issue 45
november 2008
Are you SICK of hearing about the �credit crunch�? Sick of the media TELLING you what to believe? TELLING you that we�re all FUCKED? Here�s a newsflash: WE�VE ALWAYS BEEN FUCKED! Nothing changes � the poor remain poor, the rich remain rich. Money is evil. If it didn�t exist, we�d all be a lot happier. For the most �intelligent�, �evolved� species on planet earth, we�re pretty fuckin� enslaved to this stupid shit. After all, money is merely a man-made object to which we attribute value. We could replace it with cheese, adopt a barter system or run wild like the REST of the animals. We could take off our pointless clothes and dive into FREEDOM. The human race is a race that�s ALREADY lost. Anyway, here are some words to distract you from life�s sombre quandries. Some of them were written by Mark Ritchie, others by Gary Simmons and Dan Susnara.
YOU ARE THERE
I've not seen you in months
but your presence is felt in the air,
when I see a certain look,
hear a certain laugh.
You are there in the dark shadows of my room,
in the deep loneliness of the faraway lights
from towers,
from planes,
from cars going nowhere,
nowhere at all.
You are there in the drinks that I drink,
the hangovers I endure
and the joys that I feel.
You are there, my friend,
forever there,
right by my side
as I try to dodge the raindrops
and fail.
You are there as I navigate my shaky course
through the world.
You are a longing,
a love,
a blessing,
a curse,
a perfect dream in black and white.
SAD SUNDAY NIGHTS ON A TRAIN
As summer slides into autumn,
he gazes out the window
at a darkening world
where wind turbines watch over
the land like silent giants.
Nervous and cold,
he avoids the gaze of the other passengers,
some of whom drink wine from plastic cups
and laugh away their lives.
He tries not to think about the walk ahead,
through the dangerous streets
overrun by knife-wielding maniacs.
He tries not to think about going to work the next morning
or about the grim certainties that await us all.
Instead, he tries to focus on the nice
rather than the nasty,
tries to focus on a place
where he is beyond the reach of everything
except sleep's gentle miracle.
OBLIGATORY DRINKING POEM
There's a certain time of the evening
when everything dissolves
into a blur of sound and colour,
when the flow of life becomes smooth,
unstoppable.
Our conversations are unwritten symphonies,
one performance only,
no latecomers please.
All of human history has been building up to this moment
of sticky table tops
and chemical contentment.
The sign tells us to "enjoy drink responsibly"
but where exactly would be the FUN in THAT?
THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR
Each new experience is like
a walk to the gallows.
You don't know what to expect,
fear grips you tight,
pulling your heart in different directions.
But you are NOT walking to the gallows,
this new experience will NOT kill you.
You will pass through it
and come out the other side
stronger, wiser, better.
The clich� is true,
there is nothing to fear but fear itself,
so face it, head on,
stare it straight in the face,
unflinching,
and watch it disappear.
Watch as it fades to nothing
and then laugh,
laugh with the prophets
and the fools.
For now you are fearless
and now you are truly free.
13.7 BILLION YEARS OF HELL
Selected Dispatches from an Unwilling Player of God�s Little Game
By Gary Simmons
Yeah, I see a few sad seconds of those AWFUL �rock� festivals on TV� the audience going through the usual predictable motions. Horrible. Where is the REBELLION, the EXPERIMENTATION, the �1, 2, 3, 4, we don�t want your fucking WAR!!� (� Crass)? Pale, lame rock in a hooded top. I�M the king of the punks, the QUEEN of the Jews, I�m fucking GOD!! Where, oh where is the DANGER? Dead. Along with GG (Allin). Well, at least GG (Paul Gadd) is still causing SOME uproar! (Alas, not because of his music). He continues to entertain, though. That IS his job, after all.
