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REALIZATIONS

Part 1

A torn and beaten anger raged inside of him. But as quickly as it had come, it left him. Lex looked down at his hands. The seizure-like phenomenon he experienced so often was dying off. His hands had stopped shaking but his mind was still racing.

So many things had happened to him recently, like his doctor aid. A failed marriage and, as crazy as it sounds, being stuck on a deserted island for three months THINKING he had malaria. No, it wasn’t malaria, he had convinced himself he was delusional but it just wasn’t possible. When he couldn’t have a real enemy to parade against, such as his father, he created one. This time he created one that was so real it scared him.

Blame it on whatever you want, but Lex could feel the bitterness of evil creeping inside of him. Truly believing it was the island that brought out his dark side, he was frightened at the way things were happening. He would be fine one moment, even in a joking mood, the next he would slam Perry White against a wall and tell him to stay the hell away from his friends.

His friends. More like 'friend', and that was the one he had in Clark. Lana was a mutual business partner who sought him for help, but other than that, he had no one like Clark. That made him angry too. Thinking he could come to Smallville to start over, he figured that friends would be a thing he could handle easily. But it was his ego and ultimate feeling of cautiousness around anyone that prevented him from getting close to them. It was only with Clark that he could feel comfortable to talk about things.

Perry White made him realize, though, that he was right. Everything he suspected about Clark was confirmed when Perry asked him for everything he had on Clark in exchange for dirt on his father. It didn’t matter what Perry already knew, it was the fact that he suspected something that made everything Lex knew, and didn’t know, about Clark strong in his will for persistence.

He knew it was wrong to continue his search on Clark, but it was inevitable. He felt like it was his calling, almost. The guy was mysterious and it made Lex like him even more for that matter. He knew that was why girls like Lana and Chloe liked him too, he could see how mysteriousness was attractive, for some people that is. It didn’t seem to work too well for him. Whenever he did it people automatically assumed that he was up to something. But when Clark did it, it was natural and it came at the time when you both least expected it and you were just waiting for it to happen.

Confronting him once about it, Lex was disappointed, and even slightly embarrassed, to be contradicted so dramatically. Clark seemingly wiped his chalkboard clear when Lex had inquired about his strange habits. Clark had even offered for Lex to hit him with a hammer, now that was taking a big risk. If he did it, he could have hurt Clark fiercely, or he could have done it and ...well something else would have happened. He was unsure what he thought could’ve happened because he did not know. He felt that Clark seemed invulnerable at times. He was almost never hurt or sick or fatigued. It was strange, but Lex could barely think that hard to try and figure it out.

Of course, there were several solutions Lex could think of. The most obvious was that Clark was affected by the meteor rocks; he had been out in the field and a meteor rock struck by him and blah blah blah. It could happen, and it was not in any way impossible, but the fact that Clark was adopted almost crossed the possibility out. Who knows where Clark could have been at the time of the showers. He could’ve been in Japan for all Lex knew. But then again he could have been right in the center of it.

But as Lex thought harder, he remembered his father telling him something about the Kents driving them to the hospital the day of the meteor shower. In the car, Martha had been holding a small child with thick black hair wrapped in a blanket. At the time, the Kent’s were known to be without child and suddenly after the meteor shower they had a child.

Lex almost dropped his wine glass.


Part 2

Clark. The meteor shower. Clark. The meteor shower.

Why was it all starting to make sense? This is the conclusion Lex had been waiting to get at for years, and now, just now, it had popped into his head like it had been there all along.

Clark had always been interested in astronomy, meteor rocks, and in the same way, meteor infected people. He never spoke of his parents, not that he would necessarily know who they were, but it seemed strange that he never had even mentioned them at all. There was that one time Lex had picked up the sheet of paper Clark had been writing on in the Talon for his family tree that contained the same symbols on it that it did in the caves.

Clark’s interest in the alien boy so long ago made sense, he thought that the kid was from the same place he was and the kid could give him some insight. Lex had always hypothesized that the meteor shower was a cover up for some alien craft. Maybe that was how Clark had gotten to earth.

