STORY: Adjustments, conclusion
FANDOM: Remember WENN
AUTHOR: Michele Savage (1998)
RATING: NC-17, M/F, hurt/comfort
SUMMARY: After Hilary is brutally attacked and left for dead, she and Jeff
have some healing to do.
SETTING: 1942, Pittsburgh
FEEDBACK: Would be muchly appreciated. :-)
ARCHIVE: Hetsketeers. (anywhere else, let me know before archiving
please.), Sockii, this can be archived at Rest Is Silence too. :-)
DISCLAIMER: Remember WENN and its characters are copyright Rupert Holmes,
Howard Meltzer and AMC. No infringement is intended. The story is mine as
are any original characters.






         He turned, mindful of her arm, and lay half over her. "You tell me 
what you want, Hilary. You are in control here."

         "I want you to make love to me, pumpkin." She softly said, "I want 
to know your body again."

         He slowly let his hand wander over her collar bone, passing the 
scars on her shoulder as if they didn't exist. He smiled when she sighed 
rather than flinched. She lifted her hips and allowed him to remove the 
gown completely.

         He bent and dropped a trail of kisses over her belly and traced 
the edge of her panties with his tongue. She took a deep breath and tangled 
a hand in his hair. He looked to her face, "Are you okay?"

         "Yes," she replied. "I'm fine."

         He gently slid his hands beneath the elastic of her panties and 
pulled
them off her legs. He lay his head on her abdomen, now flat, but which had 
two months ago nurtured and protected his daughter and sighed. "I wish you 
could really know how much I cherish you. And how much, more than anything, 
I missed just holding you like this."

         "Jeffrey," she whispered his name through what were now tears of 
joy and sentiment.

         He straightened and moved over her. Jeff lay against her at first, 
wanting her to become accustomed to his body against hers. He wrapped his 
arms around her back and leaned his weight on them.

         Hilary let her hands drift across his back, enjoying the feel of 
him laying over her. A niggling memory threatened to invade, but she pushed 
it away. No. She wasn't going to think of that . . . of the faceless man 
now. "Jeffrey, please let me see your face. I need to see your face."

         He moved his head so she could see then leaned and kissed her. She 
began to move her hips against his in an eager quest to be fulfilled. Jeff 
looked into her eyes and very slowly entered her. He was mindful of any 
fleeting memory that crossed her features. When one did, he stopped his 
progression and told her that he loved her.

         As she felt her husband being so caring and tender, the bad 
memories that surfaced began to dissipate. They were replaced with the safe 
and warm feeling that was always present when Jeff made love to her. She 
couldn't stop the tears. She was reminded of the first time they had been 
together. It had been one of the most magical moments of her life. She had 
no idea that a man could make her feel so complete.

         He softly kissed the tears away and hugged her tightly. Jeffrey 
spoke softly in French; words of love and passion. As she responded, he 
began to move against her in a rhythm that only they shared. Her passionate 
sighs and moans were music to his ears. Music that for many months he'd 
longed to hear.

         He could feel her release building and reacted accordingly. He 
sped his thrusts, until he felt her body tighten as her orgasm moved 
through her. He lifted his head to watch the passion move across her 
features. She had such an incredible look of bliss on her face. She cried 
his name and moaned as the feelings washed over her.

         As her body began to relax, Hilary felt Jeff's release take 
control. He thrust had against her a few times before he relaxed with a 
deep satisfied breath. She held him tightly, not wanting the feeling to end 
just then. They lay together for several speechless moments before he did 
finally roll away from her.

         As he did, Jeff noticed the brightening dawn from the window. The 
red and gold hues of the sunrise caught his eye. He sat, reached over the 
head board and pulled open the curtain. "Mittens, look at this."

         She sat and leaned against his shoulder as they watched the sun 
rise above the horizon and through the clouds. Hilary turned to Jeff and 
told him that she felt that they too had risen above the clouds. "I was 
afraid that we'd never be the same again," she said, "But now, I know that 
we can live with what happened to me and not lose each other in the process."

