ISSUE 11 � JANUARY 2006
�It has been well said that heart speaks to heart, whereas language only speaks to the ears� � St Francis de Sales
this issue written by mark ritchie, gary simmons, dan susnara & tom quinn
CD REVIEWS
PSYCHIC SPACE INVASION � THE MAGPIE RHYME / AND THE COWS GO MU (ECR) www.psychicspaceinvasion.co.uk
Sometimes it�s NICE to receive unexpected packages in the mail (unless, of course, you work in an animal vivisection lab), so I was quite overjoyed to get an unsolicited parcel containing four CDs from Swansea�s Elvis Coffee Records. I�d read reviews of their stuff before, without ever actually HEARING any of it. I expected noise. Crazy, shouty nutters ranting and raving about dark nights of the arsehole. Well, Psychic Space Invasion don�t sound like THAT at ALL. In fact, they inhabit a far more dreamy, ambient landscape. Their �The Magpie Rhyme� release begins hauntingly quietly. A sombre-sounding man speaks over low drones. Sounds like a slowed-down sample from a �learn another language� record. This proved to be an eerie accompaniment to the funeral of George Best, which was playing silently on television when I listened to it. Next track, �Where the Pretty Birds Sing�, conjures up images of a child playing with clackers on a post-industrial wasteland in a howling radioactive wind. On �50 Pence for Buddha�, glass shatters, wind-chimes chime, electronic noise swathes everything in a cloak of red velvet. The coffin lid closes. It feels like there�s no way out.. But WAIT! Here comes �Bigger Time Mind�, offering the spinning blades of helicopters, the angry hiss of locusts, a youth of sonic maelstrom which softens into a hymn to the natural, inevitable laws of decay. There are actually some BEATS on �A Love, A Wind�, although they appear to follow a rhythm all of their own, quite unlike anything you could ever possibly describe as �conventional�. Distant stabs of percussive echo fade in and out of the, now familiar, Orwellian drone, before giving up the ghost and disappearing altogether. �Made from Ash� is VERY gentle. Something to soothe the troubled brow and ease the transition into a better world. There MUST be a better world than THIS! SURELY? Final track, �On a Whispering South Wind� continues the injection into this peaceful vein, although spooky harmonica and �Jaws�-esque strings make you wonder just WHAT kind of planet these Psychic Space Invaders have traveled from. �And the Cows Go Mu� is a four track affair. No track list or meaningless babble sullies the pristine, arty paper cover. Tracks one and two are Flying Saucer Attack-esque soundscapes of peace, tranquility and warm washes of ambience while track three is more of an �Erazerhead� style nightmare of heavy industry. Sheet metal machine music to soundtrack your Night Nurse-aided bedtimes. Fourth and final track returns to the eerie/ambient vibe somewhat and fades away quietly, leaving you to ponder your lost hopes and dreams.
VARIOUS � THE BREATH OF FORGOTTEN PLACES (THE ELVIS COFFEE RECORDS COMPILATION) (ECR) http://ecr.homestead.com
This seven track compilation kicks off with Jebus�s �Hole in the Wall� � it�s noise, Jim, but not as we know it. Tinklings and whooshings and bleepings. Leaping into a lake of ice cold Um Bongo. WHAT does it all mean?! Directive 4�s �Neijfk 1� is like being lost in an underground cave, with bats stalking your every desperate move. You can shout for help and hear it echo forever. No one�s coming. Green End Listening Station�s �DD2� actually features a GUITAR! Wow! It�s an acoustically strummed going-round-and-round-in-circles affair with odd, unsettling sounds creeping up behind, so you don�t get TOO cosy round the campfire. Swn�s �Exponent 13132� (do these titles actually have any significance or are they just there to be arty and weird, I wonder?) has the ambient gift of the non-gab. It flounces around the house in it�s silken nightie, dropping cigarette ash on the stairs. An icy piano weeps in the other room. Ulysses Girelle offer up �Sugarcoated�, which entertains us with confusing logic puzzles and silly hats. Actually, it�s a rather nice ambient track, as is the BEST track here, The Buff Monkey Ensemble�s �Pheonix Ninety Six�. It ALSO has an acoustic guitar providing the heartfelt strums and � gasp � even some VOCALS, coming in all �Songs of Praise� like near the end. The early fade out to all this gorgeousness comes as a shock. I could have done with ANOTHER five minutes of THAT! Finally, it�s those crazy Psychic Space Invasion kids again. Their tune, �Drowning in Heavy Water�, pours the ambience over hot coals and finishes the compilation off with the recorded sound of the heart murmurs of a dying cat. Probably.
