(FOR A COPY OF THE REAL, PAPERY ZINE, EMAIL ME)
fuck yooooo, this is sniper gloooooo issue number 6
i'm not for one moment trying to say that i'm a clever guy but i'm not TOTALLY fucking stupid and, y'know, sometimes i kind of wish i was. for as long as i can remember i've had this ache inside me and i've never quite understood what it is. it was there when i was a kid, running out of the house and into the park and crying uncontrollably because i was struck by the realisation that everyone i loved would someday die. my mother and my grandfather couldn't console me and they tried all night. because they knew that my tears and despair were justified. it's just odd that a 9 year-old kid should KNOW that. there are so many examples. like the time my auntie offered me a chocolate bar just as the school bell was ringing. instead of taking it, i ran towards the school, scared i would be late for class. all morning, all i could think about was if my auntie died then the last time she saw me i would be running away from her, not taking the chocolate bar she was giving me. it made me really upset. i've always been deeply concerned with things like that, even from a very young age. i suppose it's just being overly sensitive. i always over-react to things a lot of people wouldn't think twice about. like being slightly jealous if a certain friend is giving someone else more attention than me, etc. a lot of the time it really is something as simple and stupid and pointless as that, but other times it manifests itself in terrifying thoughts about being left totally alone in the world. i think i've actually been trying to rehearse for this over the last 10 or so years. isolating myself on purpose from people a lot of the time. now i'm not sure whether i've always been like this - being an only child and all that - or whether it's a more recent development. i remember many, many times when i would go days and days without seeing anyone i knew. not having a single conversation apart from the odd exchange in a shop. i retreated into myself, often using alcohol as a kind of best friend/confidante or whatever. even now, i often long to be alone in my room, safe and warm with a bottle and the silent flickering of the TV set, with music of my choice playing. i often think this when i'm with people, having a good time more or less. i'm usually thinking of the solitude i will experience when all the people have gone. and a lot of times i'm looking forward to that solitude. relationships seem impossible for me. i can't imagine ever meeting anyone i would want to spend all that time with. i don't think such a person exists in the whole world. even friends, family - i can only stand so much of their company before i need to be on my own again - to re-charge me batteries or something. it doesn't mean i love them any less, believe me. most - if not all - of them are way stronger and more sorted out than me. i don't feel like a real human-being at all, most of the time. i feel more like i'm playing a game of being a human-being and, whenever i get away with it, i feel like i've fooled people again. i always keep something back, no matter who i'm with. there needs to be some part of me which remains hidden - only for me to access - otherwise i feel completely exposed, foolish and embarrassed. it's not that i 'prefer my own company', as people say. there are times when i�m ready to explode if i don't see people, but that doesn't usually last very long. it's just the depressive thoughts which haunt me every so often and it's REALLY
often because, even when i think i'm feeling OK, i'm still being my usual negative, pessimistic self. i see beauty in so many things but i also see ugliness everywhere too. maybe they both go together. maybe one can't really exist without the other to balance it out. maybe for every breath-taking sunset there has to be a child abused or something. i don't know. i just know that the world really scares me a lot of the time and there are times when i CAN'T see or feel much beauty in anything. i know i'm not helping myself by abusing alcohol, although it gives the illusion of peace for brief moments, hours, days, before it reveals its teeth. i get really freaked-out by silly things like films or stories i read in the paper. sometimes i can't shake these bad things out of my head. sometimes it feels like they're taking over my entire life. whenever i tell anyone about such things specifically, they are usually dismissive or think i'm joking, which tells me that most people don't feel like that. i try and be kind to my fragile psyche and only feed it things i think will have a calming effect, such as the songs of Leonard Cohen (playing now) or the beautiful films of John Cassavetes. but, even there, lie many contradictions. the name Leonard Cohen, to most people, conjures up miserable wrist-slashing songs. and, yes, i admit they ARE dark, but they contain a gentle beauty which soothes me. i don't think anyone could write and sing songs like that unless they'd experienced some kind of depression in their life. and maybe that's why i'm drawn to these dark characters - because i feel a common bond. i find the endless fakely happy pop crap you see on TV all day every day a million times more depressing than L. Cohen. a couple of years ago a friend sent me a video of some GG Allin gigs and i was obsessed for a while. but, instead of having a positive effect on me, it did the opposite. i remember one day, after work, standing in a favourite pub and hitting myself in the face with my own fist. that same week, i went home after a days boozing, turned off
