MUSIC
GERILS & 23:23 Live (LUNA, CD) No contact info

Got this from Simon Morris of Ceramic Hobs. I quote, �Steam Angel�s mum lives in Dundee and sent him this CD of local bands from there� and it�s HORRIBLE and he sent it to me, and I�m sending it to you, so it�s slowly creeping back to Dundee where its grave hopefully lies� I suppose the sleeve is nice though.�  The sleeve IS quite nice � rather crudely drawn chick, naked from the waist up (can�t see if she�s FULLY naked), clutching a heart, surrounded by mysterious swirly shapes.  All in tasteful black and white. Expected to totally hate this, but didn�t/don�t. Five tracks from each band, all recorded live. Don�t know where, don�t know when, as there�s precious little info on the sleeve apart from �Mixed and mastered by Nick Green, copyright 2002�. First track, which at first I thought was by Gerils (since their name and tracklist appears first on the sleeve) is called �Intro� (nice title, guys!) and is by 23:23. It�s a slow, instrumental piece with weird spoken, foreign taped ramblings in the background. Second track �Bleed Me� is in a similar vein, but brings live vocals into the mix. The guitar squeals and squawls like a demented banshee and it�s all rather nice, really.  Third track is a bit more boring.  And what�s this French shit in all the songs? It works well once or twice, but it�s STILL there, on the fourth track, which is called �Fire Engine� and is quite nice. Mister vocalist is coming over all Ian Curtis now, while the French bint gives it some intense heavy breathing action in the background and the guitarist feedbacks till his little heart�s content. I like this! Final track from this lot appears to have the exact same title as the third (�Glissigur� � whatever one of those is) and continues in the same intense, Joy Division style. Then it�s onto Gerils, and �Sun Arise�, which DOES turn out to be a rather bizarre and tuneless cover of the Rolf Harris song (or is it an old traditional Aboriginal song?) Singer sounds like he�s gargling with razor blades or he�s auditioning for the part of Tom Waits in a Broadway musical. Awful, in other words. Music is a sub-Beefheartian mess. The track ends, about 3 people clap. Guitarist�s instrument sounds like it�s still a bit TOO much in tune, so he fiddles about with it until it sounds suitably �weird�, then they launch into �Broken�. Minimal drum sounds, singer guy growling about his back being fucked-up, bass comes in then what sounds like an out of tune brass instrument. This is terrible. Simon was right, about THIS lot, at least. The torture doesn�t stop with track three, �Hey You�, which the singer describes as �a really old one� (he�s got a Scottish accent, which makes it all the funnier that his singing voice is more Swampland USA than Dundee high street. Or maybe he�s trying to be Alex Harvey? Whoever he�s trying to be, he�s shit.) Last two tracks are entitled �It�s Not Nice� (which pretty accurately sums up the �song� in question) and �I�m Scared�. I�d be scared too if I was in a band as crap as Gerils.

