.                      Bonds of Choice #11
                  Star Wars: TPM FanFic Series
                         by HiperBunny
                        (message 1 of 3)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


The Masters and Knights went out into the front room and made themselves
comfortable.  Qui-Gon sat in the middle of the floor, about equidistant
from the others.  He would be the one of the focal points for this search.

Before him, Jayden Hunter knelt, arranging his mind in easy-to-follow
patterns.  He had been the one to study and learn what bits of information
had been stripped from the Sith spacecraft, not that much of any value had
been recovered.  It would seem the Sith were accustomed to dealing with one
another face-to-face rather than via messaging.  No communication equipment
had been found on board, so there were no files to root through.  No notes,
no instructions, just a few containers of foodstuffs, a list of ports and a
list of names.

That Cord Random's name appeared on that list was expected.  That both
Obi-Wan's and Qui-Gon's name also appeared was disturbing in the extreme. 
It made Qui-Gon wonder which names made it on that list first.  Was the
Sith looking for himself and his Padawan when he came to Naboo, or was he
looking for Erac and Cord then?  The assumption had been that Anakin
Skywalker was the reason for that attack, but perhaps that was only a
by-blow of the true goal.  It would seem that many assumptions should be
called into question, now.

Qui-Gon pushed these thoughts aside, seeking his center.  He twined his
fingers together and opened his mind to Jayden.  The Knight reached out and
joined him with practiced ease, fitting neatly against the edges, not
reaching for places he was not welcome, filling the space between them. 
Qui-Gon sighed his contentment, relaxing into the connection he had long
given up to teach his Padawan.  

Jayden reached toward Teril, joined to her, weaving about her center like a
wraith of light, twining their thoughts in a playful dance.  Teril reached
for Felias, their connection snapped into place with a forceful
attraction.  //Lovers?// Qui-Gon inquired.

[[Yes]] the group responded, sharing the joy.  Qui-Gon basked in it, let
his pleasure at their love flow back through them.  Felias threw a web of
that joy to Kourt, drawing him into the chain of joining.  Now they need
only close the circle to begin their work.

Qui-Gon turned a bit to face Kourt.  Unnecessary, but he smiled at his
friend who waited to be bound up in his mind.  Closure would be given to
Qui-Gon as a gift after his long absence.  He felt this in the warp and
weft of minds around him.  

He spun a fine thread of gossamer love between Kourt and himself,
strengthened with sparks of welcome and peace,  until they were bound. 
//Captives// they all giggled at the idea.  //If the Council knew about
this…//

The laughed at his clumsiness within their joining.  It had been so long
since he truly melded his thoughts with another, even on this surface
level, that his interaction was inelegant.  [[Still. Soon.  Be still.]]
they patiently soothed him.  He obeyed their urgings, let the Moment take
him, let their connection seal them as close as any beings ever could be
and still have hope of future separation.

The web of connection shone like starbursts behind his eyes, all the
information he and Obi-Wan had gathered swirled out of his private mind and
into the shared thoughts between himself and the others.  Jayden similarly
fed his information.  A flash of logic, then laughter, correlations were
drawn, the puzzle pieces fitted together with lightening quickness. 
Information from missions and sources Qui-Gon hadn't heard about drifted
in, were sorted and put together.  He did his share, smiling, laughing,
THINKING freely for the first time in years…drifting on the web of
acceptance and peace.  

The Force welled up in them all, surging into the patterns and concepts
they shared, guiding them to insight, foresight, knowledge.  Bits of
information were highlighted, drawn to the front of their consideration. 
Hooded figure, Coruscant skyline, soft carpets…three memories torn from
Darth Maul's mind by Qui-Gon's Padawan. //Who?//

[[Student your student you must remember Obi-Wan Kenobi. Shh, be still…]]

//Who? What?//

[[Be calm, beloved.  Be calm remember know him he is not here now he is
outside the moment join the Moment with us…]] Joy washed through Qui-Gon
once more and soothed his confusion.  The star maps were discarded,
unusable with the information they now possessed.  Likewise the list of
ports.  That left the memory of a skyline, one that Obi-Wan believed to be
on Coruscant.

[[Find this place, search it out find it and we'll have him.  Sidious 
Sidious]]

Now their thoughts flew apart, looking for a name, a circumstance, a place
in the Future where such knowledge might be confirmed.  The Moment spread
possibilities out before them, the theoretical path of the future. 
[[Obi-Wan Obi-Wan Obi-Wan]]

He would find the information, that person with that name would be their
guiding light to finally move against [[Sidious Palpatine Sidious Sidious
Palpatine]]

//What?//  Qui-Gon cast about, looking, trying to remember…

[[Let go let it go let go NOW!]]