JEBUS � THE ANTS ARE EATING MY HEAD (ECR) http://ecr.homestead.com
And I feel like the ants are eating MY head after reviewing all of these CDs. Don�t get me wrong, this stuff is GOOD, I DO like it, but it IS a little much to digest all in one or two sittings. I like to hear VOCALS now and again. Anyway, back to the task in hand. Jebus (I take it the name is meant to be a cross between Jesus and Judas.. oh no, that would make Jedas, wouldn�t it!? Seems like I�ve got the wrong end of the stick AGAIN! Is it a pun on Rebus, the fictional Edinburgh detective, I wonder? Answers on a postcard) offer no song titles AGAIN, just lots and lots of confusing noise and something that LOOKS like a lyric sheet but, guess what? There are NO LYRICS!! HA ha HA! Those WAGS! Track one started to give me a headache after the first FIVE minutes, so I skipped to track two.. and THAT didn�t make me feel much better so, after only about ONE minute, I skipped to track THREE, which seemed like a better bet, being a bit peaceful and nice to listen to while looking out the window at the twinkling Christmas tree lights in the neighbour�s garden.. Yes, jolly nice. Track three can come back and stay AGAIN, especially as it has what sounds like a THEREMIN on it and you don�t hear THEM everyday! Shame it degenerates into more headache-inducing mania in the middle. Sometimes, it�s good to know when to SHUT UP. But then, they DO shut up, as there IS no track four. Phew! Think I�ll stick on some easy listening now.
(NOTE-After writing the above reviews, I read the press releases which accompanied the CDs, as I don�t like being influenced by too much information or other people�s opinions when reviewing stuff. ECR charge only �1.50 for one OR two CDs which is very reasonable indeed. Support THEM, support the underground and FUCK rip-off Virgin Mega-Bores with their RIDICULOUS price-tags. A mate of mine told me today that HMV sell the same CDs in their on-line �store� for sometimes �5 cheaper than in their own shops! The fucking CUNTS!)
TRASHCAN SINATRAS � WILD MOUNTAINSIDE (PICNIC RECORDS)
Was up at 9.25am. Finished Andrew�s letter and Dan-in-Chicago�s comp tape then put the �Kaw 100� comp CD into Zen Arcade for copying then walked into town. Was going to go to Sleazy�s but it was shut as they had painters in, so I went to the Griffin instead and had a pint there. This was at noon-ish. They played �Little by Little� by Oasis which cheered me up no end and drew my attention away from the old man coughing uncontrollably in the corner. Looked round shops and bought some Christmas things. Bought three CDs for myself too! Had to queue for ages in a mobbed � and boiling - HMV to buy the new Trashcans Sinatras single, but it was WORTH it! Also, in Missing, I got AMC�s �Everclear� for �4 (I�ve already GOT it but it had a SLIGHTLY different cover! Oh, how VERY sad!) and Joni�s �Blue� for �4.50 (only had THAT classic on tape before). When I was going to get some cash out an ATM machine, the slow-moving crowds made me say �Fuckin� hell� under my breath and some woman in front of me turned around and said �Excuse me?� I TRIED to ignore her, but she said it again. I said �I didn�t say anything�. She said �Oh, sorry, I thought you were talking to me�. Stroppy, fat COW! Had a pint in the Auctioneers lounge just before it got busy then had another in RGs. It was busy and so I had to stand next to the pool table while two twats played their game of pointlessness. Was on my way to the Horseshoe when I saw James L in the street so we went there together and ended up having six pints (well, he ONLY had five!) Good to catch up with him. He said it�s seemed like a YEAR since I started that shitty job! He told me that John K (who is STILL at Action Line all these years later) got some award.. Volunteer of the year or something and they PAID for him and his wife to go to London