. Bonds of Choice #7 Star Wars: TPM FanFic Series by HiperBunny (message 2 of 3) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ When Qui-Gon returned they began reading through Obi-Wan's file together. Qui-Gon explained every entry and what it meant on a realistic level. They took time out to stretch and just talk to each other. For the first time in two months Obi-Wan began to feel comfortable around his master again. And for the first time ever, he was beginning to gain some perspective on his place in Qui-Gon's life and in the Jedi Order. "So now you know a little bit about yourself. This should have been explained to you long ago, when you were still a trainee. The High Potentials are a precious commodity. We are few, far between and difficult to manage, but our records show that the finest Jedi have come from our numbers." "Is the Council made up of High Potentials?" Obi-Wan asked. "Will you take a place with them when my training is complete? Will I be expected to?" The thought was a little disheartening. Not to mention boring. "No, Obi-Wan. The Councilors are selected on different criteria. I have no doubt that either one of us could fill a seat competently, but our abilities are best used elsewhere. Also, such a job would likely bore one of us into a coma within the month. We're an energetic lot, given to doing rather than managing. That's the greater part of the Council's job: Managing the Order. Choosing what we will and will not be involved in. Like that." Qui-Gon twisted on the seat, popping his back. "Sounds dull." "To us, it would be. Think of all the things you've learned how to do, just to keep busy. Those candy sculptures, your singing, dance, languages, all your refined battle skills, gardening, the higher meditations…this sort of learning will never stop for you. It has never stopped for me. Before too long I expect you'll pick up a musical instrument of some sort. I know you teach classes at the Temple just to fill time. Most Padawans would faint dead away if someone suggested they be a Temple instructor in their spare time." "Corubia does it, too," Obi-Wan objected. "And who else that you know of?" Qui-Gon asked. A moment's thought led Obi-Wan to the obvious answer. "Oh. She's one, too. What about Master Torlamin? Are High Potentials always trained by other High Potentials?" "More often than not, but not strictly so. There are a very few Masters that have done admirable jobs at it, regardless of their own Potential. My Master was one of them. Kourt Crowe is another. Torlamin is not one of us." Qui-Gon's eyes unfocused for a moment. "I'm sure this is a little overwhelming to you just now." "Yes, Master. To say the least. It doesn't seem quite real, yet." "Take your time with it. Let it settle within you for a while yet. You'll soon see what I mean. And you'll have plenty of time to do it in, too. That's something else you'll find out about before too long. We live much longer than another of our species can realistically be expected to. There's a trick to it, of course, one I can not teach you. But it will be taught to you soon, I believe." Qui-Gon began gathering the hardcopies up and putting them in order. Obi-Wan sat still, thinking. His right thumb traced the pattern of his tattoo absently as he tried to think of a way to phrase his next question. "Master, there's something I want to ask. I understand if you find it impertinent and choose not to answer, but…" "Please ask, Koatel. I will give you the answer if I know it," Qui-Gon promised. "The Nurians showed me that everyone has some flaw, some issue that they can not overcome by themselves. An Enemy within. What is the name of your Enemy?" Qui-Gon sat down hard, nearly scolded Obi-Wan for asking such a thing. Then he pressed his lips together, thinking hard on how to answer. "If there were to be a word upon my arm, I think most likely it would be Pride." Obi-Wan held his peace, hoping for a more detailed explanation. "You see, Obi-Wan, I always knew what I was. I knew of my potential, my place relative to those around me. Long ago I came to accept for fact that there were few who could be called my equal." Qui-Gon sighed and rubbed his eyes. "For you, being different from others was a source of loneliness. I took joy in knowing I was not like the ones around me. I have striven, every day of my life, to make myself better, smarter, more capable that those I am surrounded by. I hold myself apart because I know there are few who can keep up with me. "Additionally, I have long felt it to be true that there would never be one equal to me. At times I have met this person or that who I thought might be my equal, but for one reason or another I have yet to find someone who could accept me as I am, accept that I am different and not resent it. We are few and far between. That equals solitude. My Enemy, my Pride whispers to me that it is because I am better than them all. Sometimes I can not bear myself for being so vain." Obi-Wan nodded, understanding. Qui-Gon stood again, began