*
Neighbour Alan�s Thai wife Bhong�s East Asian mate has arrived, with her fucking GORGEOUS little girl. Ignorance is strength. Work makes you free. Punks now take on the roll of the thought police, with �Chaos� tattoos and �Anarchy� T-shirts and �GG Allin� on their backs. Our forces in Afghanistan have won a glorious victory. Mission accomplished in Iraq. Airstrip One always wins the World Cup. They�ll crucify me like they crucified him, Sainsbury�s Basics cider is Victory gin. The revolution will be complete when text language is perfect. �Has it ever occurred to you, Winston, that by the year 2050, at the very least, not a single human being will be alive who could understand such a conversation as we are having now?�(� George Orwell). Extinguish once and for all the possibility of independent thought. Do you ever wonder what underage pussy would taste like? Maybe you already know. How about geriatric cock? Did you actually READ any Krafft-Ebing? "Aberations of a Sexual Life�? De Sade? Do the parents of Jap Bukkake girls get to see the results of their daughters toils? Are you SURE you�re not gay, Gary? Thickos like the word �paedophile� because it makes them think there�s one chance in HELL they can get an answer right while watching �University Challenge�. In my day, before the tabloid hysteria, we used the word �pederast�. Monty Python�s soundtrack album to �The Holy Grail� featured a sketch about a film director who was into �little boys�. Written out of history? Is it available on CD? What do the thought police think of THIS? And �Monkey Dust�? And Gilbert O�Sullivan? And Joseph? And GOD him-fuckin�-SELF!?!? Ingsoc culture. 2008. The world is 4000 years old. The speed of light is 186,000 miles per second. We can�t even attain a FRACTION of that. The nearest star is four light years away. It would take four years for your lousy text message to reach it. TV Smith said the Martian Rovers were a waste of billions because the first one temporarily shut down not long after landing. It was due to last three months. It�s been WORKING for four and a half fucking YEARS! You didn�t get to choose the colour of your skin. You have no control over your taste in food. Or music. Or Dulux emulsion. Or sex. Just because you SEE the dosh in the tills at Sainsbury�s, doesn�t mean you�re gonna TAKE it. �I�ve had to listen to these sick fuck invalids for what seems like my entire LIFE!� � Whitehouse. There�s a fuckin� builders van parked outside our driveway. Oh, it�s just gone. Oh, the banality of evil! Oh, the joys of nuclear war. Assassinate the prime minister, legalise PAGGIE!! Some call me the space cowboy, others say I�m the gangster of love, some refer to me as a paedophile nonce, but all I know is� I�m GOD, and you are nothing. Once you�ve been allowed to hold a sign in Camden, you�ve MADE it in this world. Lydon�s there. Mate-lock. Siouxie. Poly. Westwood. McClaren. Steve Ignorant. Eve Libertine. Jordan. Mark E. Smith. �Twits with signs� � Sarah-from-the-local-pharmacy. Three million years of evolution, men on the moon, pictures from the surface of Titan and� TWITS with signs. Only HY! can save you. Let there be� LITTLE BEAR! STS beyond 2010 and OMP for all.
YELLOWSAPPEDTEAT�S �I DON�T NEED YOUR BIG MONEY, I DON�T NEED YOUR GIRLS, I DON�T NEED TO BE FUNNY, I DON�T NEED YOUR RULES� (� WARRIOR SOUL) PLAYLIST
WHITEHOUSE � LIVE ACTION 25, 4TH OCTOBER 1983, LES HALLES, PARIS, FRANCE. Cassette (This was part of a two-day �Industrial Music� festival. Die Form and Psychic TV were billed as headliners for both days but failed to appear. Whitehouse headlined on the first night but pulled out of the second show after arguments with the French promoters. Whitehouse fanatics will be curious as to the second �song� (HARRGGHH!!) in this set, entitled �In the Face�. It�s as lost as �Kinderwhore� and the vocal version of �Worthless�. Bennett: �Who you lookin� at CUNT, you fuckin� WANKER� and �You, yeah, I�ve had enough of that video� and �Piss off, thank you� and �Fuck off, you tart� and� so it goes on. ALMOST as good as Lilly Allen. Pray check out Philip Best�s �disrespectful towards hosts� interview at the end. There�s enough here to put a smile on a DEAD man�s face. Susan Lawly)
WHITEHOUSE � LIVE ACTION 34, 6TH JUNE 1984, CUBBY BEARS, CHICAGO, USA. Cassette (I like the name of this venue, for I am Little Bear. I am Little Bear and I am GOOD. It�s remarkable what music can become when in the hands of a REAL free-thinking genius. 25 years latus and we have a bunch of inbred mutants running the gaff and �punks� who question NOTHING. My GOD, after all we fought for, THIS is the fuckin� future result. Audience: �Christ, you homosexuals make me SICK!� Stimulating interview includes talk of death threats. Susan Lawly)