to collect it! Incredible! He also told me, misty-eyed, about some monastery up in Inverness he went to a couple of times as a child because the Gorbals was a �deprived area� and it was a treat for children to be sent there as they had loads of free food and stuff (this was during rationing). Drunken Eyes was in and kept glancing over at us. Why? Got back at 8.40pm, scoffed my reduced Indian snacks, drank cider and listened to my new purchases. I�d heard the Trashcan Sinatras single on Jonathan Ross� Radio Two show and thought it would be the same old story as with the OTHER great single I heard on that show (Morcheeba�s �Lighten Up� which I tried for MONTHS to find on a single and couldn�t.) So, I was amazed when I saw it in HMV today! It�s every bit as fantastic as I remembered it, from a WHOLE four days ago, lying relaxing in the bath on a Saturday morning with NO work to go to and not a care in the world (okay, so THAT bit is a LIE!) I always thought I OUGHT to like this band but their stuff�s never really grabbed me before I heard this. They�re mates with Mark Eitzel and it kind of SHOWS on this. Lovely finger-picked acoustic guitar and a love song to the beautiful Scottish Highlands, no less! The other two tracks were recorded live in Livingston, a near-local to where I�m from, DUMP of Urban HELL. Nice big shopping centre, though!
MISS ATLANTA � CARRIERS (SELF-RELEASED) www.missatlanta.co.uk
Miss Atlanta are boy-next-door types � if you live next door to Jeffrey Dahmer, that is. This promo CD, a cut from their upcoming album, sounds like a disco hit directed by David Fincher with Morrissey on vocals! Dark and brooding, with a strangely disturbing air, it�s also curiously uplifting. It�s got beats and buzzes and swirling loopy loony-ness galore but make sure you hide the knives if THESE beauty queens ever come round for tea!
RYAN ADAMS � 29 (LOST HIGHWAY)
After an enjoyable Tuesday afternoon�s solo pub crawl, I slipped this, Ryan Adams� third album of 2005, into the CD player I keep by my bed along with other essentials (bottles of cider, toy guns, etc). This is one of those �growers�. It�s not as immediate as his two OTHER albums from earlier in the year (see �Hiroshima Yeah!� issues 4 and 8 for reviews of THOSE) but reveals itself to be truly great after a few listens. Musically, it�s more minimal than the last couple of releases and, at first, there don�t appear to be many choruses in these ultra-wordy songs. But there ARE! It kicks off with the bluesy, rocking title track, which appears to be an autobiographical take on Adams� chemically enhanced life so far, with lyrics about mixing heroin with cocaine and digging up his dead dog. Great stuff! Next up is �Strawberry Wine�, a Neil Young style acoustic lament of sheer loveliness with some really clever lyrics which appear unrelated until you get to the final verse. �Nightbirds� (that title and, in fact, the mood of this whole album, reminds me of Tom Waits, which can only be a GOOD thing) harks back to the kind of stuff Adams was doing on the �Love is Hell� album from a couple of years back. You know the mood - it�s late at night, everyone�s fucked-up, the streets are wet and the moon is full. Beautiful. �Carolina Blues� sees the first use of pedal steel on this release (usually it�s on about every track!) while �The Sadness� has a Spaghetti Western vibe about it. �Blue Sky Blues�, �Starlite Diner� and �Elizabeth, You Were Born to Play That Part� again bring Tom Waits to mind just in terms of the subject matter, the late-night feel and the fact that they�re gorgeous songs played on piano. Gorgeously. Adams goes 100% solo on closing track �Voices� and leaves us scratching our collective heads with it�s lyrical bonkersness. I like the sleeve art and the nice, type-written lyrics too. How many great albums did YOU release in 2005? Ryan Adams released THREE!!
