. Bonds of Choice #18 Star Wars: TPM FanFic Series by HiperBunny (message 1 of 2) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Obi-Wan swallowed the last of his cav and checked the crono. Obream hadn't changed his habit of sleeping in when he could, which served Obi-Wan's purposes quite handily. If he could just distract the Knight from considering what might have happened before he woke, the subject might never come up at all. He sighed, grabbed his lightsaber and resigned himself to playing dirty. Nothing for it, really. He shucked off his tunics and boots, blinked his eyes and let them widen in a sham of hopeful anticipation, then padded down the corridor to Obream's room. He tapped on the door and waited. The Knight answered a moment later, pants on but unfastened, showing just a little bit of fuzz. Obi-Wan let his eyes travel slowly up his shepherd's body, then met his gaze with an almost audible *snap*. "Oh! Uh… spar?" he offered, as if distracted. Obream gave a little half smile. "Sure. Meet you outside?" Obi-Wan nodded mutely and turned to go, as if reluctant. The door slid shut behind him and he sighed in relief. Play young and dumb. That had been his master's advice on more than one occasion. He hated it. If it had failed, even once, if someone, *anyone* had even *once* seen through the façade, it would have been bearable. But no one ever had. He hated it all the more for its reliable, constant success. He shook his head, smiling. At least he didn't have to wear hot pink stretch pants this time. The flagstones of the courtyard were well-warmed under his feet. *Better than freezing toes, I guess,* he thought, surveying the area. He looked up when Obream disembarked from the transport, boots ringing on the stone. "Ready?" Obi-Wan called. "Sure," the Knight replied, unhooking his saber. "I usually start with one of the Falling forms, but I'm feeling loose today. Wanna go for Erata Sel?" Obream blinked at that, then nodded. Obi-Wan wondered about the blink. Qui-Gon would have wrinkled his nose, more or less, at something that simple for a morning workout. He would have probably given out some pithy remark about showing off. Then he would have put Obi-Wan on the attacking form and run him to within an inch of his life. Well, best to honor the wishes of the Master. Obi-Wan fell into the attacking posture. Obream took his place opposite him and their sabers ignited simultaneously. Obi-Wan stepped in, taking the first pass slowly to get the measure of his partner. He couldn't help but think Obream would push him, this first time, but the Knight made no move to do so. Obi-Wan brought himself up to full speed for the second pass, ready to engage and get warmed up. He fell back, came forward, executed the overhead flip, landed neatly and had his guard in place. Obream's blade met his some two seconds later. *Oookay…* Obi-Wan completed the turn and fell into the circular attack-retreat-attack, relaxing into the familiar rhythm, letting the Force fill and enhance his every move, body alive with the joy of pure living. Obream's eyes were hooded, wary, but his form stayed true, in beat and in place for each exchange. Now would be the place of Obi-Wan's testing. He took a running step forward, tucked his knees up in a side-jump, released and brought his saber around in a lighting-fast arc, pivoting on one toe before his momentum could carry him that single, fatal step forward. His eyes focused on the lead edge of his lightsaber and he froze, appalled. He hit the power on his saber and dropped out of form, staring at the scorch mark on Knight Trydal's tunic. "Where was your guard?" he demanded automatically. "I… it was…" Obream gestured helplessly. His blade was a good four inches away from mark. He powered down. "You were so… so fast, Obi-Wan… I've never…" Obi-Wan's mouth drew into a thin, hard line. "You should have said you weren't up to this today. I might have hurt you, Shepherd." The word hung between them. It was the first time Obi-Wan had used that temporary honorific, and he hadn't meant for it to sting. But clearly it had. Obream's eyes registered shock, then affront. "I'm not accustomed to working with a partner so much younger than myself," he defended. Obi-Wan bowed his head contritely. "My apologies, Sir." "I'm also unaccustomed to being questioned in such a tone. Especially by a Padawan," Obream continued, picking up steam. Obi-Wan tucked his hands behind his back and steadied his