.                      Bonds of Choice #17
                  Star Wars: TPM FanFic Series
                         by HiperBunny
                        (message 1 of 5)
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Qui-Gon was awakened by the chime of his comm link.  He summoned it to his
hand without even opening his eyes. "Jinn."

"Quigs?" It was Kourt Crowe.

"Damnit, Kourt, can't you ever wait till I'm awake before you call me?"
Qui-Gon grumbled.

"Not today, Quigs.  Need a favor," Kourt informed him.

"Oh shit.  What happened?" Qui-Gon began rubbing the sleep from his eyes
and mentally reviewing what he would need to pack for an emergency mission.

"You know, I'm not always the harbinger of doom.  Teril just called me and
said the Council is giving Swed his Trials," the tone of pride was heavy in
Kourt's voice.

"That's wonderful!  Who's standing vigil with him?" Qui-Gon inquired.

"Well, Teril is going to do it, but she was going to be helping Jenji with
her glass sculptures today.  She asked if one of us could go assist with
the creation of High Art while she does the vigil.  I already agreed to
second Jayden, and Elan's off-planet right now.  So that leaves you," Kourt
cleared his throat.  "I mean, if you would.  I don't like the idea of her
floating around unattended while Teril does something like that.  Emotional
feedback can do strange things, especially with a pair as close as that. 
Do you know anything about glassblowing?"

"A little.  Do you think she'd accept me?"  Qui-Gon hadn't spent much time
with Padawan Sharoum until recently.  He liked her, genuinely respected her
talent, but he found her penchant for periodically *hurling* truth at the
unwary to be somewhat offputting.  Teril was of the opinion that these
revelations denoted great need, but Qui-Gon remained unconvinced.

"Of course.  She suggested it herself."

"Well, I suppose it would be best to have someone with her, at least while
Teril and Swed get started," Qui-Gon allowed.

"Well, since you're willing, get some breakfast and meet her in the
sculpture workroom.  She said an hour after sunrise, just to be sure she's
all distracted when Teril and Swed get really started," Kourt replied.

"Absolutely.  It sounds like fun," Qui-Gon assured Kourt.

Qui-Gon set the crono to wake him in time to meet Jenji and turned over to
grab a couple more hours sleep.

When he finally made it to the workroom Jenji had reserved for the day, he
felt a little more steady.  It was good to spend this time with Obi-Wan's
friends, just as it was good for Obi-Wan to spend time with Masters and
Knights.  His student was reaching the age when he would need to begin
learning he was an equal member of the Order, and not just because of his
own, personal problems.  Obi-Wan Kenobi would be a great Jedi Knight, and
to do that, he would have to understand his place amongst his friends and
compatriots.

And if Qui-Gon was to be with him, in any way, he too would have to
understand Obi-Wan's place.  

Jenji was working with glass, as Kourt had said she would be.  She sat at a
small table, colored glass rods arranged beside her.  A short flame rose up
from a burner before her and she used it to give shape to her creations. 
He watched as nimble fingers crafted a perfect, glittering leaf of white
and green glass, making it to be the very image of a single leaf fluttering
in the wind.  She lay it down beside several others and turned the fire
off.  "Good day, Master Jinn."

"Good day, Padawan Sharoum.  I'm told I am to be your work partner today. 
Command me, and it is yours," he bowed, giving a little smile.

She noted at his heavy work tunic and pants then gave a satisfied nod.
"Have you ever worked with hot glass?" she inquired.

He shook his head no. 

"Okay, well ... we'll give it a shot, anyway.  Um, let me show you the
design we're doing and then we'll get down to the mechanics of it all," she
led him into a small side-room where one wall was covered in a strange
watercolor painting.  "See, it's not an exact science.  This is, more or
less, what I want at the end of it all.  It's too big to make all at once,
so I have to make it a piece at a time and come as close to this idea as I
can."

Qui-Gon was taken aback by the details she had incorporated in the massive
design.  It was, indeed, the Pantreti/Ulanta union he had learned from Swed
the day before.  But there were hundreds of icons, love-tokens, marriage
gifts and so forth incorporated in the design.  "Are you making all this
yourself?"

"No, of course not.  This is a collective project by several artists.  Some
of this stuff is being made offworld, at other Temples, but most of it is
being put together here.  It's to be displayed at the gallery in the Senate
complex.  They're very puffed up to have Jedi artwork over there," she
snorted.  "As if this has anything to do with being Jedi."

Qui-Gon chuckled.  "It's wonderful.  What do you call it?"