Qui-Gon reeled as his mind released contact with the others.  He fell back
flat on the floor, vaguely recognizing that the others similarly tumbled
off-balance.  "I'm sorry," he croaked.

"It wasn't you,"  Teril gasped.  "I lost Jenji that time."

"And Swed," Jayden panted.  "I lost Swed." The words carried a deep despair
in them.

"What does this mean, Kourt?"  Qui-Gon demanded.

"What did you hear?  What was the Moment saying there at the end…It was
confused, I couldn't make it out," Kourt turned over on the sofa, reaching
out for Qui-Gon's hand.

Qui-Gon stretched his arms out, touching Kourt, needing the physical
contact after such close mental connection.  "I heard Obi-Wan's name…I was
seeking a possible future and I heard his name clearly, then Sidious…"

"That can't be right.  I heard 'Jenji Jenji Jenji' but I couldn't think
what that meant…" Teril protested.  

They looked at Jayden and he nodded.  "There was no harmony…"

Qui-Gon closed his eyes, focusing sharply down into the memory.  He could
hear them all now…all three names circling in the Moment.  "No, there was
no harmony…a note was missing from the chord.  We were…incomplete in some
way."

They drew together on the beanbag chairs, all touching one another until
the buzz from their sudden disconnection eased off.  "We shall see the
Council together, Kourt.  I fear we will have to…mislead them on certain
points."

"Well, they've never suffered from that before," Kourt grinned.  "But first
there is your Padawan to deal with."

Qui-Gon's eyes darkened considerably. "No.  He's far too young."

"He's not, Qui-Gon.  We've waited as long as we can.  Longer than we should
have.  You brought him here.  You knew what that meant when you did it.  If
he's to fulfill his promise, the lessons must begin now, immediately."
Kourt would not be swayed.  "Isn't this what we've been working towards?"

"I don't know what you've been working towards, but it's not the same thing
I'VE been working towards," Qui-Gon replied hotly.

"Come on, Quigs.  You're not going to tell me you've actually spent all
this time preparing him to be a good and faithful Jedi, have you?" Kourt
chuckled.  "I know you better than that."

Qui-Gon paced around the sofa, hands folded into sleeves.  "No.  I can't
say that I have been.  But if you think Obi-Wan is some…stars-blessed
savior of us all, you've lost your mind."

Kourt intercepted Qui-Gon's orbit and drew him into a hug.  "No.  Not
that.  But he is the one we've been looking for, waiting for all these
years.  I know it as well as I know your name, Master Jinn.  So do you."

Qui-Gon looked to the others, found nothing but agreement in their eyes. 
Teril laid a hand on his arm. "He's the one, Qui-Gon.  We need to help him
do what he must."

It was true, but a truth he did not want to accept.  

"Not liking a thing never made it any less so, Quigs.  C'mon, he's gonna do
it anyway!  We might as well help him out a bit, make it easier on the lot
of us," Kourt smiled.

Qui-Gon closed his eyes, reached for the truth of Kourt's insistence. 
"It's all changed now, Kourt.  He's not just some kid I'm gonna teach to
save the galaxy anymore.  I know him, love him, need for him to live,
however I can get it.  I can't rely on some ancient prophecy for that.  I
can't even take your word for it. I have to know it for myself!"

"You do know it, Qui-Gon.  We all see that the boy is ready.  Why can't
you?"  Jayden was all but whispering.

"I see it.  I know it.  I don't like it.  I wish it wasn't true so I could
just…I don't know," Qui-Gon collapsed onto a sofa, drawing his knees up to
his chest.  "I'm afraid I'll fail him the way I failed Xanatos. 
I'm…afraid."

He felt the energies of his friends gather about him, leeching the emotion
away, defending and protecting him from it's corrosive effects.  He sighed
in relief.  "Thank you.  Yes, you are right, all of you.  I need to know
that I will not loose him because I can not protect him."

"Then get on with the job so you never need fear of his needing help from
anyone," Kourt smiled.

************  

The others left the secret lab, leaving the instruction of Obi-Wan to his
master, and the teacher of them all, Kourt Crowe.  Though the group didn't
stand much on formality, that which they chose to embrace they protected
vigilantly.  Their own traditions said Kourt must teach these lessons. 
Their own traditions would be observed.

