. Bonds of Choice #6 Star Wars: TPM FanFic Series by HiperBunny (message 2 of 3) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The next morning found Obi-Wan heading out of the camp with Jenka Nes'Nurian and Ru'path Nes'Nurian. As apprentices to the Jedi and Nurians, respectively, they were technically exempt from life-threatening duty such as hunting and scouting. With the ranks of the Nurians decimated by the recent sacking of the Kurasians' home planet, the Nes'Nurians were considered too precious a commodity to risk loosing to a stray shot or an angry beast. The Nes'Nurians felt pretty bad about this, as did Obi-Wan. They had taken the Semsha Rite, which gave them the responsibility to provide for themselves, even if the gesture was largely token. Ru'path had discovered a little critter on Renal Sejon that appeared to be the answer to their problem. The animal had been dubbed a 'sand slug'. They approached the hunting site for the day. A wide, shaded, sandy section of field that had been set aside as pastureland for herds yet to be delivered. The sand slugs would have to be cleared out anyway, it was just pure luck that they were edible and easy to catch. Well, relatively easy. There were little cone-shaped divots in the sand, about two paces across. When the 'hunting party' got close, they stretched out on the ground and wiggled forward, so as not to alert the slugs that a pack of large predators were approaching. That would only make the slugs burrow deep into the ground. They wanted them close to the surface. Obi-Wan reached the first hole and opened a cloth bag. Then he ran his finger around the top of the divot, knocking a small amount of sand down into the bottom. He lay very still and waited. Flip. A little puff of sand popped up from the bottom. Flip flipflip flip. Obi-Wan just barely saw the head of the creature surface. He plunged his hand down into the sand, seized the fat and unattractive beast and popped it into the waiting bag. He drew the string shut tight and handed it back to Ru'path, who was already teasing another slug to the surface. Obi-Wan's small bag went into the larger game sack. The Padawan wiggled over to another divot. The slugs were not at all happy to be imprisoned. They usually tried to attack and eat one another if not kept apart in the sack. A sand slug would basically eat anything that got in its hole, which was why they had to be cleared from the cattle lands. At half a meter long and ravenous, they would spread and consume any herd kept here. No other suitable grasslands were close enough, so the slugs were rounded up, fed scraps for two days to clear any nasties from their system then served up for supper. Sometimes the resulting scraps were fed to the next day's batch of slugs. Obi-Wan tried not to think about that. It seemed rather … cannibal. He spent two hours wrangling slugs before heading back to the camps. He had a long day of training ahead of him before Corubia and her Master arrived. The Nurians had spent a long, angry afternoon debating what should be done with him, now that it was confirmed that he would slay the Demon they had foreseen. Confirmed in what way, they had not seen fit to inform Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon knew and that was good enough for him. His Master had approved the course of training, took part in it, and drove himself just as relentlessly as he drove his Padawan. He was that confident in whatever it was that told him Obi-Wan's destiny. Obi-Wan had gathered some interesting hints during his meditations, which were now coming fewer and farther between. In the two and a half weeks since the Semsha Rite, Obi-Wan's training had been stripped down to just two subjects: Control of his telepathy and use of the Kho'la'bo. The Kurasians had assigned their best fighters, every Nes'Nurian and most of the Nurians to spar and train with him. The plan was to train him for a worst-case scenario. Say, facing the Sith after a long day's fighting when there was more than one opponent to deal with. This amounted to long hours of bouts with between four and seven opponents, most of them fresher than he. Obi-Wan had quickly learned how to work through the mental defenses of the warriors and distract them with their own thoughts and fears. He had also learned how to pick out thoughts and information from their minds, snatching targeted ideas from specific opponents. That way, if he did face the Sith, he could discover who he was, Master or Apprentice, and where the other was hiding. So Obi-Wan stopped by his tent to grab his Kho'la'bo and set out for the practice field. He had never wanted time to meditate so much in his life. He would not get it, he was sure. Outwardly, he had never been in better shape. His body was even more fit than when he arrived, working at highest efficiency around the clock. He was more agile, coordinated, could replenish his energy levels from the Force without a second thought, could run for days without sleep or food … he was a paragon of Jedi readiness. He felt closer to the living Force than he ever had before. He had even gained a basic control of the Kho and could use his Kho'la'bo in the proper manner. He was being transformed into the perfect