Jenji shrugged.  "The Grand Illusion."

Qui-Gon gave her a sharp look, then turned back to the design.  Yes, he
could see that, now.  A great monument to the frailty of love, all made of
glass.  He shook his head.  "That's very deep."

She shrugged again.  "Come on, we need to get this done, here.  I want to
get this branch finished so I can start working out the vine design that
will go with it.  Come here and I'll show you part of the companion piece."

She led him to the larger workroom again and opened a large storage case.
"This one's called 'Ironblood', but it's actually titanium.  Good colors
and so forth," she said, lifting a large metal sculpture.  "I like this one
better."  

He had to agree.  The multicolored chains were not as graceful, but had
more appeal to his sense of true love.  "Poles of a common idea?"

"Yeah.  They'll really look good when we get them finished.  The Illusion
is more about ephemeral concepts, cultural ideas.  Ironblood is drawn from
actual relationships.  Every element has a true-life counterpart.  I did a
design for you and Obi-Wan, but I don't know if we'll be able to use it. 
He didn't seem real sure of what you two are up to, so ... "

Qui-Gon nodded ruefully.

"It's not his fault.  He had a bad start.  I can't say I helped very much,
to change his mind about what possibilities existed for him in that
quarter.  He'll be okay, eventually, but ... right now?" she shrugged.

"What do you mean?" he pressed.

She didn't answer immediately.  Instead, she put the metalwork away and
headed back towards the glassworking setup.  Finally she sighed.  "I'm sure
however you began was beautiful and honorable.  I'm just not sure he's up
to seeing the ramifications inherent in who you are and what this could be,
for him."

"Why?"

She flapped her arms in eloquent futility.  "Well, is it just sex?  Because
if it is, you're in trouble.  Sexual relationships are his specialty.  He
separates those experiences from his heart.  Totally."

"He's getting better," Qui-Gon defended his lover.

"Sure, better.  But well?  Not yet.  Not for a while, I'd think.  Knight
Trydal sort of fucked it up for the rest of us.  He romanced a very young,
very open and giving person then dumped him on his ass.  It's a lesson
Obi-Wan took to heart and never let go of.  Swore off love for good and
stuck to it, as far as I can tell.  Seduction he's very okay with. 
Emotional connection?  No way."

"Meaning I'm at the wrong place at the wrong time and there's nothing to be
done for it?" he pressed.

"Basically.  Maybe if you haven't been intimate yet, it'll work out ... "
she raised her eyebrow hopefully.

"No, we're ... intimate," Qui-Gon replied faintly.

"Hmm."  She scrubbed her hand through the short green hair on her neck. 
"Well, maybe there's a way to make up for that.  I don't know.  He seems to
think a sexual relationship precludes a loving pair.  Sleeping with him to
show love is probably a mistake, at this point in his life.  I should
know.  I managed to make that mistake, myself."

"It sounds like something you've put a lot of thought into ... " Qui-Gon
tilted his head to one side, inviting more information.

Jenji nodded.  "I started having precognitive indications on the two of you
some time ago.  I kept an eye on it, but ... I suppose it never occurred to
me that you would sleep with him before you were both very sure of what you
wanted."

"It was rather sudden," Qui-Gon explained.  "I can't say I put a lot of
thought into it, beforehand."

"That was ... Master, I hope you'll forgive me for saying so, but that was
rather foolish."

Qui-Gon frowned.  "Explain."

"Do you have any Foresight?"  she asked.

"Yes, a bit.  I can see the Moment and the Tapestry ... "

"But you're not given to foretelling or anything like that?"

"No.  I DID look into the Moment and the Future, afterwards.  I didn't see
anything alarming," he explained.

"But what were you looking for?"  she inquired.

Qui-Gon furrowed his brow, trying to remember what it was he had sought. 
"Possibility.  Viability.  I looked to see if there was a chance of our
having a deeper, committed relationship.  The threads seemed to go in that
direction ... "

"I see," she murmured, rubbing her forehead.  "Would you be so kind as to
show me?"

Qui-Gon nodded and settled onto his knees.  She took up a similar posture
opposite him and they joined hands.  Qui-Gon steadied his breathing and
turned his concentration inward, seeking the calm center within and
stretching towards clarity and vision.  He sensed Jenji going through a
similar preparation, then felt the thread of her thoughts reaching out to
him.