         Jeff let the curtain drop back closed and cupped her chin in his 
hand, "Hilary Winslow Booth will you marry me again?"

         She laughed, "No! I've already married you three times Mr. Singer. 
Why don't we just skip the wedding and go for a walk in the park."

         He grinned, "Sorry it's this place. We come here and I feel like I 
have to marry you."

         Hilary turned serious, "Thank you Jeffrey. Thank you for making me 
laugh when I needed to and for making me feel loved when I needed it."

         Jeff tapped a fingertip against her nose and then stood, "I'm 
going to shower before we take that walk in the park. Care to join me, Mrs. 
Singer?"

         She thought for a moment, "Yes. I think I will."


         The trip to Mexico had turned out to be a good idea. Hilary felt 
truly rejuvinated and happy for the first time in months. She and Jeff 
spent many a day walking through the old town district of Matamoros. She 
laughed as she told Jeff that as many times as they had been there, they 
had never actually done any exploring in town. He'd reminded her that they 
usually spent their time there exploring each other.

         She found a small shop that carried dolls and decided that her 
little girl needed a doll. Nevermind that she wouldn't be able to play with 
it for some time yet. She just thought that Anjeanette needed one.

         Jeff stood patiently behind her as she painstakingly searched. He 
enjoyed watching her pick, hoping eventually she'd choose. A small 
bedraggled looking baby doll caught his eye. She had a shock of brown hair, 
her dress was a handmade patchwork of scraps and she had the barest hint of 
a smile. What struck him the most about the doll was she seemed to have a 
very determined look in her painted brown eyes. In an odd way the doll 
reminded him of Hilary.

         He turned to make sure Hilary's back was still to him and that she 
was lost in a fancily dressed group of dolls. Knowing that she'd still be a 
while, he motioned for the shopkeeper. He handed the man the doll, paid for 
her and asked that he wrap her up so Hilary would not see. The man nodded 
and rushed to the back.

         "Are you nearly finished?" Jeff asked Hilary as he approached her.

         She jumped slightly at the sudden voice behind her, but turned and 
smiled, "They're all so lovely I hate to choose."

         "Hmm, well I chose for you." he held up the sack. "Why don't we go 
and get some dinner. I'm starved." he said as he led her to the door.

         The shopkeeper thanked them as they left.

         "What did you get?" Hilary asked.

         "A doll." he replied vaguely.

         "Jeffrey."

         "Hilary," he laughed as he mimicked her tone. "Come-on. Lets get 
back to La Casa. I am really hungry."

         "You and your stomach."


         Hilary had loved the doll. Jeff may not buy the extravagant and 
expensive gifts, she thought, he sure could be counted on for gifts from 
the heart. She couldn't wait to give the doll to Anjeanette.

         He'd given the doll to her on the night of their anniversary. 
Telling her that look in it's eyes had reminded him of the determined look 
that her eyes had held in the last few healing months.

         He'd kissed her and just held her tightly as the radio announcer 
counted down the last ten seconds of 1942. Both were bittersweet about 
seeing it end. It had been a year that had begun with hope, held a 
nightmare, given birth to their daughter and ended with a promise of a new 
beginning.


         Once back in Pittsburgh, Hilary vowed that soon she would be able 
to conquer that troll near O'Malley's.  She'd called Joe and Rosie and 
asked that they not come to see the baby. She wanted to take Anjeanette to 
see them. Several times in the next three months they had started down the 
street, but were unable to get past the first corner.

         Finally on March 13th, the one year anniversary of her attack, Hilary
announced to Jeff that she wanted to go to the pub.

         "Darling, I know what today is. Are you sure you want to do this?" 
Jeff asked her.

         "Pumpkin, today of all days is when I should go." she insisted. 
"In the light of day when Joe and Rosie are the only people there. I need 
to do this."

         Jeff sighed and gave in. "If you feel you are ready, Hilary, we 
will go."

         "Thank you Jeff," she smiled. "Help me get Angel bundled for the 
visit."