DON CAMPAU & VARIOUS ARTISTS � PEN PALS 3 / PEN PALS 4 (LONELY WHISTLE MUSIC) http://lonelywhistle.tripod.com
One of the really nice things about not having a job anymore is that I�ve finally got time to catch up with people I�ve not heard from in months. Don Campau is someone I�ve traded music with for many years now and he�s been doing these �Pen Pals� releases since the mid-80s. Basically, Don is sent music from various home-taper friends across the world, adds his own vocals/lyrics and then the �trick� is repeated in reverse! These nicely packaged CDs (�Pen Pals 3� is a double) contain much fine music. There�s a theme here of �places� so, on disc one of �Pen Pals 3�, there are songs about Paris (�Dans La Nuit (Andouille en Paris)� in which Don hilariously describes the events of his honeymoon � which include accidentally ordering horse meat in a restaurant - over a Jim Shelley backing track), �San Francisco� (basically, a travelogue of a city where several people I know have gone recently. I�m ALMOST jealous! The backing music for this is provided by Ken Clinger) and many more. Due to the wide variety of collaborators, there is ALSO a wide variety of SOUNDS on offer here, from straight-ahead pop to piano-weirdness (�How to Cut Kabocha�, with Charles Rice Goff III) to punky-thrashings (�Places I�ve Never Been�, with Russ Stedman) to sunny acoustic strummy-yumminous (�This Mystery�, with J Mundok and �California Sky�, with Robin O�Brien) to electronica (�Disappeared in this City�, with Heather Perkins). Disc Two of �Pen Pals 3� is the one where Don provides the music and lets his postal chums take over lyrical/vocal duties (although some of them add their own instrumental touches too). So we get the Campau sound-a-like Russ Stedman singing how he�d �rather be home� over some Spinal Tap-esque lead guitar action, nice sunny pop from J Mundok, odd-bod nut-job eerieness from Ken Clinger, electronic swirlings (on the brilliant �Santa Catalina Boy Scout Camp 1968�) from Dino DiMuro, monastic-styleee chantings from Amy Denio, keyboard balladery from Kevyn Dymond, hip-hop beats and lyrical eccentricity from Charles Rice Goff III, wordy rapping from R Stevie Moore (on �The Bite/Behaving Like a Jew�), a song about surfing which sounds like it has Jad Fair singing on it (actually, it�s Al Perry), a slow and seductive �Lester in Exile� from Robin O�Brien, psychedelic whimsy from Jim Shelley, continental sounds and my favourite lyric from this disc (�I hate to see a grown man cry, especially when it�s me�) from Ray Carmen, effects-laden vocal wailings from Michael J Bowman and, last but not least, a NICE folk-type song with Spanish guitar flavour from Heather Perkins. I�d be interested to hear more of her stuff as I�m not familiar with the name. (Hint, hint, Don!) �Pen Pals 4� is more of a mix and match, with Don providing vocals for around half of the 15 tracks. Highlights include �Down by the River� with Tim Jones and Terri B (Tim�s voice sounds like Charlie out of �Lost�), the Beatles-esque �Ten Acre Paradise� and �North Star� (both with Micky Saunders), �(I Wanna Be a) Pop Idol� with Lord Litter (which is a bit Glam Rock with funny and all-too-true lyrics), the rocktastic �Screw My Brain till it Hurts� with Dan Susnara, the mysteriously Eastern �Beside Paved Roads� with Andrew Maurer, �Come Away� with Simon Felton and �Time is a Rope� (again, with Tim Jones). Finest track, however, on ALL of these three discs, is the poignant and awesome �Greendale House� with Don Campau singing over a Joe Menichetti backing track. Bittersweet songs about the past ALWAYS leave me with a lump in my throat (think Husker Du�s �Celebrated Summer�, the Smith�s �Back to the Old House�, Dave Alvin�s �From a Kitchen Table� etc) and this song is a VERY fine example of that indeed. Something for everyone here, then.