all the lights and paced the room manically, with a GG tape playing on head-phones. i was spitting on the floor, going crazy. next day, i thought people on trains and in the street were going to attack me and i was READY for attack. i looked in the mirror and didn't even recognise who i saw. some mad, evil freak was peering back at me with tiny yellow eyes. when i eventually sobered up, lying in bed, in a dark room, with silence soothing me back to sanity, i was disgusted with myself. for a time i was convinced that i had been posessed by an evil spirit, or at least by the negative effects of taking something as fundamentally SILLY as a daft punk rocker so seriously. i felt foolish after a while and realised i was free to enjoy GG's music and over-the-top stage persona as long as i didn't take it to any silly degree. i've always been guilty of taking a lot of things way too far. getting THAT obsessed by ANY thing is usually very unhealthy. it's that kind of wrongly wired brain which makes what is probably just a mild downer an insane, almost suicidal fit of dark depression. it's what makes a scene in a film a whole life-style. i take MOST things way too seriously. that's why i'm writing this thing � this rambling, non-linear thing - at 8.38 on a Saturday night. because i've not had a drink in 2 days and this is how i get sometimes, a lot of the time, ALL the time. if you think it's a drag to be reading about it, just imagine what it's like for me. there y'go - a nice moment of self-pity to end on. and i've got nothing to be self-pitying about REALLY. i know it's all relative but i don't wanna be a whining fucking baby all my life. but sometimes these things need to come out.
REVIEWS
�Comes with a Smile� #14 (zine and CD) www.comeswithasmile.com
went a drive today with Dave. we went to Lanark Loch. can't recall ever being there before, which is strange as it's close to where i grew up, but it was nice. sunny and all that and all the families were out in force with their perfect kids and i drank mugs of shandy and we only left when a gang of teen kids sat near us with their football and asked us if we had any fags. there's always a fly in every ointment jar, isn't there? so now i'm listening to the free CD which accompanies the new issue of �Comes with a Smile.� and it IS making me cum with a smile 'cos it contains previously unleashed tracks by such golden greats as the Handsome Family (doing a lovely, hushed version of Lenny Cohen's 'Famous Blue Raincoat', no less), Bonnie Prince Billy, Jay Farrar, Lambchop, Okkervil River and many more (18 tracks in all). yeah, it's the alt. country boys, for want of a better term. but this collection slips and slides effortlessly between a whole shit-pile of styles and moods. as a good compilation should, unless it's 'Songs to Kill Yourself to' or something themed like that. the 'theme' here, if one exists, is just one of good music. lots of names i don't recognise on this - Limbeck, Ellis Island Sound, Blanche - but, hey, that's where the zine comes in (with a smile), as it has interviews with most of the artists. this particular publication's been on the go since the mid-to-late 90s. i remember getting a few early issues and it was really well laid out and designed even back then. now, though, it's super-professional, with a proper distribution and everything. guess that's why they can lure such top bands onto their CDs (one with each issue) - almost always unreleased tracks too! like, wow. Jeffrey Luck Lucas (who?) has a track here called �Cascade� which is superb. slow and moody and sounding like a close cousin to Mark Lanegan. my VERY fave here, though, is the Richmond Fontaine song, 'the Janitor', which was a surprise considering the only thing i'd ever heard by them was on the '98 Loose compilation and it was pretty uninspired stuff. this is GREAT, though, and makes me wanna seek out their notoriously hard-to-find LPs. like a long-lost Carver short story set to music, it�s the tale of a doomed romance between a battered wife and a hospital janitor. not the average topic for a pop song, eh? except this is only 'pop' in the same way as Dolly Parton's done 'pop'. aching pedal-steel guitar and chords which go nowhere and everywhere at the same time. there's no chorus, no bridge but you don't even care because the words and the vocal delivery are the stars here. honestly, this is truly heart-rending stuff and i REALLY wanna get their new CD, 'Post to Wire' on the strength of this (previously unreleased) little gem of a song. and i like how the singer/songwriter goes on in the interview about his writing process. it's all very, very impressive and now i just wanna write about Richmond Fontaine, even though this is meant to be a review of 'Comes with a Smile'. here's a great quote from RF�s singer, Willy Vlautin:
�After that last record, I had to find reasons to get up in the morning. I am really scared of dark things and violence, but I can�t stop thinking about them sometimes. I write about them to face up to my fears. There comes a time though when you have to force yourself to take notice of the good things, like your favourite bar, your favourite jockey or whatever. The guy on �Santiiam� wakes up to hear kids playing outside when he is hungover, which he likes. If you try to take those things as seriously as you would your fears, you hopefully give yourself hope, and try I guess to find a reason to live, and to be happy.�
i think that�s fucking great.