##Can you find ... ##

///Here,// he replied, laying his personal vision of his life-thread
between them.  His own destiny and Obi-Wan's, twined firmly together
through virtue of their bond.  //Here is his Knighting ... you see?  If he
comes to love me before this time, all will be well ... //

##That is a rather large 'if', Master Jinn ... look here ... ## and Jenji
drew Obi-Wan's thread into sharp relief, bringing it into tighter focus. 
##Do you see this?##

Qui-Gon scrutinized the tiny fragment of Obi-Wan's 'self' as instructed. 
To him, it looked almost ... frayed.  Fuzzy.  //That's not a ... //

## I'm afraid it is.  A branching.  A moment of choice.  Every tiny
filament here is a possibility, an option he will select from.  Here's
love, here's solitude, here's casual pairing, here's a purely sexual
relationship, here's suicide, here's rejection, and they're all equally
plausible.  If he chooses this,## and here she drew the 'love' filament out
from the others ##it will strengthen and become the future you desire.##

Qui-Gon followed the filament and saw how it fed directly into himself,
binding them together, forever.  //And the others?//

##Well, look for yourself.  Should he choose solitude, which you might
notice is a stronger filament than 'love', you will continue as friends for
a time, then ... nothing.  He has every option in the world, and nothing to
encourage him to one over another.  Any path is his to take ... ##

//And the branches of Destiny will answer to his selection,// Qui-Gon
finally realized.

##See back here?  This is where the fraying started from, ## Jenji showed
him the place, the fusion that indicated Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's sexual
union.  ##This started his confusion that leads to this choice.##

//But, look ... if there was no sexual union ... these options wouldn't
even exist.  There would be no hope ... //

## We don't know that.  I don't know what these threads looked like,
before.  This fusion is a place where you both selected from many options.
I don't see any further choices to your part, Master.##

Qui-Gon drew his own thread up, looking closely.  //No, you're mistaken. 
Look here, I have a choice, as well ... //

And it was true.  The 'fray' wasn't as noticeable as Obi-Wan's, but it
existed nonetheless.  Tiny, near-microscopic filaments of possible options
fanned out from himself to Obi-Wan.  

##Okay, what are the options?  Look, patience, surrender, rejection,
self-preservation ... you have yet some small choices to make, but your
major thread is woven.  You've decided to love him, that much is obvious. 
The only question left is how you will go about that love. ##

//It isn't either/or, Padawan.  I can combine these, make this a stronger
connection ... //

##But you still have no influence over Obi-Wan's choice.  Any number of HIS
decisions cancel out most of YOUR options ... and the fact that there is a
sexual relationship NOW narrows his choices considerably.  Pure instinct,
on his part, will guide him away from the threads that would most
strengthen your desired future ... ##

//Something could change, something could move him ... // Qui-Gon knew he
was grasping at straws, now.

##Unless something powerful alters his basic assumptions about love and
living.  I'm sorry, I just don't see what would make him take the risk of
loving you. ## Jenji's tone was apologetic, but firm.

And Qui-Gon let the Moment go, head aching with the truth of her
interpretation. 

He stood walked in a small circle, trying to internalize all that he now so
painfully knew.  He had believed his time was long, that he would have many
opportunities to win Obi-Wan.  Now, it was obvious that such time was
nonexistent.  He had dawdled, focusing on Obi-Wan's need for a patient,
understanding companion.  He had ignored his own needs and desires.  He
had, in essence, jeopardized his opportunity with the only person he truly
cared for ... and through mere inaction.

Qui-Gon sat down hard.  "Padawan, I believe I screwed up most sincerely."

"Well, you might have done better with a little planning, yes.  I wish you
had asked about him, before you put yourself in this position.  And him.  I
think you want someone who will trust in you, as well as love you.  Master,
everyone knows he doesn't have it to give.  Not many do."  Jenji knelt down
beside Qui-Gon.

"Something tells me you're speaking from other than your experience,"
Qui-Gon murmured.

She touched her head.  "Foretelling, you know.  Among other things.  He's
not ready to love a lover.  At least, he's not ready to give all of himself
to love a lover.  You're different from most, of course.  You have the best
chance with him ... but I think maybe if you'd started out differently ... 
Well, that assumes you wanted to pair with him, rather than dally."

Qui-Gon fixed her with a hard stare.  "I don't 'DALLY' with my students,
Padawan.  My feelings for him have the purest intent."

She sat back on her heels.  "Well, then, I'd say you have quite a problem. 
I mean, unless something basic and essential changes for him ... no way. 
You might have looked into this before you slept with him.  I mean ...
didn't you know?"

