while, ever since my beloved cassette of her �Greatest Hits� got chewed-up. Even though this is a slightly DIFFERENT collection to the one I had on tape, featuring as it does songs like �Tony Rome� and �Friday�s Child�, it also contains most of the tunes that kept me company on many a long distance bus ride. The ones performed with/written by Lee Hazlewood are the biggest winners but the duets with Dean Martin and her dad (which is a BIT creepy) are also impossible to resist. �Sugar Town�, �Sand�, �Some Velvet Morning�, �Lady Bird�, �So Long Babe�� Wow! The cover is a tacky-as-fuck delight too. Finding the Leatherface disc was something of a minor MIRACLE considering a) it was a limited-edition release on a TINY label and b) I purchased �Part One� nearly TEN YEARS ago, in the fair city of Dublin. This collects a few of the �Face�s early seven-inches together - such as their STORMING covers of Wat Tyler�s �Hops and Barley� and ABBA�s �Eagle� - and then there are the hair-standing-up-on-the-back-of-your-neck originals like �Springtime�, �All I Need�, �I Want the Moon� and �Pale Moonlight�, proving that Sunderland�s finest sons are INDEED the best-kept secret of the UK punk scene.
JULIE DOIRON � GOODNIGHT NOBODY (VICIOUS CIRCLE)
ELLA FITZGERALD � ELLA SWINGS GENTLY WITH NELSON (VERVE)
Got the subway in. Mad Carol was going on � to no one in particular � about the death of Oliver Postgate and how she used to love �Noggin the Nog�. I sat next to John. We were round the Dark Side due to a power failure or some such SHIT. Magic Mark asked me to swap shifts with him on Friday but I politely declined. Checked my emails on my first and only break, �cos I left at 11.30 for my 12.05 dentists appointment. Got the subway. Saw Yusuf, ex-CSV, on it. Waited about half an hour to see a dentist and flicked through two �celeb� mags. I�ve got to go back and be de-scaled or SOMETHING. Walked back into town and bought a couple of things for mum�s Christmas. Got chips from some kebab place and the guy said, �I like your beard. Do you go to a mosque or a church?� I said �Neither� and he replied that he was the same and that he liked to go �disco dancing!� The chips were very nice. Went to Mono. Saw this Julie Doiron CD for �7.99 and THEN saw it in the second-hand section for �1.99, so I got it. Said hello to Mr Pastel. Had a cider in the Scotia, served by the Ronnie Wood look-alike (who has a pic of himself with the REAL Ronnie Wood up on the wall). Read Metro. Looked in some more shops. Saw P*** in the street JUST after I�d thought about him. Avoided his gaze. Went to Borders then Fopp, where I got this should-be-�7-but-was-less-due-to-the-VAT-reduction Ella Fitzgerald CD. That embarrassing Glasvegas song �Daddy�s Gone� was playing. Got a Scrummy Yummy pizza slice and found 15p lying on the pavement. Went to the Clutha and had a cider and listened in on other people�s idle chat. Walking back towards town, I saw some TWAT dressed only in a T-shirt. Got cider and a TV mag from Somerfield. Dave texted to say he had to work late and couldn�t meet me as planned. Mum rang while I was in the Crystal Palace but I didn�t have a drink there as it was too busy. Had one in MacSorley�s instead, upstairs. Bizarrely, they played Neil Young�s �Down By the River�, which had been in my head only minutes earlier, when I WAS down by the river! Got a subway back. Found 5p. Got a Pot Noodle from the wee hidden shop on Belmont Street and was back in the flat at 7.25. Got a card in from mum. Read. Ate. Drank. Played my new CDs, both of which are GORGEOUS in their own ways. Watched a doc on the Vicky Hamilton/Peter Tobin case. John came to my door around 10.30, looking a bit upset so I invited him in and he told me that he�s been accused of working on the fly and has been told that he owes the dole FOUR GRAND! Obviously, this isn�t actually TRUE, but he was still pretty upset by it. To top it all, he only got �20 in his giro today which he had to put towards his rent so I lent him �20 and gave him a Kings of Leon CD I had lying around. We drank and chatted for a couple of hours and I went to bed around 12.30.
