| When the show was over, I saw Casey dash away from the anchor desk. Probably some hot date. I cringed at the thought. The hot date could've been me. But I was a shivering loner once more. There were nights when the wind was so cold That my body froze in bed if I just listened to it right outside the window. I had blown it. I'd blamed the abandonment on Casey, but I'd driven him away. It was me, with my dating plan and my insane ideas. I'd blamed him, but, in truth, it was my own fault. There were days when the sun was so cruel And all the tears turned to dust and I just knew my eyes were drying out forever. I didn't cry when he said now. I'd cried for days on end before, when I knew he was going out with Pixley STILL, but after he said no, I didn't shed a tear. I didn't break down in sobs. I just went into the contorl room and watched the remaining 79 minutes of show numble. And even once I got back to my apartment, I didn't cry. Maybe it had just been so much heartache and agonizing that I was glad it was over with. I finished crying in the instant that you left And I made myself so strong again somehow And I never wasted any of my time on you since then. I reached my office and stopped dead in my tracks. Casey sat on the couch, looking nervous as hell. He stood up as I walked in, then walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders as he had a zillion other times before. But when you touch me like this And when you hold me like that I just have to admit that it's all comin' back to me When I touch you like this And I hold you like that It's so hard to believe but it's all comin' back to me. As he was near me, I couldn't help but remember the myriad of other times we'd spent together. Like when, after midterms Freshman year, we stayed up through the night, slap-happy as we were, and laughed the hours away. the dumb jokes we told that night would've been too stupid for a children's joke book - or maybe it was where we'd gotten them. Who knew for sure? But, to us, two students who were relieved to be done with the cramming and agonizing of midterms, they were hilarious. There were moments of gold and there were flashes of light There were things I'd never do again but then they always seemed right There were nights of endless pleasure It was more than any laws allow. Casey pulled me into a hug, and, odd as I thought it was, I didn't pull away. Quite the opposite. I revelled in the closeness. The smell of his aftershave clung to him, an unchanging scent in all the time I'd known him. I inhaled his scent, his essence, and lost all track of time. But it wasn't that I didn't know how much time passed right then. I didn't know how much time had passed in our history. How long it had been since he'd broken my heard as he went out with lisa. How long it had been that I'd gone out with his friends, just to get revenge. There were those empty threats and hollow lies And whenever you tried to hurt me I just hurt you even worse and so much deeper. The three hours of Casey and Lisa's weddng/reception were the longest three hours of my life. Three hours is a long time to force a fake smile when your heart is breaking. There were hours that just went on for days When alone at last we'd count up all the chances that were lost to us forever. Casey and I'd had a fight the week he got back from his honeymoon. We were working in LA and we had an argument which began with me telling him to bump Oksana Baiul and ended with him accusing me of beingjealous of Lisa, which I was. He'd threatened to resign from the show. It was then that I realized work and social life had to be kept seperate. There was no other way to go about it. It was also when I realized he wasn't open to me anymore. I was his bos, not his best friend, and his best friend was his wife, who had once been my best friend. And I had to live with that. But you were history with the slamming of the door And I made myself so strong again somehow And I never wasted any of my time on you since then. I'd apologized afterward for my behavior, saying I was out of line. He'd assured me it was okay and gently kissed my forehead. I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd wanted more than anything for him to kiss me in other locations as well. But if I touch you like this, and if you kiss me like that It was so long ago but it's all comin' back to me If you touch me like this, and if I kiss you like that, It was gone with the wind but it's all comin' back to me. That night, we went out to Mac McKenzie's - we seemed to have a thing for bars which were the shortened version followed by the longer version of the same name. It had been like the old days, staying out until 3:30 in the morning. Id found out later Lisa nearly killed him for it. Less than a year later, he had a son, so things were never "like the old days" again. There were moments of gold and there were flashes of light There were things we'd never do again but then they'd always seemed right There were nights of endless pleasure, it was more than all your laws allow. As Casey held me, it was finally back to "like the old days". After 12 years, I trusted him the same way. I felt as safe in his arms as I had whenever he'd held be in what we just called "before" times. Like during the infamous pregnancy scare of my senior year, or when he found his parents were seperating (only to get back together within a month). When you touch me like this and when you hold me like that It was gone with the wind but it's all coming back to me When I see you like this, and when you see me like that, Then we see what we want to see, all coming back to me The flesh and the fantasy, all coming back to me I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now. "What's this for?" I asked quietly, still in his grasp. "To apologize...make ammends...and I missed you." "You...you have?" "Yeah. I guess I just realized how pathetic it was of me to let you get away so many times." "Not at all!" I said. "It was my fault...me and my stupid dating plan." "Well...it may not have been the best idea ever, but I understand why you did it." "You do?" "Sure. You wanted to be sure I wasn't another scum bag like Gordon." "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I ever thought that..." "It's okay, really." If you forgive me all this and I forgive you all that We forgive and forget and it's all coming back to me. And when you see me like this and when I see you like that We see just what we want to see, all coming back to me The flesh and the fantiasies, all coming back to me. I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now. Gently, Casey lowered his lips to mine and kissed me long and deep. I wrapped my arms around behind his neck and rose up on my toes slightly to meet him halfway, so to speak. And when you kiss me like this... We parted reluctantly after what seemed like a lifetime. "Listen, I, uh...I hear the rest of the group was headed over to Anthony's...would you like to join me for a drink?" I asked nervously. And when I touch you like that.. "Of course," he said, smiling at me. "I said 'ask another time', didn't I?" And if you do it like this... As we left my office, he gently slipped his arm around my waist, and we walked off into the sunset. Well, not exactly, but it certainly felt like me and my Lone Ranger, my heroic cowboy, riding off towards an orange and pink horizon. And if we... |