KENYATA SULLIVAN & MAJESTIC TWELVE
�SEARCHING FOR THE ELVIS KNOB�
(OPULENCE CD) [email protected]
Kenyata Sullivan been somewhat of a musical hero of mine for years now. His work in the band Pandora�s Lunchbox often blew me away with it�s hard-as-nails grunge/punk sound and intelligent, inspired lyrics.  They could also produce songs as sweet as honey, unlike so many of the other bands around at the same time who inhabited the same scene. Heck, I�ve even released three of Kenyata�s solo tapes on my label Kaw, that�s how much I love the guy�s music!  On this CD, he effortlessly switches between balls-out poppy punk (�Living on the Beach�, �Never Disappear�) and heart-rending ballads (�Sweet Patrice�, �Solyent Green�).  Every single one of the 11 tracks here is a fucking classic.  The song �I Don�t Have a Job� is like a call-to-arms for every beautiful job-less soul in the world.  Its� rallying cry is �I don�t have a job, I just drink beer and play guitar, so don�t get mad if I don�t care if you don�t like my songs, �cause I don�t have a job�.  It sounds like a manic take on REM�s �It�s the End of the World�, with the lyrics coming at you at a million miles an hour.  All through this CD, actually, Kenyata seems to be telling the listener that there�s more to life than work.  Life is for fun.  �We�re all still fresh and 17, we only have to try�, he sings at one point.  Now, I�m a pessimistic fuck, but I truly believe him.  On other tracks, like the amazing sea-shanty like �Heave Away, Boys�, and the wonderous acapella �Swim Out to the Jetty�, he mythologises his hometown of Wilmington, North Carolina so beautifully, it makes you want to move there.  He grew up there, he�s staying there, that�s what he�s saying, and that�s an all too rare thing these days.  It�s a real shame this CD is only available in very limited quantities, but please email Kenyata and beg him for a copy.  Send him money, offers of sex, whatever you want.  Because this CD will make you glad to be alive every time you play it.CHURCHILL�S TRACTOR - �OPERATION : BOOTYSLAP!�  CD-R

I thought this might have been quite good, because the biog that came with is was nice and self-deprecating (�like Zappa without the chops and James Brown without the soul��), but that description turned out to be sadly accurate.  Apparently, this project, which is a one-man band affair by someone called John Churchill from New Jersey, has been going for more than ten years.  This is quite incredible, considering a lot of it sounds like the product of a teenager who�s just been given his first four track for Christmas.  Much of the singing is �endearingly� out of tune, which makes it all fine and indie, but rather painful to listen to at times.  And calling the first track �Hello� is never a good idea, especially if the lyrics go �Hello, hello, hello � it�s the word we use to say how are you.�  What is this, fucking �Sesame Street� or something?!   Most of the lyrics are far too wacky for their own good too (sample titles � �Space Pimpin��, �Goodbye Mr. Hymen�, etc � yuk!)  �The Ballad of Norm Peterson� is at least marginally amusing, with it�s �Cheers� inspired lyrics (�I wanna go where the beer is cold and the chicks are hot and not too old�). �Toys� is better, with a rather nice, waltz tempo, understated feel and chiming guitars. And lyrics which don�t jump out at you and say �Listen to me!  Aren�t I just hilarious?!?!?� If Mr. Tractor concentrated more on writing songs with less wacky lyrics, I�d have a lot more time for him.  I wish music people would realise that trying to be funny in songs hardly ever works.  A song can perhaps be devastatingly funny once or twice, but once the joke wears off, you never want to listen to the song ever again.  And I can only think of maybe two or three �comedy� songs which were actually ever even remotely funny in the first place.  In �Candy Song� he sings about a �drunken Scottish bastard�, which is a nice, safe racial stereotype, isn�t it?  Replace that line with �stupid black bastard� or �greedy Jewish bastard� and see if it�s still as �hilarious�, John.  The final track is a God awful cover of �Pleasant Valley Sunday� which sounds like some seriously bad karaoke.  Oh dear.  If you ever required proof that it�s possible to ruin a brilliant song, then look no further.  Hang on, this is the funniest track on the whole CD!  It all suddenly makes sense!