WHITEHOUSE � LIVE ACTION 36, 9TH JUNE 1984, 1ST AVENUE, MINNEAPOLIS, USA. Cassette (Prince owned this venue! I do like that song about 1999. Check out the review of this show in the Whitehouse Live Action dossier� seems it�s not just li�l old me and Henry Rollins who have issues with �so-called open-minded punk rockers�. Bet I�m the only one with bruises though. I infiltrated their oh-so-punk squats, you see, for I am an INVESTIGATIVE journalistic quack HACK! SEVEN! SEVEN!! SEVEN!!! Priceless. Susan Lawly)
GARY GLITTER � TOUCH ME. LP (The first album I ever asked Daddo for. Daddo had a small Radio and TV shop in Clapton which also sold records. Gary�s �evil� is all there in the lyrics but no one fuckin� bothered to interpret THIS part of theeeee unholy Third Testament or, come to that, ANY fuckin� part of it. You WANKERS! Bell Records. 1973)
GARY GLITTER � S/T. EP (Contains six of Gary�s early �70s hits, from �Rock and Roll Part 2� (wasn�t �Doctorin� the Tardis� set to that tune? And, if so, do you write THAT out of history too, a�la crime-think?) to �Remember Me This Way� (HAH!!). Out-fucking-STANDING pop music! He�ll ALWAYS be MY leader� ee poot iz seed in me. Er, and a few others that maybe he SHOULDN�T have. I� love� you� love� me� love� OOOH! I�VE got a plumb bob and line set, so go and get FUCKED! Scoop 33. 1983)
GARY GLITTER � BOYS WILL BE BOYS. LP (�When I�m On�, �Another Rock and Roll Christmas�, �Let�s Get Sexy�, �Dance Me Up�, �Bang Me Up� (nah)� early-to-mid-�80s sound production. Wow! Arista. 1984)
GARY GLITTER � LIVE AND KICKING. LP (Without Gary Glitter there may not be a GeroGary and GeroGary might not have met Mark James Ritchie. Reader, I implore you, ee poot iz seed in me, and NO error. Bush and Blair are responsible for the wholesale dismemberment, mutilation and deaths of HUNDREDS of children and �ARE CERTAINLY AS DISGUSTING AS THOSE RUBBERED DILETTANTES WHO RECOGNISE THAT THE ANSWERS ARE WHAT YOU MASTURBATE OVER. ONCE YOU�RE OUT OF ELEMENTRY SCHOOL, YOU CAN�T APPRECIATE MERE QUESTIONS. UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU�D PREFER TO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THE RESPONSES THAT THOSE QUESTIONS PRODUCE IN PUBLIC. SO BETTER TO JUST SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH.� � Whitehouse. American Phonograph. 1985)
WHITEHOUSE � LIVE ACTION 42, 30TH JUNE 1984, GROUND ZERO, SEATTLE, USA. Cassette (This is the one with the female audience member who keeps shouting out things until WB suggests she needs a �protein diet�. Eh? Does that mean a spermy mouthwash, to keep her quiet? Kevin Tompkins (Death Squad, Sutcliffe J?gend, Bodychoke, Modest Moke� nah, that last one was just my OCD. A part of me believes it�ll keep the universe from coming apart) does a few of his inimitable vocal stints, perhaps sounding more working class than before-and-after-him member, Philip Best. So common. The tape includes two interviews: a very cordial one with William B and the other with pleasantly effeminate-sounding early WH collaborator and film maker, Paul Hurst� which only lasts less than a minute on MY tape, before fading out into oblivion. WHY?? Susan Lawly)
JONESTOWN � THE PEOPLES TEMPLE. DBL CD (Remember the Rev Jim Jones? Remember the mass suicide of o�er 900 of his followers in Northern Guyana in 1978? Remember the World Satanic Network System�s �ultimate picture-disc LP. The live recordings of the last moments of life at the Peoples Temple in Jonestown, Guyana. Limited edition of 912 copies only, hand numbered, one per dead body�? (Erm, until Juntaro told me HE had �dead body number 23� TOO!) Remember Grey Matters �limited reissue of the rare album (�He�s Able� by Peoples Temple Choir� a fuckin� CLASSIC! on CD) by Pastor Jim Jones� church plus the last sermon and mass suicide�? Well, this here is ambient music with samples of Jim Jones� voice on disc one, which is actually very soothing and bloody PERFECT for me to do a little late-night writing to, and disc two is the, now 30-year old, recording of the mass suicide� well-conducive for jerking-off to in the wee hours while mummy and daddo are a�kip. Colourful floral artwork by the world acclaimed George and Pete but, other than that, it�s all a bit of a mystery. Get it from Justin at www.coldspring.co.uk �12 incl. p+p. YAY! Shame you won�t see the pic of �The young Jim Jones selling �monkeys for Jesus�.� THAT�S in the Grey Matter release. I love this job. Dressed To Kill. 2000)
MUSIC
RYAN ADAMS � DESTROYER
Arriving just in time NOT to be reviewed in the last issue, here�s a bootleg from 2000 which, once again, confirms my theory that Ryan Adams is KING of the fantastic, unreleased album. While there are a few songs here that made it onto later, �proper� releases (�In My Time Of Need�, �Bartering Lines� and, in a MUCH reworked version, �Hey There, Mrs Lovely�), the majority are unheard, untouched and pure as the driven snow. Especially gorgeous are the moody ballads �No Disguise� and �The String and the Wire� while the Crazy Horse-style rendering of Gillian Welch and David Rawlings� (who are all OVER this album) �Revelator� just plain ROCKS. Shame it fades out early, though.