         Before they left the house, Jeff called the O'Malley's to make 
sure they were in. The pub itself was closed on Sundays but usually the 
couple was there making sure their stock was replenished and ordered for 
the coming week.

         As they walked closer, Hilary's stomach began to knot. She held 
tightly to Jeff's hand and to the baby. She had to stop a few times to 
catch her breath.

         Finally they approached the alley and Hilary stopped as if she'd 
hit an invisible wall. Jeff could feel her shaking as she leaned against 
him for support.

         "Do you want to cross the street?" He suggested. "We can go around 
the alley."

         "No!" She quickly answered. "I am going to do this." She closed 
her eyes and took a small step forward. Hilary stood almost expectantly and 
then slowly opened her eyes. She expelled the breath she'd been 
unconsciously holding and looked into the alley. She saw nothing but trash 
cans, gravel and a few discarded bottles. There was no monster. No man 
ready to leap at her. It was nothing more sinister than a simple alley. 
Taking a deep breath, she squared her jaw and almost defiantly walked the 
rest of the way to the front door of O'Malley's on her own. She smiled, 
turned to Jeff and asked if he was going to come with her or stand staring 
at her all day.


         The two couples had a very enjoyable visit. Rosie as usual 
lavished much attention onto her namesake. Attention which Angel of course 
reveled in. She smiled and giggled truly enjoying her role as the center of 
attention.

         While the older couple played with the baby, Hilary walked to the 
door, opened it and stared pensively at the alleyway.

         Jeff walked up behind her and lay a caring hand on her shoulder. 
"Penny for your thoughts."

         "I'd like to go into the alley." She answered, "I need to see--"

         "Maybe we could save that for another day."

         "No. I need to do it now. Otherwise I'll never get past the alley 
again."

         "All right. Let me tell Joe that we'll be right back."

         Jeff asked the O'Malley's to keep watch on the baby while they 
went to fight Hilary's demons. Rosie clasped his hand and assured him that 
Hilary would be all right.

         "I know that Rosie. I know."


         Hilary clutched Jeff's hand tightly as they walked to the mouth of 
the alley. She ran her hand along the wall, stopping where the bricks 
ended. She squeezed the corner so tightly her knuckles lost their color. 
Finally she loosened her hold when the shoulder muscle protested.

         "Why don't we do this another time," Jeff suggested.

         She shook her head, "I just need to dive in, like a cold swimming 
pool." She took a deep breath and rounded the corner.

         Once in, she let go of Jeff's hand and walked to about where she 
thought the attack happened. She crouched down and touched the cold cement, 
remembering the feel of it on her skin. She looked up and saw the blue 
strip of sky between the two buildings. There had been no stars that night. 
It was if she'd been in an inky void.

         She looked again at the ground. There were no traces of the 
attack. The blood had been washed away by a year's worth of rain and snow. 
The rocks moved by garbage trucks going in and out of the alley. For all 
intents and purposes it looked as though it had never happened. But it had. 
It would be a nightmare she would have to live with for the rest of her life.

         Standing again, she looked at her husband almost guarding the 
entrance to the alley and smiled. She knew at this very moment that she 
would be able to live with it. They would be able to live with it and go on.

         Before joining Jeff, she took one more look at the scene. 
Something green tucked beneath a group of pebbles against the wall caught 
her eye. She went to it and picked it up. It was a piece of torn fabric 
from the dress she had worn that night; a large enough piece to cover her 
hand. It too had survived the year. She closed her hand around it tightly 
and took it with her.



         Epilogue

         That tattered piece of material became a symbol to Hilary. She 
folded it and placed it into a gold locket that she wore every day. 
Whenever she needed the strength to get herself through an especially low 
day, she would take the material out and remember.

         She would remember how in her darkest moments she found a strength 
in herself she never knew existed. Remember that her husband never left her 
side in through any of the ups and especially the downs. And she would look 
into the bright brown eyes of her daughter and say a small thank you to 
whatever strength her little soul found to live.

The End

Please let me know what you thought. thanks!
Biz

Bizarra@infinet.com