It was possible that Lex was wrong. His parents could have abandoned Clark during the meteor shower, they had died and he was left alone. That would explain the mystery of his appearance, but it wouldn’t explain the mystery that is Clark Kent.

Clark was a unique guy. He had saved Lex’s life in Lex’s first day in Smallville, miraculously, for Lex had thought he had hit Clark head on which, he would have expected, had killed him. Then there was the miraculous appearances Clark made at certain places, right when someone needed him and then saved the day.

Lex remembered his first marriage. The woman who used pheromones to get him to do things. He remembered the impossible resistance that he had against her. Clark claimed that she had come on him, but stopped things before they got anywhere. Her intention was to kill Lex and take over his estate and, knowing her deliberateness, would have in fact come after Clark to try and turn him on his best friend. But for some reason Clark resisted her, which was impossible to any immortal man.

The only reason Clark would act that way around the meteor rocks was if they were from his home planet.

The link was made. His investigation was complete.

Now what?


Part 3

Lex felt the strange evil creeping up inside of him. It was the feeling he got when he felt violated, hurt, confused or betrayed.

Lex felt all of those. But he also felt something else, which was something he hadn’t felt in a long time. He felt a pang of sympathy. This feeling was so strange because he hadn’t felt that emotion since he got back. He felt no sympathy for Helen, his father, any of the doctors he had tried, no one. But now, after he had befriended Clark all these years he finally discovered his secret and he felt sympathy.

He almost longed for the rage that was so common to him, but it wasn’t coming. Instead, he fell back into a chair and buried his head in his hands. He had reached a breaking point. The anger wasn’t coming, the evil was there, but there was no anger attached to it.

Lex could barely explain the emotion he felt. It was a twist of betrayal and sympathy, but he couldn’t describe the actual effects it was having on him. He wanted so bad to run over to Clark’s and yell at him for not being able to tell him. But his mind was telling him that that wasn’t the right choice, the right choice was to wait and talk to him calmly about it. For all he knew, Clark could tear him to shreds, or melt him with an eye laser or something. Lex really didn’t know what he was getting into.

That was a different concept for Lex. He had never approached someone that he was not prepared to stay calm when they told him something. He tried to know everything about the person before he confronted them. He looked at both sides of every issue and decided the safest, but firmest, route and never failed. He would not let himself be intimidated by anyone.

But the scary, frightening and almost nerve racking part about the issue with Clark was that he was intimidated. Clark had always been taller, more broad shouldered and firmer than Lex had ever been, no matter how persuasive or confident Lex was. Lex knew that his own confidence was something that Clark looked past, it was something that he had cast aside in order to become friends with Lex.

That intimidated Lex.

So his choices were hard. He could confront Clark calmly and rationally, or he could prove to Clark that he was capable of this type of deceit. Lex could point a gun at Clark and threaten him, or come after him with a sword just to see what Clark would do, get a reaction out of him.

Was Lex willing to just give up a friendship like theirs? They had a great partnership and it had brought them both a haven in one another. The Kent’s had put him up without question in their home once or twice, and Clark felt comfortable coming to the mansion when anyone and everyone let him down. Especially when he had, uh, girl problems. Not that Lex could really offer sufficient advice seeing that both of his marriages had been shot.

They had both benefited from the mysteries they had pursued together, if not by obtaining information then it was knowledge that they would benefit from personally. Lex always felt that Clark got more out of it than he did. He had always seemed like he had understood what had gone on, whether it was a mystery in the cave or the weird meteor infected people, like Tina Greer who had impersonated him and half the town.

Maybe that wasn’t enough. Maybe Clark’s friendship wasn’t enough. Clark had given Lex his friendship, but he hadn’t shared himself the way Lex had. Lex had really shared some of his deeper feelings, like of his father, with Clark. Sure Clark came in and talked about Lana, and how he really felt, but it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the same at all.