FANNY FANTASTIQUE � WOODEN CAR (SELF-RELEASED) www.fannyfantastique.co.uk
There�s a great Spike Milligan quote which goes something like �Kids are great but unfortunately they eventually turn into human-beings� and that�s kind of how I feel about this CD. Except the three people in this band didn�t just turn into human-beings, they turned into something much, MUCH worse � they turned into ART STUDENTS! If there was ever a more up-their-own-bum group of people to blight the face of this beautiful earth then I�ve yet to find them. This four-tracker just SCREAMS out �We are pretentious wankers�, from the pseudo-abstract sleeve design to the God-awful RACKET that smears the disc itself with digital SHIT. I won�t bore you with song titles (they�re all crap) or in-depth track-by-track analysis (all the tracks are crap) or even tell you where or WHY this band exists �cos I bet that these sad little rich kids will all have gone to work in daddy�s law firm by the time you read this. Having said that, they�ll probably soon be on �Top of the Pops� just like all those OTHER talent-free middle-class fuckers (YOU ALL KNOW WHO THEY ARE! Don�t pretend otherwise!)
AID & MANIPULATOR ALLIGATOR � SLEEPING BAG (SANITARY RECORDS) www.sanitaryrecords.com
A TASTY cardboard sleeve packages this little beauty of a CD, making it an item of JOY. Sanitary Records is a label from Kansas but I�ll try my best not to make any �Wizard of Oz� references in this review. As sweet as the fruit teas I�ve currently been imbibing as an alternative to coffee, these songs evoke the warmth and easy-going charm of folk like Daniel Johnston, Bright Eyes, Neil Young and Loudon Wainwright III. They�re mainly acoustic affairs with splashes of percussion and keys here and there. �Flying to the Sun� sounds like it has a Stylo-Phone on it, if any older readers remember THEM, while �I Will Lie Down� incorporates the beeps and whizzes of the modern age, ruining what sounds like a really good song in the process (WHY do musicians always try to be MODERN? Modern stuff in music almost always sounds SHIT!) But, on the whole, these ten tracks don�t disappoint and have been bringing a little bit of summertime to my cold ears in these final days of 2005.
CASSETTE REVIEW
DAN SUSNARA � CUSP (MUMBLE MUMBLE MUSIC) Contact � 7806 S. Kilpatrick, Chicago, IL 60652, USA
Aaahh, POP music, at LAST! Home-taping stalwart Dan Susnara is now ALSO a top class �Hiroshima Yeah!� live reviewer (see this issue�s gig reviews). Following on from his recent cassette single with Micky Saunders, this is his new full-length release and very nice it is too. Spanning nearly both sides of a 90 minute tape and containing 18 tracks, this is essentially a double album but it contains varied enough content to be able to sustain that length with ease. Opener �Spoken 4� surprises and delights with it�s almost dance-able beat then we�re faced with the downright classic guitar pop of �Rainy Days and Sidewalk Chalk� (lyrically, this reminds me of none other than the great Jimmy Webb), which leads us nicely into the psychedelic space odyssey of �Curiouser�. Then Dan gets all Kinks-ian on our sorry asses with �Pulls of India�, only it brings the Ray Davies-isms kicking and screaming into the year 2005 via some rather odd noises. Nice one! �For My Critics� is �Bleach� era Nirvana style stoner rock, no less, whereas �The Yellow Circle� is sampling madness where the likes of Cheney and Bush are hoisted by the petards of their own words. They�re MORONS, maaaan! Possibly the albums�s finest track is �Pinch Face�, a lovely Smiths-esque ballad of aching longing. The kind of song I JUST adore! The sort of title track, �Dealing with the Cusp�, has some cool lead guitar licks and takes an interesting detour through 1980s style keyboard sounds and vocoder-treated vocals. Over on side two, �The Tryst Song� cops a feel of Primal Scream�s �Rocks Off� (which, as any good rock scholar knows, was a Stones rip-off), �Looking for Dreamstreet?� is jangly and breezy and nice while �Stare� is all looping military beats and oddly disturbing sampled speech about burning bodies and other such not nice things. Thankfully, I couldn�t make it all out. �Boiler� is the second loveliest song here, all tenderly finger-picked with moving, poetic lyrics (check out the opening line- �February strolls with laughing gulls that swoop and chatter in a grey and unmoving sky�. Wow.) Everything�s rounded off rather nicely with �Complicated� which has a GREAT tune. Overall, another fantastic release from a guy who may not be as famous as your latest fad glamour boy on MTV but who you should do yourself a favour by checking out.
GIG REVIEWS
THINK FLOYD � BOURBON STREET, CHICAGO, 29TH OCTOBER 2005 By Dan Susnara
Bourbon Street is an awesome, HUGE bar in Merionette Park. They have a decent selection of ales too! Plus we got there early and didn�t have to pay cover. Think Floyd�s entrance was awesome. They had the vocalist/guitarist who, being somewhat fat and balding, looked a little like Syd Barrett (albeit much younger) come out in RESTRAINTS, with the back-up girls (dressed like nurses) unchaining his wrists and urging him to play the guitar. THEN they broke into �Shine on You Crazy Diamond�. VERY effective intro!! Heck, wish I could use something like that MYSELF, if I played out!! Oh well.. They beat me to it! Also, their light/visual show was AMAZING; almost as good as the real thing. The set list could�ve been more adventurous (�Echoes� or �Ummaguma�) but it was all done very well. And.. it being the Saturday before Halloween, there were lots of folks in really BIZARRE costumes. There was one guy with a Creature from the Black Lagoon rubber mask on with (get this) an actual AQUARIUM, live fish and all, strapped to his chest and back! Another guy, dressed like a farmer, had a fake SHEEP attached to his crotch!! I nearly fell over laughing at that one! Plus (for some reason) LOADS of sexy chicks in (�Playboy� style) police uniforms (albeit with micro-skirts and decent amounts of cleavage apparent. YOWSER!) A great time! Don�t get out to the clubs much at all anymore, so it was a memorable night. I also got to meet Think�s roadie, a really cool dude. He had stories of meeting Govt Mule/Allman Bros guitarist Warren Hayes (one of my many idols). Plus, Dicky Betts (Allmans) is having Think Floyd flown out to play at his birthday party!! (This guy ALSO claims to have a TEN disc collection of UNRELEASED Pink Floyd material, spanning from the Syd days (can you say �Scream Thy Last Scream� or �Vegetable Man�?!! Hope they�re on there!!) to �Momentary Lapse of Reason�.
