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CLANDESTINE

I’m alright, alright
I feel alright
I’ve never been better in my life
You know the score
I’m just fine, I’m fine
I’m feeling fine
A regular sawed off Valentine
That’s nothing more

The music continued to drift from the stereo in the Talon as Lana wiped off the last of the tables. Everybody was gone and she was left to do the clean up, as usual. She didn’t mind really, she enjoyed being here alone. It gave her time to think and just be by herself before she went back to the Sullivan house.

Plus she had been feeling a lot safer since Adam had been around. It felt good to have a guy around, just a personal satisfaction of the safety feeling that most of the men in her life had given her in the past. First Whitney, then Clark and now Adam. Sure, Adam freaked her out once in a while, but overall she liked him. He was easy to get along with, he helped out around the Talon and he even had a humorous side.

As it had in the recent days, her mind drifted to Adam. Her mind had gone over the story of their acquaintance many times, but she never got sick of thinking about it. The situation was so ironic, and yet it was so perfect. He came at a time when she needed a friend the most.

His obnoxious and hostile attitude and abrupt behavior didn’t slide throughout the month or two that they had known each other, but for some reason she liked it. He kept her on her toes and he brought out a side in her that she didn’t even know existed. He made her be a stronger person. He accused the people in her life of being too easy on her; he treated her differently. It was different and she loved it.

When he first said that pain was credo she had no idea what to think of him, other than how obnoxious he was and that she hoped to never see him again. But when he came to apologize, how could she resist? It really made her rethink judging first impressions. If you only give someone one chance, who knows what you’d miss from the second meeting. He was actually a very sweet boy, hostile and honest at times, but he made up for it. Every part of it.

The help he had offered around the Talon was indescribable and she appreciated it so much. He seemed so willing to do anything, it had almost surprised her. He reminded her so much of Clark sometimes; there when she needed help, willing to lend a hand and a friend to hang around with. He was interested in her, he had told her several times, and she was actually starting to think about it.

She had to ease her mind first though. She didn’t know how she felt about Clark these days, and it was starting to make her rethink her actions. What she did about Adam would set the tone for the rest of her life with Clark. Was she willing to sacrifice anything to have the experience with someone else?

It wasn’t just her feelings she was worried about, but Clark’s as well. If she was trying to hang onto something she didn’t have, she was wasting her time, and even though she didn’t feel that waiting for Clark was wasting her time, she didn’t even know where to begin. He had issues, and she didn’t want to be caught up in the middle of them again.

But that made everything that much more complicated. Although she knew Adam liked her, did she like him? What she didn’t know was if he was trustworthy. She could always rely on Clark to keep her secrets, but he would never tell her anything. So far with Adam, she knew more about him than she felt she did about Clark. There was not much about Adam that he himself even knew. His parents died in a burning building, his memory had been taken from him and he was lost, stuck inside his body with no answers.

That was how she felt sometimes. She didn’t know what path her parents would have wanted for her, but as both the Kent’s and her aunt Nell had done, she had to learn to accept the paths they thought best. Clark’s parents had given him up, so he had to accept the way of life his adoptive parents had chosen. She too had to just accept what Nell thought, which wasn’t always bad. She just wished it didn’t have to be so narrow. You can’t win ‘em all…right?

Lana found herself standing at the counter, softly wiping it down, over and over and over. She snapped out of her trance and sighed, she had been doing that too much lately.

“Daydream much?” a voice asked from behind her. She whipped around, breathing heavily. Adam was sitting at one of the tables behind her, looking very comfortable.

“Adam…” she gasped, “don’t do that.” She set her rag down and turned completely, leaning her back against the glass counter. The coffee machine still buzzed behind her, which was dimmed by the music from her stereo.

Adam smiled and stood up. He was wearing a black shirt, with the sleeves cut off, showing his tan muscular arms. His sweat pants hung curtly down his legs, a perfect fit and composure for his body and height. He sat down on the stool next to her and took one of the remaining apples from the basket on the counter. Lana sat down as well, still trying to catch her breath. “I thought I’d lost you there for a moment,” he teased. “Must have been pretty important.”

Lana rolled her eyes and took an apple too. “How long were you sitting there?” she asked, biting into the juicy apple.

Adam shrugged, “Not long.” He smirked and bit into his apple again. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately, anything on your mind you want to talk about?” he asked through chewing his apple. He saw Lana looking at him with a weird grin, and noticed she was staring at his mouth. He looked down through the corner of his eyes and saw a piece of his apple had failed to reach his mouth and was resting on his cheek.

She giggled and reached up and flicked it off his cheek. He laughed and wiped the juice off as well. He gave her a look and she became more serious, knowing that he cared and wanted to help. She shrugged, “Everything just seems so much more complicated lately. It’s like everything has totally turned around.”

He raised an eyebrow, “You mean since I moved in here?”