killing machine. He was hoping, almost praying that the arrival of the other Jedi would bring some stability to the madness around him. Upon awakening this morning, Obi-Wan had sensed a …warning… in the Force. It had been there, at a low level, for several days now. For the past hours he had sensed it rising, but chose to simply monitor it as he continued the hunt. Now it was a high-pitched gibbering at the base of his skull and could no longer be ignored. Something was wrong, desperately wrong and it had to change. Now. He would have to speak with Qui-Gon about it. Obi-Wan didn't think calm reason would have much effect. The Jedi Master was difficult to pin down, recently. On edge, as if he was worrying over something and all this training was the only thing he had to distract himself. Obi-Wan found it difficult to speak with him, even in the best of circumstances. And these were hardly the best of times. The Kurasians seemed always nearby, always listening to every word between them. Constantly looking for an excuse to call for Obi-Wan's immediate punishment. Qui-Gon had been vigilant in protecting Obi-Wan from further 'discipline' they called for. Still, Obi-Wan hoped Corubia and her master would arrive swiftly before this got out of hand. Before time for training would have been perfect. Since that was not to be so, he would have to use a tactic he had been holding in reserve and never mind the time he lost on the field. At this point, time on the training field was pretty much review anyway. Over the course of his training Obi-Wan had discovered that he would have one major advantage over the Sith, assuming the Sith still used the double-bladed lightsaber. Obi-Wan was more than confident that he could win, no matter which of his weapons he used. It was a confidence hard-won and still uncomfortable. Still, should the Sith use the saber-staff, Obi-Wan would face him with the Kho'la'bo. The Sith would be forced to use only the middle grip for maneuvering. Obi-Wan could use the Kho'la'bo's full length in any manner he chose, and he had many deadly manners to choose from, thanks to the Kurasians. The moment Obi-Wan stepped onto the training field he came under attack. He defended himself easily as he made his way over to his master. Something like seven opponents fell to his defenses before he reached Qui-Gon. They would need time away from the Kurasians to speak plainly. It was a difficult thing to get away from observing eyes in camp, and for some reason, the Nurians were often lurking about when the Jedi left camp for any destination other than the Gannet. The attacks continued as Obi-Wan spoke. "Master, I intend to take some time off for meditation today, with your permission." **The Conflict Gambit.** To all appearances, Obi-Wan was about to pick a fight with his master. "No, Obi-Wan. I want you here, training." Qui-Gon threw a force-blow at his student, which was easily deflected. //Make it look good.// "I'm afraid that won't be possible, Master. I sense a disturbance in the Force, centered on our activities here. I can not continue this path until I understand the cause of this disturbance." Obi-Wan had to wrench his body to the side to avoid a blow and dispatched his attacker with a kick. **Truth.** "I sense no such disturbance," Qui-Gon replied. //It was there when I woke.// "I believe that is because you have not been looking for one, Master. I think it would be for the best if we both went up into the low hills and meditated. We should be away from any who are not Jedi." Obi-Wan was very sure of this. ** I can't take another second among them.** "I think you're upset over nothing, my Padawan. Stay here and practice. I will go down to our tent to meditate and see if I can sense this disturbance of yours." Qui-Gon turned from his student. //Same here.// "Master, please! If you will not listen, I must defy you and I do not wish to do so." **That should get their attention.** For the first time in days the attacks stopped. Every Kurasian in the vicinity turned their back on Obi-Wan. "Is it as bad as all that, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon looked at his Padawan. Dusty and sweat-streaked, panting but firm of footing, the younger Jedi did not look away. //Skies, you're beautiful.// "It is, my Master. You have taught me long and well when I should defy the Council and do what I must. There is no Council here, Master, but I will defy the authority that tries to keep me from doing what must be done. You know I am right in what I say. Tell me why you will not listen to your own council or mine." Obi-Wan hoped he didn't crack up in front of everyone. Qui-Gon was playing at 'fully outraged Master' and looked ready to chew steel. "Padawan, we will go to the low hills and discuss this. Much." Qui-Gon turned to go. His tone implied that the discussion would involve a lot of physical demonstration on his own part, and much begging for mercy on his student's part. Obi-Wan did his best to look properly cowed and slung his Koh'le'bo across his back. He followed Qui-Gon, hands folded at the base of his neck, head down, showing his submission in the manner he had seen all too often around the tents. It would probably be the only thing to keep the Nurians