DEVILISH PRESLEY � THE SPITZ, LONDON, 26TH NOVEMBER 2005 By Gary Simmons
As we walked around London Bridge station, we saw loads of parked police vans. I said to M that it was probably to do with some foor-fuckin�-ball match (we saw some kid on the bus with his dad and the disgusting brat had the Arsenal logo painted on his cheek!) Then we saw about 20 fuckin� full-grown men on the other side of the road to us, wolf whistling at M and shouting at us. M went mad! So I said �Find yourself girlfriends.� One, the �ringleader�, had mad trouble-making hate in his face!! But they didn�t actually DO anything! Close escape? Dunno. Spent all my dosh on pints of �2.95 beer and �4 on a �Strawberry� beer that M wanted! Oh well, I enjoyed it all. Bought a DP badge of Jacquie and Johnny for �1 and THREE badges of the Spanish band Casual for �1 too. We saw all the bands �cept the last two. DP were good but the sound, from where I was, sounded like they were in a far-off dustbin! Odd. REALLY enjoyed rockabilly band Vincent Razorbacks. They made Gary Glitter jokes and DP had TWO of those �Gary Glitter faces death penalty� posters up with them!! But Johnny made jokes like �fat cunt� which is not irony but VISCOUS towards our Gary. Blair kills thousands but cunts still wear red-for-Labour and shit. Gary Glitter has sex with an underage girl and he�s the Devil!! Mad. What yardstick do we use to judge? Oh� at Wank Side, some Cockney mindless thug said of M�s jacket �Gary Glitter rules� eeerrr. He�s a paedophile!!� It�s worse than having �kill niggers and jews� on your back!! Everyone thinks like a cunt but the only way you�d REALLY know that is to be �out in the field� My dopey parents are NOT �out in the field�, just like Miss Little-Little and so, they know sod all. WE KNOW ALL!! �Jesus is a cunt� pales before �Gary Glitter rules�!! It�s TRUE!! Try IT! Thing is, it only makes you want to do it all the MORE, coz everyone is such an absolute CUNT!!
COPPERS By Gary Simmons
In Virgin Classical just recovering from my close call with the law!! ME!! I had a dream last night about the Post Office Tower and today I found myself at it�s base for I had been to see where this �Ass-Hole Cunt� hotel is. I walked about the places I don�t NORMALLY do coin-search. As I came out of a �booth�, some druggy lookin� thug looks at me and goes �Geez�, like calling me. I looked at him and walked away, grabbing my knife in my pocket� just in case. I realised that he was following me and readied the knife even more. He came up to me and said �Police�, showing his ID and a radio in his hand. SURPRISED is an understatement. I STILL thought he was possibly just making out he was plain clothes. He asked me why was I going in phone boxes. I said coz I�m unemployed and in debt. He said the token bollox that �It�s stealing� (!!) and also that I was followed by CCTV!! He asked for ID and I chose my European Health Insurance card. �Oh, a new European Health Insurance card�, said he. See, I don�t think criminal drug scum HAVE these things! Especially as it�s �the noo thang!!� He did the usual (?) checks, asked my date of birth, address, occupation. I said �unemployed music journalist�. It was fucking obvious to ANY cunt in �the trade� that I wasn�t the kind of FUCK that he/they are looking for. He asked how long have I been doing this. I said �Look, I�m not gonna lie to you�� and told him about M in Virgin, me in debt, me unemployed� that I�ve been doing it for eight weeks� that I really did think he was street scum (or words to that effect). Two other officers arrived, looking pretty uninterested. He said to keep out of phone boxes, advice I�m gonna take actually (I didn�t! And found ��s!!!!) and then asked �Have you got anything on you that you shouldn�t have�!!!!??? I said �Like what?� �Drugs�, he said. �I don�t DO drugs!!� �No, I�m not saying you do, but do you have any?� �No� I�m not interested in drugs. I do like a drink, though.� �What about anything else? Knives, weapons?� I said �What would I want that for? You can search me if you like.� I thought, if it�s gonna happen, it�s gonna happen. But� it didn�t. I even said �Goodnight, gentlemen�. PHEW! But maybe they are STILL watching me, even though I�m in Virgin Classical! I did say �Surely taking lost coins from phone boxes isn�t a crime� Aren�t there bigger things than that?� Yeah, like removing all the prostitute cards. That�s REALLY fucking important!!
CHRISTMAS By Tom Quinn
This cold month lit in neon,
where piss and tinsel feed
hungry pavements.
Bicycles, Playstations and broken
teeth.
Sharing air � old gaberdines
mingle with Gucci shoes.