Info: www.geocities.com/churchillstractor/index.html

NINA NASTASIA-NICE N SLEAZY, GLASGOW, 3RD DECEMBER 2002
Hadn�t planned on going to this � Grant dragged me out of the pub and I was glad he did �cause it was excellent. First, Grant went to the noodle bar in Sauchiehall Street or dinner and I went and bought a bottle of Black Oak to take into the gig (I�m a cheapskate, okay?  The drinks in Sleazy�s aren�t cheap and the ticket was �9).   I joined him in the noodle bar in and finished his veggie noodles for him!  Then we went over the street and went downstairs (after a bit in the bar watching all the posey wankers) and watched James Orr Complex, who was good as ever.  His intricate finger-picking and weird ass tunings recall none other than Nick Drake, which I�m sure Chris (who IS James Orr Complex and is also in math-rock hipsters Eska) is sick of hearing.  But he shouldn�t be �cause it�s a damn fine compliment.  When he occasionally sings, his whispered tones recall Drake too. And, at one point, he even de-tuned a string DURING A SONG.  Wow.  It�s a shame old Nicky boy didn�t get to play to respectful crowds like this when he was around.  Instead, he had to struggle to be heard over the bar room chatter of tosser students who probably wanted to rock out to Led Zep rather than be spellbound by a genuinely awe-inspiring singer-songwriter.  Back in the present, though, Nina and her band took to the stage.  Her album �The Darkened Air� is rich in melancholic moments and, live, she provided more of the same.  With a band comprising a violinist, cellist, double bassist, an accordionist who looked exactly like Dave Grohl in an Arran jumper and the bloke out of Dirty Three on drums, Nina ran through all the �hits� from the LP and some more besides.  Highlights were the terrific �Ocean� (Grant�s favourite song, which he missed by about 1 minute because he had to catch his last train home), an uncharacteristically upbeat number I wasn�t familiar with and the closing �In the Graveyard� (the only encore).  Nina isn�t exactly into showmanship, though.  Between song chat was kept to a minimum which was a good job considering what she DID say only reinforced the adage that musicians should play and not talk.  After telling us she  was jet-lagged and that �whiskey and wine don�t help�, a few people in the (unusually quiet and reverential) crowd called out jocularly to her (this is Glasgow, after all), to which she frostily replied �This isn�t an open discussion�.  Jesus!  Suddenly she had transformed from plaintive songstress into Miss Jean Brodie!  But even this couldn�t spoil the mood which was as mellow as Mellow Birds coffee (and there were actually an awful lot of mellow, erm, birds in the crowd � and guys with beards!  It was like flipping Woodstock, with a lot of people sitting cross-legged on the floor).  Beautiful songs, played beautifully by a band who understood that less is often more.  I walked home afterwards with a feeling of joy in my heart which even the December rain couldn�t extinguish.  Ain�t that nice?!

SIMON HERBERTSON/EHI split 7�
I got a copy of this split 7� this morning from Lee Stokoe of Matching Head and played it just before I left for work.  I�m not a huge fan of �noise� or whatever the term is, but I was very pleasantly surprised by this � well, Simon Herbertson�s side at least.  Very peaceful and reminding me somewhat of a steam train ride, there are little sampled bits of dialogue and music placed at strategic points throughout the �piece�.  It sounds like the kind of thing I would listen to on headphones to relax.  VERY nice!  Simon used to do the excellent DDDD zine and his track on this is kind of the audio equivalent of that � strange, dreamy, funny and slightly disturbing.  Like the soundtrack to a lost scene from �Erazerhead�.  The EHI side sounds the exact opposite of peaceful - not the kind of thing I need to hear at 7.50am AT ALL.  But I guess there are plenty of fans of this kind of thing out there.  It is noisy and sounds like someone using a cheese grater to take a baby�s skin off.  Not nice.  EHI probably sacrifice virgins and goats for fun.  Well, don�t we all?
JENNIFER LOPEZ-�JENNY FROM THE BLOCK�
This piece of shit is unusually offensive, not because of any of J-Lo�s half-arsed gangsta rap dissing, but because she�s actually got the fucking NERVE to try and come over as some down-to-earth gal who�s still exactly the same, despite her world-wide fame and squillion dollar bank account.  �I used to have a little now I have a lot but I still know where I came from�.  Oh, yeah, where�s that, Jenny?  The same place where you went to shoot the video and you had a massive entourage who wouldn�t let any of the local residents near you?  This is a sickening example of someone pretending to still be in touch with their working class roots while simultaneously pissing all over them.  Well, done, home girl.
BRIGHT EYES-�LIFTED or THE STORY IS IN THE SOIL, KEEP YOUR EAR TO THE GROUND�
Okay, so the title is ridiculous and Conor Oberst�s bratty wunderkind image often makes me want to puke, but there�s no denying that he�s a really talented and fucked up boy.  I�ve liked him since �95, when someone sent me one of his solo tapes.  He was only a kid at the time and his main lyrical concerns were space invaders and lava monsters.  I knew nothing about him � not even if he was male or female, and the tape had no contact address on it.  Years later, I heard what he�d been up to, and that had mainly been recording under the name Bright Eyes.  This LP follows on from the excellent �Fevers and Mirrors�, which had all the posh music press cunts cumming their Calvins on its release a couple of years ago. The swoon-inducing pedal steel is still present and correct, but now flutes, violins and strings have been thrown into the mix, to great effect.  All of the different instruments add colour to the songs, but they still sound great when stripped right down to a single acoustic guitar and Conor�s fragile (some would say, God-awful) voice, like on �Waste of Paint�.  The final track sounds like an out-take from Dylan�s �Blonde on Blonde� LP.  It really is that good, and Oberst�s lyrics are just fucking outstanding.  I think he�s wilfully sabotaging himself at times, though, by making the song titles so cryptic (and sooooooo bloody long!) and making certain songs sound like they were recorded underwater on a toaster when they were obviously done in a posh multi-track studio.  That's his prerogative, though.  As he says in one of the songs �I do not read the reviews � I am not singing for you�.  Quite.