from calling for public punishment at this point. They didn't have time to deal with denying a flogging now. They barely had time to breathe. They had walked as far as the first hill before they spoke again. It was Qui-Gon who broke the silence. "Tell me what you sense, Padawan." "It is a feeling that has been building for several days now. It hit the hardest as I went to the field today, Master." "I see. And do you know what it is wrong?" Qui-Gon asked, his voice the essence of calm and control. "There is only one thing I believe it could be, Master. La'Karata Nurian was very specific on this point. I must be trained in love. Today I felt like nothing more than an instrument of destruction. It can not be right. It is not right. I know not what must be done to make it right." Obi-Wan let his hands fall from his neck but did not look up. He bumped into Qui-Gon's back. Qui-Gon turned and gathered Obi-Wan up in his arms. "Of course. Of course. We must seek the Will of the Force, my Padawan. You have done well. Again." Obi-Wan turned his face away from his master's chest. Qui-Gon caught him by the chin and pulled him back. "Say it." Obi-Wan sighed. "I have done well." Qui-Gon let him go. "Let us seek a quiet place." Qui-Gon found a suitable area and settled down into a lotus pose. Obi-Wan knelt and opened himself to the Force. He was alarmed at how foreign this felt to him. Although he had been in touch with the Force, using it almost every moment of the past weeks, he had had next to no time to sit and listen to it within himself. This simply proved to him that he was right in what he had done on the practice field. He centered himself and cast his mind onto tides of the Living Force He sought only confirmation. Assurance that he should trust Qui-Gon's judgment. He could not tell if they would succeed, or if they would get out alive. Perhaps Qui-Gon could find that out, through his greater skill in the Moment. He just wanted to know that his master was well and truly prepared to guide him through the ordeal ahead. He opened himself, made his soul and mind a vessel to be filled with the answer of the Force. Waited, ready to accept whatever it should tell him. The wind soughed through his hair, twisting the braids back and forth. He pushed himself farther away from his body and felt the answer fill him to the brim of his being. _Yes._ Obi-Wan opened his eyes, relieved. His Master would guide him. That would be his protection. Obi-Wan drew a deep breath and began working through himself, seeking weakness and obstacles, pulling them down. Some of the training techniques had made him wary, suspicious in places where distrust should not be. He began breaking down all the barriers he had built up, reaffirming his trust in Qui-Gon. Finally, at long last and not a moment too soon, he knew absolutely that Qui-Gon was a safe and worthy recipient for his complete and total trust. Beginning the process of handing that trust over once more made Obi-Wan feel as though he was laying down a great burden. Obi-Wan was lying back in the grass, perfectly still, watching his master when Qui-Gon opened his eyes. "Padawan?" "Yes, Master?" "I seem to have made a miscalculation in your training. Thank you for keeping me from letting it go too far." Qui-Gon stretched out next to Obi-Wan. "You really are a most amazing person." "Can we not do this right now?" Obi-Wan reached out to stroke his master's hair. "Do what?" "Play little 'build Kenobi's self-esteem' games. I'm not really up to it," Obi-Wan explained. "Is that what you think I'm doing?" Qui-Gon's eyes went dark and piercing. *Concern * Obi-Wan reminded himself. "Yes, Master." "We shall speak on this later, when you're ready to hear it. For now, though, we have a little time to ourselves. . ." Qui-Gon slid his arm around his Padawan's shoulders and rolled him on top. "My, my, whatever shall we do?" Obi-Wan smiled, leaning in for a kiss. "Not what we're both thinking," Qui-Gon said as they broke apart. "At least, not just now. I need to better understand what you think is going on here, not just in your training, but between … us. Surely you must realize that our physical involvement changes our other relationship." Obi-Wan grinned crookedly at his master. "To be perfectly honest, I hadn't made that assumption at all. I know what I am to you, what I am not and can not be. I know that this is temporary. Never fear, I am still the proper and dutiful Padawan you raised me to be, my Master." "Nothing more than that? Just a little extra add-on between us?" Qui-Gon had the look of a man ready to spring a trap. Obi-Wan delivered his best mild look. "Should I be aware of something else, Master?" "Take off your left boot, Padawan." *Oh fuck. * Obi-Wan's heart turned to ice, but he obeyed. "Stocking too, Koateleu." Obi-Wan obeyed, exposing the brown ribbon knotted around his ankle. With shaking fingers he reached to untie it. Finally he had found the thing that would give him the strength to remove the stolen token. Shame. "Obi-Wan, you can keep it. I want you to keep it, if you like having it. I just need to know you understand that things are … different between us." Qui-Gon reached to stop Obi-Wan, but he found himself with nothing more than