Trusting Enough to Love
A Vignette of Dana
Post-ep to "The Giants win the Pennant!"

By Kasey

Well, Dana, you've done it again.  Given up your heart only to have it broken.  Story of my life, I suppose.

He loves me.  He loves me not.  Only this has nothing to do with flower petals.  This has to do with a certain blonde named Pixley.  What kind of name is that, anyways?  It sounds like a poodle.  But what's in a name?  It's what's in a heart that counts.

No one would be able to tell what's in my heart.  It's so broken it's beyond recognizability.

It was a good plan, in theory.  But then, things are always good in theory.  See, he'd broken my heart before.  But I figured he didn't realize how much he'd hurt me.  So I institued the plan.  He was supposed to come back to me in six months and tell me, "Dana, of all the women I've dated, you are the one I love.  It's you who I want to be with."  I was sure he felt that way, I just needed the reassurance.

But the reassurance won't come.  Because I'm not the one he loves.  Casey loves Pixley.  There.  I said it.  And I feel worse than ever.  Because I love him so much that it breaks my heart to see him with anyone else.

I supose this is how Casey felt when I went out with Gordon.  I owe him such an apology.  I wouldn't want my worst enemy to feel this way.  Well, my worst enemy wouldn't feel this way, since she always gets the guy, but the point is there.

I guess this is my own fault, really.  I had my chance, and I gave it up.  Told him to date other women. In order to prove whether he really loved me or not.

Happy now, Dana?  You have your answer.  Now aren't you glad you told him to date other women so you could be sure?

You want to hear the ironic part?  When I was explaining to Casey WHY the six-month plan was a good idea, I told him it was inspired by Deanna.  That her marriage would never last because she would either feel like she could've met someone better, or she would meet someone better.

There ya go.  He met someone better.  And she doesn't love him back, but he keeps pursuing her.

So now he's met the woman of his dreams.  But the woman of his dreams hates him because he told her that the only reason he went out with her originally was because the former woman of his dreams forced him to go out with other women for six months.  So guess who's left in the dust.

The former woman of his dreams.  Second best.

Me.

Doesn't he see what he's doing to me?  Or does he just not care at this point?

I never knew I could hate someone I'd never met before.  But I hate Pixley with a passion.  Why?  Because she stole my position!  I used to be the one Casey spent hours planning dates for.  It used to be me his heart desired.

I used to be the one he loved.

Not anymore, Dana.  Make way for Pixley.  Sounds like a demented childrens book.

I thought he was the one, I really did.  I told myself, "Maybe he'll be different.  Maybe he'll be the one to restore my faith in men.  Maybe he'll break the trend."  Was I ever wrong.  He was just one more in the long line of men who ditched me and moved on.

Every time I see him, I want to cry.  But I can't.  I can only cry in the safety of my office after everyone has left for the night.  Fitting, really.  Not having his shoulder to cry on.  I used to, back when he loved me.  I could go to him about anything.  Not anymore.

The way I see it, four things got me into this mess. Damn plan.  Damn optomism.  Damn love.

Damn trust.