When my mom unexpectedly bought a computer in June of 96, and then subscribed for the internet, I never expected these acts would be life-changing for me. At first, I was only mildly interested in chat rooms, but I became drawn to one known as Paddynet. The people there were very nice to me and welcoming. I also knew of the phenomena of on-line relationship. Frankly, I found them silly. I couldn't understand how someone could be "in love" with someone they couldn't see, touch, or even know if the person was really what they said they were...and plus some of the romantic chit-chat that went on in there sounded, well, ridiculous. Little did I know how much my perspective would change, and how quickly...

I THOUGHT OF HIM THAT NIGHT...

I don't remember what day it happened, it was in late July 96 though...I met someone in Paddynet under the handle "tiaggo". This is not his real name but I'll use it when I refer to him in this story. I watched him chat with some other people on Paddynet..he seemed like a really nice person and I decided to say hello, he answered warmly, and soon we were conversing. We started to talk about our passions *as it turned out, we had both been led to Paddynet by a personal passion of ours*... my reason for finding the chat was because of a link on a site for my favorite band, the Smashing Pumpkins, who I collect records, tapes and CDs of, a bit obsessively. His was that Paddynet happened to be an Irish chat room and he has a deep passion for the country. I was fascinated by his raw emotion and intrigued with the country and people of Ireland. He told me of it's culture, things he like about it, etc... *he is from Portugal, I'm from Kansas*... We talked of many other things that night. I was completely enthralled by him. He had a passion and love for his life, and for people, and for just LIVING, like I had never seen. When I finally said goodnight, I felt a bit awed... and thought of him that night...

We ended up seeing each other again on Paddynet within that week and soon we were writing long, detailed e-mails to each other about what was going on in our lives and asking questions to each other in conjunction with chatting almost nightly on Paddynet.

What was happening to me? I did not know, but I felt a happiness within me that was hard to describe. I was already a happy person but something about this feeling was different and I loved it.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

As tiaggo became more and more deeply enrooted into my life, I began to become apprehensive. What is going on? I have never even MET him. How could I be feeling this? Why am I waking every morning with the first thought in my mind being of him? Why is the highlight of my day quickly becoming his long e-mails and our chats, which I somehow know will always come? The truth was, I was falling in love, and I knew it. At first I felt scared. I couldn't believe what was happening... the whole Atlantic ocean, not to mention the eastern side of the US, separated us... and I guess that's what scared me the most. I was afraid of ALWAYS having this ocean between us but somehow, in the midst of my fear and caution, was a voice that kept gently urging me to let the wonderful feelings I felt wash over me and drown my fears... something about tiaggo... the way he "spoke" to not only my mind but my heart... the way he had, in a way, become my best friend. I could tell him anything. I could confide in him and he did the same in me and he always listened, he always CARED... the way he would stay up until 5 am *Portuguese time* just to talk to me... the way I could feel myself admiring him... his spirit, happiness, beauty... all these things were overwhelming me... and I finally decided to come to terms with it, admitting to myself that I was definitely and deeply in love..

THE BURNING, INSANELY MAD CRUSH

Well, of course, the next step was to tell him. Sounds easy enough, right? I found myself becoming even more fearful of doing this. I was afraid that he only thought of me as a close friend even though, reflecting on it now, I KNEW deep down that it was more for him, too. But that nagging fear of rejection kept haunting me and I spent almost a month having a mad but *barely* secret crush on him, as we continued to write, chat, and become closer and closer friends. One night we exchanged phone numbers. I had no idea how much it would cost to call Portugal, but I didn't care, I had to do it. Well, after we talked on the phone, that DID it, my mad crush had turned into a BURNING, insanely mad crush! He had the most amazing soft voice and an accent that made me feel weak in the knees. After I called him, he called me that weekend and as my unrequited love for him grew more insistent on becoming "requited", I began to drop "subtle" hints to him and what do you know, he did the same. I started to talk to all my friends, who were very supporting of the relationship. They all had great advice but I knew that this had to happen by my OWN means.

AND THERE IT BEGAN...