Walking towards soup kitchens
and city centre restaurants.
Full of Christmas cheer.
INDIGO BLUE
Charlie used to hang around pubs a lot, waiting for this girl to show up. Her name was Kara and he�d met her a few months back on one of those government training schemes for the long-term unemployed. They used to go out for lunchtime drinks and, one day, the boss of their project caught them and told them not to come in that afternoon. They laughed about it as they made their way to another pub for a few more drinks.
They weren�t friends exactly, just two people who had met by chance and found some sort of common bond through alcohol. They hadn�t exchanged addresses or phone numbers when Kara had left the scheme but Charlie found himself thinking about her all the time and had started hanging around her local area, the pubs she drank in, with the hope that he would �bump into� her.
It was usually a fruitless exercise. For hours each day he�d hang around this soulless pub called Indigo Blue, pouring pint after pint of lager down his throat (at least the place was cheap, he thought). He would sit somewhere with a good view of the door so he would spot her right away if she came in. But she never did. It was just an endless succession of crumpled looking middle-aged and elderly men in second-hand clothes and the odd wide-boy wearing flash gear and a baseball hat, who would only ever stay for a quick one, on his way to some trendy place in town. This part of town was FAR from trendy and the clientele in Indigo Blue reflected that.
After a couple of weeks, just when he was thinking of giving up, Charlie was amazed to see Kara walking into the place. It was a summer Sunday afternoon and he didn�t recognise her at first as she was silhouetted against the bright glare of the sun spilling in from outside.
Charlie watched as she walked up to the bar, smiling at the barman, who began pouring her drink before she had even spoken. She was wearing a tight fitting black T-shirt and grey jeans. Charlie�s heart was pounding fast as he wondered if he should approach her or wait until she saw him.
After a few seconds of idle chit-chat with the barman, Kara looked around the place for somewhere to sit. She spotted Charlie straight away and walked over to his table.
�What the hell are YOU doing here?� she asked, sitting down on a stool. �I thought you lived the other end of town?�
�I was staying at a mate�s place last night and fancied a beer before I went home,� Charlie lied. �So, how are you doing, anyway?�
�Oh, alright. I got a job, so I�ve not been in here lately. But I called in sick today.�
�What�s the matter?�
�I�m sick of the job!�
They both laughed.
�What kind of job is it, then?�
�Just some shop job. Don�t know why I took it, really. Suppose I was a bit bored. It�s the same old faces you see round here all the time. Drives me mad.�
�Yeah, it�s the same round my way too. That�s why I felt like a change.�
After around twenty minutes of small talk about the scheme they had both been on and life in general, Kara got up to leave.
�Well, I�ve got to be somewhere. Nice seeing you again.�
Charlie couldn�t stop the look of terror from showing on his face.
�What�s wrong?� Kara asked.
�Oh, nothing. It�s just that I had something to tell you.. Only I can�t remember what it is!�
Kara laughed. �You�d better lay off the sauce for a while if it�s affecting your memory! Look, I�m usually in here most nights after work with my boyfriend. If you�re in the area again, pop in and we�ll all have a drink.�
�Okay. Great. See you later then, Kara.�
�Yeah. I�ll see you around, Charlie.�
When she was gone, it was as if a magic spell had been broken and the place went back to being a crappy pub in a crappy area filled with old drunks. Charlie sat for a while pondering the mysteries of life, staring at his empty glass. Kara had never mentioned having a boyfriend before. Then he began to wonder if she had just SAID that because it was obvious he liked her. He didn�t know WHAT to think, but he suddenly felt very silly. He had been practically stalking this woman he hardly knew for two weeks.
Then someone tapped him on the shoulder and he turned round to see a middle-aged man with a red alcoholic�s nose standing there holding a pint of lager.
�Alright? Mind if I sit at your table, mate?�
�On you go, pal,� Charlie said. �I was just leaving.