DIARY � CURSE AND MAKE UP www.myspace.com/diaryuk
If you like books but can�t be bothered reading then Diary are the band for you. John Plant�s stories of double-glazing salesmen, closet-case office workers and Danzig-worshipping charity shop volunteers would be astonishingly great on their own but, when combined with the garage-band stompiness of the rest of his band� well, words FAIL me. You simply HAVE to hear this stuff, dearest reader. It�s just a shame you won�t be able to find any Diary releases in the shops but, HURRAH, they CAN be ordered from the following outernet site: www.myspace.com/trirecordings. Try listening to this album on a walkman while strolling around your city. You may find it terrifying, disorientating and kinda fucking beautiful TOO.
PERGOLESI � STABAT MATER (HARMONIA MUNDI) by Gary Simmons
This �4 version of Pergolesi�s STAB-at Mater is bloody AWFUL! I taped a CD of this piece from my ex but I always WANTED it on CD. Dunno who �does� my ex�s version but THIS �6-reduced-to-�4 Harmonia munDANE jobbo is just fuckin� FLAT. So much for �boy soprano Sebastian Henning�� I hope his fuckin� BALLS fall off. Moral? You get what you PAY for.
SCOTT WALKER � SCOTT 3 (FONTANA)
Why oh why oh WHY did it take me soooo pathetically LONG to start adoring Scott Walker? His first few solo albums (this one being the third, in case you hadn�t already worked that out) are BRIMMING with lush orchestras and melancholic weepers with titles like �It�s Raining Today�, �Winter Night� and �If You Go Away� and he writes beautifully observed lyrics like �She�s a haunted house and her windows are broken� and THIS is the �digital 24bit HDCD remastered edition with restored original sleeve� AND it only cost �3 from Fopp! I want MORE� and I want it NOW!
JULIE DOIRON � D�SORMAIS (JAGJAGUWAR)
Wrapped-up all snug in her winter scarf on the cover, this is Julie Doiron singing in French and beguiling you like only SHE knows how. �Ce Charmant Coeur�, �La Jeune Amoureuse�, �Faites De Beaux R�ves�� fuck knows what ANY of it MEANS but it�s late night, drifting-off-to-sleep music of the very highest order and it will make you feel as cosy and warm as THAT scarf, or possibly a bottle of �sister� morphine.
THE GUTTER TWINS � SATURNALIA (SUB POP)
Like Screaming Trees? Like Afghan Whigs? Then you�ll LOVE the Gutter Twins, �cos the Gutter Twins are Mark Lanegan out of Screaming Trees and Greg Dulli out of Afghan Whigs! What a, like, CONCEPT, maaan! When this hits the spot, it REALLY hits the spot with dark �n� moody rockers like �The Stations�, �God�s Children�, �Idle Hands� and �Front Street�. So, dig out your black shirts and religious references and get ready to PARTY, Gutter Twins styleee!
JOHN MARTYN � INSIDE OUT (ISLAND)
Aaah, the mellow loveliness of �Fine Lines�, �Make No Mistake� and �Ways to Cry�. Oooh, the spacey, jazzy �Beverley� and almost-title-track �Outside In�. This is another �3, remastered goodie from Fopp and it also contains previously unreleased �Sounds of the Seventies� sessions so what more do you WANT exactly? BLOOD?!?