THE CORAL - ??
just watched a sweet, heart-rending film called 'A Walk on the Moon' about a woman's summer holiday camp romance with an impossibly gorgeous T-shirt salesman but her eventual return to the warm, simple love of her husband and 2 kids. many Joni and Sandy Denny songs helped it along and the fact that it came on unannounced, unexpected due to the snooker ending early was maybe why i liked it - in my dark room, cidered up a storm. the Coral obviously wish they'd been born in the era this film was set in. they must live in a world where there are only 2 TV channels, where there is no internet, no videos, where men still go to work in bowler hats - 'cos this album (which someone taped me - God knows why) could have been recorded in 1963. it is SO unbelievably fucking retro - with it's Hammond organs and jaunty, breezy ditties - it's almost embarrassing to be listening to it in the year 2004. i always find it suspicious when young bands are SO into the past. don't they like ANYTHING modern at all? how can someone grow up and not like ANY part of their generation's music, fashion? is there some sort of secret club for twatty college kids who don't rate any music made past the '60s? the Coral are, of course, quite popular with 'the kids' who love to spend all of mummy and daddy's hard-embezzled cash lying about in muddy fields in Somerset on drugs and watching shit bands play 300 miles away on a stage the size of a football pitch. they're popular 'cos they're safe and yawn-inducingly unchallenging. your gran probably likes them. they can all play their instruments really well. they were no doubt big stars in their posh public school brass band. God, this album is fucking BORING. it makes me long for the sweet release of an early death.
BONNIE 'PRINCE' BILLY - GREATEST PALACE MUSIC (DOMINO CD) www.palacerecords.com
an odd 1 this 'cos it's Will Oldham covering his own songs, or re-interpreting them or SOMETHING. all the music is supplied by professional Nashville session musos and it's all very nice, with it's lush pedal-steel and angelic sounding female backing singers. it's good to hear previously stripped-down acoustic songs like 'I Am A Cinematographer' all tarted up like this (that song, and no less than 4 others, was originally on the mainly acoustic '94 LP 'Palace Brothers'). 'Pushkin' reminds me of when i saw Oldham (under one of his Palace monikers) at the Plaza in '95, supporting Teenage Fanclub. he was all dressed in a Breton T-shirt and had a band of indie urchins backing him up and 'Pushkin' was the highlight. that and all the free drinks i got! yeah, i like this. i'm not hot for all his records but, much like Lou Reed, he often produces work of true genius. great beard too.
H�SKER D� - ZEN ARCADE/NEW DAY RISING (SST CDs)
7.25pm on my birthday and i'm 'celebrating' by getting pissed on cider and playing these 2 H�sker D� re-issues which have been unavailable on CD for some years now. it's funny how this mid-80s stuff sounds more fresh and alive and blood-pumpingly great than every single 1 of today's so-called punk bands put together. i didn't even LIKE H�sker D� in the 80s, so it's not just nostalgia, either. it's to do with the hyper-personal lyrics combined with the non-stop onslaught of the music - the guitar that sounds like a million airplanes taking off, the drums like a steam-roller, the bass like machine-gun fire. i heard a rumour they might be re-forming and i'd sell my kidneys to see them if they, um, d�. i slept in a shop doorway after the Velvet Underground re-union gig in Edinburgh in the early 90s and i'd do that again and MORE for the H�skers 'cos they're the BEST band doing that pop/punk thing i've EVER heard and everyone from Pixies to Nirvana owe them a massive debt whether they admit to it or not. the shock waves they must've sent through the hardcore scene when they put out 'Zen Arcade' can only be imagined. a double CONCEPT album, with ACOUSTIC songs and PIANO songs and a 14 minute instrumental? i'm amazed they weren't burned as witches. i also love(d) the fact that they were either:
a) all gay or b) partially gay (if such a thing is possible. who KNOWS the truth, although these days Bob Mould is the Gayest Man in Rock) but didn't mention it 'cos it was/is completely unimportant. i LOVED that about them. shame Bob went and spoiled it in his solo career - even putting out an LP which sounds like it was recorded in a gay disco. there was something he said once in an interview about how he wanted his songs to be universal and wanted people of all sexes and sexual orientations to relate to them on a personal level. not to say that people can't do that now he's 'out', i just think it's sad that absolutely EVERYONE is dying to be pigeon-holed like that. y'know, str8, gay, bi � who fuckin' cares? does it REALLY impact that much on anyone's life? is your sexuality your whole identity? i would certainly hope not. i hope there's a lot more to all of us than who we may or may not fancy. do people go on and on forever about the colour of their eyes? surely it's just as irrelevant?