pacing the perimeter of the room. "More often than not I find myself fighting the contempt I feel for those who will not do better, who accept 'good enough' when they could achieve perfection. This is one of the things that fuels my ongoing battle with the Order, why I seem to be so defiant. I want to change the things that are beneath us as a people and I am less than elegant when I try to do so. It is my pride, Obi-Wan, that brings me so much trouble. My conviction that everyone is lost except me and that only I know the true path." Qui-Gon could not look at his student as he admitted this. He paused, rubbed at the floor with his toe for a moment before he continued. "Then there was Xanatos. I destroyed him, Obi-Wan. My pride made me blind to how far gone he was. I have never had the need to seek power or serve any interest other than peace. It was inconceivable that any student of mine could be otherwise. I failed to teach him properly. I can not hold him responsible for not learning. That failure should have permanently deflated my self-image…it did, for a while. For years I believed I had finally overcome that weakness. Pure foolishness. I now see that I never shall. For how can I fail to be proud, at least a little bit, when I know I have taught one such as you?" Obi-Wan looked up, startled. "Please don't be upset with me, Koateleu. I swear to you it isn't the same kind of pride I felt before. I don't gloat and congratulate myself on how well I've done to teach you. Rather, I am pleased to see you becoming a person you will be happy to be. If you think this is wrong…I'm sure I could stop. Tell me, Obi-Wan…is it unseemly for me to feel this way? I'm afraid I don't have much experience in trying to be humble." Qui-Gon finally turned back to his student, searched his eyes for an answer. "I'm sure you do nothing wrong in this, my Master. At least, I can't think of a reason why it should be thought wrong…so long as you keep it this way. So long as you don't make decisions or take action based solely on those feelings…" Obi-Wan hazarded. "I see. I think I agree with you, my Obi-Wan. But if you see something in me that seems…prideful, overly so, I hope you will do me the service of pointing it out to me. No one would see as well as you can," Qui-Gon reminded him. "Yes, my Master. If you wish me to, I will. But tell me something…even with all the troubles you've had…the loss, the pain, Xanatos… how is it you are still Jedi? Wouldn't the Council have seen these things in you and put you out before now?" Obi-Wan asked, trying to take the subject to something a little safer. Qui-Gon actually smiled at that. "It is a difficult thing to be sent out of the Temple, Obi-Wan. Especially after one has reached the rank of Master. Well, not really….one could leave at any time. You know that. Not many do, though. Those who are not suited to this life rarely make it past being a Padawan. Those who do can rarely make it out of the ranks of the Knights unless something very odd happens. Once you've taught a Padawan, you've analyzed yourself, your motives, your needs and expectations so much and so often you either bolt or just keep going forever. There are those who say I would have done the Order a service to have bolted." "And yet you stay, Master. You could leave the Order at any time, but you stay. Why is that?" "Well, what else is there for me? Should I go out and take a crown, take a job, leave all the work undone that perhaps only I can do? Maybe I could get a job writing fortune cookies? I love what I do. Giving it up, leaving this way of life would likely destroy me. I bring hope, life, peace to those who can not bring it to themselves. I was given gifts, abilities, that must not be wasted. Even I am not so prideful as to think I can use those for my own profit alone. No. Beyond all pride or any amount of doubt, I know I was given these powers for a reason. So were you. Our Enemies create a lovely duality, don't you think?" Qui-Gon smiled. Obi-Wan returned the smile. "Yes, Master. Indeed they do. I in believing I have no worth, you in believing you are more worthy than all you know. What a pair we make." "Indeed. What a pair we would make, Koatel," Qui-Gon agreed. ******************************** The shipboard crono chimed middle evening just as they stacked the last page. Corubia and Torlamin appeared at the door. "I just got the last comm burst from Coruscant. I think we're gonna be okay on this one." Torlamin headed to the dataset and began pulling up information. Qui-Gon went over to join her and Corubia took the seat next to Obi-Wan. She hummed a little tune and Obi-Wan blushed as he recalled the words that went with it. Seven your desires are and wishes to fulfill But only one will answer for the need within your heart. It was a line from a cycle of meditations on the nature of the Dark Side, but it seemed strangely fitting when taken out of context. He reached over and squeezed Corubia's hand and shook his head, discouraging her. She smiled, but stopped her