One night at Paddynet, we were chatting about different things and he suddenly said to me, "You know, if we were together right now, I would just give you a very sweet kiss on your lips, I love knowing you". THAT did it, I could not contain it anymore and I said to him, "Tiaggo, I'm falling in love with you". And there it began. I guess you could call it our "official" transition into couplehood. He told me that he felt exactly the same and had even been feeling it since about a month after we met, the same as me!. The likenesses were so close it was almost scary! As soon as we moved out of our short "OhMyGodICan'tBelieveThisHappened" phase, we became extremely romantic and completely close. Our friendship, which had always been there, had just gotten deeper than any friendship I have ever known. It was wonderful to know that this person was not only my love, but also my friend. My heart was filled with him and we could not stop falling totally in love with everything about each other.

THE NEXT STEP

Naturally, we were dying to meet for real and though most this would be very hard, because of the distance between us, I really believe fate brought us together and gave us an amazingly lucky, incredible way. Tiaggo's father works for an airline company in Portugal, and because of this, he and his family get free stand-by plane tickets all over the world. The only "problem" was finding a time we could meet without the interference of school. Skip ahead 9 months to May of 97: His spring break and my end-of-school, he came to see me for 2 days. It was indescribable. Every feeling I had felt for him over the phone and on-line was there, only, he was THERE, it was WOW!! Kissing him, really touching him, looking in his eyes... it was beyond comparison to any experience I've ever had. Two days was too short, but we had another visit planned for July, a much longer one, and even though I was very sad at his leaving, I felt my "own" kind of happiness in knowing the simple fact that it had HAPPENED. For us, in a way, "the next step"... the next transition in our relationship to give us wonderful new experiences and feelings.

SPECIAL MOMENTS

There are so many unforgettable, special moments in our relationship. We've been "together" for a year and 2 months now and this love grows stronger every day. We still talk every night on-line, call each other about once a week and he's came to see me twice since his first visit, with another planned for December. There are so many things I won't ever forget... things that show me the love which surges through our bond. There was the time I was sick with mono, in the hospital, and he called me there 3 times a day, once in the morning, afternoon, and evening, even though it had to have cost a fortune. The day I was well enough to go home he ordered flowers for me over the internet and had a pink teddy bear delivered to my house. There was the day he gave he gave me a promise ring... looking in my eyes as we laid together, slipping the gold ring with tiny diamonds surrounding a larger ruby onto my left ring finger. There were the "bad" days, when I felt down, that he was there to talk to me online or on the phone... to care, to listen, to lift me up. The times he spontaneously began hugging and whispering affectionate words to me as we walked together down the street. Tiaggo is the most special thing in the world to me.

THIS HAS GOT TO BE FATE

We have such good luck. First there were the plane tickets and for about 7 months he had this job as an international phone operator. He could call me, for free! There was the collision of our passions and dreams, which even led to our meeting... and the most amazing thing, which is now part of our future. You see, ever since I was old enough to draw, I've loved art. I've always wanted to go to art school but when my mom and I were looking into colleges all the art schools were about 5 times as expensive as regular ones. My dream was almost shattered until I found out from Tiaggo that college in Europe, even art college, was practically free or very little cost *under $800 per year* for ANYONE who was accepted. There it was, staring us in the face... the answer to my dreams, the place where my being with Tiaggo and accomplishing my dream of attending art college could collide. Plans are in the works for me to go to art college in London or Edinburgh, whichever Tiaggo chooses as "his" city. At the same time he will attend college in the same city and we live together. *his final year of college, which will be my first, can be spent at a college in another country* This has got to be fate. I would have NEVER known about the prices of colleges in Europe if it weren't for Tiaggo and would have probably had to wait till after graduation to be with him. This was amazing. I know we're young, *I'm 16, he's 19*, but I KNOW in my heart and soul that he is my soul-mate, the one I will be with forever. I feel it in my spirit, my destiny is being revealed, God has made our match in heaven and we have been slowly led towards each other, ever since our first meeting. I know this is meant to last and I trust God, my fate, and our united spirit, to take us there in happiness. After all, this is LOVE...