The words hit the master like a blaster shot.  No, he hadn't checked,
hadn't made himself clear, had failed to do so from almost the very
beginning.  Just as he had not been clear about his own sexual desires, he
had not been certain of Obi-Wan's emotional ones.  And now he was hearing
words that all but sealed the doom of his love for his student.  It
couldn't be!  He'd looked into it later ... knew the possibility for
lasting love to exist ... but it was only possibility and that with a time
limit.  One he hadn't taken full advantage of, to say the least.  Qui-Gon
wrapped his arms around his head, fighting for balance.  A low keening
escaped him.

"I'm going to take that as a no.  Okay, hang on."  Jenji was quiet for a
long moment.  "Okay, Corubia's on her way.  We'll figure something out, I
promise.  Just, be cool, okay?  Calm down."

***************************  

Granger's bar was even more disgusting after a long night's revel.  Obi-Wan
was more than willing to follow Scratch's insistence that he remain quiet
and calm, keeping his own involvement to a minimum.  There were a handful
of rather rough-looking characters gathered at the bar when they entered. 
Scratch pointed to one of the filthy tables and went to join them.  Obi-Wan
went and took his seat, opened his bag and laid out his supplies.

He assembled his comm link and lightslate into a single unit and set the
slate to record the proceedings, finishing up just as Scratch and Granger
sat down at the table with him.  He looked at his pilot expectantly.

"These are all the beings he could find who have been in Eab Nanoorn and
Ero Phelian recently.  They're willing to talk to you, which should be a
sign as to how bad things are getting out this way," Scratch informed him.

Obi-Wan nodded and thumbed the 'transcribe' key on the lightslate.  Granger
waved a hand to someone at the bar and a third being joined them at the
table.

"This is Capan Demal.  He's a ... shipper," Scratch introduced.

"Demi tawtaw," Obi-Wan bowed to the slender, purple-haired caninoid.  With
one hand he keyed in the note 'smuggler' on the lightslate.

Capan Demal began speaking in a long monologue of Tene Tatu, heavily
accented with barks and growls, punctuated with deeply affronted yips. 
Scratch translated, with some effort, the coordinates and last-known
whereabouts of several spacers and pilots.  Then came a new bit of
information.

"Capan says Dubian was bringing in a shipment of weapons about two weeks
ago.  The order came in on a credit float, no names, no account numbers,
just a set of orders and coordinates.  They found the hull of his ship, the
Sabomu, drifting near an unpopulated moon.  The hull was breached, Dubian
was frozen stiff at the helm ... no sign of who did it.  Weapons are flat
gone, but ... whoever did it had the security codes to pop the shipping
containers.  They were still there, too.  No sign of scrambling the locks
or forcing them open," Scratch explained.

"Where is the Sabomu now?" Obi-Wan asked, not looking up from his
annotations.

"Scrap yard on Tentua.  We might be able to get hold of it for you ... "

Obi-Wan nodded, making a note to see this was done eventually.

Capan shrugged, an interesting gesture considering his almost total lack of
shoulders.  "Ketun kep tara du Sith."

Obi-Wan's head came up.  "What was that?"

"He says it's a trouble brought by the Sith.  I think he means it
literally, but ... you know ... "  Scratch shrugged.

Obi-Wan nodded again.  "What else?"

"That's all he knows."

The interviews continued in this vein.  Free pilots, pirates, smugglers,
traders of all sorts showing up dead or just not showing up at all.
Shipments of people, mostly fighters, and weapons going into Eab Nanoorn
and Ero Phelian and disappearing without a trace.  The latest shipments
were mostly of body armor and transport parts, coming in from all over the
galaxy.  It all pointed to one conclusion.  Someone was building themselves
a private army right here in Republic space.  Every single informant had
the same opinion. 'Ketun kep tara du Sith.'
 
Obi-Wan bowed his thanks to the last interview subject and rubbed his
temples.  "Privacy?" he requested of his tablemates.  They stood and joined
the others at the bar.

Obi-Wan opened his comm link, patched through to the transmitter aboard the
Nathaniel Bereak and coded a call out to Coruscant.  The relays took a few
moments to connect, then there was a pause while security codes were
traded.  Finally a subject query prompt came up on his screen.  He stared
at it for a long moment, trying to decide.  This wasn't something he could
dump on the Council.  Wasn't something that required emergency action. 
Didn't belong to the Senate associates.  If he told Qui-Gon, his Master
would just order him to grab the next available transport and meet him in
Eab Nanoorn.  He sighed and chimed for Kourt Crowe.  To his frustration,
the master was not available to receive a call.  He left a message and
settled in to wait.