mouse


	...so anyway I think mouse traps are really mean like that. I mean, the poor mouse comes along minding his own business, doing what mice do, and goes "Fuckin Hell, there's some food there on that thing" and so he goes over and sniffs about and starts to get a bite of whatever it is and WHACK the fucking thing clomps down on his head or something and the poor fucker shits himself and is seldom killed outright so he just sits there flinching his broken body in incredible pain, usually in the dark somewhere like in the cabinets under the sink or somewhere where all the fucking spiders live and shit and nobody even checks the trap for weeks and by then the poor little fucker's died and partly decomposed and is all stiff and shit and then it's always "Hey Timo, can you get rid of that dead mouse under the sink?" and I'm like "Fuck off, I'm not the one who put it there, Hell I LIKE mice, don't bother me none". No, I think mouse traps are awful. Fucking nasty things. I recon you should SCARE the mice away from your house, you know, like put little warning signs up everywhere about an inch off the floor saying something like "FLEE LEST YE STAY AND BE DAMNED" in mouse language and then just to really drive home the point instead of setting traps everywhere like a fucking mouse minefield you should do the humane thing by getting one of those devices that catches mice but doesn't harm them and catch one of the little blighters alive and make an example of him. Shave all his hair off and stab him with your lit fag a few times and torture the Hell out of him and then stick him in the microwave but only put it on like "reheat" so it's like this long lingering pathetic slow death where his eyes explode and shit and then cut his tail off with some scisors and stick it up his ass and nail the bastard to a little cross and stick it right smack in the middle of your darkened front room at night with a candle burning beside him all the time so he can be seen clearly from every nook and cranny in the place, so all the other little bastards who go fucking about at night can see him from their hiding places under the couch and all that and they'll go "Fuck ME, seen what they did to George? Fuck it, mate, I'm outta here. This guy's fucking CRAZY." and then they'll all like beat cheeks for the outdoors and take their chances with the cats and owls and shit. You could like stick his little rotting corpse on his cross out in the front yard for all to see, maybe get some other mice and stick their heads on sticks poked into your lawn, leave a few severed mouse limbs lying about. Before long word would get around that yours is off limits and they'd like all be telling their kids "Whatever you do don't you fucking EVER go near THAT house over there..." and they'd be like pointing and shit and telling their kids all these horror stories and the kids would like have bad dreams and shit about it. That would be the way to go. Far better than just letting the unsuspecting little buggers get fucked up in those nasty mouse traps and shit. That's just cruel. .......Timo talking shit in a bar somewhere in America, 2003

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