HAYES CARLL � TROUBLE IN MIND (LOST HIGHWAY/HUMPHEAD)
First saw this guy on �Later� (insert fantasy sequence about smashing Jools �smug cunt� Holland�s face in with a brick HERE) and was SO impressed that I sought out this, his brand new release. Like Townes Van Zandt, Hayes is a Houston, Texas boy so perhaps it�s no surprise that some of these tunes paddle in Van Zandtian waters. When he�s not splintering hearts with
songs like �It�s a Shame�, �Beaumont� and �Don�t Let Me Fall�, HC is blasting out fab, beery stompers such as �Faulkner Street�, the Dylanesque �A Lover Like You� and the hilarious �She Left Me for Jesus�. There are also LOTS of songs about drinking (�Drunken Poet�s Dream�, �Bad Liver and a Broken Heart�, �Knockin� Over Whiskeys�) and a classy cover of Tom Waits� �I Don�t Wanna Grow Up�. I strongly urge anyone even remotely interested in Americana/country rock to get this CD RIGHT NOW!
SANDY DENNY � GOLD DUST: LIVE AT THE ROYALTY (ISLAND)
SCOTT WALKER � SCOTT 2 (FONTANA)
JONI MITCHELL � NIGHT RIDE HOME (GEFFEN)
More wholesome delights from Fopp�s �3 section, whose charms I simply CANNOT resist. The Sandy Denny disc is a recording of her final concert, from November 1977, and it�s a testament to its greatness that I LOVE it despite not REALLY being a big fan of live albums. All 17 tracks make me swoon but especially �John the Gun�, �It�ll Take a Long Time� and �Who Knows Where the Time Goes�. STUNNING! Sandy, you were too good for this world. Onto �Scott 2� now and tears, prepare to be well and truly JERKED as Mr Engel once again delivers the wistful goods with an album full of beautiful and strange tunes. The sleeve-notes, believe it or not, were written by infamous pop nonce Jonathan King� Yikes! Have to admit I was a bit wary of this 1991 Joni Mitchell release but, while it�s no �Hejira� or �For the Roses�, it DOES contain plenty of fine songs (the title track, �Slouching Towards Bethlehem� and �Two Grey Rooms� are but three) which, unlike a lot of her later period albums, are not cursed with overproduction and shitty synths.
JIM O�ROURKE � ????
Oh, I�m sooo CONFUSED. This was sent in by lovely reader Mark Wharton (check out his webby-zine at www.web.mac.com/idwalfisher. IF it�s working, that is� it wasn�t when I last checked) and I THINK it�s a compilation CD �cos it seems to contain tracks spanning various different periods of Jim O�Rourke�s career. O�Rourke is someone I�ve always completely overlooked, which is strange considering that he �recorded and mixed� (not �produced� then? Seemingly NOT) and played on one of my all-time fave albums (Edith Frost�s �Calling Over Time�), used to be in Sonic Youth and covered an Ivor Cutler song (�Women of the World�). Well, I�m happy to say that I LOVE this music � from the quiet, lonely strums of �Good Times� and �Half Way to a Three Way� right through to the string-laden, girlie pop of �Something Big�. And the gorgeous instrumental �Through the Night Softly� could well become the soundtrack to my next late-night Sainsbury�s Basics ros� wine-drinking marathon.
NEIL YOUNG � ARE YOU PASSIONATE? (REPRISE)
Terrible title, terrible cover and a few oddly lacklustre songs (Neil should really have got over that sore throat before laying down the vocal for �Mr Disappointment� and the title track sounds like it was tossed off during a tea break) but there are also some real gems here, like the majestic, recorded-with-Crazy-Horse �Goin� Home� and the sweet �When I Hold You in My Arms� and �Two Old Friends�.
JACK HUDSON � S/T
He was the brightest star of the reviewed-in-last-month�s-HY! �Mad Pride: Nutters with Attitude� comp and now here�s a full-lengther from the mysterious Jack Hudson (Google the name if you�re ready to feel 1000 years worth of frustration wash over your puny, quivering soul). It�s good to know that he�s no one-trick pony, as this is a CD�s worth of WONDERFUL, self-penned songs that sound like lost Jimmy Webb classics (all except �The Moon in June�, which could be by Tom Waits). The musicianship is understated and excellent throughout and Jack�s voice is a deep, warm croon that is a pleasure to spend time with. I�ll repeat what I said LAST issue: WHY isn�t this guy a STAR? Sometimes life just ISN�T fair. Thanks to Robert for sending this one in.