MARY GAUTHIER-�DRAG QUEENS IN LIMOUSINES�
I�d only heard one song off this (the wonderful �I Drink�), but that was enough to make me go out and buy it � albeit a CDR copy for �3 at Paddy�s market in Glasgow.  I wasn�t disappointed.  It�s choc full of country tinged gems such as the title track, where Mary tells in detail of her awful high school, her descent into teenage delinquency and subsequent rebirth in the city living with the drag queens in limousines of the title.  Other songs deal with heroin and alcohol addiction and cancer.  Not the most happy go lucky album, then!  But this is country music, damn it.  What do you expect?  She didn�t start writing songs until her 30s and perhaps that�s why her lyrics are filled with the kind of maturity you�d not usually expect from a relatively new artist.  Songs like �Our Lady of the Shooting Stars� (methinks Mary was raised a Catholic!) veer from the path of country music into more folky singer songwriter territory, but every song here sits effortlessly next to the others, with none sounding forced or fake.  Mary has a couple of other albums out which I�ve not managed to see for less than �15, so I�ve not heard them, but the track �Camelot Motel� (taken from her �Filth and Fire� album) which appeared on an �Uncut� CD has me convinced that she�s no one-trick pony. 


CAROLE KING-�GREATEST HITS�
I don�t know how I managed to get through life up till now without the music of Carole King.  I can�t say I had ever really heard any of her stuff until recently, although I instantly recognised �It�s Too Late� and �I Feel the Earth Move� from this CD.  A drinking buddy had told me many times that she was his favourite singer songwriter and I bought this CD one day when bored in a second-hand record shop, waiting for Punk Dave to buy his punk CDs.  The awful, tacky cover, featuring a collage of Carole which looks as if it were assembled by a six month old child, did nothing to dissuade me from buying it.  At least the back cover had a nice photo of her at the piano, looking mysterious. And it was only �3.99.  I listened to it that night and was really amazed at how good it was.  I don�t know quite what I had been expecting, but every song was heart-rending and beautiful beyond belief.  Especially �So Far Away�, which I listened to again and again, on headphones, lying in bed.  True, some songs verge on cheesy 70s excess, production wise, but Carole almost always keeps things on the right side of tasteful.  This is still the only CD of hers� that I own, although my mate Paul taped me a couple of tracks off �Tapestry� (which I really have no excuse for not buying, as it�s EVERYWHERE).  It�s so nice to discover an artist years after everyone else.  It means you have so much to discover, and I know I�m going to have a lot of fun discovering more music by Carole King.
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