breathing. Might as well get comfortable. Wounded pride blew the hardest gales. Obream began picking Obi-Wan's performance apart with the most delicate care. He brought footwork, placement, style and strength into question, as well as form and interpretation. Obi-Wan said not a word. There was nothing *to* say. He was faster than Obream, dangerously, devastatingly faster, and all the bitching in the world wasn't going to change that. Neither would all the apologies in the world. When Knight Trydal finally wound down, he cleared his throat. "Get your slate and start counting down the living quarters. We've wasted enough time." Obi-Wan bowed and turned back to the transport. He'd never heard a teacher call training of ANY sort a waste of time, no matter how well or poorly it had gone. *No wonder he's still a Knight. He'd drive a Padawan nuts the second the kid did something better than he did.* For once, Obi-Wan had to admit there must be some wisdom on the Council. They'd clearly seen to it that this one was kept from students and now Obi-Wan knew why. Scratch poked his head out of the cockpit as Obi-Wan headed back out of the ship towards the Temple. "What happened?" Obi-Wan waved for him to follow. He didn't answer until they'd reached the silent resident's hall. "I whupped up on him. He didn't like it." "What? How? You're just a student!" Scratch was shocked. Obi-Wan shrugged. "It was an accident. I didn't keep rhythm with him, so… I came through the form too fast and…" "You're better than him with that glowstick of yours, aren't you?" Scratch surmised. "I shouldn't have…" "Kenobi… did you do anything wrong? Really? 'Cause I don't know what you were up to, but you're not convincing *me* you did anything wrong." "I didn't. I just didn't do it *right* and that's worse," Obi-Wan tried to justify Obream's tirade. "What would your master have said about what happened?" Obi-Wan shrugged and shook his head. "Dunno." "Obi-Wan, kid, listen…" "I'm *not* a KID, damnit! I'm not a Knight, but I'm legal in most systems and can kick most peoples' asses around any room you name, so stop with the KID stuff, okay?" Obi-Wan growled, then stopped, appalled. "Oh, man… I'm sorry…" Scratch crossed his arms. "A Jedi just lost his cool because I called him 'kid'. Now you TELL me nothing's wrong," he challenged. Obi-Wan sighed. "Yeah. Master says I'm not supposed to make excuses for people that don't do right by me." "Now you're talking sense. Odd how a lot of your 'sense' starts with 'Master Says'. I've got to get back to the ship. If you need to talk, come find me." Scratch turned back towards the egress and Obi-Wan turned to his task. A thought kept running through his mind as he counted furniture, linen, flatware, all the furnishings and provisions that had been left behind in the evacuation. He tested plumbing and electrical systems, tagged rooms for refurbishment, items for replacement, lost himself in the monotony of cataloging the Temple's goods. As he worked, the thought nagged at him. *What WOULD Qui-Gon say about all that?* Obi-Wan smiled as he realized what the answer was. Qui-Gon would say "Padawan, you are forgetting the scope of this exercise." It was quite obvious that this particular mission, with this particular Knight, was supposed to be moving Obi-Wan closer to his own Trials. Shepherding was truly a proving grounds, a place for a Padawan to find out about his own problems and deal with them in as controlled an environment as could be found within the daily life of a working operative. In such a situation, one must deal with one's self and others without a teacher there to support one. In this, Obi-Wan had failed. By deferring to Obream's fit of pique, he had not behaved as a Knight of the Order. Obi-Wan sighed and shut down his lightslate. Best to deal with this, ALL of this, before much damage could come of it. He found Obream in the storage area, popping storage crates and cataloging the contents. "Hey," Obi-Wan opened. "Done with the resident's hall already?" the Knight asked, surprised. "No," Obi-Wan replied. "I thought we should talk." Obream sighed and put his slate aside. "Yes, I suppose that is past due, isn't it?" "There's a nice garden…" Obi-Wan suggested. Obream shook his head. "I don't think you've seen the upper walk yet, and I'd like to show it to you. Perhaps there?" Obi-Wan nodded and followed Obream outside. They were silent as they made their way up the stairs and onto a long walkway