SCOTT WALKER � SCOTT (FONTANA)
The solo debut, remastered, �3.99 from Borders, �Montague Terrace (in Blue)�, �The Big Hurt�, �Such a Small Love�, �Always Coming Back to You�� I think I�ve just CUM! If you added up the sum achievements of every single person involved in �The X Factor� and all those other disgusting, dreary �talent� shows, it STILL wouldn�t come CLOSE to ANY of the songs on this album.
THE FEST FOR BEATLE FANS - HYATT REGENCY O�HARE, CHICAGO, 9TH AUGUST 2008 by Dan Susnara
The start of the day was kinda like Friday the 13th-type mishaps. First of all, the Blue Line train going out there made us all get off at the Jefferson Park stop, take a shuttle bus to the NEXT stop and re-board (due to construction). So I was around 45 minutes later than I hoped to be (though still early for the start of the fest). As TRADITION DICTATES� I always do a doob an hour or so before the fest. So, after a brief stop and look around at the fest, I headed out to these nearby woods where I usually do my �dastardly deed�. Well, as luck would have it, there were some forestry guys cutting grass there, and I didn�t wanna have them see me entering the woods and then LEAVING right away. SO� I walked down a bit to this one office building with a parking lot that�s visible from my usual �spot�. Problem was, the woods were overgrown and it was a bit hard navigating around shit to just get IN there. BUT I managed to get just a short ways in, behind some trees. Did a few tokes. You know how the woods can play tricks on your eyes when you�re in a NORMAL state of consciousness? Well, try it after some powerful spliff at ten in the morning!! For the LIFE of me, I couldn�t find my way back out to the parking lot. So I started off instead across this field that I assumed would end up on River Road, which leads back to Beatlefest. First thing I did was walk face first into some ancient spider webs! YECH! I was pulling wrapped up bug carcasses out of my hair for what seemed eons! Then I just kept following this trail-of-sorts in the general direction of River Road. But, once 15 or 20 minutes went by, I FIGURED I must�ve fucked up somewhere. It was SO weird: every now and then, I�d see what looked like a CLEARING or see (and hear) cars going by. But the closer I�d get, the farther away it got (see: �GOOD SHIT!� HAR!) After what seemed ETERNITIES, I reached River Road. Only problem was, it was a section of River Road I wasn�t FAMILIAR with! And to BOOT, I next see a sign saying �Welcome to Schiller Park�!! (Uh, I started out in ROSEMONT!) ANYWHO, what happened was I walked around 15 or 20 minutes out of my way and eventually I got my sweaty butt back to the fest and had lunch. But the problems didn�t stop THERE. oh NO!! NEXT I find out I lost my damn CIGARETTES! So I had to pay Hyatt Regency O�Hare-type prices for a lousy pack of Newport Lights (not my brand). Overall, I had a �Why do you think they CALL it dope?� kinda morning, but� shit happens, I guess!! Afterwards, I raced upstairs and stood in line to meet Patti Boyd. Talked to this older lady while waiting, who seemed like a first generation Beatle fan. And you know what? I saw a guy (also in line) who was the spitting image of a young Jack Nicholson! The same hair, sunglasses, even the way he talked and his mannerisms. And he posed for a photo with Ken Mansfield (a US businessman for the Fabs) and said �Heeere�s JOHNNY!� so I guess I wasn�t the ONLY one who noticed! SO weird!! After around an hour and 15 minutes, I entered the signing room. There was a montage of Patti�s old TV commercials (from her modeling days) playing. I saw one of her in a convertible (with the top down) going through a car-wash, getting soaked and coming out miraculously dry again and gorgeous as usual. Pretty soon, I was getting close to the table. Patti definitely got older but still looks damn good for her age. I was surprised how short she is! It was cool how they had it set up: they had an extra chair right next to her so you could have your picture taken while she�s signing your book! Patti was super nice, with this cute English accent and all. I told her how much I liked her books and how much I�ve wanted her to do Beatlefest and all. She was really gracious for that, just totally cool. Then she says �Let�s have a look over here, Dan� and one of her people snapped a picture for me on my camera. THAT moment seemed to last FOREVER; it was SO cool (in case you haven�t sussed this out, I�m a HUGE Patti