What HE says... and what he really means. The true meaning behind HIS words.


When he says...
"I live out in the country, have a boat, and have a little nest egg in the bank that I don't touch."
It really means: I had to rent this house 40 miles from town because I can't afford to live in the city. I have a great little bass boat I inherited from my great grandfather and there's a freeze on my assest's pending the divorce.

When he says...
"I have dark hair, blue eyes, am 6'1", 195 firm pounds."
It really means: Well what little hair is left, blue compliments of my contacts, am 6'1" in platform shoes, and this beer belly is solid as a rock."

When he says...
"I'm sensitive, caring, and romantic."
It really means: You'll hurt my feelings if you don't appreciate my farting in public, I care that my ex wife gets $100 a week from my pay to help support the kids, and you'll get flowers when I f*ck up.

When he says...
"I have a good track record when it comes to relationships."
It really means: I can run in the other direction quite quickly when you starting hinting for commitment.

When he says...
"I enjoy football and working out."
It really means: I spend my weekends in front of the television lifting 12oz beers to my mouth.

When he says...
"I don't like to argue."
It really means: If there is a problem in our relationship I don't want to hear about it.

When he says...
"I like to spend quiet evenings at home."
It really means: Go ahead and spend the weekend at your mothers house. I'll sit in front of the t.v., watch sports, drink beer, and won't have to listen to you complain about it.

When he says...
"I enjoy going out for dinner, dancing, and watching movies."
It really means: I faithfully frequent McDonalds, never miss those young babes on American Bandstand, and am into pornography.

When he says...
"I enjoy family get togethers."
It really means: I'll be there for the reading of your father's will.

When he says...
"I'm steadily, but under-employed."
It really means: I've been working at the convenience store for five years now.

When he says...
"Looks aren't important, its what's inside that counts."
It really means: I hope you're legally blind... I am.

When he says... "I don't care about dating someone twenty years younger than me."
It really means: None of those eighteen year old foxy babes will give this balding, overweight, middle aged man a second look.


What SHE says... and what he really means. The true meaning behind HER words.


When she says...
"Of course I'm not upset."
It really means: Of course I'm upset, you moron.

When she says...
"I might as well tell you Bob and I are seeing each other."
It really means: Bob and I are having sex.

When she says...
"I feel like I've known you my whole life."
It really means: Marry me.

When she says...
"Will you respect me in the morning?"
It really means: You won't tell your friends will you?

When she says...
"I never do this on my first date."
It really means: I always do this on my first date but I want you to think I don't.

When she says...
"Don't touch me there."
It really means: Touch me there, but I'm going to stop you the first few times.

When she says...
"You're ... so manly."
It really means: You need to shave your back and you sweat alot.

When she says...
"Hello? um... oh yes. Didn't we meet at a bar Wednesday night?"
It really means: I've been waiting by the telephone for three days asshole.

When she says...
"Let's not talk "commitment... let's just see what happens."
It really means: I'm not taking birth control pills.

When she says...
"You're certainly affectionate tonight."
It really means: Is sex all you ever think about?

When she says...
"I can't believe you're here. It must be fate!!"
It really means: I've been following you all day hoping you'd notice me.

When she says...
"I'm very particular about who I have sex with."
It really means: I draw the line at sleeping with your brother... but you're friend John sure looks good.

When she says...
"I'm not emotional and I'm not overreacting!
It really means: I'm PMS'ing.

When she says...
"Ok, but I hope you won't be dissapointed."
It really means: I'm flat chested without this Wonder Bra.

When she says...
"Want to come upstairs for a nightcap?"
It really means: Want to come upstairs and have sex?

When she says...
"C'mon...just come upstairs for a drink."
It really means: Maybe if I can get you more drunk you'll have sex with me.

When she says...
"I love a man who takes charge."
It really means: You're picking up the check aren't you?

When she says...
"Be romantic ... turn out the lights."
It really means: I have flabby thighs and so many stretch marks that my torso has been mistaken for an atlas.