Her eyes shot open and she shook her head. “No, no, no, no…” she said with a smile, “actually, you moving in has been the better part. I don’t think I could have handled these last couple weeks without it.” She smiled, “You’ve been a real help.”

He smiled back, “Glad I could be helpful, I don’t exactly have much else to do.” She giggled and took another bite of her apple. He did likewise and they sat in silence for a couple moments. “I’m sorry to ask, but is this about Clark?” Adam asked, cautiously.

Lana stared at the coffee pot, debating whether to go into much detail about it. She glance back at him, over her shoulder and shut her eyes. “I’m not really sure,” she said, gathering her thoughts. “He’s always been the major part of my life, but lately…I just don’t know what is stable anymore.”

Finishing up his apple, he looked over the counter and tossed it into the trash. It landed at the bottom with a loud thud. He turned back to her, “He likes you.”

She raised an eyebrow, “It doesn’t really matter anymore. He said it will never work, and if he doesn’t try, then it’s impossible.”

Adam nodded, “How do you feel about that?” He tried not to push it, but he was actually starting to get interested.

She didn’t seem to notice his prying and looked down at her hands. “I’m afraid that if I tell myself that he will never come around, I will ruin anything that could potentially happen.” She paused. “But if I don’t, and it never happens, then I am just wasting my time…” she bit her lip, “and in the meantime, I could be missing out on something that could actually work.”

Now it was Adam’s turn to raise an eyebrow, “Is that an offer?”

She rolled her head over and looked at him with an exasperated sigh. She stood up and walked around the counter, slowly and swiftly. She shut off the machines and drained the water from behind the pot. Picking up the jug again, she turned to him, “I don’t know what that was, but I do know that I’m stuck in the middle of reality and fantasy, both that I want to pursue, but neither that I want to change.” She filled up the jug and poured it into the coffee pot and set it up, ready to go tomorrow morning. Then she took off her apron and laid it across the counter, “I found a friend in you that I’ve never been able to have with many other guys. I feel comfortable talking to you about things like this…” she rolled her eyes, “I don’t even talk to Chloe about this.”

Adam shrugged, “You’re not required to tell people everything. Something’s are just better left unsaid.” He leaned in on the table and stared into her eyes. “I never was able to tell things to guys the same way I would tell girls, but girls would always tell me I was easier to talk to than their girlfriends.”

Lana nodded, “You are a really good listener.” Adam made a face and she giggled. “No I’m serious,” she said, walking back around the counter and sat back on the stool beside him, “you don’t change the subject when I’m talking about something, and you don’t talk about yourself when I say something. It’s a great quality.”

Adam leaned back against the counter, “What can I say? It’s natural.”

Lana laughed, “I wish it were more natural for me.”

“It can be,” Adam said with a firm smile, “you just have to practice.”

They sat for a moment and stared at each other, not exactly consciously doing it. She broke the gaze and blinked a couple times. “Well…I better get going,” she said softly. She hopped off the chair and grabbed her coat off the hanger to the side.

As she pulled it on, Adam got up and walked over to her. “I hope that whatever you decide to do, or whatever makes your mind rest easiest, you will know that no one is worth your time that drags you on until there’s nothing left of you to share.” He stood, looking down into her eyes and she smiled up at him. He leaned down, with his hand on her shoulder, and kissed her cheek. “’Nite,” he whispered. Pulling away, he smiled and turned around, jogging back up the steps and into his room.

She stood still, motionless. Was he right?

Adam cracked the door and watched as she hesitated before leaving, then she slowly made her way to the door and disappeared into the night. He shut the door and walked to his bed. He sat down on the edge, feeling a sense of guilt and happiness flood over him.

He had been given a second chance at life, and he had to get close to this girl. Why wasn’t he warned about what he was getting into? It wasn’t his choice to be in this situation.

There were so many things he wished he could override, this man was ruining the life given back to him, yet he was his only way of survival. He was clearly obsessed and Adam felt trapped between the mouse and it’s cheese.

His face grew hot and felt an overwhelming anger rush dramatically through his veins. Releasing his grip from the edge of the bed, he picked up the phone on the side of his bed. He pressed the quick dial and reached under his bed for his “books”.

The phone rang, and rang. He opened the book and stared inside, there was only one vial left.

Someone finally picked up on the other end. Yes? Adam? Is something wrong? Adam stared into the book. Adam are you there?

He lifted the receiver to speak, “Sorry, Mr. Luthor, my mistake.”

Silently, he hung up the phone and picked up the last vial in his fingers.

This better be worth it.

took her leaving like I did before
I turned around and I asked for more
And she didn’t even mean a thing to me
I left my spirit at the chapel door
I sailed around til I lost the war
And you didn’t even think to send a thing

I’m alright, alright
I feel alright
I’ve never been better in my life
You know the score
I’m just fine, I’m fine
I’m feeling fine
A regular sawed off Valentine
That’s nothing more

~The End~

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