Lex could exploit Clark, have the press all over him. Perry White wanted everything he had on him, but Lex had blown up in his face. Maybe it was just Perry’s character that made Lex want to hurl, but he didn’t have to give it to Perry. Lex could go straight to the head of the Daily Planet, to the New York Times, to anyone he chose. He had connections everwhere.

Or Lex could turn his friends against him. Like his buddy Pete Ross, who hated Lex, or Lex’s dad, or both. Or Lana, how would she react when she found out lover boy was an alien?

Or to the very editor of the Torch. Chloe Sullivan.


Part 4

Lex almost scolded himself for thinking such a thing, but in a way it was satisfying him greatly. If Clark didn’t take their friendship seriously, why should he?

Maybe he would test Clark, give him the opportunity to come clean. If he did, Lex would think of a way to tell Clark he had figured it out and that was all he needed to do in order for him to keep it a secret. If he didn’t, Lex would go to his friend, Chloe, with all his information and get her to do it. She was already working for his father under obligations to do research on him, so this would just make it easier. <>P Lex laughed to himself. It was too good to be true. He had done investigating for years, he had sent other people after the Kent’s. What had made him give up rendered him thoughtless, this was too big of an issue for him to just drop it.

He wandered into his enormous garage and browsed around for the best car to go Clark hunting in. He stopped at an old Porsche, similar to the one that he had hit Clark with. Almost exactly, except it was a year older. This one was perfect, perhaps it would stir up some old feelings with Clark.

Lex began to feel the familiar feeling again. One that had haunted him and stood by him since the day he was rescued on the island. Anger gripped at his muscles and they started shaking. His whole body turned into one angry cell and consumed his thoughts. Crying out he dropped to the floor on his knees, he felt an unexplained fervor of anguish ripple through his head.

He was mad, mad at Clark. Mad at Helen, mad at his dad.

Why did this consume him so? One would call it a mental illness, Lex would call it an understanding of your deepest emotion. He felt a sense of betrayal and treason that only could be explained if you were inside his body at that moment.

He couldn’t understand why Clark wouldn’t tell him something so incredible, so big, so unique, as his personal life. Looking at Clark you could see no difference, but the only people who would look at Clark’s outer appearance would be anyone without the name of Luthor. Luthor’s dug for their fill and when they were satisfied, they pounced.

Lex didn’t think he should give Clark the option of coming clean. He would go straight to the same person his own father had sought. If she wanted the dirt or not, Lex would leave it on her desk.

Running back inside the mansion, Lex found his way to his conservatory, into the grand room he kept everything he knew about Clark. A double file cabinet stood off to the right side in which Lex had only filled a mere two drawers. He pulled out the folder entitled 'Clark Kent' and flipped through it. Everything he had on Clark was in that thick manila folder.

His anger was changing to laughter. He laughed out loud, it was evil and he knew it. It was cruel, and he knew it. It was the lowest you could go, and he knew it. And he loved it. The feeling satisfied him. He would spend however long it took to bring Clark down, as a living being and as a member of society. He would expose his true identity to the world. Soon everyone would know who Clark Kent is, and they laugh with Lex at the inhuman creature.

Clark was going down. It was the only way.

Bursting with energy, Lex ran back to the Porsche and revved it up. Roaring to life, he pulled out of the garage with the tires squealing and sending a thick black smog out from behind the car.

His whole body was still throbbing in angst and he had trouble driving because his vision was blurred from the hanger cloud hovering over his eyelids. Not caring about anything else, like usual, Lex sped to the high school and found himself sitting in front of the building in his car minutes later.

Feeling like he had ran the entire way, Lex stopped before getting out to catch his breath. His body had stopped shaking and his head was clearing. He felt the anger subsiding and the weight of his feet became less.

Stepping out of his car, he put on his best confidence shuffle and strode inside. It was late in the afternoon and most of the cars in the parking lot were gone. He pulled open the front doors with ease and stepped inside. Looking around once, he saw a sign for the general direction of the Torch offices.

Turning to his left and walking slowly and confidently, he continued in his quest. Standing in front of the door leading into the office, he reached for the door handle. He gripped it in his hands but could not bring himself to turn it.

