Online communication makes it quite easy for one to make up a tall tale about oneself. Hey, what's the big deal, right? Wrong! Consider this... You go into a chat room and strike up a conversation. The person on the other end asks for your 'stats'.

(Males) ��� You're 40ish, 5' 8", about 50 lbs. over weight because you haven't exercised in nearly a decade, brown eyes, slightly balding wear bi-focals, and well, you're just a little bit married.

(Females - in all fairness) ��� You're 40ish, about 5' 3", brunette, brown eyes, gravity is taking hold, you're beginning to sag here and there, still carrying around more than a 'few' extra pounds from that childbirth thing fifteen years ago, and well, you're a little married too.

Geez... if you tell the other person about the real you they'll be instantly turned off! So the reply screen suddenly begins to look like this:

HIM: ��� I'm 33, divorced, 6' tall, and 200 athletic pounds of solid muscle, with a 34" waist, thick brown hair that begs to be touched, and a big set of expressive baby blues. I've been compared to Tom Selleck, or is it Tom Cruise?? *grin* You?

HER: ��� I'm 30, divorced, 5' 8" tall, a firm 130 lbs., 36C-25-36, have long flowing blond hair, sparkling blue eyes and great tan lines! *smile*

Let the games begin!

Scenario #1: ��� Let's imagine that down the road HIM and HER get into this great emotional entanglement and can't seem to live without booting up nightly for a dose of 'esteem'. They both desperately want to meet but each knows that's not possible. They haven't been honest with one another, and even if they had been honest about their physical appearance, well, those pesky spouses are lurking in the background.

One of two things happen here, either someone decides to 'fess up, at which point the other now has an 'out' (How dare you lie to me!! I trusted you.), or the relationship has to come to end. Neither is able to come up with a valid excuse for not meeting and neither can be honest at this point because its just gone too far.

Scenario #2: ��� Let's eliminate the spouse factor and suppose both are single and meeting is a real possibility. Let's also suppose that only one of them was dishonest in their physical description. The dishonest one now has to deal with the false description. The truthful party is naturally going to feel betrayed. Not a good start for any relationship.

Or even worse, let's suppose the meeting is set and the dishonest party hasn't come forward yet with the truth... au oh... I smell disaster. The day of reckoning approaches and the dishonest party's line of thinking is "this person 'loves' me online, so what is there not to love real time??" Wrong. The worst possible thing to do is to set up a meeting and let the other party believe you're someone you're not... right up until your eyes meet. How do I know this? It happened to me.

Because you never know what twists and turns an online relationship may take, honesty is always the best policy, as the old cliche' goes. If single, you may meet Mr. or Ms. Right, and if you've been dishonest in the beginning, you can't expect the other person to develop trust in you. The only thing you can look forward to is a broken heart.

Usually when someone is dishonest, or being evasive, for whatever reason, there are clues. Being a bit of a "Net Vet", I've learned to watch for a few things when developing an online rapport with someone. Keep in mind that sometimes people are evasive for valid reasons and aren't trying to be deceitful, but those people are usually the exception, not the rule. Here are a few things that send up my red flag:

Web based email addresses

Usually this has 'married' written all over it. Occasionally someone will use a web based email address so they can access their email from any computer, including the one at work that they aren't suppose to use for personal pleasure. Be wary of an email address that ends with usa.com, mailcity.com, juno.com, yahoo.com, hotmail.com, bigfoot.com, mailexcite.com, wowmail.com, nightmail.com or rocketmail.com, to name a few. If in doubt that an email address is web based, do a web search and see what comes up.

Don't be afraid to ask for a server email address

Pay close attention to the reason they state for using a web based email address. Some people are just leery of giving that information out until they've developed at least a trusting friendship. If after months of chat and email they still refuse to give out their server email address, you might want to consider ditching the other party. I once had a man tell me that his local server didn't provide email service... very, very unlikely.

Won't send a picture of himself/herself

Don't take this one and run with it right away either... unless the person also refuses a phone chat (could be your online love has done a gender switch!). There are a lot of folks out there online who don't have a picture scanned... BUT... if the relationship is leaning toward a real time meeting, demand one prior to the event.

I've heard the excuse "I don't have a camera". Solution: Go to the store and buy a disposable camera, have a friend take a couple of snapshots and mail a hard copy. If the person claims to have a web cam and still hesitates, refuses, or has 101 excuses for not showing themselves, or sending a pic, then by all means, wave the red flag high.

Refusal to send a picture, especially prior to meeting, could mean this person has lied about their description, or maybe they're a bit insecure... most people think they have at least one "fatal" flaw. Having a photo beforehand helps with that mind reconciliation thing and also gives you the opportunity to see if the person was honest in their description of themselves.

Reluctancy to give out a phone number

After a time of chatting, if a sincere interest develops, most people will take the online relationship a step further to the telephone. Again, if you don't get the number right away, don't jump to conclusions. Some people are very security conscious. Give the relationship a reasonable amount of time to develop before coming down hard on someone who won't give out a home number... especially if its a woman. Women tend to be a little more cautious in this area. However, if after a time, one party refuses to phone chat, beware. And if you do get a phone number... call it at different hours of the day and night to see who answers the phone.

A friend of mine developed somewhat of a relationship (semi-long distance) with a man on the net and he did give her his phone number. He told her that he went to bed promptly at 9pm every weeknight and didn't like to be disturbed so he unplugged his phone at that time. He told her he worked a second job on the weekends, sitting with an elderly gentleman from Friday night at 9pm until Sunday night at 9pm. I prompted my friend to call one night during the week at 11pm. just to see what would happen. Guess who answered?? Yes, his wife. He confessed after being confronted... his wife worked the 2pm-10pm shift and was home on weekends. Needless to say, the online relationship promptly ended.

Now, to hand out the ignorance award... this one goes to a guy named Kurt.

Kurt and I became net friends and emailed and chatted almost every day for about a two month period. He seemed to be a nice enough guy, and I'll admit, I was a little interested in him. After a time I had began to wonder why Kurt hadn't asked for my phone number because he too, said he was interested in me and we had discussed a possible meeting at a later date. One night while on the chat line, I told Kurt that I wanted to hear his voice and I offered my phone number. He quickly came back with the response, "I can't make long distance calls." "No problem," I said, "I'll call you." His reply, "I don't have a phone." (Give me a break Kurt... you're dialing in to access your ISP) We finally did talk on the phone briefly... Kurt was married.