a tangle of silk ribbon in his fingers. "There is nothing between us, my Master. There can not be, until we are both able to choose for there to be. I am not yet able to make that choice and you can not make it for me." Obi-Wan lost no time pulling his sock and boot back on. "Then tell me why you took this? Why did you keep it if there is nothing between us?" Qui-Gon's voice was choked. "I was dreaming. I was wishing. That's all a Padawan can do. Dream and hope and work hard every day. Try to earn some kind of right to their own life back from the Council and their Master and whoever else has a piece of them. I was dreaming that one day it might mean something real." Obi-Wan stood up and stamped into his boot. "And now you think there can not be?" Qui-Gon murmured. "You're not paying attention, *Master*! I always KNEW there couldn't be! I'm never going to make it to Knighthood and a Padawan isn't a fit partner for a Master. Certainly not a failed Padawan! There's a high possibility that I won't make it through this mission, or had that reality escaped your notice?" Obi-Wan clamped his mouth shut and turned away. "No, I suppose it didn't." "That's why I've been pushing so hard, Koatel." Qui-Gon came up behind Obi-Wan and put one hand on his shoulder. "I want us both alive on the other side of this and everything indicates that I won't be able to help you in this fight." The wind picked up, cutting through Obi-Wan's workout clothes. He shivered, stiffened and shivered again. The smell of smoke, from fires in the camp below filled Obi-Wan's nostrils, reminding him of a funeral pyre. *Dying. I'm dying inside, afraid of dying for real and I can't even say so,* he shivered harder, the knowledge of mortality laying a cold hand on his heart. The cold was shut out as Qui-Gon drew him into his cloak, wrapping him in its protective layers, sharing his own body warmth with his student. Unbidden, a snippet of the Master's Litany sprang into Obi-Wan's mind. To warm thee before I am warmed. To feed thee before I am fed. To comfort thee before I am comforted. To protect thee before I am protected. To love thee before I am loved. *He always has. Though I prepare a meal for him, he does not eat before me. Though he builds a fire on a cold night, I am nearest to it, with him at my back to protect me. And now…perhaps…he has loved before I can return it.* "What is this to you, Master? Between us, I mean," Obi-Wan asked. The pain of his shame and grief finally forced the question out of him. He wasn't really interested in the answer, but he felt the question should be asked. "A beginning. A hope. I don't want to be alone any more than you do, Obi-Wan. I won't try to push you into something you don't want, but I did hope …" A sob caught in Obi-Wan's throat. " The Order won't let it happen, Qui-Gon. It could never happen. You're one of the best field operatives they've got. They're not going to tie you down to me for any longer than they have to." "The Council could probably care less about my personal life, but they would have to put forth an effort to do so. Even if they did, do you think I would not defy the Council to stay with you? I was willing to do that and more to train you, back when all I saw in you was the potential to be a great Jedi Knight someday. What do you think I would do to keep you now that I see …" "Don't say it! Don't you dare even breathe it! It's one thing to say that when we're all tangled up in bed, but if you start saying it while we're both dressed I'm going to …" Obi-Wan bit the threat off. "Just don't. Please." Qui-Gon withdrew. "I won't if it upsets you that much. When Master Torlamin arrives, I expect she'll have something I very much want to show you. But put the emotional side of it away and think on this question: Would you want to be my work partner after you take the Trials? Just on the basis of a Knight-Master team working together?" Obi-Wan tried not to hear all the implications there. "It was always supposed to be Corubia and me." "Please think about this, Obi-Wan. I will not try to coerce you, but the Council may not be so gentle." Qui-Gon's breath was warm in Obi-Wan's hair as he rested his lips there. "What do they have to do with this?" Obi-Wan asked. "Do you think it has escaped their notice that you and I have some of the best records of any operatives of any rank? They're thinking on that, you know. I'm fairly certain I know what they're thinking. They might not care about our private lives, but our professional lives interest them very much. Stay here and meditate until you see the freighter come in. Then I'll want to speak to you again." Qui-Gon stepped back, slipped his robe off and wrapped his student in it's too-large bulk before heading back towards camp. Obi-Wan sighed and folded himself into Sitting Lion pose, still swaddled in his Master's robe. He brought the sleeve up to his nose, memorizing the scent before stilling his body and mind once more. There was much to think on. Much to consider and make peace with. But he had the answer to the question that had been most pressing. He could trust Qui-Gon. The rest was superfluous. Whatever Corubia brought could not change the truth. It could not change who Obi-Wan Kenobi really was.