BIG STAR - #1 RECORD/RADIO CITY (STAX/ARDENT)
Bought these two CLASSIC albums on vinyl sometime in the early 1990s but haven�t really listened to them very much in recent years due to having a shitty old turntable. So� a �5 copy of this released-in-1992 CD was a GLORIOUS find. If you want to hear what Alex Chilton sounded like before he went a bit mad then these are the two albums you NEED � there�s the beautiful �Ballad of El Goodo�, the slightly pervy �Thirteen�, the melancholic �Back of a Car� and THE ultimate power pop song, �September Gurls�, which is all chiming guitars and heavenly harmonies. You can hear Big Star�s influence on a zillion cool bands from The Replacements to Teenage Fanclub and Pernice Brothers on this wonderful disc but, if you haven�t also heard their �lost� third record �Sister Lovers� or Chris Bell�s one and only solo collection �I Am the Cosmos�, then you�re missing out BIG TIME on some of the most gorgeous music ever made by human hands and hearts.
NEKO CASE � BLACKLISTED (MATADOR)
Backed by various members of Calexico and Giant Sand (which, I believe, is COMPULSORY when you record your music in Tucson, Arizona), Neko Case leads us on a merry dance through a dark landscape of country noir where her sweet yet tough, soul-infused voice reveals secrets that wouldn�t sound out of place in a David Lynch film. This is especially true on the brooding, strangely sexy title track. Other songs, such as �Deep Red Bells�, �I Wish I Was the Moon� and �Ghost Wiring�, share a certain dreamy ambience with the equally marvellous Paula Frazer and Tarnation.
EELS WITH STRINGS � LIVE AT TOWN HALL (VAGRANT)
As the title suggests, this is Eels WITH STRINGS, live at Town Hall, NYC, on the 30th June 2005. What were YOU doing that day, I wonder? Here�s what little old ME did, courtesy of my trusty diary, that I keep obsessively, like some kind of fucking FREAK: �Woke at 9.15. Had my shower. Had bad-ish dreams about work! Went to the PO in Byres Road & Somerfield & Roots & Fruits. Hoovered my room! It rained. Work OK, till the last call of the night. I was sat next to Andrew & we had a good laugh, between calls. My 1st call was a sale! & I got 1 more (plus 1 �silence� � where the woman had hung up). Ate lunch under cover of Ibrox w/ Andy (it was pissing down). We were getting a LOT of answer-machines. On my LAST call, I basically hung-up on the guy (who wasn�t objecting to anything I said) �cos I wanted to go home. So I was all mega-worried about THAT, that they�d been monitoring it, etc. Went to the Basement Bar in Byres Rd w/ Andy & had 2 pints then he left & I had one upstairs in Tennents, then a cider in a very busy Oran Mor. Had a potato scone/egg roll from the Maggie then came back to my room & drank a bottle of cider. Took a librium too. Oh yeah, & I got a drunken voice-mail from Andrew!� Three different Andrews featured in that diary entry, readers. How odd. I know a lot of people called John too. This Eels CD is fucking GREAT!
DAVID CROSBY � IF I COULD ONLY REMEMBER MY NAME (ATLANTIC)
Dug this out of the old tape pile after watching an excellent documentary on the recent-ish Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young �Freedom of Speech� tour. Then, because I dug it SO much, I went and bought it on CD for a fiver from Fopp. Although it�s David Crosby�s name on the �tin�, this album is more like a groovy, mellow jam session, featuring as it does contributions from Joni Mitchell, Jerry Garcia, Neil Young, Grace Slick and a whole host of others. �Music is Love�, �Laughing�, �Traction in the Rain�, �Song With No Words (Tree With No Leaves)�, �I�d Swear There Was Somebody Here�� all these songs make me LONG to go back to the time when this album was made and smoke some �REALLY super-strong meditation materials� (� Mark Eitzel). But, since that�s kind of IMPOSSIBLE, I�ll just have to make do with drinking cider and listening to it with an incense stick on the go (patchouli, NATCH!)
KIDDY FIDDLER ON THE ROOF
�What the hell�s he DOING up there?� the smartly dressed middle-aged man asked.