Obi-Wan shifted on his cushion, uncomfortable under the eyes of his Master
and Master Crowe.  

Kourt spoke first. "What is the nature Dark Side, Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan considered that question.  It was one that was so often asked in
the Temple, he had assumed for years that there was no answer.  There was
much instruction on what led to the Dark Side; fear, hate, suffering,
anger, greed, lust, passion, these were the emotional forces that led to
acts of the Dark Side.  Murder, abuse, torture, lies, thievery, the wanton
destruction of living things, injustice, war, the list went on and on.  But
none of these things WERE the Dark Side.  Merely symptoms of its influence,
as a cough and fever were symptoms of illness.

"Same question, different words.  Through what mechanism is the Force
defined as Light or Dark?" Kourt asked.

Eech, if that was supposed to be any simpler, Obi-Wan was ready to plead
ignorance.  But he thought about it.  The Force was too multifaceted, too
complex to be anything other than a single, continuous flow of existence. 
Was it logical, then, to assume it was literally divided, one side Dark and
one side Light?  Well, perhaps on a purely theoretical, philosophical
level, but training with Qui-Gon had taught him that philosophy and reality
were often at a wide remove from one another.  Moreover, it had taught him
that motivation and intent put much of life into a shade of gray.

If there was no dividing line in the Force, then there *was* no literal
Dark Side.  Of course, that meant that there was also no Light Side but
that was a reality he felt prepared to accept.  He knew the Force, knew
what touched and guided his life with such strength and joy.  Whatever name
they might give it, he was certain of that entity.  So through what
mechanism…

"The Force has no inherent partition, light or dark.  Therefore, the
'color' of the Force must be defined by some outside entity.  Since the
only defining entities I am aware of are those beings who can sense and use
the Force, it must be those beings who make that definition.  Being that
our will is the tool we use to manipulate and seek control of and with the
Force, it must be our will that creates the definition of 'color,' through
the mechanism you allude to. I believe that mechanism would be intent,
motivation." 

Obi-Wan watched the young master, saw for the first time all the physical
tics he had.  His strong fingers twisted and yanked, methodically, from one
curl to another.  He threw a glance at Qui-Gon, trying to discern whether
this was a good sign or bad and was surprised to see his master tugging at
his beard.  He looked down at his hands, realized he'd been picking at his
cuticles and chuckled, schooling his hands to rest upon his knees.

"You understand, of course, that speaking those words outside these rooms
would probably get you in quite a lot of trouble, yes?" Kourt continued.

"Yes, Master."

"Then I know your teacher well enough that I will assume you have the good
sense to keep it to yourself."

"Yes, Master."

"So then, as you say, the Dark Side does not objectively exist.   What does
that mean, for you, your Master, for what you know of me and mine?" Kourt
inquired.

Obi-Wan thought again before speaking.  "What I know of you is little,
outside of rumor and reputation," he finally hedged.

"Assume it is all true.  Assume that I really DID kidnap the Crown Prince
of wherever and leave him dangling some thirty feet above the palace
courtyard, suspended by a fine, strong wire through his abdomen where he
could scream out his pain and guilt until he was cut in two.  Assume I
planned and did that.  What does that mean, exactly?  Do not those very
acts imply that I have certain Dark Side leanings?"  Kourt's eyes were
hard, razor sharp and unyielding.

Obi-Wan had no trouble believing he had done just as he said…and yet… "If
there is no Dark Side, then it is easy for you to do that and other things
like that, and remain first a Jedi, servant to the Light."

"Correct again.  You've done well with this one, Master Jinn."

Qui-Gon smiled. "Always with your help, Master Crowe."

"Another question, then, Padawan.  Has your Master ever hit you?"

Obi-Wan was a little startled at that. "Yes, of course."

"Why?"

"In sparring, in formal punishment.  Never in anger or vengeance," Obi-Wan
specified.  A flash of movement caught his eye and he brought his hand up
in a circular motion, blocking the slap Qui-Gon had aimed at him.

"And yet you stopped that blow.  Why is that?" Kourt continued, as if
nothing unusual had happened.

"I didn't deserve to be struck, Master Crowe.  It is my right to defend
myself from abuse," Obi-Wan returned his hand to his knee.

"And if we made it clear to you that you DID deserve to be struck?" Kourt
inquired archly.

Obi-Wan simply tucked his hands into the small of his back, saying "Lessons
are what I most crave, Master Crowe."