Boyd fan!!) So, I just thanked her, she thanked me, we shook hands and I left. A great moment! The ONLY bummer was they cut her interview into two parts, the second one being on SUNDAY. I was hoping I�d get to tape her talking about the �dentist incident� but� far as I could tell from the program, there was a session scheduled for Sunday entitled �Rock Stars Under the Influence�. I�m willing to bet THAT�S when it was discussed. So THAT was a bit of a rip-off. Also got to meet Billy J. Kramer, got an autographed picture and took a photo with him. Cool guy! Plus Neil Innes was there too, and performed Rutles songs. Bought lots of stuff too, of course! Three Beatles books: one called �We�re Going to See the Beatles!�, which is interviews with first generation fans (most of whom dissed the Fabs when they got �weird�, which sucks, though it�s STILL a fun read). Also got a photo book May Pang took during Lennon�s �lost weekend� period in the �70s and Donovan�s autobiography. Lots of �research� ahead for me! Plus a DVD of John Lennon spots in New York (AWESOME stuff!) and the old Tom Synder interviews with John, Paul and Ringo. Picked up a Mothers of Invention �Freak Out� T-shirt and a WAY cool Doors T-shirt from my favorite T-shirt vendor. He always gets stuff NO ONE has! (Wonder if I can claim all this stuff on my TAXES now?!) GREAT time, overall!
TINDERSTICKS � CITY HALLS, GLASGOW, 5TH OCTOBER 2008
Woke at 8.10am, to a SUNNY Sunday! Mum made brekkie and I read the Mirror in bed while playing Joni�s �For the Roses� and South San Gabriel�s �Welcome, Convalescence�. Then I had a shower and texted Joe, who rang me back and we chatted for a while about the job interview he recently had and all the CDs he�s been listening to. Then I rang HIM back and we chatted some more. After a brief all-politicians-are-scum RANT to mum, I went out for a walk in the sun. Nice, it was. Read the rest of the papers and had an early din before driving to Lanark with Maureen and mum (who were going to Argos). We said bye and I got the 3.12 train. Grant got on at Carluke and we went into Glasgow and had three drinks in Mono, after looking at CDs. I got a Julie Doiron one and he got a Fred �Sonic� Smith one. Saw a new reissue of Daniel Johnston�s �Artistic Vice� too. Next, we went to the Beer Caf� in the Merchant City for a couple of lovely Warsteiners then on to the City Halls where Grant expertly arranged for our tickets to be changed so that we could sit together. Buoyed up, we went into a sadly empty but NICE pub called the Square, where we had a couple of drinks (Grant also had a MEAT pizza). Then we went BACK to the Beer Caf� �cos that was preferable to watching a support act we�d never heard of. After that, it was time to take our seats, marvel at the loveliness of the Grand Hall and watch a fantastic Tindersticks set that included a full orchestra and plenty of new and old faves (�Sleepy Song�, �Her�, a gorgeous �The Not Knowing�) and an unknown (to us, at least) Townes Van Zandt cover. It DID feel a bit like being at a school assembly or something but I suppose I�m just not used to sit down gigs. We had a pint in the Blane Valley afterwards then Grant went to get his train and I got a bus to Byres Road. Was back at the flat at 11.55pm.
NIGHT-LIFE
Harry started drinking a couple of weeks into his new job as a security guard in a large office block. The work was monotonous and, because the shifts were from 6pm until 6am, Harry was usually the only person in the building. He would spend hours with his feet up on his desk, watching the flickering images from a bank of monitors that were connected to the various security cameras positioned around the building. Some nights he would bring in a small portable radio and listen to phone-in discussion shows, on others he would go into one of the toilets and masturbate. Anything to take his mind off the one thing he REALLY wanted to do.
It had been ten months since Harry last had a drink. Or, to be precise, nine months and 22 days. He had been attending AA meetings more or less on a nightly basis since his last bender landed him in a prison cell for attacking a stranger with an iron bar. Harry had no recollection of the incident and it scared him so much that he decided to seek help. He enjoyed the camaraderie of the meetings, which made him feel like he was in the pub. Only, instead of pouring pints down their necks, everyone was overdosing on coffee and incredibly sugary biscuits and cakes.