people wanna BELONG,so they get in with a certain gang and then they are forced to follow the rules of that gang. we all do it to an extent. i'd be the 1st to admit that my personality and habits are largely those of a drinker and i've fallen into that really deeply. to the point where, if that lifestyle was taken away, i genuinely wouldn't know what to do with myself or how to act. how to live, really. even when i'm not drinking i'm usually thinking about it or the people i know.. i wonder which pub they're in right now.. and all that. and i don't think that's any sadder than going out to the gay disco or the indie disco or the punk disco every night, or being in a bridge club, or going to bingo. 'cos it's all the same, really. it's about identity and belonging and acceptance. human nature, so i can't and DON'T really blame Bob Mould for being all super-gay now. i mean, he said once 'i was a self-hating homophobe for years'. maybe that's why H�sker D� and Sugar are SO great � so much repressed guilt exploding like that. i'm glad he seems happier now - but his records aren't nearly as good. the only people i can think of who have sustained that genuinely fucked-up genius are Morrissey and Mark Eitzel, although i'm sure there are others. do you HAVE to be a total emotional wreck to produce good music? i don't know. do YOU? right now, listening to '59 Times the Pain', i'm just glad that music like this exists.
RICHMOND FONTAINE - POST TO WIRE (EL CORTEZ CD) www.richmondfontaine.com
after raving about their song on the 'Comes with a Smile' CD (see elsewhere), i got this the following week as a birthday gift from Andrew (thanks, Andrew!) and it's really great. a slow burner for sure. 16 tracks, including a couple of instrumentals and 3 spoken-word 'postcards' from a character called Walter. yeah, it's crazy shit indeed. musically it's in the alt. country vein (an alt. cunt, for your alt. cock) with pedal-steel featuring heavily throughout. there are some beautiful songs here, such as 'Polaroid', 'Through' and 'Barely Losing' and some really impressive story style lyrics. things get a little heavier on tracks like 'Montgomery Park' and the awesome, epic 'Willamette'. the guy's voice at times reminds me of Jeff Tweedy of Wilco but i think Richmond Fontaine are BETTER.
