To Your Parents:
Q: excuse me missy, you call that a clean room?~~~~
CB: i prefer to think of it as
Q: did you think i'd let you leave the house wearing that?~~~
CB: of course not, i was planning on stripping naked in the foyer.
Q: don't touch the thermastat! if you're cold, why don't you go put a sweater on?~~~~
CB: becuase all of my sweaters are frozen together.
Q: why do i bother cooking you dinner if you don't eat it~~~~
CB: cause you love to watch me gag?
Q: do you think i bought you a puppy so i could walk it?~~~~
CB: i thought you bought it so you'd have someone that understood your yapping.
Q: why don't you bring your little borther along to the party~~~~
CB: okay, my baby-sitting fee is $10 a hour, and i want the money up front.
Q: if everyone jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?~~~~
CB: if you're nagging me, yes.
Q: do you think this is a hotel and i'm your maid?~~~~
CB: yes, and as a matter of fact, i wanted to talk to you about your half-assed hospital corners. can i see the manager, please?
Q: are you trying to give me a heart attack?~~~~
CB: it depends, what did you leave me in the will?
To Your Teachers:
Q: could you please show me your hall pass?~~~~
CB: yes, but then i'd have to kill you.
Q: did you find last night's assignment difficult?~~~~
CB: HA! it was nothing. i could do it in my sleep. in fact, i did do it in my sleep.
Q: how do you think you'll ever get to college with study habits like yours?~~~~
CB: with my stunning good looks, of course.
Q: are your eyes on someone's paper?~~~~
CB: if they were, i'd have a pretty serious medical condition.
Q: before you start, are you using a number 2 pencil?~~~~
CB: no, i'm not using it. i have genuine affection for it and can wait as long as it wants before we go any further.
To Your Friends:
Q: why on earth do you listen to that group?~~~~
CB: because it helps me drown out your annoying voice.
Q: can i copy your homework?~~~~
CB: hmm... good question. why don't you see if you can copy a phone book first? if you can, copying my homework should be no sweat.
Q: do you have a crush on him?~~~~
CB: no, much like the canine, i sweat by panting.
Q: hey, what did you get on that test?~~~~
CB: a grade.
Q: are you upset about something?~~~~
CB: no, i heard that salt water was good for your skin.