Removing his hand from the knob he rested it against the wall and leaned on it, bent his head and closed his eyes.


Part 5

Lex stared at the floor beneath his feet. What was he doing? It was like an entirely different person took over his body in the last ten minutes. He was a schizophrenic, he would totally be in hot pursuit of one thing, and the next he would be leaning against the wall of the Torch office wondering what the hell he was getting himself into.

Suddenly, the door to the Torch office and Chloe popped out of the frame. She jumped when she saw him standing there. "Lex!" She let out a nervous laugh and breathed in a few times.

Lex stood up straight, she had seen him at his weakest and it was time for her to see him at his best. He clenched his teeth at what he was about to do. "Ms. Sullivan...I have..."

Chloe inturrupted him, "Chloe, please. You remind me of your dad when you call me that." She faked a shudder.

Lex smiled, "Chloe. I understand that my father assigned you a rather difficult task."

Chloe raised an eyebrow. She walked back into the Torch and Lex followed her, shutting the door behind them. "Just so you know, nobody knows about that, so be nice and keep your trap shut when your in anybody’s range of ear shot." She rolled her eyes sarcastically at him.

Lex grimaced, he just wanted to get this over with. "Chloe, I have information that would put you at the top with my father. I’m offering to give it to you."

"What kind of information?" Chloe asked, leaning against a desk.

Lex walked slowly and nonchalantly over to her, "Everything you ever want to know about Clark Kent." He tossed his manila folder onto her desk and it landed with a loud KATHWUMP.

Chloe laughed looking at the folder, then looking back up at Lex she was stunned by the sincerity on his face. "You’re serious?" she asked.

Lex shrugged, "It’s too easy for me to do anything with it, I thought someone of your stature could make use of it." He nodded towards it, "Go ahead, look through it."

Hesitantly, Chloe picked it up. She undid the clasp at the top and then stopped. She had no idea what she could be getting herself into.

Lex raised an eyebrow, "Is there a problem, Chloe?"

Chloe looked at him, "You’re practically his best friend and you give me information about him to give to your father that could possibly ruin his morale. What’s wrong with this picture?" She became very suspicious and was carefully searching his face for hints.

He stuck a hand into his pocket and pointed the other hand at the folder. "He’s deceived me for three years with things about him that would shock the world. I put more into the friendship than he did, he just didn’t take it seriously. He didn’t think he could trust me."

"Can you blame him?" Chloe asked. "Look at what you’re doing now. He hasn’t told you anything, and yet you have a thick manila folder full of information on him. I’m questioning how much you’ve put into this relationship."

Lex shook his head, "You have suspicions about him too. Everyone does. With him deceiving you like this for so long, how could you stay sane?"

Chloe laughed, "Which you obviously aren’t. So you are willing to just throw away your friendship with this guy who saved your life just because he has secrets? Lex, I wouldn’t jump to judge, especially since you are the most judged person in our town."

Nodding grimly, Lex answered stiffly, "You aren’t interested in my information? I thought my father hired you because you were upset and hurt by Clark. Has that all suddenly changed?"

"Yes," Chloe said, surprising Lex. "I decided that no matter what Clark does to me, or doesn’t, what he tells me, or what he doesn’t, makes no difference in our friendship. I decided that my friendship with Clark was more important than my destiny. I decided that Clark deserves more than this," she waved the folder around, "or else he wouldn’t have kept the secrets he had."

Lex stood there, visibly stunned. He didn’t say a thing.

Chloe slapped the folder against his chest, "I learned the real meaning of friendship." He held the folder against his chest and she walked out, leaving the door open behind her.

Lex yelled at himself. He knew she was right. Clark’s friendship, no matter what he hadn’t told Lex, mattered. Clark was better than no Clark at all.

Lex went home and threw his papers in the fire. He poked them around until they were ashes. Then he pulled a baseball bat out of the closet and went into his private room. That was where he kept every piece of evidence about Clark.

He ran around yelling and smashing all the objects into pieces, then dropped to his knees and buried his head in his hands.

He cried.