System of Belief

by
Sandra Szasz
1996


My life  is a chaotic construction.
No beginning, no ending construction.
Thought after thought, 
                                      action after action, 
                   consequences...

 
 
 
a planned disorderly construction of uncertain facts.
every action, every moment 
contributes 
to change myself infinitely,
indefectible changes.


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

I am thoughts, feelings  and perceptions; 

 
myself, everything and everyone that surrounds me.
I absorb and transform everything that comes,  goes and passes through myself 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Change, continuous and inevitable change

 
 



 
 

Images of myself in others’ image.

Photograph of the other, the one that is absorbing and transforming me.
 
 
 
 
 

The other is me and I’m the other, 
we are only one, 
only one....

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Finding myself, reflection in someone else, is like being me and the other at once.
 
 
 


 Shapes, 

words, 
people, 
feelings, 
perceptions, 
myself, 
yourself, 
everything 
 

...contributes 
to transform and to create this person that I call me, 
 
 

who I am.
















 
 

Giving you my love is giving it to myself.
Hating you is hating me too.
To need you is to need me.
 

Destruction carries destruction because once I am destroying you I am destroying myself too.
 
 

Being selfish is being dead, no way to give, no way to grow, no way to transform or to be transformed.
 
 
 



 
 

I can never be a whole. 

I am a little portion constructed by little parts.
May be all of us together become close to the idea of whole, but I suppose we can never ever reach the state of wholeness.

We are in constant change. 

The whole exists but is recreated every moment. 

It is a paradox.
Being conscious or not of this change doesn’t make any difference, it does exist. 
 

Sometimes when my senses are in highly receptive mode, I can feel it, 

the sound of the change,

the sensation of transformation.
I can notice what is happening in every little portion, how it moves and changes. 
 
 

These are rare and unique moments that should be kept.

...happy moments to remember, 
sad ones to hide in a secret place where to go alone...

 



 
 
 

Sometimes I feel like  a patchwork. 

My life is pieces of moments, feelings, visions, joined together by a transparent filament.
 

We can’t see the unions but I can see the scars, 

I can feel them.
Is a fragile but resistant fabric, it is beautiful and horrible at the same time.
 
 
 

How many thing I have in the folds of my patchwork?

word, worlds...

 
 
 
 
 



 

Photographs the way others see me.

My shadow is the way I see myself. 
 

a mirror without details, my shadow is my fake mirror. 
an abstraction of my real body. 

a shape a beautiful and inscrutable shape. 


The visible and invisible mark of 
 

my body.


The known and suddenly the unknown, 

the familiar and ambiguous, 
always present, 
my shadow.

 

My shadow has the shape of my body, but it transform itself into the space, 

through the space, 
traveling through places and making me become part of them. 
 
 

Through my shadow I became part of the landscape. 



 
 
 
 
 
 

My shadow is the unknown blackness of my body . 

 

My shadow is ephemeral. 
 

It is the  ephemeral eclipse between me and the spot light, 
sun light, 

light 

Light is the way I found energy to survive. 

...no light, no life...

My shadow is the dead part of my body.







 But my shadow behaves like a living organism,
                                       like having a mystical independence from the object, 
                                                                                                                        me, 
                                                                                                                  that produces it, 
it is like the continuous follower.

...no light, no shadows or may be a 

world of shadows.

Shapes, 

feelings and 
words 
that live inside my shadow, 
as inhabitants 
of an unmapped world.

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