I met my lover online, initially, and then real time, about a month later. We lived in the same town so meeting was not something that had to be planned out in advance.

When JC and I met, there was a definite, undeniable chemistry between us, an electricity... a force that woke every nerve in our bodies when we were together. It was the start of what could have been a beautiful romance... except for the fact that he was married... separated, but still married.

During the next month we continued to see each other every chance we could... then one day he called to tell me he had to see me about something. His wife moved back into their house. They had been separated for three years and JC thought it best to try and reconcile for the sake of the children. I was hurt, but knew life would go on. We made a 'no physical contact' pact but decided to email and phone occasionally.

The pact was short lived... within a few weeks we began seeing each other again, couldn't stay away from one another. All the feelings that I had somehow shoved aside, returned tenfold. JC was not living the life of marital bliss... things were not working out as well with the reconciliation as he'd thought. He became torn between passion and priority... one minute deciding he was going to end his marriage, the next determined to keep trying, to honor his commitment. It was a tough time for me, for both of us. I finally realized that JC's situation wasn't going to change. When he couldn't decide what to do... he did nothing.

Despite the fact that JC giving his marriage another shot, we continued to see each other, when possible, for the next year. My days were filled with work, so there weren't many opportunities to spend time together. Not exactly a healthy relationship... but it was working fairly well for both of us. I had grown used to the broken promises, missed opportunities, last minute cancelations.

JC was later offered a job in a town three hours away. I thought when the time came for him to go I would fall apart. He left. I lived. And life goes on.

I had reconciled myself to the fact that JC and I would never have a 'real' relationship long before his move. I do care deeply for him and know that he will be on my mind and in my heart for a very long time... and I'll always treasure the memories and the time we spent together.

coach