"And get them you shall.  So we know that the Dark Side does not exist,
therefore pain and torture, murder and punishment, fear and loathing are
all equally parts of the Force, as are peace, contentment, love, kisses,
rewards…are you following me?" Kourt's voice grew sharp.

"Yes, Master."

"Good.  They are all part of the Force.  Not just the Light or the Dark. 
But what then is going on with Master Torlamin?  What, then, did you feel
in that Sith when you fought him?  What was that?  Surely it wasn't the
Force you know and embrace every day?  Was it?"  Kourt was laying a pattern
of words very carefully now.

"Yes.  It has to be.  If there aren't different sides to the Force, then
that must have been some part of the Force I do not yet understand,"
Obi-Wan said.

Kourt knelt down before him, brushing his cheek with the back of his hand. 
"And you said he was too young.  You need me, Qui-Gon, when your good sense
takes it's leave of you."

Qui-Gon simply bowed.  Then he asked a question of his own.  "So, why do we
teach every Trainee, every Padawan, hell, the whole GALAXY that there is a
Light and a Dark side to the Force?" 

'Um…" Obi-Wan knew what he wanted to say, but needed an example.  "Like the
'midichlorians' thing?  Because it's easier for children to think of a
little creature inside them, making them feel the Force, than to simply
have to accept that this is the way things are?"

Kourt looked shocked.  "You know about the midichlorians?"

Obi-Wan shrugged.  "I stopped believing in them when I passed cellular
biology.  That was the same year I stopped expecting gifts from the Snow
Spirit."

Qui-Gon chuckled.  "Not that it ever made you quit sneaking presents into
my rooms."

Kourt stood and paced to the caterer, got a cup of tea for himself and
Qui-Gon.  Obi-Wan stayed where he was, the formalities of lessons having
long uprooted any pangs of unfairness at the situation from him.

"And so, if she isn't touching the Dark Side, because the Dark Side doesn't
exist, what exactly is Torlamin up to?" Kourt asked.

Obi-Wan decided he could play along with this little game quite nicely. 
"Why, she's touching the Dark Side, of course."

"Hmmm," Kourt replied.

"Padawan," Qui-Gon intoned warningly.

"No, really.  She must be.  I mean, no, the Dark Side doesn't exist as a
reality, any more than, apparently, the Light does…but it exists as an
idea…the Ideas that make the Jedi what we are."  Obi-Wan stopped, his head
spinning with the concepts that were crystallizing within him.

"Go on," Qui-Gon urged, breath catching in his throat.

"Master, I know you haven't been…settled…about my last punishment.  Will
you tell me why?" Obi-Wan countered.

Qui-Gon drew a deep breath and sat down on the sofa.  "Well, because I was
in a position where I had to do something I did not want to do.  More than
that, I had to do a thing I find disgusting and wrong."

"Why didn't you just refuse me?  Why not simply say I was forgiven and send
me off to my rooms?" Obi-Wan pressed.

"You were well within your rights to request what you asked of me.  It was
no less your due that I should give it you, unfalteringly."

"And what about the fact that you have never once physically punished me of
your own accord?  That alone indicates that you would not have it between
us, given your choice.  But when I have asked you for it, you have given
it.  I have seen you defy the Council, the Senate's laws, whole planetary
governments on less.  Why not defy me as well?" Obi-Wan kept his eyes on
the floor.  He didn't really want to see whatever emotions might be welling
up in his master just now.

"I can not.  I will not.  Your training is the very thing that will make
you a Jedi, something that you need, something you want so badly that it is
as natural as breathing.  As your Master, I have given oaths, made promises
to you that I will never falter or fail in training you.  To deny you any
part of your training simply because it would make me unhappy to give it to
you…that would be the grossest sort of negligence.  It puts my comfort and
peace before your training, a thing I will not do.  I will not say 'I deny
you your right to choose.  I deny you your place as my Padawan.  I deny the
laws and rules and codes and formalities that make us Jedi, that define our
existence and our lives. I do so merely because it would pain me to obey
those laws.'  To be defiant under those circumstances would only bring
destruction to you.  And to me." Qui-Gon finished quietly.

"Well, Master Crowe, I'd say that was the Light Side right there.  Essence
defines existence.  The reasons, motivations behind a thing are what makes
an action, feeling, decision light or dark.  It is the being who touches
the Force, who channels it through themselves and their desires that makes
the Force light or dark.  Torlamin is touching the Dark Side because she
has become Dark within."  Obi-Wan held that idea at arm's length for a
quick inspection.  "And I have not."