NEIL DIAMOND - THE VERY BEST OF NEIL DIAMOND VOL. 2 (K-TEL LP)
LOVE AT THE GREEK (CBS LP)
got these LPs (the 1st vinyl i've bought in a looooong while) on a mid-Thursday-afternoon charity shop tour, with thunder raging outside, young and old alike sheltering from the lashing rain and hailstone showers in amongst the racks of dusty old tat.'Love at the Greek' was the winner in Byres Road's Oxfam Music shop, where all the unloved and unloveable indie bile costs about a zillion quid - but this lovely item was in one of their �1 'bargain' boxes. glad i bought this rather than the 1st Blue Nile LP, as i passed TBN's singer Paul Buchanan in the street later on. imagine how embarrassed i'd have been if he'd seen THAT poking out of my plastic bag?! good job Neil Diamond wasn't collecting his pension in Byres Road post office that day.. phew! got the other LP in the Salvation Army shop on Dumbarton Road. all their albums are 20p! i dunno why i didn't buy Iron Maiden's 'Killers'. at that price, i should have, really. so, in stark contrast to the dull, dull, dull 'Uncut' CD i've just played (filled with people you've never heard of who are apparently 'legendary' just 'cos they're lucky enough to be dead - altho' the Richmond Fontaine and Lambchop tracks were/are lovely), these albums, as cheaply priced, crackly and dog-eared as they are, have tunes a-plenty and are a joy to the ear - i turn this up in the vague and vane hope that Craig (my smelly neighbore) who was getting all on his boring high-horse about our new transvestite flatmate earlier will hear it and be converted from the God-awful HM guitar wank he plays. it ain't gonna happen, i know. OK, so there are some turkeys on this
'Very Best Of' thing, like 'Soolaimon' which is pretty crap with it's calypso feel,but who cares when there are tracks of such pure tear-bringing joy as 'Mr Bojangles' and the sad, string-enhanced weepy 'If You Go Away'? one day, all the young skate-boarders will realise they've been wasting their lives forcing themselves to endure crap like Slipknob when they accidentally down-load a N. Diamond song and find that they LOVE it before their cool-o-meter kicks in. 'I Think It's Gonna Rain Today' is a lovely version of the Randy classic, maybe not as sobbingly great as Dusty's but, y'know, very little is. 'Suzanne' is a jauntier take on Len's original - altho' it's not hard to be jauntier than Len. there's a REASON why this sorta music has endured and bands like, eg Franz Ferdinand, will be forgotten as quickly as the death of that goldfish you won at the fair when you were 12. 'Love at the Greek' is a double album with sumptious gatefold sleeve featuring pics of Neil's commanding stage presence and a pic of an acoustic guitar which probably cost 1000s back then but is so cheap and crap today that even I own one. there are also lots of pics of Neil's special celebrity friends, like Henry 'the Fonz' Winkler, Diana Ross, etc, larking about with him on-stage. the audience scream like maniacs throughout. wish i had some of whatever THEY'RE on. last track on side 1,'Longfellow Serenade', is quite wonderful - the song you could imagine all the lovely, lonely old drunks singing along to at closing-time in the last pub on earth, all those years of misery now redeemed and accepted. i think this album
sounds better the drunker i get. i'm 1 � bottles of the cheapo cider into this now and Neil is sounding like a cherished friend, almost making me forget the door-bangings of my flatmate cunts - trannies, hairdressers, unemployable smelly losers all - and me with my easy-listening LP on loud and bottles of piss littering the floor. ooh, it's sordid and don't you just LOVE it? no? oh, well. 'Lady Oh' is gorgeous and swooning - enough to make you wanna get the gun and DO IT now 'cos life couldn't get much more perfect or lush than THIS. y'know, i don't think N.D. has officially become 'cool' yet but, believe me, he will. oh how everyone laffed when i played Abba tapes in the 6th year common room at school. but, a year later, everyone was fawning over them. it's about tunes and emotion, this music thing - that's why all your hip young indie bands are never gonna last 'cos even THEY know how fake and dull their music is. it's like a musical C.V. to get their foot in the door of the music biz which, let's face it, is populated mostly by brain-free cunts - just like every other 'biz' you can think of. 'If You Know What I Mean' proves my point about tunes and emotion perfectly - it's the song Franz Ferdinand wish they could write - a song that is free of irony and phony art school pretension. a song to bring a tear to a glass eye, with an ending of pure musical orgasm crescendo. 'Surviving the Life' has the great line 'you're alive, you might as well be glad', which sounds perfect to me right now but will probably ring hollow tomorrow on my hungover train-ride home. 'Song Sung Blue' is sadly reduced to a clap-along with Helen Reddy, the Fonz and others adding their 'talents' along the way. VERY naff and cheesy but i'll forgive Neil this, possibly coke-fuelled, digression from esquisite taste. side 4 is mostly trax from the
'Jonathan Livingston Seagull' s/track, starting with the dodgy spoken-word bit
and then unfurling nicely as such things tend to do, unlike the latest cool,
over-priced shit 10,000 people have bought today in their local Virgin Nazi Mega Store. it all ends with 'I've Been This Way Before', all emotional and fab. wish i'd been at this gig rather than the 100s of crap ones i HAVE been at. take my advice - go down to your local charity shop and buy this album now, before Neil D. becomes hip and it costs you �100 on e-bay. when all your zany friends leave you, this LP will ease your passage through the many sadly desperate nights of suicidal thoughts and endless home-improvement TV shows. it REALLY will.
