~The 2 Half Years~
They met one month after the breakup. He said he knew that she had not got over him from the looks of her teary eyes. She broke down and cried. Not bearing to see her crying, he held on her hand, hoping to calm her down, but it only got things worse, tears flow down uncontrollably in the middle of Raffles City. He asked her for forgiveness for making the harsh decison then and told her that it would be better off for them in long run, but nothing got into her ears. She believed she saw his eyes got watery then also. He asked her to spend the nite together, to escape from the harsh reality and she agreed. She would do anything to be in his safe clutches again. They spent the nite together and holding on each other's hands the whole nite. But she could not sleep the whole nite and cried through the whole nite. She just wished that time would stop at this instant, where she and he would be together forever. But reality did not allow that to happen, the sun rose the next morning and off they went, to lead back their own, separate lives.
She knew she could use tears to hold him back for the next few dates and that was what she did, not of her own conscious decison, but of her weak emotion state. However her love for him was deep then, she did not wish him to suffer the same way as she did. She knew and believed that he was just as miserable as her about the breakup. She wanted him to move on with his life. She hugged him one last time during the 4th date and told him she loved him and asked him to move onz with his life after that date, trying very hard to hold back her tears, not wanting him sad or worry. Contacts between the 2 of them was few and little after that and purely for updating each other's lives.
Life was not smooth moving for her then also. Her beloved grandmother had fallen terribly ill soon after her breakup. She had no more time to grieve for the breakup but had to visit / take care of her grandmother very regularly in the hospital. Her grandmother had doted on her since young and that was a last bit she could do for semi-unconsious lady. It just dragged on for the next 7mths. She called him on occasions when her grandmother was in ICU and when she passed away. She wanted so much to hear that he would be there for her. He never did that, but told her to take good care of herself.
By chance, she knew he had went into a depression mode after learning that he might be kicked out from school. He did not want to meet anyone then. She was worried for him and wanted to hear that he was safe and sound, and picking up his life. She went to work everyday worrying about was he getting any better oR had he done anything stupid? She flipped through self help books looking for motivational phrases and sent them to him regularly. She sms him with words of encouragements every now and then. Finally, a few days later, he responded her, saying that he was feeling better. That was the best news she had ever heard in the whole week.
Last month, she could no longer control her undying emotions towards him and sent a 4-sentenced email saying that she missed him. He replied telling her that life had been good for him so far. He had never felt any much better for his present life and his present gf. Reading that, tears flowed down uncontrollably again. She knew she should not bother his life any more and let him live his life to the fullest. She knew that was what she wanted him to be - happy, even if she was not the one sharing his happiness.
She wants to tell him "no mattter then, now or forever, my love for u will never changes". She also wants to tell him she just wants the best for the man she loves most and that she still trusts the love between the 2 of them then. She wants him not to worry for her. She wonders, this year, the same month, the same date, will he show up at the same place, the 2 of them had fondly loved but broke up there last year. And she also wonders another 2 half years later how would their lives be....
Written on 15Sept 2001
Posted on Catcha-stories, KoB forum, Singalore forum