"Indeed.  You have not and she has.  Your intentions are pure, while hers
are tainted.  Good enough for now.  For conversational purposes and to keep
ourselves from slipping around…others…you should know that we still use the
terms 'Light Side' and 'Dark Side'.  And eventually you will gain lessons
in why these terms are fairly apt.  But for the nonce, call yourself ready
to help us with Torlamin and Corubia, as much as can be expected of a
Padawan." Kourt went to the wall near the holovid and took a picture down. 
Behind it was a little hidey-hole from which he drew a small box.  "You
probably didn't notice these before, which would be a good thing as far as
I'm concerned.  Qui-Gon stopped wearing his, for various reasons, when you
became his student but I wouldn't be surprised if he took it on again."

Nestled in the box were several plain, gold rings.  They gleamed in the
twinkling lights, about a dozen of them in various sizes.  He took one from
it's place in the black velvet lining and approached Obi-Wan.  "You're
still a Padawan, with all that it means.  You will still be learning,
taking much harder lessons than you had any cause to expect in this life or
any other.  But you are capable.  That much is clear.  Would you be one of
us, though you do not yet know all that we do and all that we are?"

Obi-Wan considered it.  "You are doing the most difficult work the Order
has to offer, aren't you?"

"Yes.  We have lost many of our members of late.  One of us has gone into
hiding, taking her Padawan with her, because of an incident that occurred
recently in connection to our research.  You may lose your home here at the
Temple.  You may lose your name and your face.  You may lose your life. 
You may lose…" here Kourt turned a careful eye towards Qui-Gon, then
returned his gaze to Obi-Wan.  "You may lose all that you hold sacred and
dear.  Or you could save it all.  Only through joining us do you have even
a chance of effecting that salvation."

Obi-Wan held his hand out to Master Crowe.  Master Crowe regarded it
carefully, then passed the ring to Qui-Gon, breaking his own traditions.

Qui-Gon accepted with mute gratitude, kneeling before Obi-Wan.  "Bear and
bind you, Noble Warrior of the Force, to the law of this never-ending
circle."  He held the ring close for Obi-Wan's inspection.  Not gold, as
Obi-Wan had first thought, but something else, some kind of stone he was
not familiar with.  As Qui-Gon gathered light up from the room,
concentrated it within the ring, Obi-Wan could see that it was clear,
crystal clear with a double-helix running through it.  The helix was of
sharp contrasts, darkest ebony and snowy white, twisted, touching,
infinitely connected within the ring.  The light dissipated and the ring
returned to the dull gold, hiding its secret most effectively.  "Knowledge
before Power."

After a moment, Obi-Wan realized that this was the oath he was asked to
take. "Knowledge before Power."  Qui-Gon slid the ring onto the smallest
finger of Obi-Wan's right hand.

Then Qui-Gon did a very strange thing.  He bowed forward, placing his
forehead on Obi-Wan's knees.  Kourt came closer, made a gesture towards
Obi-Wan's left hand, then to Qui-Gon's head.  Confused, Obi-Wan placed his
hand on Qui-Gon's hair.  Something glittering and cold bloomed behind his
eyes, stark in it's sudden reality.  Qui-Gon jerked under his hand, cried
out, then stilled.  

"On his life you are taken to us.  On pain of his death you will not turn
against us."

Obi-Wan nodded, eyes clenched tight against the icy spike within his mind. 
"I swear," he gasped, understanding little.

Then it was gone.  Replacing it was a soft and pure compulsion to stay well
within the lines that defined the Jedi way, the Light as he understood it,
lest his Master pay the ultimate price for his failing.

Qui-Gon's arms were around him.  "It's temporary, just while I'm your
master."

Obi-Wan nodded, accepting though he did not truly understand why such a
thing had been done to him, to Qui-Gon.  "Thank you, my Master.  I will
protect you."

"I know you will, my Padawan, even if there was no oath to bind you."

Kourt was touching Obi-Wan's shoulder then.  "Padawan Kenobi, this is
something from my personal files.  I think you will find it…most
enlightening."  He held out a datachip, which Obi-Wan accepted with a nod. 
"Qui-Gon, I must go see to Torlamin.  I'll need your help in about an hour,
down in the cell blocks.  Can you be there with your Padawan?  We should do
this before we see the Council," Kourt was somewhere near the door.

"Yes, Kourt. I'll see to it," Qui-Gon replied absently. "I'll have to feed
this one first."

"Of course you will.  And I think I'm just going to go claim someone else
who needs feeding," Kourt exited the lab whistling a merry tune.