KEVIN HUELBIG, JR - SUMMER IS OVER
ED ROONEY - MY LIFE IS DEAD (MONOTONE CASSETTES) http://hhbtm.com/monotone/
tape-labels, they're great, aren't they, and SO rare in this age of the CDR and
posh MP3s - but these 2 tapes from Monotone are living proof that the good
old-fashioned cassette still has a lot to offer the world. Kevin H. Jr's tape has some nicely strummed acoustic guitar and the occasional tambourine tap but his voice is drenched in way too much reverb, i wonder what he's trying to hide. it can't be his songwriting which sounds pretty good to these ears. or a crap voice, 'cos THAT sounds good too - the calm poise of a man of experience. there are titles here like 'Alone in Bed' and 'I Feel So Alone' and a cover pic of a desolate beach scene and Kevin is joined on one track by some chick singing backing vocals, sweetly. sample lyric - 'thinking just leads to violence'. blimey! so that probably gives you a rough idea of what kinda stuff this is. it's strummy and gentle and floaty and nice. i have already played this tape more than once. Ed Rooney's tape has the 4 year-old drawings the indie-kids of Omaha, Nebraska seem to love SO much (just about every tape i've ever seen from there has these kinds of drawings on the cover) and there's
a wee bit of blurb that says these are 'songs about dead love, ghosts,monsters,
snow drifts and graveyards'. sounds like a laugh. this tape contains underground stars such as Charlie McAlister and Nutrition Fun, sooooo, here goes and oh no, it's horrid noisy noises and tortured hums and feedback and weird voices from your childhood nightmares and titles like 'Frowning Eyes and a Busted Fist' and 'Blown Apart Seagull' interspersed with the odd/odd lo-fi song of unrequited things, probably or maybe not. Ed�s singing voice is a sort of pre-puberty whine, not totally unlike Conor Oberst, in fact, but Conor writes better songs than this. listening to this tape with a hangover would drive even the sanest person mad but it has it's own charm, like a high schooler�s diary of drunken traumas/joys. we�ve all been there, we can all �relate�.
W.A.S.P. - GLASGOW GARAGE, 4th MAY 2004
didn�t know this lot were still around. i recall the �shock� that surrounded that terrible �Fuck Like a Beast� song in the �80s. OK, so i only witnessed the encore of this but what an encore! pompous acoustic lighters aloft/soft Whitesnake metal BOLLOCKS followed by an all-out axe attack of a song. this was like Spinal Tap - all guitar-as-machine-gun poses - but these guys must actually MEAN it. oh dear. the sight of these middle-aged men covered in tattoos and leather made me piss myself laughing from my oh-so privileged vantage point of side-stage. gigs like this should be on prescription from the NHS as they'd make even the seriously clinically depressed smile for the first time since 1967. then i handed out fliers for OTHER crap gigs to the 100s of saddo metal fans in their 30-quid-a-piece metal T-shirts. then i went for a coupla drinks with Ken and talked about Morrissey and the New York Dolls. sweet bliss on a Tuesday night in May with too much rain covering the city to be able to see the eclipse of the moon.