song. They turned their attention to what the Masters were saying. "The target is this moon here, not the planet itself. The environment is cold, heavy ice and snow. We'll be searching in the abandoned settlement here, and down into these canyons if we don't find what we're looking for. If we don't find the target, we'll pull back to the planet, which is a desert world." Illustrations popped up from the holoprojector as Master Torlamin spoke. "We don't expect any sort of population. Cord Random proposed that this was a drop-off point, or some kind of storage unit, so resistance, if any, should be minimal. We'll know more when we get close enough to scan." "The main thing is that if we find anyone there, it is likely to be the Sith himself. He may have a few guards, but more likely not. Obi-Wan, you need to be ready. From the combined information of the Council and the Nurians, you will have the best chance of ending the threat he represents." Qui-Gon spoke in all seriousness. Torlamin snorted. "Great destinies only get you a great funeral. Obi-Wan, you stick to us. We'll let you know what needs to be done." Qui-Gon and Torlamin exchanged hard looks for a long moment before Qui-Gon spoke. "Padawans, could you go and see to preparing dinner? I must seek the council of Master Torlamin." Obi-Wan and Corubia exchanged looks, murmured "Yes, Master," and left. ************************* They set the table for four and were scrolling through the catering unit listings before either of them spoke. "Corubia, what's wrong?" "Master, well, you know how she's so logical and practical? She hasn't sensed anything about what your place is in this, so she doesn't want to take the word of those blue folk." Corubia looked embarrassed. "What do you think, Corubia? I know you have a good sense of the Living Force." Obi-Wan was worried. What if all that training had been nothing? It could be that Torlamin was right. Obi-Wan just couldn't see himself as the savior of the galaxy anyway … Corubia smacked him on the back of the head. "Focus, Kenobi. I had my answer the second I reached Renal Sejon. There's a sort of, I dunno, eddy or flux around you. I don't know why Master doesn't see what it is, but clearly you're central to whatever's going on here. I'll tell you this much. If I lay eyes on a Sith, I'll be the one standing right behind you." "Gee, thanks," he joked. "Really, though. You think I can handle it?" "You'd better, Kenobi. I don't think anyone else stands a chance." ********************** "Qui-Gon, you can't go filling that boy's head with tales. You'll just make him nervous over nothing." Torlamin was pacing back and forth across the meeting room. Qui-Gon sat on the window seat, in the same spot Obi-Wan had occupied. He did not make any comment. "I don't care how many visions those primitives had, there is no way that boy is some kind of savior to the universe. He's headstrong, willful, far too sure of himself. You're only encouraging him." Torlamin made heavy gestures with her hands as she spoke. "What do you hope to accomplish? Add a little more shine to your illustrious name?" Qui-Gon spoke softly, holding himself perfectly still. "Let's back this up a little. Willful? Sure of himself? Are we talking about the same Padawan? Just how much time have you spent with my student?" "Oh, not so much of late, but I knew him of old. I was still teaching the trainees when he was young. I remember what a time we had teaching him his place in the Order." She continued to pace. "If it hadn't been for Corubia's influence on him, he would have been put out of the Temple years ago." "Really," Qui-Gon said, his voice soft and mild. "Yes, really. You'll spoil him yet, despite all my hard work. I mean, I'm sure you're doing the best you can with what you have, but really, Qui-Gon! He'll need to think about the Trials soon. Surely you'd like him to show well, even if he doesn't pass. I know you don't want another utter failure to your name." Torlamin fixed him with a cold stare. "Do as you will with your own student, Torlamin Rue. I can do nothing about your training of her, much as I have wanted to. Never again interfere with my Padawan. If you so much as speak to him outside of my presence, I'll have you up before the Council for breech of protocol in the training of a Padawan. I may do that anyway. I am following the orders of the Council in all that I do here. You must know how unusual that is for me. If you defy me, you defy the Council. I promise you don't have the experience to pull it off." Qui-Gon stood and straightened his robes. "We will not speak of this before our apprentices. But do not forget yourself again. I am the senior Master here and will not hesitate to pull rank if that's what it takes to protect Obi-Wan. Is that understood?" Torlamin worked her jaw once or twice. "Yes, Qui-Gon. I understand your intentions perfectly." "That I very much doubt. Let us go to dinner before those two send out a search party." Qui-Gon led the way from the room, the picture of calm.