�Not sure, sir,� the policeman replied. �I�ve been on duty here for a couple of hours now and we�re still none the wiser.�
�Well, shouldn�t you be DOING something? Like trying to talk him down?�
�Got to wait for the psychologist to turn up. Can�t make any move until then, not before we�ve established exactly what we�re dealing with.�
The crowd had been gathering all morning and now there were 20 or 30 people standing in the car park, looking up at the young man sitting on the supermarket roof. Despite the cold temperature, he appeared to be wearing nothing more than a white T-shirt, torn jeans and a pair of baseball shoes. His long blonde hair almost entirely concealed his face from view.
�I reckon he�s a runaway,� Sadie said. �Has that look about him. And I should know, let me tell you THAT for nothing!�
�Runaway my ARSE,� Ted countered. �I bet the bastard�s DONE something. Done something TERRIBLE, by the looks of it. He�s probably a kiddy fiddler. They�re EVERYWHERE these days. You got any cider left?�
�Get your OWN cider, you old bastard. I�m going for a lie down. Wake me up if anything happens.�
With that, Sadie went over to the recycling bins, where she slept most nights although, sometimes, when she felt the cold getting into her bones, she would let one of her sisters put her up. None of them could understand why she chose to live the way she did but they tried to help her out whenever they could. Whenever she would let them.
A Happy Burger van pulled up and a few of the onlookers drifted off to sample its wares.
�Want me to get you a coffee or something, officer?� the middle-aged man asked.
�Thank you sir, but no. I�m fine. Actually, I�m allergic to coffee. Brings me out in a terrible rash.�
�Really? That�s AWFUL. I�m completely HOPELESS without my morning cappuccino. Tea, then?�
�No sir, really. I�m fine.�
The woman in the Happy Burger van was treated to a different version of the story from each and every customer.
�I hear he�s on the run from the police.�
�Someone told me he�s high on drugs.�
�Apparently, he stole a load of cash from a Chinese gang. There�s a price on his head and he�s decided to end it all.�
As she flipped burgers and poured hot drinks, the woman in the van grew weary of this parade of idiots. I�ll stay here for another half-hour and then go for my lunch break, she thought. Maybe I�ll nip into that new caf� in town. The guy who works there�s pretty fit.
Just then, a gang of schoolboys appeared and started pushing their way through the crowd.
�Oi, mate,� one of them shouted at the man on the roof, �you gonna, like, fuckin� JUMP or what? �Cause, if you ARE, gonna give us a bit of WARNING so we can film it on our mobiles?�
They all started laughing and the policeman made his way towards them, hands outstretched in a conciliatory manner.
�Now, now, lads, that�s quite enough. Why aren�t you at school?�
�Free period, yeah?� the ringleader replied, causing the policeman to wonder if he was the only one who had
been gifted the power of speech.
�Well, bugger off and spend it somewhere else before I do you for breach of the peace.�
�That�s, like, discrimination, man! How come all these other LOSERS are allowed to stand around and we�re NOT, eh?�
�Because THEY�RE not goading the poor sod to jump, THAT�S why. Now, I don�t want to have to tell you again. Piss off NOW.�
�Let�s go, boys,� ringleader said. �This scene is, like, TOTALLY WHACK, you GET ME?�
Meanwhile, Ted had decided to use the situation to his advantage by going amongst the crowd and begging for spare change. But, when one kind-hearted woman offered to buy him a cup of tea, she got a tirade of abuse in return.
�TEA?� Ted roared. �What use is TEA? I need a PROPER fuckin� drink, you stupid COW! If I don�t get something to drink soon, I�m going up there to join that kiddy fiddler on the roof. Yeah, YOU! You up there! Don�t think I don�t KNOW what you�ve been up to, you dirty little BASTARD!�
Up on the roof, Billy wondered how all these people could afford to spend so much of their time hanging around a freezing cold car park, staring up at a total stranger who was just sitting there, doing absolutely nothing at all. Didn�t they have jobs to go to? Families to shop for? Banks to rob? I wonder what they�re all thinking, he wondered. I bet none of them know the REAL reason I�m up here. And then he turned his gaze away from them all and looked up at the indifferent grey sky.