xxxxx
i'm buying more and more DVDs, mainly 'cos they're so cheap and, y'know, rewinding a video tape - it's all clunk clunk, old-fashioned, steam-powered, takes too long CRAP, whereas DVDs are all digi-smooth and gorgeous. perfect freeze-frame for the perfect wank. the 3 DVDs i bought today for a tenner are all potential wank material. it's as if i'm a slave to my cock when i see these things. i HAVE to buy them. i know it's sad. it's a format thing. i was the same with CDs.. i'd resisted them for a while and then i yielded and lay myself open to their warm and terrible beauty. it's a matter of progress, surely. it's annoying rewinding a video-tape, with all the lines on the screen, etc, whereas DVD is all smooth and sexy and you can see everything you wanna see. plus, you can watch it all in slo-mo, or fast-mo, like e Benny Hill sketch if that's your particular 'bag'. the cider is flowing. i was flyering tonight at some nu-metal gig (the Rasmus) just to make you feel old. i'm 32 but it feels like 50 years of a difference when you're experiencing the ultra-young audience of such a band when you're sober. it's horrifying, actually - and also slightly sweet at the same time. how people are SO into it that they, literally, buy the T-shirt, the poster, want to lick the sweat off the drummer's arse, etc. it takes you back to days-gone-by. i wish I could be that excited about a band these days. i wish i didn't feel so dull and dead about everything around me, but i do. i feel like it's all a big waste of time - killing time and brain cells is all life is, really. we all yearn for the warm glow of some lost childhood memory that we'll never find again. the past is far more beautiful than the now 'cos we forget all the shitty, mundane elements which destroy us. the past is another country, as someone said. was it Busted? no, but if only it was! me and Ken agree that Busted are good 'cos they're indoctrinating 8 year-olds with punk. so what if it's watered-down? it's still better than fucking Westlike (not that i WANT to fuck Westlife). i think Busted sound just like all these US pop/punk bands anyway (Offspring, Green Day, etc) - it's silly to slag 'em off. also, i bet they're all shagging each other up the arse every night after they finish with their rock chores. after rock, it's time for cock! just imagine how many kids are gonna 'turn' gay - sorry, i mean PUNK - 'cos of Busted! it's amazing! i bet they got a grant from the council or something. there has to be so much cash spent on punk every year. it's TRUE! i should know, i'm a successful part of the council's 1988 plan to make Britain vegetarian. now i'm just losing it. another cider must be opened. dope end.
some Gaelic shit is on TV. beautiful mountain landscapes. thank yourself lucky you don't live in Scotland, where we're forced with a per centage of Gaelic shows even though hardly anyone actually speaks the language. oh, well. pretty soon it'll be wall-to-wall Muslim TV. when this sick society gets even sicker and more PC than anyone could ever imagine. this soft cuntry can't seem to distinguish between equality and prejudice. 'they' seem to think it's OK to let other races/religions dictate what's right and wrong - when the minority has more power then the majority, surely society is really, truly doomed? it's all SHIT anyway. now there are wolves tearing their prey apart in a beautiful snowy landscape(on TV) and it is 1am and i wish i had the simple life of a prey-eating wolf. it looks better than being a human. better than having to seek out tasty veggie food day after day, although that's easier than it used to be. but we veggie gods are still a minority, so does that mean i get a free council
flat, like all the other zillion minority groups? no? oh well. GOODNIGHT.
xoxoxo this is a great website - www.angelfire.com/extreme4/kiddofspeed xoxoxo
and so i return home at 7pm - walk up the close stairs and 2 polite, beautiful
young lovers pass me, saying hello. they are probably going out to dinner, to see a film - i am drunk and desperate for the safe haven of my room, my bed, my music - all warm and cosy like a cocoon ought to be. my usual Monday Club pal wasn't there today and i'm all adrift. that's what happens when you fall into any kind of routine. it becomes normal and nice, even when it's boring and dull, and then the chain of routine is broken and you dunno where the fuck you are. but, y'know, i'm being melodramatic, as always. it's OK, really. i'm still alive, still a bit drunk but i made it home OK - albeit around 4-5 hours earlier than usual. this Richmond Fontaine CD is really worming it's way into my soul. it's beautiful. it really is. saw Michael for 5-10 minutes tonight. he'd complimented me on my beard last week but now it's gone. think i need to grow it back 'cos i've just realised that i have no chin. need to go out and buy some booze soon. well, it's a hobby. just as much as Dirty Den's cyber-wankings which are all over the papers today. people seem to think someone with his fame wouldn't need to do that kinda sordid stuff but, i suppose that sordidity (?) was part of the turn on. i don't think he should be sacked for it. in fact, i think he should be REWARDED. it's not like he was actually
cheating on his wife - he was just having a wank. it's like ringing a sex chat-line or watching a porn vid. everyone is SO moralistic - hilariously, even the 'lady' he was cyber-chatting to said he was a perv. so what does that make her? when tabloids slag someone off - and ESPECIALLY when they get so holier-than-thou about it - i usually side 100% with the so-called perv or the so-called racist (ie- Ron Atkinson). the majority is usually ALWAYS wrong (look at Pop Idol, Bush, Blair, Thatcher, Hitler, etc) so it's always a good idea to question what you see splashed all over the front pages like some headline writer's premature cum.
the end � send emails, death threats, etc, to donbirnam@hotmail