outside the third floor library. Obi-Wan folded his hands in front of his belly, letting his fingers soothe the bare skin there. The tiles were warm under his feet, and he quietly enjoyed the play of sunlight upon his shoulders. Obream was not so calm. He fiddled with the hem of his sleeves, then forced his hands to be still at his sides. "Obi-Wan… I… apologize for my words this morning." Obi-Wan nodded, accepting. "The last time I saw you on Coruscant," he began, but Obream cut him off. "I was horrible to you then, too. I've so often wanted to apologize for my ill treatment of you. So often. If, in that moment, I could have had the barest inkling of the Jedi you would become… my words would have been those you so wanted to hear. You offered me something powerful and precious. I was a fool to push it aside so readily." Obream turned to the railing and looked out over San Saloor. Obi-Wan joined him. "That day, it has shaped so much of my life. Not because of the hurt, or, not entirely, but because of something that happened after I left your quarters. I learned about love, that day. I learned that I could feel love and never need for it to be returned." Obream bowed his head. "When they told me you would be my partner on this mission, I thought they had gone mad. I was… quite angry, to be honest. I'd heard about your doings, of course, of all the things you've done in service to the Order in the years between then and now. I simply couldn't imagine why under the skies they would send you to do something so… trivial." Obi-Wan shrugged. "It was the task given me." Obream seemed not to hear. "Then I found that you had requested permission to join my team. Then I knew…" The silence stretched between them, a tension that gathered in Obi-Wan's belly like a trembling wire. "I am no more than what I was then, Obream. I offer nothing to anyone, anymore, that I am not willing to see broken or taken from me in an instant of betrayal or fit of disharmony. I've had a lot of time to think, during the last couple of days. I think, perhaps, the time has come in my life to make peace with my past. I know the time has come for me to look at another being and learn what it is to be loved, trusted with the love of another. Do you think, perhaps, I have it within me to properly honor such a gift?" Obream was silent for a long time, then he chuckled. "This isn't about me at all, is it, Obi-Wan?" Obi-Wan shook his head no. "I might have guessed. My opportunity passed long ago… I suppose I shall always regret the loss. Well. Let me then advise you, my sheep, as is my duty in this place, and my honor. I'm not a wise man, never will be, but learn this from what I have experienced: if someone loves you honestly, take it. Don't dash their heart or their hopes because of your own wants. If there is any way possible for you to make room in your life for love, do it. Whatever it takes, whatever you might be required to give up… the exchange will be worth it." Obream stretched, then turned to face Obi-Wan. "Blood spilled from a broken heart can never be washed away." Obi-Wan bowed his head in consideration. "What if the person offering it… is very much of a different class, holds a very different status?" "Then let that person do what they must, to accept your love. It is the smallest thing one person can do for another. Don't make the decision for them, it is theirs to make. I made the decision for you, because I thought it was my right to do so, to impose my will upon someone beneath me in the hierarchy of the Order. That is no one's right, not even yours, and especially not in matters such as this." Obream put his hand on Obi-Wan's. "I hurt you, I know I did. Don't make my mistake over again, Obi-Wan." Obream squeezed once, then turned to go. After a moment, Obi-Wan called out "If I were to come to you now?" Obream didn't move to face him, and Obi-Wan could barely hear his reply. "There is nothing in this universe that could make me turn away from you." Obi-Wan watched him enter the Temple, listened as he walked away. The wind was sweet, and he breathed it deeply, wanting to remember this moment, this place on this world where hope changed to possibility. He let his fingers play across the planes and edges of the charm around his neck, then closed his hand over it. He raised his fist to his lips, touched the warm stone to them. In his heart he fervently prayed that this would not turn out to be the greatest mistake of his life.