| (BELOW ARE SOME EXCERPTS FROM STORY NOTES I WROTE FOR A PRODUCTION COMPANY. STRUCTURALLY, THESE ARE SIMILAR TO, BUT MORE FORMAL THAN, WHAT I GIVE TO WRITERS. WHEN ONE WRITES FOR A STUDIO FOR PRODUCTION COMPANY, ONE USUALLY USES THE TERM "WE" AND TENDS TO BE MORE FORMAL THAN CONVERSATIONAL.) THE CHARACTERS GENERAL COMMENTS � Clearly, we have the beginnings of some terrific characterizations. However, we still need to make more specific decisions as to who these people are, as too often, their ambivalence and erratic behavior feel contrived to suit the plotting, as opposed to stemming from honest human reactions to their situations. � Perhaps one of the most serious flaws in our story is that currently, our audience has no one to care about and/or root for -- except perhaps, Boo and the ferret. Clearly, Ed, Claire and Andi lack integrity and readily commit illegal acts for purely selfish reasons. While this may be a realistic, albeit cynical, approach, in terms of movie-drama, having Ed and Andi fall from higher places, would make their behavior more disturbing, while it would give our audiences a stronger reason to root for their redemption. ED � When we first meet Ed, he appears to be a man of principles who is truly concerned about his clients, justice and his professional integrity. But soon afterwards, we discover he is a greedy, self-centered and slick salesman who appears to enjoy seemingly desperate methods of finding and pitching accident victims. While this is an important and interesting insight into the real "business" of victims' rights advocacy, i.e., $$, not altruism or justice is often the attorney's first priority, let's keep in mind that this also defines Ed's character for the audience. And as the story goes on, Ed's behavior becomes increasingly more maniacal and sociopathic, as he blatantly disregards his other clients and Andi because of his obsession with Claire. Therefore, we don't really feel sorry for Ed when he is caught up in this bazaar and deadly plot, as obviously brought these problems on himself. However, we might have more sympathy for Ed if we knew this were a brief lapse in his otherwise more moral behavior. But since we know nothing about his past, we assume this his modus operandi. Furthermore, it seems likely that Ed's blatantly outrageous behavior would lead to his disbarment, as most likely his other clients from the accident would file lawsuits or even a class action suit against him. Perhaps we should see stronger evidence that Ed is conflicted and troubled by his recent behavior, as this would help to broaden the arc of his characterization. Overall, Ed's obsessive attraction just doesn't ring true, i.e., it's difficult to believe that a man as self-absorbed as Ed stays so utterly smitten with the beautiful, albeit seriously disabled, Claire, as it seems likely that the harsh reality of taking care of, and making love to, a disabled woman would soon cause the novelty of his infatuation to wear off and leave him rushing to find someone more "perfect." (With this last statement, we do not mean to suggest in any way that a disabled person is not romantically desirable, but that currently, the Ed that we have in this screenplay does not appear to be the type of person who has the sensitivity, patience and inclination to make a relationship of this sort work.) In addition, shrewd, highly-intelligent and manipulative Ed appears to be an: I'll keep my cake, eat it too -- and eat yours while I'm at it -- kind of guy. Therefore, it is almost impossible to believe that he is going to throw away his life's work for pretty face (Claire) -- especially when there is no need to do so. No one has a gun to Ed's head forcing him to choose between Claire and his work. Perhaps the key to Ed's characterization and the way to make his behavior more credible and sympathetic is to create a strong back story in which someone close to Ed (a family member, former lover, or close friend) was the victim of an accident, which seriously crippled or killed her/him, while Ed was helpless to save that person -- who may even have committed suicide soon afterwards, leaving Ed even more guilt- ridden and distraught. Perhaps Ed was even driving the car when the accident occurred, and even if it wasn't his fault, he escaped relatively unharmed, while the other person sustained devastating injuries. Also, in order to make Ed's first connection with Claire much stronger and more meaningful, perhaps it would be a good idea to have him help rescue her from the train. Maybe the rescue team is busy elsewhere in the wreck, when Ed finds a hurt and perhaps unconscious Claire, whom he is instrumental in rescuing and for the first time in his life, he feels responsible for another life. This would also give him a much stronger reason to care so deeply for Claire. With more convoluted circumstances of this nature, we might better understand the complexity of Ed's psyche, as well as his relationship to Claire, which currently, for the most part, feels contrived and devoid of real passion. Also, this would help us and Andi to rationalize forgiving, and having sympathy for, him. � If Ed suspects that Claire is faking her disabilities, as her lover, he could easily prick her feet with a pin while she is sleeping, etc. Let's be realistic, it wouldn't be that difficult -- especially for a lover -- to find out of his/her partner has feeling in a particular part of his/her body. (THERE ARE SEVERAL MORE PAGES OF NOTES ON "ED" AND THE OTHER CHARACTERS. BELOW ARE SOME EXCERPTS FROM MY COMMENTS ON THE STORY IN GENERAL.) STORY MORE ON ED AND CLAIRE'S RELATIONSHIP � Clearly, one of the most blatant flaws in our story is that Claire's injuries and subsequent disabilities are romanticized, trivialized and even glamorized in a superficial manner, rather than portrayed in a realistic light. One has only to recall moving and compelling films e.g. "The Men," "Born On the Fourth of July," "The Water Dance," "Coming Home," etc. in which the disabled victims (who are often war veterans) go through agonizing readjustments to society because of their devastating injuries and traumatic war experiences. However, while obviously Claire does not have to deal with the horrific consequences of being in a war, she does suffer through a traumatic accident during which she sustains serious injuries, loses the use of her legs and allegedly loses her husband -- yet she doesn't appear to be especially upset and/or depressed. In fact with her calm, stoic demeanor, Claire appears to accept her cruel fate as if she deserves it. Are we honestly supposed to believe that because Claire is a beautiful woman she magically floats above reality, feels no pain and is exempt from the problems and feelings of a normal human being? Even though Claire knows Alfred is alive, she should at least make more of an effort to play the grieving widow, etc., lest she expose her deceit. And now in Ed's eyes, Claire is suddenly the most desirable woman on the planet. While we in no way want to infer that a disabled person is less sexually and romantically appealing than a person who is not afflicted with a serious injury -- it seems truly remiss of us to ignore the realities of Claire's new condition and the way it would honestly affect her physical and mental states. Let us remember that at the time of her accident, Claire is a young, vibrant woman and that this sudden reversal in her physical state would no doubt be traumatic and cause her to go through a critical period of adjustment. And how many people could honestly go through a change of this sort and not wonder if anyone will ever love and/or want to make love to them again? This seems like a natural, honest human reaction, even though to the people who care for the victim, this may not be so. Let's keep in mind that for the newly wheelchair-bound Claire, that going to the bathroom or getting a glass of juice from the kitchen could be a difficult ordeal. But we never see Claire dealing in an honest manner with her condition. |
| Smoke 'n' Mirrors Entertainment, Etc. Pamela Leeds [email protected] Excerpts from Story Notes |
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