All his new friends had told him not to make any major decisions in his first few months of sobriety. Big changes like moving house or starting a new job would inevitably lead to stress which could, in turn, jeopardise his recovery and start him drinking again. Harry was happy to heed this advice. After all, he was fairly settled in his flat and had been on the sick for years with a bad back.
Then he met Elaine.
She came into a meeting one night, crying and puffy faced from too much vodka. All the women rallied around to help, offering hankies and sips of hot, sweet tea, while the men huddled together in a corner, keeping their distance until they knew a bit more about the newcomer�s situation.
�Wonder what HER story is?� Harry asked his friends.
�Fuck knows,� one of the other men said. �But the lassie looks like she�s in a RIGHT state.�
They all nodded in agreement and continued drinking their coffee in silence.
It didn�t take long for Elaine and Harry to become good friends. After meetings, they�d go to a nearby caf� and would sometimes meet during the day for lunch. They told each other about their lives, about how they started drinking, what they liked to drink and what they didn�t. In fact, sometimes Harry thought that all they ever DID talk about was drinking, which he found a bit strange considering they were both trying so hard to stay sober.
�I�ve never met anyone like you before,� Elaine said one evening. They had gone for a walk after a meeting and were standing on a motorway bridge, looking down at all the lights speeding off into the darkness.
�How do you mean?� Harry asked.
�All the guys I�ve ever hung around with have been bastards, treated me like shit. You�re not like that. There�s something about you� I can�t explain it. I just feel safe with you, I suppose.�
Harry didn�t know what to say, so he simply smiled and then Elaine pulled him towards her and they kissed.
After that night, Elaine would often sleep over at Harry�s flat and he enjoyed waking up to the smell of her frying bacon and eggs in the kitchen. It made him feel content for the first time in years.
People at the meetings started to make little comments about their relationship. Some openly congratulated them on their new found happiness while others were more wary, telling them that it was a bad idea to get involved with another person who was in such an early stage of recovery. Harry and Elaine didn�t care, though. They were happy and that was all that mattered.
But, after a couple of months, Harry began noticing changes in Elaine�s behaviour. She would wake up in the middle of the night from terrible nightmares that left her drenched in sweat. When he tried to console her, she would draw away and never once revealed what the dreams were about. Over a period of time, she became more and more distant and, if Harry attempted to talk to her about it, she would get angry and storm off.
Eventually, she stopped going to meetings and it became clear that she was drinking again. She tried to hide it at first but Harry started finding empty vodka bottles hidden around his flat and, after a few heart to hearts with his AA sponsor, he decided that the relationship had to end.
Harry began helping out at meetings a lot more after his break-up with Elaine. He would arrive early to set up tables and chairs, help with the sandwiches and generally make himself available to anyone who asked. But, the more he put in, the less he seemed to get out of each meeting and, when people would share their stories, he couldn�t help feeling that he�d heard it all before. Everything had a hollow ring to it and he even started to resent certain members of the group. What the fuck�s SHE doing here, he�d think. Two glasses of wine a night isn�t a fucking DRINK problem, the stupid little BITCH. At night, he would lie in bed, wide-awake, and think of all the horrible things he�d like to do to these fake �alcoholics�. Surprisingly, he hardly thought about Elaine at all.
Then, one evening as he was on his way to a meeting, an acquaintance stopped him in the street.
�Hi Harry. Sorry to hear about what happened,� the woman said.
�What do you mean?� he replied.
�About Elaine.�
�Oh, that�s been over for a while now.�
�No, I didn�t mean that� Haven�t you heard?�
�Heard what?�
�She killed herself last night. Threw herself off a bridge.�
Harry didn�t go to the funeral. He couldn�t face it. Instead, he spent several weeks in his flat, staring at the television without knowing or caring what was on. He still went to his nightly AA meetings but they began to lose all significance to him. He would sit there and feel absolutely nothing, as people spilled out their heartbreaks to a roomful of near strangers. The place where his feelings used to be was now occupied by a big blank space.
Eventually, he decided that he needed a job. Sitting around doing nothing was driving him insane so his sponsor put in a good word for him with a security company he knew.
He�ll be there tonight, when most people are settling down to dinner with their families, enjoying a couple of pints or attending rock concerts. Harry will be there, sitting before a bank of security monitors, pouring whiskey into a chipped coffee mug, thinking about what led him there.